Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (March 8, 1905)
..THE MOBSma OBEGOSIAN, WEDNESDAY, MABOH 8, 1905". Entered at the Posto&e at Portland. Or as second-class matter. subscription xatks. invariably in advance. (By Mall or Express.) Dfclljr and Sunday, per .year ..$9.00 Dally and Sunday, six months. ......... 6.00 Dally and Sunday, three months....... 2-55 Dally and Sunday, per month.......... .85 Dally wlthdut Sunday, per year ........ T.50 Dally without Sunday, air months ...... 2.90 Dally without Sunday, three months .... 1.95 Dally without Sunday, per month ...... .63 Sunday, per year ...................... 2.00 Sunday, six months ................... 1.00 Sunday, three months ................. .60 BY CARRIER. Dally without Sunday, per week. ...... .15 Daily per week. Sunday Included....... -SO THE "WEEKLY OHEGONIAN. (Issued Every Thursday.) Weekly, per year 1-50 Weekly, six months ................... .73 Weekly, three months ................. -50 HOW TO BKMTT Send postofflce money order, express order or personal check on your local bank. Stamps., coin or currency ar at the sender's risk. EASTERN BUSINESS OITICE. Tho S. C Seclnrlth Special Ageey New Tork: Rooms 43-50 Tribune building. Chi--cago: Rooms S10-S12 Tribune building. The OrecoBlan does not buy poems or stories from individuals and cannot under take to return any manuscript sent to It without solicitation. No stamps should be Inclosed zor this purpose. KEPI MT EftXK. Chicago Auditorium Annex; FosiofQce JTw Co., 17S Dearborn' street. Dallas, Tex-Qlobe News Depot. 2 SO Main street. Denver Julius Black, Hamilton Kend riek. B0S-912 Seventeenth street, and S"rue soff Bros., C05 Sixteenth street. Des Alolnee, la. Hosej Jacobs. 209 Fifth street. Xansafc City, Mo, IU ekec k er Clear Co.. Ninth and Walnut. Xo Angeles Harry Drapkin; B. E. Amos, tU West Seventh street; Oliver & Haines. MlsaaapoUs M, J. Xavaaaugb, SO South Third; L. Regelsburgvr. 21T Itrst avenue South. Nott York City L. Jones & Co., Astor House. Oaldaad, CaL W. H. Johnston, Four teenth and Franklin streets. Ojrasa T. R. Gedard and 3eyer & Har rop; D. L. Boyle. Omaha Barkalow Bros., 1612 Famham; Ifagecxh Stationery Co., 1808 Farnham. Phoeabe, Arlx. The Berry hill News Co. .Sacramesto, CaL Sacramento News Co., 428 K street. Salt Lake Salt Laka News Co, T7 West Geoond street South. 6ant Barbara, CaL S. Smith. San Diego, CaL J. Dillard. San Eramrfsco J. E. Cooptr & Cov. 740 Markei street; Foster & Crear, Ferry News Stand; Goldsmith Bros., 236 Sutter: L. E. Lee. Palace Hotel News 'Stand; 7. W. Pitts, 1008 Market; Frank Scott. SO Ellis; N. Wheatley, 83 Sterensonr Hotel St. Francis News Stand. St. Louis, Mo. E. T. Jett Book News Company, 806 Olive street. Washington, D. C. Ebblt House News Stand. PORTLAND, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 8, 1903 THE FAIR AND AFTER? So long as the statement that values In Oregon, and especially In Portland are sure to fall "when the Fair Is over 1k confined to talk between ourselves It Is simply depressing, hut no great harm Is done. When newcomers to Oregon, Intending to find or to make homes, are treated to a cold water douche It is worse both unreasonable and unnecessary, and evidence of very poor judgment. Nothing so soon freezes out a purpose to buy which is just budding as this talk, accompanied by a solemn shake of the head and an expression of sincere honesty which will not let the tenderfoot be taken in and dono for. Is there 6ense in it? "Look at all pre vious Expositions," sighs the despond ent one; "property has gone back whenj tne snow was over in unarieston ana Atlanta and Omaha and Buffalo." As if each place shared the same condi tions with the others. Probably In sev eral of these cities there Is ground for the statement. The situation in Oregon Is widely different, as can be shown. Here the financial management from the beginning has been so sound and conservative that no deficit seems pos sible. Bo one fruitful source of subse quent depression is avoided. But the basis of optimism is in the hard facts regarding state and city. Not one of our resources has gained its full devel opment. The agricultural exhibit will show cereals. Exports hold that not one-fourth of area adapted to grains is yet in crop. "While the market for fruit from Oregon is as wide as the Continent, how small in proportion are our orchards. Living in the best of dairy countries we are even yet some times Importers of butter and cheese. Having in Eastern Oregon one of the best merino countries in the world, and in "Western Oregon the best mutton sheep country in America, our farmers keep sheep by tens Instead of by hun dreds. The great attraction to the farm buyers now filling the West-bound trains is that by far the largest number of Oregon farms offered them are part ly undeveloped, so that there is oppor tunity at small expense to double the yield end quadruple the profit of the farm. Work for years to come is not much of an attraction to a man whoso notion of happiness is to be under a wall in the sun and emoke, but fortu nately for Oregon she is being settled up by workers, and for them she re serves her best gifts. But varying so widely -from the other Exposition states the extent of yet un used possibilities here is the magnet drawing multitudes. Abundance of gifts on the surface of the earth has prevented need for digging and delving hitherto. Times are changing fast. A coal prospect now has value. A quarry of granite or sandstono brings buyers. Ironstone, cement clay, pottery clay, firebrick clay, how many beds have we In Oregon passed by untouched? Be sides the fir and pine and cedar of our forest how many have stopped to look at the oak tbnber of the Willamette Valley and its foothills? One big, knotted, gnarled, ugly oak was valued by an Illinois manufacturer the other day at $200 for furniture-making. The same Ignorance and neglect of the aotual owner, the same examination, marking, and inquiry by the up-to-date newcomer is plain from end to end of Oregon. As in our mining the pros pector of the past is giving place to the developer of the present, so over the state at large. Can this process stop? Whs- should it, in ,the presence of the Westward movement of the American people? Where has less been done, where is there more to b- done than here? Or gon has but one city answering to that name and that Is Portland, only one that has passed tho 130,000 people mark. The Exposition will neither accelerate nor retard her solid growth, based on the inevitable consequence of the state's development. If some of the old Oregonians could listen unseen to impressions discussed In groups of visitors it might have two effects. The one would be to convince them that we live in a much better state and city than our old friends fancy. The other might be to impress them with the fact that some of Ore gon's worst un-friends are those of her own household. QUESTIONS. BUT NO ANSWER. The questions addressed by the Yam hill County referendum committee to the President of the Senate and the Speaker of the House are perhaps in teresting and pertinent, but The Orego hlan "does not feel called on to answer tbem. It could not if it would. It Is entirely beyond its ken why so con scientious a guardian of the public treasury as the President of the Senate did not oppose -with all his well-known vigor and influence the scheme by which the state university and normal schools were coupled up in one appro priation bllL Perhaps he did, but the Legislature, bent on putting the Gov ernor in a hole, would not listen. Nor has it been given to The Oregonlan to know what valiant efforts were exerted by the Speaker of the House to reduce the taxpayers' burden to a minimum by cutting off all superfluous grafts like -the normal schools. We may as sume that he did, but the mysterious and subtle Influence of the dumb and invisible machine if there was a ma chine appears to have hypnotized the Legislature into doing the things which the Speaker of the House did not want It to do. What we do know Is that the bill was passed, and that the normal schools got an appropriation aggregat ing more than $100,000. Now the peo ple propose to take a, hand. The Oregonlan Is not sensitive, but it Is Inclined to remonstrate mildly with the public-spirited gentlemen who make up the Yamhill referendum com mittee for their insinuation that an at tempt is being made "to humbug the people and turn them away from the referendum movement." Not at all. The Oregonlan has taken it for granted that there is to be an expression of the general will on the mooted appropria tion measure. It has seen that the Yamhill movement is for the referen dum. It is disposed to agree with the Yamhill propagandists and the Gov ernor that, if a veto by the people costs the state 550,000 or even $100,000, it will be worth the cost, if it shall serve to stop the log-rolling abuse. But if the same end can be attained without the additional expense, why not adopt it? The Oregonlan had understood that -the activity of the Yamhill County committee was directed exclusively toward the normal schools. It appears that it Is not, but that the committee is determined that the entire appropri ation shall be attacked and defeated. This is unfortunate. There ought to be a state university, and it should be well supported. There ought to be an agricultural college, and it should be well supported. Public sentiment prob ably acquiesces In a plan that will cre ate and maintain one normal school or perhaps two. If the referendum shall be Invoked the Agricultural Col lege will not be enabled to make needed improvements. Inasmuch as $55,000 of its 5115,000 will be cut off, and the State University must get along with $100,000 instead of $162,500. The agricultural experiment station at Union will re ceive nothing. The state's embarrass ment In maintaining Its eleemosynary Institutions will be serious and the added expense considerable. It ought to be obvious to the Yamhill commit tee that they -will have arrayed against them the influence of the constituencies in which all these Institutions are lo catedsuch as Marlon, Polk, Lane, Douglas, Jackson and Union Counties, and that fact may have great weight at the polls. JETTr FIRST, DREDGE AFTERWARDS. Failure of the Government to supply all funds asked for In the engineer's estimate will of course necessitate some economy of operation at the entrance of the Columbia. In pursuance of this policy It is reported that the dredge Chinook will not resume work on the bar for an indefinite period. This an nouncement will not distress the friends of Columbia River improvement so much as would withdrawal of funds available for jetty construction. The dredge Chinook may have accomplished some good and Is perhaps a fairly valu able adjunct of the Jetty In maintain ing the depth traceable to the jetty. The work of the dredge, however, is not of a. permanent nature, while that of the jetty Is unquestionably good for all time. The effect of the Jetty on the body of water carried seaward by the Columbia Is not unlike that of the' immovable rock walls of the chasm through which the waters of the same stream are hurled at The Dalles and the Cascades. If the water Is permitted to flow into the ocean through a channel from one mile to one and one-half miles wide. It Is of course impossible to secure the same depth that could be obtained If It should be confined, to a channel one halt mile wide. The Columbia in its journey of over a thousand miles Is fed by hundreds of streams, and, when ever Its waters are confined to a com paratively narrow scope there is al ways great depth. This is noticeable not only at the Cascades, but at Bunker Hill and Oak Point, on the river about 50 miles from the mouth. At these points the stream sweeps- along the base of a granite wall, while on the opposite side of the river hard clay banks prevent it flattening out and be coming shallow. Being thus confined to certain limits, the stream deepens to fit its bounds and for miles there is a channel of sufficient depth to float the greatest ships In the -world. It is a natural barrier that confines the water at this point, but equally good results ,have been secured with artificial barriers farther up stream. St. Helens bar was the most serious ob stacle with which Portland had to con .tend in the early years of her com mercial life, and the difficulty in main taining even a 16-foot channel at that point was so great that more than 40 years ago the Pacific Mall Steamship Company abandoned all attempts to reach Portland and undertook to found a new port at St. Helens. This attempt to move the head of navigation down the river failed, "but it was many years before the aid ot a jetty was secured to Improve the channel at that point. Na ture with an impenetrable barrier of rocks on the Oregon side of the stream had prevented the stream from spread ing -out on that side, and construction of a substantial Jetty on the Wash ington side of the river almost immedi ately solved the problem. A certain amount of water was forced to pass through the rook walls on one side of the river and the jetty on the other, and as it was impossible for It to spread out beyond these 'barriers it soon scoured out a depth several feet greater than the most sanguine predic tions of the engineers. To a certain point the Jetty now un der construction at the entrance of the Columbia is aided in its work by a natural barrier on the north side of the river. Before it is completed to the point deemed necessary to reach the currents which will carry away- the 6and sluiced out of the river, it may become necessary to supplement the south Jetty with a similar artificial barrier on the north side. There is nothing of the experimental nature in the building of these jetties, for the results are always so 'apparent as to be easily understood. Every great port is obliged to keep dredges atwork at cer tain periods, and the mouth of the Columbia will some day be handling a commerce of such proportions that no objection will be raised to maintaining an expensive dredge like the Chinook. For the present, however, so long as there is so much difficulty in securing funds for the prosecution of work that Is not in the least experimental, it Ip to our interest to consider the Jetty of first Importance and the Chinook as an adjunct which we should like to have, but can get along without until funds are more easily obtainable. PEEPS BEHIND THE VEIL. Faith is a beautiful thing and accom plishes much, even In these latter days of which some suffering soul has cried, "O temporal O mores! O hades I" With faith enough one can commune with the souls of the departed and peep into the secrets of the future. Faith, with a small supply of coin or good paper, is all that Is necessary to have disembodied spirits summoned from the starry spaces of the universe to answer questions concerning spiritual or mun dane matters, or even questions touch ing upon the investment of filthy lucre. Inspired by the touch of our American medium of exchange a medium of com munication with ghosts can confabulate with Plato or one's deceased wife's de ceased sister. But not without faith on the part of the Inqulrlers. An at mosphere of doubt Is fatally chilling to the sensitive spirit. Take the two cases reported in yes terday's Oregonlan. In New York a hot-headed young man from Virginia, a skeptic, a free-thinker on spiritual istic subjects, broke up a pleasant and profitable seance, because, forsooth, his mother had given thousands of dollars to the medium. It Is, alas, true that while the imponderable astral body may be floating in ethereal communion with the soul of Julius Caesar or of General Jackson, the corporeal body, especially if the medium, as in this case, weighs 300 pounds, needs solid food, which must be bought and paid for. This Virginian's mother was priv ileged to supply the money necessary to support the gross material body of the medlumistic lady. Tom Reed de clared positively that no gentleman would weigh more than 200 pounds, but a medium, -we trust, can be a lady even If she weighs 300. This Virginia lad's mother, besides having money, had faith, so for her spirits assumed visible forms, ghosts allowed them selves to be temporarily cabined, cribbed and confined In fleshly taber nacles. With the scofllng Virginian himself it was otherwise. All he saw was a fat woman swathed In phos phorescent cheesecloth. He lacked faith. It was much the same here la Port land. In darkness a number of spirit seekers clasped hands around a table, with the hope of transmuting a. ma terial half-dollar paid in advance Into spiritualistic joy and refreshment of souL A musical spirit had answered the yearnings of the medium and ghostly advice was being picked out upon a guitar, when lo! a faithless one struck a light, and a material hand was seen zipping the strings. In this instance the skeptic was a palmist, which, makes her action all the more base. Eurely her own profession needs the aid of belief; palmistry were as nothing without faith. Not Portland's case, however, nor New York's, shall convince us that skepticism is justi fied. One must be in a receptive mood. Has not a grave international commis sion decided that an Admiral was justi fied in firing at something he didn't see? Is it not equally justifiable to be lieve in spirits one is not supposed to cast searchlights upon? Yee, faith is a beautiful thing. In its degree of credulity It supports com fortably many persons In this oroad land, from pill-makers to preachers. AN UNSOLVABLE MTSTERT. The mystery that surrounds the death of Mrs. Stanford has not been cleared away, though chemical experts, medical scientists and skilled detectives have been laboring in combination for a week. The first announcement was that she had died in great agony, fol lowing her own statement that she had been poisoned. "Tetanus of the respiratory organs, probably caused, by strychnine poisoning," said the physi cian who was called and whose skill jwas taxed in vain to afford relief. An autopsy conducted with the most scrupulous attention to detail has added nothing to this announcement. Even the probability that her death was due to poison has not been fully verified, though it has made some approach to certainty. Mrs. Stanford, as has been stated by those closest to her and who shared the pleasures of her last day on earth, was not sick. She was, on the contrary. In good health and spirits. Why, then, did she take medicine at all, or of any kind, upon returning? There was no evidence that she needed It; none. In deed, that she was in the habit of taking It, since the bottle from which the potion was taken had not been un corked for several .months. The most searching investigation has failed to disclose any motive In any quarter for the supposed deed. The question Is, why this -woman, pursued as she be lieved she was by an Intent to poison her, should have taken when In perfect health a dose from a bottle that she had kept on hand for some months? And, further, whs;, when seized with the pangs of approaching dissolution, did she declare that she had been poisoned? Did she alone and in a sub conscious way know that there was poison in her medicine? Falling, or as her secretary put It, "forgetting," to take the dose that had been poured from the bottle before 6he first -went to sleep, did she, possessed by a strange hallucination or In a partially somnolent state, take it upon arousing from her first sleep? These are questions that in the nature of things cannot be satis factorily answered. Falling nere it now looks as if the mystery of Mrs. Stanford's death will never be solved upon a demonstrable basis. . Certainly the statements and counter' statements that .have been sent out upon the authority of the High Sheriff of Honolulu have not thrown light upon; the subject. Indeed, the only glimmer of light is from the question asked at the Inquest: "Did Mrs. Stanford fre quently or occasionally express a de sire to depart and be with her husband and son?" The answer that she oc casionally so expressed herself Is In line' with the -theory that If this generous, worthy and emotional -woman died from the effects of poison Its presence in her medicine bottle was known only to what Is termed her own "sub-conscious self." If may be added that while a theory of this kind does not deepen the mystery that shadows Mrs. Stanford's passing. It can hardly be said to elucidate It. Just because Legislators from Jack son, Douglas, Polk and Umatilla Coun ties didn't have enough Sand to cut off the normal school graft In their coun ties the .state Is likely to be plunged Into heavy expense and big trouble for maintenance of its necessary institu tions. Those Legislators feared that their political enemies might come out on top unless they themselves should secure appropriations for home con sumption. They professed a conviction that change In the normal system would be untimely until one board of regentsfor all the schools should de termine which ones ought to be abol ished and how consolidation should be effected. Pretending to desire such a board they passed through the House a bill creating one. It need not be said that the bill was smothered In the Senate. The normal school, graft Is -an affliction to the educational system of the state and the people know it. Many purpose to hold up appropriations from all the state institutions by the refer endum in order to withhold those of the normal schools. The better way would be to lop off superfluous schools by the initiative. The popular demand for ces sation of the graft cannot be long de feated. And there promises to be diffi culty in guiding that demand aright. School Director Wittenberg complains of the "misrepresentations" of the newspapers in regard to teachers' sal aries. It may be hoped that it will occur to him and his associates on the School Board that the best way to pre vent erroneous statements concerning the acts and attitude of that body would be to give out in the first place in answer to courteous inquiry the plain facts in such cases. The public wants to know, and is entitled to know, what action is taken by the School Board upon matters of general interest, and to a certain extent, at least. It desires to know the reasons for such action. The public press is looked to for this information. Its representa tives, alert, anxious to do their duty, seek such information at its official source. When they are met by the curt reply T have nothing to say," there is no reason to suppose that nothing will be said. There are other sources of in formation mora or less reliable, and representatives of the press, driven to these, are forced to do the best they can to secure the desired facts. It Is not surprising that errors creep into re ports thus by compulsion secured at second hand. It Is, Indeed, surprising that they are generally accurate. The Oregon Legislature contained a number of Republicans who are said to be clever and mighty In politics and who were bent in putting Governor Chamberlain "into a hole." If they suc ceeded in any particular the "hole" is yet to be discovered; on the contrary, he put them into a very deep hole as to the normal school graft, and the hole will grow deeper before they get out. Rep'ublican blunders raised Chamberlain to the Governor's seat. Will Republican blunders keep him there? True, Democratic brethren voted for graft, but they dldnt control the Legislature nor any of its policies. Responsibility rests wholly on Repub licans. The Chadwlck nerve has apparently failed. Mrs. Cassle, who could walk up to the banker's office and talk astute financiers out of a- fortune with less trouble than a skilled gold brick artist would experience In turning a trick, in an interview before her trial stated that she expected to be very nervous when placed on the stand, as "thlB Ib a big event for me." If all reports regarding this female disciple of the highest kind of high finance are true, her entire career has been a suc cession of big events, and why the last one should make her nervous is not exactly plain. Organization has been perfected in Portland of state societies whose chief purpose Is advertisement of the Lewis and Clark Fair and entertainment of visitors. They intend that a person who comes here from any Eastern state shall be made to feel at home among residents who are from the same state and who know something about him, his friends and his city or town. Now the Illinois Society has a plan to make a register of all former residents of that state in the Oregon Country. It is a good scheme that may well be fol lowed by other state societies. If we are to have two telephone sys tems in Portland, we shall simply dou ble the expense to every subscriber. The experience of Portland is, besides, that the result Is confusion and annoy ance with no appreciable Improvement. The proper method would seem to be to regulate the present system so that rates may be satisfactory, though The Oregonlan has heard no great complaint along that line. Had not the Russians yielded the field south of Mukden, say dispatches from the bureaucracy at St. Petersburg, pestilence would have risen out of the ground and slain the Muscovites. Hence the Japs may think they de feated the Russians, but really the lat ter scored a. magnificent triumph over the pestilence. The Board of Trade split off from the Chamber of Commerce because it desired more time for talk and palaver than the Chamber of Commerce .-was willing to share. If the Board has at last done talking the two may get to gether again. ' Promotion of Henry B. Miller from Consul at Niuchwang to Consul-Gen-eral at Yokohama Is a worthy tribute to a deserving man. Mr. Miller has brdught honor to his Nation and hl3 state. Oregon needs more like him. It takes a man .who perforce spades his wife's rose bushes to give their beauty an additional .hue. -J ' ' NOTE AND COMMENT. "Now tho Red Gods make their medi cine again." . It was most unwifely conduct on the part or Mrs. Buffalo Bill to object to her husband's guests. If a man and his friends may not get drunk In his own house, what rights will bo left a husband? In a suit over a dressmaker's bill in a New York court the defendant testi fied that the clothes supplied made her "look like a tub." The dressmaker will probably maintain that the wo man looked more like a tub before she put on tho new dress. Seattle Is now hollering for civlo cleanliness, and so 1b Belllnghanu Port land .may not be the only Spotless Town. " In St. Johns. (A cow. rtrmlnatca upon the "closed garden" movement.) It one was fan to be a cow. But now It ain't; Once all the sunny hours We spent In chewing- flowers. Nor knew restraint. -J. - Inerltable Fatsa. Through rates - - We crushed to reach the sweet ctr-xn-l-um: Yum! Tumi - . The rose, too, w Causht our nose, too, . ' And soon we'd asttle - Each tender petal. And no amount of hlteWn , - Could saye the kitchen . . Garden's store We tore "-. t Up roots ' And shoots ' What toots We cows had in those gelden daji' J We went our sweet Bohemian way, , Defying- latches And catches. And devastating garden patents; But cow A cow . Is but a cabtnednhlnx, Cribbed up wo raoo. And make thosa coo Goo eyes but causht will brisk -Relief. O beef. Where Is thy flavor T O milk, thy savort Once more before I die Into some tardea I will burst and chew, knee high Among the flowers yes, even If at night I'm found within an ignominious pound. Tho devil can't say that ho iimt get ting fair warning from tho revivalists. As tho result of breaking up Kuro patkln's left wing, Oyama has plenty of feathers for his cap. Despite Canada's wild desire for Im migrants, she doesn't appear to havo much of & glad hand for the Mormons. An airy fairy medium, weighing 500 pounds and clad in cheesecloth, has been cruelly unmasked in New York, and a pocket electric light has discom fited another medium in Portland. But still tho "clrclos" will fill up, and still the requisite money will recall depart ed spirits from the vasty deeps of credulity. Tho 300-pounder In cheese cloth furnished more fun than the local communers of tho dead, for she fought like a wildcat to the strains of 'Teaco Abide With Thee" on a musical box. Automobllists in Now York will re joice in tho streetcar strike. Street cars arc about tho only things it hurts to collide -with. Ho Never Blamed the Booze. An old tramp, tousled and grimy, peddles this every day on tho Bowery, isays the New York Sun, always with these words in husky tones: "Not copy righted no owner but tho Truth." HE NEVER BLAMED THE BOOZD. He took a bottle up to bed, Drank whisky hot each night. Drank cocktails In the morning. But never could get tlsht. He shivered in the evening. And always had the blue?, Until he took a bowl or two But he never blamed the booze. His joints were full of rheumatlz. His appetite was slack. Ho had pains between his shoulders, . And chills ran down his back. He suSered from Insomnia, At nUht he couldn't snooxe; He said It was the climate But he never blamed the booze. His constitution was ran down At least, that's what he said His lega were swelled each morning. And he often had swelled head. He tackled beer, wine, whisky. And If they didn't tut He blamed It to dyspepsia But he never blamed the booze. He said he couldn't sleep at nlghU, And he always had bad dreams: He claimed he always laid awake Till early sunrise beams. He thought it was malaria Alas, 'twas but a rne He blamed It unto everything v But he never blamed the booze. His liver needed scraping, -, And his kidneys had the gout; He swallowed iota of bitters, Till at list he cleaned team out. His legs were swelled with dropsy, . "' Till h had to cut his shoes; He blamed It to the doctors Bat he never blamed tho boose. Then he had the tremens And he tackled rats and snakes; Slrst he hadi the fever. And then be had the shakes. At last be had a funeral. ( And the mourners had the blues. And the epitaph they carved for him was "He never blamed the boose." Every night tho same old tramp keeps a dime for a bod and that is all he savos from the sales of his jingles. The re mainder goes for "boose." A Portland woman wants a divorce because her husband "keeps her drunk all tho time." It rarely pays a man to be kind. By-the-bye. has Tom Laws on quit taking his pen in his hand? As If In defiance of Dr. Osier, Joseph Hill, a Delaware farmer, aged SO, eloped with a neighbor's daughter, aged 14. The bride was affectionately greeted by "her husband's children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Elopements have hitherto been considered the ex clusive preserves of frenzied youth, but views will have to be revised if skit tish fellows of 80 take to running away -with their neighbor's daughters. Mr. -Ogden down o'n tho Peninsula has his oil well down 750 feet and it is stated that ho may drill 503 feet farther before striking oIL It will soon be time for tho interlocutor to ask Tambo how Mr- Ogden Is getting along and while tho chestnut bell Is ringing, the end man will announce that he is getting a long welL Tho Mormon's didn't wait until July 4 to fire CahnOn. TA5EX. J.. MRS. ROOSEVELT'S BALL GOWN. Dress for Inaugural Event All of American Goods. New York Sun. March-1. Whatever may bo the center of Interest for the masculine half of the throng who will attend the inaugural ball at Wash ington next Saturday -night. It is certain that the matter of Imperative importance to Its wives, sisters and sweethearts will be Mrs. Roosevelt's gown. No other crea tion of tho dressmakerjs art occupies quite so distinguished a position thlsyear. At tho last Inaugural ball, when Mr. and Mrs. Roosevelt were second in the pageant, her gown was a simple affair of white silk and Duchesso lace. This year her dress will be again distinguished by its dignified simplicity. It is to be of bro cade and chiffon of electric blue, trim med with old lace. The brocade from which both waist and skirt are made Is woven In a pattern of golden feathers in medallions on a soft blue ground. At In tervals among th9 medallions are small figures of flying birds. The pattern was especially designed and woven by a Pat terspn silk manufactory and after tho quantity needed had been woven the de sign was- destroyed. This will therefore be the only gown ot this pattern in ex istence. The skirt is cut long, full and with a wide circular sweep. It measures 73 Inches from the back of the girdle to the tip of the train and contains about 30 yards of brocade. It Is plain on the ex terior, but 20 yards of taffeta silk an4 chiffon of tho same shade go to elaborate the lining. In which are rows upon rows of silk and chiffon plaltlngs half way to the girdle. At the edgo is a three-Inch puffing also ot chiffon. The petticoat Is of taffeta, with the lower half given up to numerous rows of silk and chiffon plaltlngs. similar to thoso on tho skirt. Twenty yards more of chiffon and taffeta are consumed in the petticoat. The bodice Is a Louis XV long, pointed affair. It is cut square in the neck, with a .tucker of shirred chiffon across the front. The shoulders are trimmed with old lace in round point, of a beautiful design, an heirloom in Mrs. Roosevelt's family. The small sleeves are simple frills of plaited chiffon. Slippers and stockings of the same shade will be worn with tho gown and a feather in the hair, also of electric blue, will complete the toilet. All the materials are of home manu facture. In accordance with Mrs. Roose velt's rule. There will be used In all over 100 yards of chiffon and 40 yards of taf feta Tho materials cost upward of $700 and tho whole costume complete will cost about $1200. It Is now being finished In tho establishment of Miss Mary Fitz gerald at 791 Lexington avenue, this city, and will bo sent to Washington on Tuesday. ODD BITS OF NORTHWEST LIFE. No Gentleman Shoves. Cleveland "Cor. BIckleton News. Even in a spirit of fun. would a gentle man shove a lady off the sidewalk Into tho muddy street? I don't think so. One Kind of Fame. McMlnnville News Reporter. Mrs. Martha Morgan, of McMlnnville, is a second cousin of Captain Meriwether Lewis. Ho was her grandmother's brother's son. Working a Virgin Field. Canby Corr. Aurora Borealls. Our esteemed new barber, George Meeks, is getting about all that he can do, shav ing and cutting hair, and it is to bo hoped that the good work "will go on for George's sake. New Style of Base-Burner. . Castle Rock Leader. ' Linn, the little son of Mr. and Mrs. P. D. Campbell, accidentally sat down in a pan of hot water. Wednesday. The child's heavy clothing saved it from a scalding and only a slight redness re sulting. Rock Robinson's Call. Butte Plains Corr. Madras Pioneer. Rock Robinson called at the home of Mrs. Barton ono day this week. Ho said he was trying to purchase a horse from Mrs. Robinson. Why, Mr. Robinson, arn't you dealing quite largely In live stock for a farmer? Two Souls Happy on One Nickel. Toledo Leader. Albany claims to havo the stingiest man on earth, basing tho claims on tho following facts. He got married to a homo girl to savo expense; walked the courthouse square for a wedding tour, bought her a nickel's worth of candy for a wedding present, and then suggested that they save the candy for tho children. Essays of Little Bobbie. Mlilwaukee Sentinel. CHICAGO Chicago is a big placo full of people & smoak and dirt and trubble. It Is bounded on one sldo by Milwaukee and on all the other sides by parts of Chi cago which are as bad as the middle part. Chicago Is a nlse place- for yu to go when you havent got Ruber neels, be cause if yu think yu are going to fall down somebody will bo sure to hold you up. I thought of this Joak myself. I heard about a little boy who was going to move to Chicago and he was saying his prayers and he said Goodby Lord we are going to Chicago and I puesa ho was rite, that's all I know about Chicago It ain't much. DIVORCES. divorces is whare a man and his wife either ono sees some one else they may like better, then they go to a lawyer & ho tells them -what to aay in the cort house, then the Judge talks them apart and they live happily ever after. Ma and Pa never had a divorce I guess If thay did i wouldnt hear so much scrapping. When 1 get to bo a man If 1 want 2 wives, one at a time, i am going to havo a, divorce, alimony Is what yu pay for a dlvorco frum yuro wife but sumtlmes its cheep. Ugliness of 'Necks. Atchison Globe. It was - decided by the women who looked on at a recent party, and didn't dance, that the neck 13 over-rated. A girl poses In front of a mirror with her waist off. and decides she has a pretty neck. Her party dress is made to show It, but she forgets that while a neck in re pose may look well, the same neck when tho owner talks and moves and shrugs her shoulders, will cause the housekeep ers present to make a mental note to buy sparcribs for dinner next day. The pret tiest neck Is not so very pretty; it Is not to be compared with the fluffy things a dressmaker can throw together for ?2 to cover It. . The Editor's Midwinter Joy. Norway (Me.) Advertiser. Hiram Wildes recently presented us with a box of angleworms. He gath ered them while digging out a water pipe, and knowing we bad a use for them brought hem to us. Wo expect to Matter of Appetite. Atchison Globe. A splrltuelle Atchison woman eats 12 buckwheat cakes and three links of sau sage for breakfast, besides whatever ex tra there may be on the tabid, and drinks ono or two cups of coffee. Out of Keeping. Atchison Globe Whilo every man likes hearty things to eat, still even hl3 unsympathetic soul ex periences a shock when served with sauer kraut on a hand-painted plate with a new moon on It. PERIODICALS THE PEOPLE READ Bulk of Literary Matter Bought by Average Family Far From Highest Class. Discussing the class of periodical litera ture read by members of a country com munity in an eastern State, a writer in the World's Work gives some Interesting figures. In tho district considered, there are 349 families, "largely of American stock," and the educational standing of the people Is described as being above tho average. Tho writer goes on to say: Seventy-nine different periodicals Including daily, semi-weekly and weekly newspa pers, and excluding purely professional publications are taken by these 3(3 homes. These periodicals may be divided Into eight separata classes: (a) Newspa pers. Including daily, semi-weekly, tri weekly and weekly, (b) Religious papers, (c) Temperance. (d) Agriculture, (e) Magazines. (f) Magazines . devoted mainly to the Interests of woman and the home, (g) Humorous, (h) Advertising mixed with fiction. The newspapers come first, as follows: Morning' papers. '...60; Semi-weekly papers..JS Evening papers 8ljWeekIy papers SO Trt-weekly papers... 3 The "weeklies" are of the usual coun try sort budgets' of local gossip with a "Taimago sermon," a few political and general news clippings and a chapter or two of a "patent" yellow novel thrown In. Outside of these "weeklies" are a few which I may class with newspapers. They are: Harper's Weeklj-. The Nation. The Independent(X.T.). The Week's Progress. Only seven copies of these four publica tions are taken. There is one other weekly newspaper, a cross between tho Police News and a regular newspaper, re sulting in a product that contains too many good qualities for It to be con demned and too many bad qualities for It to be commended. It has a circulation of 43 copies, making a total of 265 copies of newspapers. However poor from a literary and schol arly point of view, religious newspapers are very thoroughly read, and must have considerable Influence with the people. The religious papers that find their way Into the community are these, given in the order of the size of their circulations: World-Wide Missions. The New York Witness. The Christian Herald. The Christian Advocate. The Epworth Herald. The Christian Register. Sabbath Reading. The Hzamlnr. The Christian Endeav- The Ram's Horn. or World. The ten have a total circulation of 127 copies. - "Temperance" Is represented by onl7 two periodicals with a total circulation mostly of gratuitous distribution of not more than seven copies. Agriculture is represented by two .week ly publications and one monthly: The New York Farmer. The American Agriculturist. Farm News. These havo a circulation of 63 copies, nearly equally divided among them. For clearness I shall divide the period icals that may be classed as more or les3 "literary" Into three groups. First, I shall put together what I shall call tho "dollar magazines" in tho order of tho largeness of their sales: Mucsey's. The Cosmopolitan. Recreation, Everybody's. McClure'e. Physical Culture. Leslie's. The Era. These have a circulation of 53 copies. Closely allied with these is the Four Track News, with a sale of 17 copies. In the next group are magazines that cost more than a dollar. They are named in the order already adopted: Harper's. Scrlbner's. The World's Work. The Bookman; The Review ot Re- Country Life In Amer- vlews. lea. The Century. Et. Nicholas. These have a circulation of 13 copies. The next group Includes the periodicals devoted to the interests of woman and the home: The Delineator. The "Designer: The Ladles' Home The-SIoddra -PriscM. Journal. Harper's Bazaar. McCall's Magazine. The Woman's Home The American Woman. Companion. The Ladles' World. Vogue, Good Housekeeping. The New Idea. The Woman's Farm Journal. These 13 have a circulation of 119' copies. Of these 119, three of the magazines can claim almost half; and these three are pre-eminently devoted to fashions. The Saturday Evening Post, tho Youth's Companion and the American Boy seem to fall naturally Into a class by themselves. Twenty-five copies tell tho story, of their combined circulation. Thero is only ono home regularly receiving a humorous paper. a We now come to a group of monthly periodicals With which it is less agreeable to deal. They vary In price from 50 to 13 cents a year, and not Infrequently they are sent gratis. They are advertising sheets with a pretty fair amount of lit erary hash thrown in. The. reading matter In them is not always easy to condemn. Of the advertising matter, the spread ot which Is tho undoubted purpose of their publication, nothing good can be said. It is simply disreputable. It Is the worst scum of the advertising world. At best, the Influence of these periodicals Is per nicious, both morally and mentally. Al most without exception, they, go into homes where the better magazines aro never found, where thero is nothing to counteract their Influence. Ten periodicals of this kind have a circulation in tho com munity ot 56 copies, and, unlike the other magazines, almost every subscription rep resents a family. "Delightfully Informal." New Tork Press. Tho telephone tea Is the newest conceit of those Inventive Burden girls. Whether Mlsa Evelyn or Miss Gwendolyn first thought of It Is generously kept a secret by tho ono who' deserves the credit, but both are entitled to praise for their suc cessful application of tho Idea. In the first place, all the invitations for tho tea are sent over the telephone, which makes it plain from the start that tho affair is to bo delightfully Informal. When tho guests gather about the board they find them selves required to converse only through toy telephones with wires strung from place to place. One of the young women plays "Central." If one of tho hostesses wishes to speak to Cynthia Roche, she takes the receiver oft tho hook and gives "Central" Miss Roche's number, each girl having a group of figures assigned to her, purposely made difficult as any ordinary memory can stand. "Central" makes tho connection, and when the chat is over Miss Burden rings off, probably In time to answer a call from Natica RIve3. Of course, every word any girl utters is heard by all, but It's "ripping fun," as ono fair enthusiast says, particularly when all are talking at once. And so charmingly feminine. Keeping Husband In Love. Philadelphia Inquirer. Tho successful wife keeps on hand a little boom In caso of need. She keeps a surprise tucked up her sleeve, where It can bo fired on a moment's notice. Maybe It is a carnation for his coat lapel; maybo It is his favorite pudding served extra; perhaps It Is the baby's picture framed for his desk. Something she has ready, and when hla affection needs jogging sho does not hesitate to do the jogging. Why. a bunch of violets or a knot of bright ribbon where it adds the most to tho wife's charms almost make a man forget that he la hungry. A saucy pinch with the usual kiss or a merry chase away from the accustomed greeting will almost make a man forget that he Is married to tho adorable creature. A stago whisper now and then and a twinkle of mischief are worth hours of cooing. Tho woman, who buries her rougishness on her -wedding day robs her home of much of its happiness.-