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About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (March 6, 1905)
r THE MOENESG MOKDAS,-'- -MARCH 6, 1905. typ &&$omm Entered at thm Portofflce at Portland. Or, as second -clts matter. ETJB6CXIPIIOX BATES. TKVABX&BI.Y IN ADVANCE. fBy Mali or Express.) Dally and Sunday, per year...... 59-00 Daily 2nd Sunday, six months 5.00 Dally and Sunday, three months 55 Dally and Sunday, per month. ......... .85 Dally -without Sunday, per ar 7.50 Dally -without Sunday., six months 3.O0 Dally wlthontBunday. Three months .... 1-03 Dally without Sunday, per month 65 Sunday, per year .............. ........ 2.00 Sunday, six months ................... 1.00 Sunday, three months 00 BY CARRIER. Dally -without Sunday, per -week .15 Daily per -week, Sunday Included 0 THE "WEEKLY OREGON'IAN. (Issued Every Thursday-.)' ' Weekly, per year I50 Weekly, six months - - . .75 Weekly, three months 50 HOW TO REMIT Send postofflce money order, express order or personal- cheek oa your local bank. Stamps, coin or currency are at the sender's risk. EASTERN" BCSCfESS OFFICE. The S. C Beckwith Special Accncj New York: Rooms 43-50 Tribune bulldine. Chi cago: Rooms 510-512 Trlbupe building. The Oresonlan does not buy poems or stories from Individuals and cannot under take to return any manuscript sent to It without solicitation. Ho stamps- should be Inclosed tor this purpose. KEPT ON 8 AXE. Chlcaco Auditorium Annex: Postofflce Kews Co., 178 Dearborn street. . Delias, Tex. Globe "Kewi Depot, 260 Main street. Denver Julius Black, Hamilton & Kend rlck. .S06-312 Seventeenth street, and Frue SuS Bros, 605 Sixteenth street. Dee "Koiae. Ia. Moses Jacobs. 309 Fifth street. FsntHg City, Mo. Rlcksecker Cigar Ccu SClnth and Walnut. Eos Aagelea Harry Srapkln; B. E. Amos, 814 West S-enth street; Oliver & Haines. Minneapolis M. J. Kavanaugh. 50 South Third; I Regelsburser. 217 First avenue South. New Tork City L. Jones & Co.. ABtor House. Oakland, CaL W. H. Johnston. Four teenth and Franklin streets. Ogden F. R. Godard and Meyers & Har rop; D. Xi. Boyle. Omaha Barkalow Bros., 1612 Farnham; Mageath Stationery Co.. 1308 Farnham. Phoenix, Ariz. The BerryhlU News Co. Sacramento, CaL Sacramento News Co.. 429 X street Salt Lake Salt Lake News Co., 77 West Second street South. Santa Barbara, CaL S. Smith. Ban Dlezv. CaL J. Dlllard. San Trail cigco J. K. Cooper & Co.. 746 Market street: Foster & Crear. Ferry News Stand; Goldsmith Bros.. 236. Sutter: E. E. Ee. Palace Hotel News Stand; F. W. Pitts. 100S Market; Frank Scott. SO Ellis: N. Wheatley, S3 Stevenson; Hotel St. Francis News Stand. St. Louis, Mer E. T. Jett Book : News Company, 08 Olive street. Washington, D. C Ebblt Houis News Stand. PORTLAND, MONDAT, MARCH 6, 1D05. EIGHT ON THE MERCHANT MARINE. The Oregonlan has labored long and earnestly In an endeavor to demon strate that there Is healthier food than subsidy "pap" for strengthening- the American merchant marine. It has contended that a merchant marine that was so weak that It could not stand without artificial support would be un worthy of the flag It sailed tinder. For some unaccountable reason the Puget Sound papers have persistently advo cated the subsidy plan in preference to following the practical, business-like methods pursued by other nations. But time works wonders and the light Is beginning to shine, even on Puget Sound. The latest issue of the Seattle Trade Register has the following sar castic complaint regarding one of the antiquated regulations with which the American merchant marine is throt tled: The Treasury Department ha not over looked the opportunity to tax the steamer Minnesota $399.69 for scouring a crew In Canadian waters. American ships attempt ing to build up a foreign trade should be driven off the high ean by every means known to .short-sighted government. The foreign oommcrco of the United States must be established In foreign bottoms at what ever co?t. Wo must not allow our ship builders a chanco to compote with other na tions that bultd up commerce by subsidies, cheap crews and other favorable methods tested and found practical. The failure to adopt "other favorable , methods tested and found practical" Is the principal reason why our merchant marine does not grow more rapidly. The Seattle paper seems to think that an injustice has been done by taxing the Minnesota for securing a crew In Canadian waters. This is a correct view, but the injustice is infinitesimal in comparison with the restriction of the American Government which pro hibits the American from securing his ship where he can get it the cheapest. In most ports of the world the Ameri can will ship ,his crew at "going wages," which must be paid alike, re gardless of the flag the vessel is sail ing under and the occasional levying of a tax against the American ship is in consequential But by preventing the American from securing his ship on. even terms with his foreign, competi tors the Government places him under a handicap that is never lifted during the life of the ship. The Interest on the additional amount which the American as compared with the foreigner must pay for a ship runs on until the end of her career. None of the foreign ships sailing out of Seattle end Tacoma in competition with the Minnesota are paid any kind of a subsidy, but their owners are un der no such handicap as the Ameri cans in the way of a. restricted market in which to secure tonnage, or by ham pering laws affecting employment of the crews. The time to experiment with subsidy theories and artificial methods for creating a merchant ma rine to compete with others built and operated on business principles and on their merits has passed. "We must now adopt ''other favorable methods tested and found practical." The American merchant marine is now a bound cap tive. Its true friends ask that it be released by reepaling the absurd laws which bind it. The subsidy grafters object to this and insist on treating the captive as a sick patient which nothing but subsidy "pap" will cure. One method is practical, the other the oretical, and theory has never yet achieved the success scored by practice. The course of the new owners of the Columbia River & Northern Railroad will be watched with considerable in terest in this city. An extension of the line across the state, so that it will eventually tap the Big Bend country would open up for trade a vast area of rich country which is now without the advantage of the downhill haul to tide water. The original promoters of this line were all Portland men, and the work was undertaken not so much from the prospects offered for immediate re turns on the Investment as" to afford an opportunity to develop a new trade field. But few favors In the way of extensions to new territory have, ever fccen granted Portland by the great railroad lines, but the history of these enterprises all tends to show that alter this city has put up the money and launched the enterprise the big roads are not averse to coming in and reap ing the profits. Tins IS A PEOPLE'S FAIR. If the labor unions are really support ing the strike at the Lewis and Clark Exposition, they are taking a most un fortunate time to enforce their de mands for a "closed" fair. Their ground for dissatisfaction is chiefly that they are opposed to the "open shop" policy of the contractors and the" Fair management. Not long since another strike oc curred at the Government building and was terminated when assurance was given that the contractor would pay the union .scale for carpenters and othr .workmen. The workmen now say the full wage is not paid; the contractor says it is. In any event, the trouble is mainly, if not wholly, over the ques tion as to whether nonunion men shall be discharged and only unions recog nized. This Is not a union Fair, nor a non union Fair, but it is a people's Fair. The President of the United States, whose cardinal rule is that every man shall have a square deal, a, year ago made It clear that the Government can not and will not discharge a man for the reason that he belongs to no trade union. Mr. Roosevelt Is a member in good standing of the Brotherhood of Locomotive Firemen, and we iave not heard that he was expelled because he pronounced himself both a union and nonunion man, the President of all the people. By the same1 principle it is dif ficult to see how any workman can be, or should be, discharged from the Gov ernment building because he will not join a union. But the question involved is entirely beyond any -position the Government may have heretofore 'taken towards unionism. The question Is whether the unions are trying to destroy the Lewis and Clark Exposition. The unions gen erally, of course, have no deliberate plan of that kind; .but some of them are rapidly drifting into a ruje-or-ruin attitude. Their leaders are there now. If the Exposition were a mere private enterprise, or a profit-making business, It might be justifiable for the unions to assert that the principle of unionism must be recognized. The purpose of unionism is" not more to give every man every union man an equal chance than it is to give him his fair share of the profits of any business. There are to be no profits at the Fair. Neither the Government nor the state, nor the subscribers, has any purposes whatever except to give the public as a whole pleasure and instruction. Whatever money the contractors or the conces sionaires or the workmen may make, if any, is aside from the main design, which Is in the strictest and fullest sense public in its nature. It would appear that the local work men have been led Into their present position by certain outside agitators who think advantage may be taken of the necessities of the Fair. The build ings must be completed without delay. But the men have mistaken the temper of the Exposition management and of the public. A -strike may or may not be a proper way to enforce the demands of labor; but, whether right or wrong, it usually needs the great moral force of a general public sentiment to make it successful. In the present instance the strikers have no support outside their immediate coterie of sympathiz ers, nor will they find it so long as it does not appear that their grievances arc heavy, and may not be repaired by negotiation or appeal to the falr-mind-edn&FS of contractors and the Exposi tion officials: THE INAUGURATION Marked by no catastrophe, marred by no accident, the installation and conse cration of Theodore Roosevelt as Pres ident of the United States has passed into history. He stood there as the elect of a far greater number of his fellow-citizens than any of his prede cessors. His hold on the hearts of the people was, admittedly, so strong that both his nomination and Ills election were foregone facts. This conscious ness seemed to pervade not only the ceremonies of the day, but the addrre which the President delivered. It marked not the entrance on a new ca reer, not the unfurling of new stand ards, but the passing of an appointed stopping-place on the Nation's march. Here stood no untried man, no factor of unknown force, but the expression, the impersonation, of processes' in full action, of policies as much the Nation's as his own! The President's address partakes more of the qualities of proclamation than of appeal. Established facts give the keynote. We stand here, he says, a mighty people, not struggling for but having arrived at a greatness worthy of the men who devised the Constitu tion, of our fathers who in -stress and trial laid the foundations, and of that generation, some of whom still survive, who saved the Nation in its darkest hopr. Reverently he acknowledges the guidance and guardianship of an over seeing Power. "With strength come du ties, and in all that follows we hear the familiar ring of that which the Presi dent has accustomed us to expect from him. A strong Nation must be a cour ageous, a well-armed and equipped na tion, not for attack, but to make effect ive the. course based on respect foi others, justice to all other nations, and the enforcing of respect for ourselves. Reference to the exciting and urgent problems of modern and industrial life, consequent on the Immense accumula tion of wealth in great centers, leads up to the thought of responsibility de volved on the American people. How can the experiment of administering the affairs of a continent through the agency of a democratic republic suc ceed? No need for the President to en large on this question, present In the minds of all thoughtful observers of world politics today. This man stands, and has stood, for the resolute handling of the immense difficulties of the work. The best aug ury for the enlarging success of the ex periment appears in the adoption, the inauguration of Theodore Roosevelt as the standard-bearer, at any rate, for the four years' term of stress and trial now entered on. He has stood apart from the money worship and pur suit which has led such multitudes into dark and devious ways. In an age of impure ambitions and polluted politics he has served city, state and Nation with clean hands. Belonging by birth, education and habit to the classes, he has made himself one with the masses, and receives from all ranks and grades Implicit trust for . both honesty and faithfulness. In an age of low ambi tions he has stood for high standards in both public and private life. His motto has been that of old A man I am, and from nothing affecting man do I stand . apart. So not only his own American Nation, but all good men In the wide world, wish Theodore Roose velt Godspeed In his high career. IS A NEW MACHINE COMING? The direct primary law will produce a big crop of office-seekers, who. hith erto, have been mowed down by the machine boss. Since the four Multno mah Judges, two days ago. upheld the law for the coming city election, many aspirations have begun to sprout. "Whether the people can pick out honest and efficient servants better than the boss remains to be seen; anyhow the people don't like ring rule of whatever kind. Ringmasters may dominate the new system as the old. but they will be a new set, A momentous transition is now in progress, and will bring new actors on the stage. This is why the present "machine" dislikes the primary law, even though Its members express confidence that the law will stiffen "machine" rule. The "machine" of the other fellows is never popular. There fore, since the promised "machine" un der the primary law will be a new cre ation, no wonder the present masters are hostile. The present Republican "organiza tion" of Multnomah County was cre ated three years ago. The men now at Its head were without the thresholda long time; hence their advent to power rejoiced them much. They proceeded to build up what seemed a stable struc ture. Then the direct primary law was enacted by the people. Quite naturally the managers were displeased, for 'did they not see the power which had cost them so much pains to secure and on whose use they had HuHt high hopes, menaced by the new enactment? Still they hoped to maintain their prestige by some design or other and to stave off the law from the city elec tion this year. Their hope In the first direction appears as badly blasted as in the second. And to make the situation worse, land-fraud Indictments are mak ing breaches in their walls. Multnomah County seems on the eve of a new political order; at least arr order much altered from that which has thrived In the last three years. INITIATIVE THE PROPER BEJIEDV. "There was no machine in the last Legislature to be compared with the Normal School machine,"' declares State Senator Hodson. He knows. The Nor mal School machine was denounced by Governor Chamberlain in a public ad dress hecause it controlled all legisla tion. The machine was for anybody and anything that was for it; the ma chine was against everybody and every thing that was against it. Each for ail and all for each. No measure was too meretricious to receive support from the Normal School log-rollers. If by that method they could capture, tie up and deliver a vote for their own im mense graft; no measure was so meri torious that it was safe from the men ace of opposition by the associated looters if itsdvocatcs demurred about the Normal school booty. Behold the fruit of this sort of busi ness. It had been going on for years', growing in arrogance and boldness from legislative session to session, until it became Intolerable. The people once were helpless, now they have a remedy two remedies. Determined to stop the Normal School graft, even if they havr to abolish the Normal Schools, and put other state Institutions to great Incon venience, one body of citizens proposes to appeal to the referendum. Another body of citizens, who are not willing to punish all for the offenses of a few, proposes a less sweeping but not less effective measure, through the Initia tive. The Oregonlan is sure that a bill can be framed under the Initiative that will meet the. situation. The gpnoral desire is to veto the Normal School ap propriation. The referendum will not do it- It appears to be. clear,- from the attitude of the stale authorities, that they will feel justified under the state law in issuing certificates of Indebted ness for all the Institutions benefited by the appropriation bill now sought to be a tucked. To be sure, if the bill were to be voted down by the referen dum, the public sense of outrage would be expressed, but that Is all. The-next Legislature might or might not head it. But If, under the initiative, a measure Is offered abolishing the Normal Schools,' or, what is better, prohibiting the Legislature from creating more than one school, the desired end will be specifically accomplished. Let us, then, have the Initiative, if we are to have anything. Let the public say what is to be done with the Normal Schools, and let the state Insane Asylum. Peni tentiary, Reform School and the others be permitted to-escape the general pub lic wrath. BREAKERS AHEAD, PERHAPS. The United States is undoubtedly bowling along on a great wave of pros perity just at this time, and we have read "with a degree of pleasure about the advantages of being so well equipped financially that we can use practically the entire wheat crop of the country at much higher prices' than it will command abroad. This is un doubtedly very pleasing to the farmers, or at least to those who had wheat to sell, but there is another side to the question. "What of the consumer? The per capita consumption of wheat in the United States is said to be five bushels per year, or approximately 400.000,000 bushels for the total population. The average price of wheat in Chicago, the leading American market, in 1903, was nearly 25 cents per bushel less than it 1904. From these figures it will be seen that the American consumers paid ap proximately 5100.000,000 more for their bread supply last year than they paid the year previous. These same consumers also paid for sugar in 1904 a matter of $60,000,000 more, and- for coffee $30,000,000 more than they paid for the same staples In 1903. All of this would be well if we knew where the money was coming from, or if it was to continue to come in quantities sufficient to meet the in creased cost of living. The foreigner Is buying his breadstuffs elsewhere, and our receipts from that quarter are away "to the bad" compared with for mer seasons. Official returns for Feb ruary exports are not all In yet, but for the seven months ending January SI the value -of our breadstuff exports was "but $52,000,000. compared with $104,000.- 000 for the same period in the previous season, and $130,000,000 for the seven months ending January 31. 1903. Cot ton exports are also nearly 26,000.000 less than for the corresponding .perjod last season. Meanwhile, with our prosperity so great that we are paylng.asnormar.flr- ure's for everything we consume, the balance of trade- is beginning to assume the sickly hue that Indicates a tonic will be needed very shortly. For the first seven' months of the current fis cal year our Imports of merchandise have exceeded those of the preceding season by more than $60,600,000, and are nearly $100,000,000 larger than they were three years ago, when we were selling such 'vast quantities of breadstuffs to the foreigners. The showing for the month of January is much less satis factory than that for the preceding months of the fiscal year, as exports were the smallest and Imports the larg est for the month in many years. The excess of exports over imports for the month was but $25,000,000, or consider ably less than one-half the amount of excess in our favor "in January. 1904, and 1903. It is somewhat strange, in view of all the hue and cry raised against the Standard Oil Company, that while -Wheat, cotton and corn exports are dwindling to small proportions, the ex portation of oil continues to hold Its own and in some grades shows materia; increases. "While, of course, most of the money thus brought in may land In the Rockefeller coffers, It may aid the consumer indirectly by preventing John D. from squeezing a little more out of the Americans. It is now a. certainty that we cannot begin repairing th deficit in our breadstuff exports before next FalL We might begin the prac tice of internal economies, however, by lopping off the tariff on sugar and cof fee, or at least enough to put the price back .to the average of 1903. "We can not continue sending our gold abroac and eating our products at home with out Inviting a financial stringency, ana an early appreciation of that fact may ward off impending trouble. A local-option bill went to Its death in the Washington Legislature last week. As originally framed, the bill conformed closely to the local-option. iaw oi uregon. The author consented to have the "unfair" provisions ex punged and to withdraw county prohi bition, leaving the ODtlon to nreclnets only. Still,, the bill was killed. It may. oe worth the while of certain anti-sa loon workers in Oregon who think their own Ideas on the liquor question the only ones that make for "decencv" -to study the result in Washington. A one sided bill can be enacted into law only mrougn .mimDug such as prevailed In Oregon last June. The Washlneton Legislature dug into the bill and found the fraud. Evidently, truth Is not al ways an attribute of "decency." It Is worthy of .note that the fishery Interests of the Columbia which have defied the law of closed season have secured 'enactment of a law in Oregon extending the fishing season twenty five days, and that a Hlmilar law is about to be enacted inWashington for the north aide of the river. It is also worthy of note that the" legislators from the fishery counties on both banks of the river have "stood in." When sal mon grow scarce, the proper way to re plenish them would seem to be to shorten the open season instead of lengthening it. Some daj- the people of the two states who pay fishery appro priations may grow tired beholding the law defied at their expense. Among "ethical" doctors who abhor publicity arc those who nice up and down the streets behind smoking horses or in snorting autos; those who sit in boxes at theaters and concerts and fly hlgh In society; those whose wives out shine other ladies in fine clothes, pink teas and big "functions"; those who go to Europe or "back East" or "down South"; those who play In politics and those who carve a patient into small bits and put the pieces together better than the Lord himself. Though such doctors shun publicity and arc said to grow indignant whenever they behold their names Iri print, none has ever bpen known to assault a newspaper edi tor. With the steamship Oregon a badly twisted and warped wreck in San Francisco harbor, the Elder refusing to leavo the rocks at Goble anl the palatial floating palace R. R. Thompson being dismantled in the boneyard in this city, evil days have certainly fallen on the once magnificent river and ocean fleet that made history under the flag or the O. S. N, Co. These steamers played well their part in the develop ment of transportation In the Pacific Northwest, and will undoubtedly be re placed by craft which, will outclass them, even as thev outclassed the an dent carriers which they replaced twenty-five or thirty years ago. Three regular passenger liners from California reached Portland last night, and all of them carried good crowds of passengers and full cargoes of freight. At the same time the Southern Pacific trains between Portland and the South are crowded all the time. If this heavy passenger traffic by rail and steamer thus early In the season is a criterion of what is to come when the weather settles and the Exposition crowds begin moving, there will be an ocean traffic between Portland and California that will eclipse anything In evidence In the palmiest days of the steamship busi ness before the railroad came. Since precincts are arbitrary crea tions of County Courts and may be al tered or erased at the win of County Courts, what Is to hinder obliteration of "dry" precincts? Local-option breth ren some day may have another cause to get busy. Among the bills which failed at Olympla was one to compensate Indian war fighters of 1855-56. as has been done In Oregon. The Legislature of Oregon has appropriated $145,000 for that par pose. Just to think, if Japs -were not such fierce fighters Russian Generals could not exhibit such cleverness In retiring before their enemies. Physicians and chemists fail to agree on the cause of Mrs. Stanford's death. Only the undertaker seems to be sure of his business. Russian. versions go round the earth on one side and Japanese on the other. Perhaps this Is the reason they are so far apart. Care of Flowers. Atchison Globe. Artificial flowers would look nice enough if people would dust, them occasionally. The .Jeffrlesef Finance. Atchison Globe. John D. Rockefeller to Kansas: "Go and get a reputation.' X0TE AND COMMEXT. .The Argonaut has an article-on The Centenary of the Great Dane." Dog fanciers will be much disappointed to discover that it Is all about some fel low that wrote fairy tales. In Ms description of the inaugural parade the Associated Press couldn't break away from the use of that good old friend "coign of vantage." The "Russian Sedan" positively declines to emerge from the possibility class. Trouble comes to us all, even to such exclusive organizations as the C. C, W., P. & J. Club. Too bad that the C. C.'s, W.'s, P.'s & J.3 can't be allowed to en joy a well-earned period of rest. From a recent speech by Bourke Cockran the New Tork Sun has disin terred this sentence. Who that has ever seen the basest and most depraved of society borne away in a penitential vehicle to be further abased by association with the moral and physical wreckage of human existence could witness that spectacle of humanity demoralized and brutalized without a sinking of the heart? That's not bad for a patrol wagon. Elinor Glyn, whose sprightly, if somewhat risque, book "The Visits of Elizabeth," first brought, her into pub lic attention, has a new story called "The Vicissitudes of Evangeline." It3 dedication reads, "To the Women With Red Hair." Another sign of the popu larity now enjoyed by flaming locks. Mrs. Cornelia Claflln. president of the National Promotion of Health Club of . Chicago, says that man's bones, nerves and muscles are constructed to endure 400 years. It must be that the contractor skimps his work on most of them. Senator -Piatt reads dime novels to send" htm to sleep, If there were such a thing, the small-boy vote would be agin Piatt. When the question of a fee was brought up by a minister in Maysvllle, Mo., the young man who had just been married replied that he had but 5 cents in the world. The minister told him to keep It as a start in housekeeping. It might have been more productive to have -asked the girl. She . might have gone through her prospective husband's pockets before the ceremony. John D. Rockefeller attended the Baptist Church at Lakewood, N. J., re cently. Ho put $35 In the collection-box, and at the end of the service told tho pastor to fix a leak ho had noticed In the roof. Mighty few leaks that J. D. R. doosn't stop. According to an exchange, an apple catlng wager took place at Avignon, France, last month. Jules Leclerc ate 41 apples in 70 minutes, Alex Demo rest ate -17 in 76 minutes, .and Alphonso Boguet managed to swallow 53 in 80 minutes. At latest accounts all three were seriously ill, and the general opin ion will be ".serve 'em right." It would bp better to take the apples in the form of cider. Commander Bull, of the United States Hospital ship Solacr. denied a Mrs. Cos tcllo the privilege of the starboard side of the quarterdeck because she was "so cially Impossible." It looks as if Com mander Bull might, with profit to the service, be made to walk a plank on which there arc no social distinctions. Says the Argonaut: A clergyman, re cently ongaged with another of a dif ferent belief In a controversy regard ing some question of religion, sent to a newspaper office a long article sup porting his side of the question. Tho mn-nursrlpt had been "sot up" in type for tho next day's issue. About mid night the telephone bell rang furious ly, tho minister at the other end ask ing for the City editor. " am sorry to trouble you at such a late hour," ho said, "but I am in great trouble." "What oan I do for you?" was asked. "In the article I sent you today I put Daniel In the fiery furnace. Please take him out and put him In the lion's den." WEX. J. Conundrums for the Wise. Indianapolis News. What black thing enlightens the world? Answer Ink. Name something with two heads and one body. Answer A barrel. If you were to ride a donkey what fruit would you resemble? Answer A pair. What is that which is lengthened by being cut at both ends? Answer A ditch. What coat is finished without buttons and put on wet? Answer A coat of point. What is that that has neither flesh nor blood, yet has Jour fingers and a thumb? Answer A glove. What is it that no one wishes to have and yet when he ha3 .it he docs not wish to lose it? . Answer A bald head. Why should a housekeeper never put tho letter "M" into her refrigerator? Answer Because it would change Icq into mice. Which would you rather, that a lion ato you or a tiger? Answer Why, you would rather that tho lion ate the tiger, of course. " Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and Baby Big ger, which of this interesting family is the biggest, and why the biggest? An swerBaby Bigger, because, he is a lit tle Bigger. Animals That Weep. Kansas City Journal. There are many scientists and men who are accustomed to deal with animals who give authentic instances of having seen animals shed tears as a result of strong emotion. Humboldt tells us that ho had a monkey which wept when it was seized with fear. Rengger says that he has of ten seen the eyes of a small South Ameri can monkey fill with tears when ha was deprived of some coveted object or made very much afraid of something. Darwin cites a case of a monkey from Borneo in a zoological garden which was frequently moved to tears when grieved or pitied. Elephants also have been known to show their grief in this way. During an elephant hunt in Ceylon one of the spec tators relates that many of the elephants when bound showed no feeling except grief, and remained perfectly motionless while the tears streamed from their eyes. Female elephants are often affected In the same way when their young are taken from them. It Pleases a Man. Philadelphia Bulletin., To be told he is handsome whether he is or not. To be told he has small feet. To be asked for advice.. To have his lapses credited to an er ratic disposition. To be considered an epicure. To bo looked up to as a judge of what's what in the way of cigars and wines,' dress, horses, dogs and women. To suppose he Is molding opinkms, when really, the silly women are only pretend ing to think as -he thinks in' order to please him. NOT IX CHLOROFORM CLUB, From various exchanges. Captain J. P. Klachmnr. of AMInnaM. Pa., underwent an operation, having a bullet extracted from his leg. where It had been Imbedded since the battle of Gaines' Mills. In 1S62. Tho old soldier has had the Confederate ballot, -which h carried for 43 years, bottled. Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson Orate- who rank among the oldest settlers of Atchi son County. Kansas, celebrated their G9th wedding anniversary at the home of their son. nisnop oragg, inrce miles northwest of Lancaster. Gragc is S3 years c4d; his wife sr. Bernard Solkil. aged 30. of Dunlo. Pa.. challenges any person of his age in the state for a bowling contest for $500 a 3l.de. He Is considered a marvel. Mr. and Mrs. William Lowe, of Jewell County. Kansas, recently celebrated the iotn anniversary of their marriage. Mr. Lowe, a retired minister, is 88, and Char ity, his wire, is 30. At this advanced age the good woman does her own housework, and is in very good health. Leonard Roeder, of Qulncy. HI., who is supposed to be the oldest man in Illinois, has just celebrated the 105th anniversary of his birth. He was born in Bavaria, and was with Blucher's army at Water loo. Ho has lived ia Quincy slnco 1S46, and followed his trade of shoemaklng until ISS0, when he retired from business. He has possession of all his faculties ex cepting sight. William Malone. of Enid. Oklahoma, who is S6 years old, and who has lived in America 74 years, ten years of which he spent in Oklahoma, was granted nat uralization papers by Judge Beauchamp. Mr. Malone has been during all this time a subject of the British crown. He gave as his reason for wishing to be natural ized that he preferred to die a subject of the country In which he has spent the most of his life. Henri' Heap celebrated his 67th anni versary at his home and dance hall In Lenzburg, Mo., by entertaining a largo company of Belleville. Freeburg and Lenzburg people at a dance and feast. There were over 100 couples in attend ance. Including many from Belleville, where Mr. Heap formerly resided. Two bands furnished the music, and the fes tivities continued all night. Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Little, of Wade, Mass., have just celebrated the 60th an niversary of their wedding. Ho is SO years of age. and Mrs. Wade is slightly older. Both were born In Vermont. They have 13 children, all living. The old folks do not believe. In medicine. All thoir lib are cured by herbs and roots, which they gather In Summer. Stovan Zikltsch, aged 117 years, has enjoyed for over 30 years now the dis tinction of being the oldest inhabitant of Rlsch. in Servia. Apart from his great age and his remarkable activity, Zikltsch is a most interesting character. He knew Lord Byron as a "young curly- headed Englishman, much loved by the Greeks, whose death, ocourring during the Insurrection, they mourned deeply." Lord Byron was born In 17SS. and Zikltsch in 17S7. Lord Byron has been dead SO years. While Wyandotte car No. 7095 was per ambulating through the precincts of the oblong village. Ecorse. the attention of. the passongers was attracted to an old couple waiting at the tracks ide for the car. The old lady of the couple was at tempting to tear herself away from the grasp of her husband, as if in terror. "It's her first ride on an electric or steam car," explained her husband, who gave his name as Louis Giron. an In habitant of a small town near Grayling, Mich. The couple were $S and 90 years old. respectively. "Wc came from Gray ling by horso and buggy to visit friends back in Ecorso township." said the old man. in quaint French dialect. The Beauty Chase. Minneapolis Tribune. Here are some of the things that so ciety women really do or havo done in the mad chase for beauty. They take milk baths. They bathe their faces dally in .real sweet cream. ' They have thoir entire faces skinned, so that a new skin may grow over the old surface. They havo their noses shaped. They shavo their eyebrows Into a per fect arch. They have their Hps shaped into a cupId s bow. They have all Nature's fine hairs re moved from the skin by electrolysis. They have real dimples cut In their chocks and chins. They have good strong crooked teeth Temoved and artificial straight ones screwed onto the stumps. They go Into complete retirement for six months at a time, are "done over," and emerge perfect beauties. . Thoy havo artificial figures built in their frocks and artificial insteps made in their sliDpers. But it is not all wasted time. Never has the world been so crowded with beautiful women! Never have there been so many unbeautiful women who have produced the illusion of beauty. French Shoulder Talk. Philadelphia Inquirer. When It comes to the display of her back and arms the Frenchwoman ex cels. She shrugs with them. She says yes and no, she expresses surprise, Joy, disdain and sorrow, all by the gestures of her back and arms. She laces her waist so tight that It seems as though she would break in two. But .her bust is free and her breathing space is full Bhe would not think of cramping her lungs. She pulls the. laces tight below the ribs and below" the lung space and below the bust line in order that the beautiful upper figure may have plenty of room in which to breathe and expand and bo graceful. Scott's Friend Dead at Eighty-Five Chicago American. Perhaps the last person In the world who could claim to have known intl mately Sir Walter Scott Is dead at Woodbine, la. She was Miss Mary Bogie, aged S3 years. Her father, William Bogle, was with Sir waiter for 15 years. first as gardener aud afterward as agent. She lived at Abbotsford when Sir Walter died. Miss Bogie's collection of relics in cludes autograph notes written by Sir Walter to her father, her mother and one to herself, and a number of notes and letters written by Annie Scott. Admiral Ctark as a "Doctor." New York World. After President Roosevelt and the others, including Admiral Clark, who as Captain Clark brought the Oregon around from San Francisco to Santiago during the Spanish War, had received their degrees at the University of Penn sylvania, Admiral qiark came up to shake hands with the President "How do you do. Doctor?" said the President. "Doctor Of what?" asked Clark. "Of Oregonlan law, sir," the President replied. Choice of Pronunciation. Chicago Chronicle. There was an old fellow named Hoch. Who, when he began .to go broke. Would spoon. It is said. And a widow he'd wed. And take all her dough for a Joke. There was an old fellow named, Hoch. Who married two wives ia each . block. And now those he wed. If bunched. It Is said; u . Would make quite a notable flock. - "THE CZAR'S SOLILOQUY." Extracts from Mark Twain's Article in March North American Review. After the Czar's morning bath, it is his habit to meditate an hour before dressing himself. London Times Correspondence. (Viewing himself in the pier-glass.) Naked, what am I? A lank, skinny, spider-legged libel on the . image of God! Look at tho waxwork head tho face, with the expression of a melon- the projecting ears the knotted el- bows the dished breast the knife edged shins and then the feet, all beads and joints and bone-sprays, an imitation X-ray photograph! Thore is nothing imperial about this, nothing imposing, impressive, nothing to in voke awe and reverence. Is it this that a hundred and forty million Russians kiss the dust before and worship? Manifestly not! No ono could worship this spectacle, which is Me. Then who is it, what is it. that they worship? Privately none knows better, than It it is" my clothes. Without my clothes I should be as destitute of authority as any other naked person. Nobody could tell me from a parson, a barber, a dude. Then who Is the real Emperor of Rus sia? My clothes. There Is no other. (After a silence.) A curious inven tion, an unaccountable Invention the human race! The swarming Russian millions havo for centuries meekly al lowed our family to rob them, insult them, trample them under foot, while they lived and suffered and died with, no purpose and no function but to make that family comfortable! These people are horses Just that horses with clothes and a religion. A horse with tho strength of 100 men will let one man beat him. starve him. drive him; the Russian millions allow a maro handful of soldiers to hold thorn in slavery and these very soldiers aro their own sons and brothers! Taws are merelv restraints they have no other function. In civilized" countries they restrain all persons and restrain them all alike, which is fair and righteous; but in Russia such laws as exist make an exception our fam ily. We do as we please: we have done as we pleased for centuries. Our com mon trade has been crime, our com mon pastime murder, our common bev erage blood the blood of the Nation. Unon our heads He millions of mur ders. Yet the pious moralist says it is a crime to assassinate us. We and our uncles are a family of cobras set over 140,000,000 rabbits, whom wo torture and murder and feed upon all our days; yet the moralist urges that to kill us Is a crime, not a duty. There are 25.000,000 families in Rus sia. There is a man-child at every r,hr Vnee. If these were 25.000.000 natrlotic mothers they would teach these man-children daily, saying: "Remember this, take it to heart, live Dy it, aio ior if if Tieeessarv: that our oatriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete; that tho modern patriotism, the true patriotism, tho only rational patriotism, is loyalty tha nation all tha time, loyalty to tho government when It deserves It." With 25,000,000 taught and trained patriots in the lan'd a generation from now, my successor would think twice before, hs would butcher a thousand helpless, poor petitioners humbly begging ior ms iuna ness and justice, as I did the other day. (Reflective pause.) Well, perhaps I have been affected by these depressing news paper clippings which I found under my nlllow. I will read and ponder them again. ODD BITS OF OREGON LIFE. March's Mild Demeanor. Rainier Gazette. At.irrh came in like a lamb. or. rather, like a beautiful youth leading the blushing April to the altar of Sum mer, but with its masculine fickleness there Is no telling how it will go out but it's a cincn that no wont laiso April with him, and will probably leave her in tears after a stormy departure. The New Social Era Dawns Fossil Journal. A social country dance was given at Stant Demont's place Friday evening, which is pronounced by those present to have been tho best dance of tho kind they ever saw. There was not a drop of booze on tha premises, peace reigned, throughout, and as a natural conse quence every one had a grand good time. Innocent Bystander Escapes. Spray Courier. Some youths engaged In a mix-up on the street last Sunday evening and a shot was fired' whicli came very nearly killing an innocent person. No arrests were mado as it was learned that tho offender did not mean any harm. These gun plays aro apt to be prosecuted in tho future as the residents of the town are agreed that such performances must be stopped. Poetry on the Range. Mitchell News. Stockmen turn from their empty barns and vanished haystacks to tho brown hills to see it tho grass i3 coining, creeping, creeping everywhere. The lean cows and horses, that havo weathered tho Wintry blast, are leav ing the highlands and rimrocks for tha warm and sunny canyons, to nip the tender sprig3 of grass that are spring ing up on the alluvlar beds. She Observed the Amenities. Lakevlew Herald. Recently a young school girl called at the office to get some bristle board to be Used in an entertainment at school. Tho editor asked numerous questions about thO time and place of the entertainment, all of which the little lady answered. When she re turned to school she said to the-teacher: "Miss . that man at the print ing office asked me all kinds o ques tions about our entertainment, and don't you know, 1 wasn't well enough acquainted with him to tell him that it was none of his business." Adsum. Lippincott's. During the progress of the funeral train bearing General Sherman's remains to St. Louis after his death many pathetic episodes occurred to show tho love and reverence In which the great war hero was held. The most touching incident Occurred in the night. At about Z o'clock in the morn ing the train was rolling through tho open country. As It passed a small, Iso lated farmhouse the door opened and an old man, dressed In full uniform and hold ing a rusty musket at "present arms." appeared In the doorway. Alone, miles from any neighbors, and at a late hour of the night, he stood there, bareheaded, until the train had passed, ThU3 an old soldier paid last tribute to his General. Quid Pro Quo. Lipplncott'ft A small girl at dinner sat patiently through the various courses she was not allowed to eat. because she had been promised dessert- Tho dessert turned out to be "pie. which she was not allowed to have. A very small wedge of- It was put -upon .her plate, however, to- redeem the promise. She gazed at it a, moment, sighed, and said mournfully: All that for this!" Sure. Atchison Globe. Be sure you're right, and -then you will be wrong half the tlm " ,