THE MORNING OREGONIAN, TUESDAY, 'APRIL 5, 1904
(j$ Qm$wm
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TESTERDATS WEATHER Maximum tem
perature, 54 degrees; minimum temperature,
41 degrees. Precipitation, .00 of an inch.
TODAY'S WEATHER Partly cloudy with
probably showers; westerly winds.
PORTLAND, TUESDAY, APRIL 5, 1004.
PARKER'S GROWING STRENGTH.
One reason for the apparent Inevita
bility of New York's Instructions for
Parker Is given by our New York cor
respondent as a triumph for Hill over
Murphy. Another reason, according to
other authorities, Is the realisation on
Murphy's part that an unlnstructed
delegation would give Hearst a better
chance than one Instructed; for Murphy
doesn't want Hearst. His dalliance
with Hearst is explained on other
grounds than sincere friendship
grounds not so creditable to Murphy's
Ingenuousness, if more flattering to his
judgment. Murphy -would prefer an
unlnstructed delegation if he could feel
reasonably confident" of his ability to
swing it for Cleveland or McClellan;
but he Is willing to fall in with the in
struction programme now, as sin ex
treme protection against Hearst
"Were it not or the close affiliation of
Judge Parker with David B. Hill, the
accepted programme In New York
would be received with greater satisfac
tion, not only by the better class of
Democrats but also by the independent
voters, who would prefer Mr. Cleve
land, for example, to President Roose
velt. Such Is Mr. Hill's reputation that
a general belief In his strong influence
with Judge Parker or any other Demo
cratic nominee would injure that nomi
nee greatly in quarters whence Demo
cratic gains must come If any electoral
votes of moment are to be won for the
Democratic ticket in Northern States.
For this and other reasons, Judge Par
ker is strongly distrusted by ex-President
Cleveland and his friends. Neither
D. B. Hill nor any man representing
him can be elected President of the
United States.
In other respects Judge Parker's can
didacy seems to deserve the rapidly
growing strength It is acquiring both
North and South. Pre-eminent among
his qualifications Is the now no longer
concealed hostility of Mr. Bryan.
Everything that Bryan demands In a
candidate Is the most certain mark of
unfitness. And yet Judge Parker's
aloofness from the Internal Democratic
difficulties of 1896 and 1900 Is such as to
commend him to thousands of nominal
Bryanites who will join Bryan in repu
diating any proposal to discipline them
for staying with their party In those
two campaigns, but will part company
with him when he seeks to require pres
ent submission to him as the price of
nomination in 1904. Parker's strength
largely consists In his equal availabil
ity with the mass of Cleveland Demo
crats and the mass of Bryan Demo
crats. It Is probable that the great
majority of Democrats today would
welcome a nomination that offered to
unite the party on a medium ground,
unacceptable alike to the rule-or-ruin
Bryanites and to the rule-or-ruln Cleve
land coterie.
It has boon the view of many Demo
crats that the Hearst boom might result
in driving the St Louis convention to
Cleveland, as the only escape from
Hearst This is yet a possibility; but
it must bt owned that at present the
effect of the Hearst activity Is in an
other direction, that is, in the direction
Of Judge Parker. This is true In the
South as well as in New York. Those
Democrats who could be persuaded to
fly from Hearst to Cleveland but could
not be persuaded to fly from Hearst
to Parker are relatively few, compared
with those who would welcome any
man who, like Parker, seems fit to com
bine both wings of the party except the
extremists of either side. It is enough
for the moderate Bryanites to know
that Parker has not been identified with
the anti-Bryan propaganda -within
their party, and It, Is enough for the
moderate Cleveland partisans to know
that Parker is indorsed In such repu
table and trustworthy quarters as the
New York Times and Brooklyn Eagle.
Many a man has been nominated for
the Presidency and polled a satisfac
tory vote, even if deterred by chance
from election, whose prior career was
as modest as Judge Parker's has been
up to today. His career on the bench
and In politics seems to reflect nothing
but credit upon him, and Bryan's idea
that a Judge should be a howling
mountebank like himself will deceive no
one. Bryan would be the first to criti
cise Parker if he were to go about dis
gracing his official position by exhibits
in the art of demagogy. When Parker
ran for Surrogate of Ulster County in
1S77, he was the only Democrat elected,
his colleagues on the .ticket being de
feated by a Republican majority of
1000 votes. In 1897 Judge -Parker car
ried the state for Chief Justice of the
Court of Appeals by 60,000, notwith
standing a Republican majority of 268,
oaQ the previous year, and another of
17,000 the succeeding year. In 1884 he
assisted as delegate In the nomination
of Cleveland, and In 1885 he was chair
man of the Democratic executive com
mittee for the State of New Tork. He
would make a respectable candidate for
the Presidency, though probably an un
successful one, and present Indications
strongly point to his nomination.
A WARNING TO RAILROADS.
The unanimity with which the news
papers of Missouri and Kansas are
Jumping on Senator Burton, now that
ie has been convicted of accepting a
bribe, is certainly startling, in view of
the silence heretofore maintained con
cerning him and his methods. One
Kansas City paper calls upon all who
acquiesced In Burton's election to re
frain from censuring him now, and
while this stinging rebuke of everybody
concerned is doubtless merited, It will
not, of course, stay the united voice of
condemnation. A sample characteriza
tion of the disgraced Senator is con
tributed by "William Allen "White to the
Chicago Tribune, from which we cull
a few sentences:
He has no philosophy of ilfe. no horlron
beyond office brokerage.
When he retires from the Senate he will
-give up the ambition of a lifetime and a
great opportunity utterly frittered away.
He will go out of office poor in worldly
goods and si) 11 poorer in friends, and robbed
of hla good name, the only capital a man
may have, who begins life anew on the
shady side of the hill.
He has flourished and flaunted himself in
the eyes of his people; young men have seen
his wicked prosperity and have been misled
to believe that mere "smartness pays.
Yet by the miserable tragedy of his fall lie
has written for the whole Nation an object
lesson in the profitableness of decency and of
the simple life, with its simple, homely rules
of honesty and ita plain, wholesome Joys.
The general lesson that honesty Is
the best policy is diversified in Sena
tor Burton's case, however, by the
minor aspect his election presents
toward railroad activity In politics. He
was elected, it appears, through the ef
forts of railroad attorneys and lobby
ists. Mr. White's explanation of Bur
ton's rise to power is that railroad in
fluence elected him. The Rock Island,
the Santa Fe and the other Kansas
roads knew what sort of a -man Burton
was, and they wanted him because of
the record he had made. He was their
Ideal Senator. Orders were given to the
host of local railway attorneys in and
out of the Legislature to work for and
elect Burton, and they obeyed orders.
Burton's downfall, therefore, is a hu
miliation for the railroads that elected
him, and will encourage railroad men
like President Mohler and Attorney
Cotton, of the O. R. & N., who believe
that a railroad's duty to itself is done
when it protects itself from persecu
tion without attempting to enter poll
tics t6 control It and dictate nomina
tions. Here in Oregon no man has been
elected to the Senate because he was a
railroad man. In Washington, also, the
record so far is clear. Mr. Ankeny was
acceptable to the roads, because he was
a fair man, and so was Senator Foster.
In the coming Senatorial election the
railroads should be satisfied with any
one of several men who are known to
be reasonable In their views of corpora
tions. They would make a mistake to
try to elect a man just because he is
their choice. A leading cause of the
Republican party's difficulties In Ne
braska is the pernicious activity of D.
E. Thompson, a Burlington lobbyist, in
seeking a seat In the United States Sen
ate for himself.
A FAMILIAR EXCUSE.
Mr. Sully, for a brief space of time the
lordly bull of the New York cotton ring,
went down, so he says, because at a
critical moment he was unable to raise
$600,000 with which to continue the fight
This relatively Insignificant sum given
or loaned, he could have retired In due
course of manipulation many times a
v millionaire; lacking It, he was posted
as a deieated and broken man, and
later was given ruthlessly Into the
hands of a receiver. This is an old
story on 'change. It has its pathetic
side, too, though the knowledge that It
merely presents the. would-be biter as
the bitten has a tendency to dry up In
their fountain the tears that -wait the
requisition of sympathy.
The one exception, perhaps, to this
rule was found In the case of General
Grant, who In the role of speculator
which he assumed unwittingly found
himself suddenly face to face with ruin
In all that the word implies loss of for
tune, honor, and the respect and confi
dence of his fellow-countrymen. Blind
ly casting about for escape, he called
W. H. Vanderbilt from a dinner table
to ask his check for $150,000, only to find
later that the failure of his firm was In
evitable. The agony of spirit endured
by the old soldier and ex-President
when It was borne In uponhlm that he
had been made the prey and tool of an
unscrupulous man, though often dilated
upon In a friendly and pitying way, can
scarcely oe more than Imagined. It is
known, however, that the humiliation
and consequent depression of mind that
he suffered because of the turn of for
tune's wheel that carried his name and
credit down made it impossible for him
to meet an insidious disease with the
resistant power that alone could have
conquered it General Grant got the
sum he asked for only to find that it
was Inadequate to save his fortune,
while it added largely to his humilia
tion and anxiety, from the fact that It
was a personal obligation to a friend
which he was at the time unable to dis
charge.
Perhaps if Sully could have raised the
$600,000 which he says would have car
ried him beyond the danger point and
left the road to wealth open to him, he
would have found, as did General
Grant, that the money would merely
have been lost. In the maelstrom in
which he was struggling. He was car
rying on his books when he was forced
to assign some $36,000,000 worth of cot
ton contracts. The amount of credit at
the banks which this Involved was
enormous, and even with cotton as col
lateral the situation was unstable and
uncertain. Back of him were many
men who, while not known In the
transaction, had the credits at the
banks which carried the sum total.
Sully alone appeared In the deal. As
the situation became more demanding
from day to day,' more millions were
put up, until finally, as the grand
manipulator declares, he lost the game
for want of the $600,000 necessary for
a last throw.
The history of stock gambling does
not warrant the assumption that the
sum called for in vain would have
saved him had it been promptly forth
coming. "Only $600,000." This is an
Immense sum of money, but it is in
significant as compared with the total
amount involved. It is not probable
that It could have checked the pressure
of coming disaster any more than did
the $150,000 which represented the value
of the cheok drawn by Mr. Vanderbilt
in favor of General Grant, when the
firm for which his name and financial
honor stood tottered to its fall.
The "if" represented In this plea is
a prominent figure in the summing up
of disaster, defeat and disappointment
in every walk of life. If this man's
health had not failed, the world would
have learned much to Its profit through
the workings of his mind; If the cham
pion of the prizerlng could have held
out for one more round he .would not
have lost the belt; if his friends had not
played him false, the defeated candi
date would have won the coveted nomi
nation; if the politician could have
mustered a few more votes he would
have been elected; If the depositors had
not made a run upon the bank," or a
merchant had been able to secure a lit
tle more time, financial disaster wouhl
have been averted, and so on to the end
of a long chapter.
Synonym of disaster, this little word
"if" Is made the scapegoat of much of
which it Is innocent In point of fact
we know what has happened but we do
not know what" would have happened
"if" this had not We think in retro
spective bitterness that we see the gate
way whereby we could have escaped
failure, had it not closed upon our en
deavor at the critical moment The
story of failure prefaced by this little
word Is a long one. Invading every
realm of human effort; It is a sad one,
introducing every sort of calamity.
But who shall say that It does not after
all, Introduce as many happy alterna
tives that lead to success as those that
are sad and lead to failure?
MEN WHO HAVE CHANGED THEIR
NAMES.
In a recent list of famous men who,
from one cause or another, have had
their names changed; Is found that of
the father of Confederate Surgeon-General
Moore. He was a South Carolinian
and was graduated from West Point In
1827 under the name of Stephen W.
Moore. Later he changed his name to
Samuel W. West Moore, and still later
he combined the two last words and
was known as Samuel W. Westmore.
His son retained the family name, and
under the name of Samuel P. Moore
acquired distinction as Surgeon-General
of the Confederate Army. Gen
eral Grant's accidental change of name
is well known. The progenitors of
William J. Bryan were O'Briens or
O'Bryans In Kentucky not many years
ago. Alexander Stephens interpolated
"Hamilton" in his name and was known
to history as Alexander H. Stephens,
and Mr. Cleveland, for the sake of
brevity, or euphony, dropped the name
Stephen, which his fond parents be
stowed upon him as a "middle name,"
and Is known to the world as Grover
Cleveland only.
These are a few of the examples that
prove that a name, whether baptismal
or inherited, is not an arbitrary posses
sion, but one that can be dropped or
modified without even legislative per
mission, though prudent men frequently
seek this when it is desired to change
the. last name. While Jhe man who
changes his name Is sometimes looked
upon with suspicion. It Is a fact that it
requires great fortitude to carry through
life some of the names which events
or circumstances have inflicted upon
human beings. Most of the animal
names are of this class, and some of
them, when burdened with prefixes or
suffixes, are as ludicrous as that of
"Sitting Bull," "Standing Bear,"
"Young Man Afraid bf His Horse," and
otner familiar names of Indians. Some
of them, however, are Improved in this
way.
Mr. Calf, for example, has reason to
bless the ancestor who added dignity to
the family name by calling It "Metcalf."
Mr. Hog. perhaps did the best that he
could do without going back on his an
cestral name utterly when he added an
other letter to his name and stood forth
before the world as Mr. "Hogg." The
man born Bull did a good Job when he
began to write his name "Bullet," the
happy conception not changing the
fighting character of his patronymic
but rendering It slightly more euphoni
ous. Some sympathy Is due the afflict
ed man who endeavored to Improve
upon his name by writing It "PIggett"
or "PIggot" The man who was born
Slaughterhouse showed a decent regard
for posterity by dropping the first two
syllables of a name suggestive of much
that a person of quick sensibilities does
not care to remember.
None of these names or other names
that in the beginning meant something
are as trying, however, as combinations
of letters and sounds that mean noth
ing and must be carried as dead weight
by those upon whom In Innocent in
fancy they fell. It would be easy to
cite examples of this Infliction which
brave men and women and shrinking
children are bearing among us today.
But specification in this line would be
unkind. We can only assure those thus
oppressed of the generous sympathy of
considerate people and point to the ex
ample of great and good men who have
eased their posterity of the burden of
ludicrous names by simply discarding
them.
AMERICAN WHEAT NOT NEEDED.
The weekly wheat statistics bear a
decided similarity to their predecessors
for many months past That Is, they
reflect a decidedly strong situation at
home and an equally weak situation
abroad. This Is not corroborative evi
dence of that oft-repeated statement
that we have nothing to fear from the
foreigners in the way of a retaliatory
tariff on our breadstuffs because "they
must have our wheat and flour." Our
exports of wheat this season are about
,'50,000,000 bushels short of those of the
previous season to date, and the differ
ence is rapidly Increasing. The world's
shipments, as posted yesterday, showed
exports last week of 9,771,000 bushels
compared with 8,801,000 bushels for the
preceding week.
Of this amount, the United States,
the greatest wheat-producing Nation on
earth, contributed but 1,267,000 bushels,
while Russia, which we have been
promised for the past six weeks would
levy an export duty and keep her
wheat at home, was to the front with
shipments of over 2,000,000 bushels.
Argentina, which grows wheat cheaper
than the United States can ever hope
to, fell short of the previous week by
about 300,000 bushels, but was still in
evidence with shipments of 3,040,000
bushels, and a strike on at the same
time. Diminutive Australia, just emerg
ing from a seven years' famine, was
well up toward the American ship
ments with 1,016,000 bushels, and In
dia, where the famine never ceases,
shipped 1,208,000 bushels, the Danublan
ports, with 1,192,000 bushels, contribut
ing the remainder. These figures show
pretty conclusively that while we may
strut around and swagger about having
the foreign wheatbuyer at. our mercy,
he Is quietly buying his supplies from
countries that are willing to sell a good
deal cheaper than we can afford to so
long as we have a short crop and a big
demand at home.
If we could so regulate matters that
we could do our little bragging about
our independence only on these short
crop years, the foreigners might con
tinue to buy liberally when we have
more than we need at home and still
feel no need of levying a duty, which
they will do sooner or later if. the rest
of the world continues to turn off good
crops and sell them at low prices. In
addition to the bearishness conveyed by
the statement of world's shipments,
there was an increase of over 2,000,000
bushels In the quantities on passage.
This foreign weakness was partially
offset In this country by another liberal
decrease in the American visible, which
reduced that stock to 31,727,000 bush
els, bringing it down to within 1,600,000
bushels of the amount In sight in 189S,
when it later in the season faded away
to the smallest proportions on record.
Prices declined over a cent In Chicago,
and the Liverpool markets, which have
been closed for three days, will un
doubtedly display becoming weakness
when they open tomorrow.
Until there Is something very much
more bullish in the foreign-situation the
outlook for high prices next season Is
not so bright as it might be, but so long
as stocks are so light in America and
farmers so firmly Imbued with the be
lief that America can work along Inde
pendent of all other nations, prices in
our markets will remain well above a
parity with those of the rest of the
world.
Surprising stories and rumors, the
natural accompaniment of a United
State Senatorial campaign In the
Evergreen State, are coming out of the
badly mixed political situation in the
State of Washington much earlier than
usual. The most remarkable of these
stories Is that regarding an alleged
combination between Governor McBrlde
and George Stevenson, the respective
leaders of the anti-railroad and railroad
forces. This combination, if It has been
effected, reflects no credit on either
man, and will weaken the strength of
both with their respective followlngs.
Of the two men, however, Stevenson
has the most to lose, for the reason
that the attitude of McBrlde toward
the railroads during the Rogers admin
istration has since made his sincerity
In the antl-rallroad flght, a matter of
question, while Stevenson's uncom
promising loyalty to the railroads has
never before been questioned. As a
member of the last Territorial Legis
lature the Constitutional Convention
and the first State Legislature, and
subsequently as a lobbyist and politi
cal organizer, Stevenson has always
been thoroughly consistent in his atti
tude, and for him to make a tie-up at
this late date with an antagonist less
noted for consistency will harm him
more than it will McBrlde. The deal, if
it has been made, will In all probabil
ity mark the beginning of the end of
Mr. Sam Piles' Senatorial boom, al
though It Is extremely doubtful If It
could have attained great proportions
even had this combination not been ef
fected. Washington Is essentially a
railroad state. She owes her greatness
to the enterprise of the railroads, and
her population return the compliment
by voting the railroad ticket The next
Senator, like all of his predecessors, will
be friendly to the railroads. Mr. Piles
has this qualification, but he has need
lessly antagonized influential men high
in railroad councils, and they will pun
ish him by electing a man equally
friendly to their Interests, and more
diplomatic
The Oregonlan believes that It voices
the unanimous feeling of Portland's
business community In tendering to Mr.
Mohler sincere regret at his departure
from the scene of so many years of
faithful and efficient work. As he
leaves the presidency of the O. R. &
N. to assume the post of vice-president
and general manager of the Union Pa
cific, he carries with him not only the
esteem but the affection of great num
bers all over Oregon, Washington and
Idaho, who have admired his fine tal
ents, appreciated his loyalty to the ter
ritory served by his road, sympathized
with him in his recent touching be
reavements, and now rejoice at his
well-merited advancement We bespeak
for him the confidence and co-operation
of the people whither he goes, and on
behalf of this city and the surround
ing region we tender to his successor
the same support and cordiality always
entertained for Mr. Mohler.
The straits to which Democratic Na
tional leaders are driven In the search
for Presidential timber Is thus outlined:
"Nominate Hearst, defy the trusts, and
Mr. Hearst will see that $1,500,000 Is
furnished to the Democratic National
Committee as a working fund. Nomi
nate Parker, Cleveland. Gray, Olney
or any other conservative man, and the
party will be forced to go to the trusts
for campaign funds and Roosevelt will
win easily." In this strait betwixt the
two the harried committee hesitates,
afraid either to fish or cut bait
Judge Charles Swayne, of the United
States Court of Florida, Is threatened
with Impeachment The charges against
him Include those of being absent from
his circuit, being a nonresident of his
district, Imprisoning a lawyer in con
tempt proceedings, imprisoning the son
of a litigant also for contempt of
court and refusing to hear a certain
witness in a case before him, alleging
that he would not believe the witness
under oath. It Is strange how finical
some people are!
The Portland baseball team Is well
on the road with a duplicate of last
year's "hard luck" story. Already, thu3
early In the season, the recital has
grown tiresome. The thought of Its
running on and on until November
would be appalling but for the fact
that few people, after a time, will pay
any attention to it
It Is a very fortunate Republican
County Convention that leaves no sore
spots except in the Democratic party.
When the Democrats are dissatisfied
with a Republican ticket the outlook is
good for success.
Senator Carmack's Views.
Nashville (Tenn.) Banner (Dem.)
We agree with Mr. Carmack that the
nomination of Mr. Hearst would certainly
demorallzc and defeat the party, but we
hardly think that the nomination of Mr.
Cleveland would be demoralizing j in any
hurtful sense. But we do not expect Mr.
Cleveland to be nominated, although such
a result Is not Impossible, and there arc
many Democrats who believe he is tho
only man who would have a good chance
of election. Should Judge Parker, Mr.
Carmack's favorite, be the nominee, the
Democrats -would have a good, safe man
to rally around, and the Senator would
not be hampered in his efforts to help
elect a Democratic President,
WINSTON THE WIT.
The death of Colonel Patrick Henry
Winston at Spokane Sunday removes one
of the mosY Interesting and brilliant wits
that ever scintillated in the West While
the eloquent Southerner will long bo re
membered by all classes of people with
wrora he came In contact, he will espe
cially be missed by the politicians and
newspaper men who have been regular at
tendants at the state conventions and
legislative sessions since Washington be
came a state. The Washington politicians
are a strenuous lot and find pretty steady
employment In putting up jobs on each
other, but seldom have they ever been
too busy to stop and listen to one of
Colonel Winston's famous epigramatlc
monologues or stories. He was possessed
of an unfailing fund of wit and humor
and his presence at any kind of gathering
was positive assurance that there would
be some life In the proceedings. "Win
ston's stories" would fill many volumes
and they were all good and always fit
ted the occasion. He was In attendance
at nearly all of the big Senatorial fights
In the state of Washington, and he al
ways found plenty of targets for his ra
pier thrusts of wit
At one of these contests a number of
years ago. the colonel was pulling hard
for one of the "under dogs" in the flght.
and day after day assured the newspaper
menthat his candidate would surely win
out although one of the opposing candi
dates was charged with making heavy
drafts on a "barrel." When the end came
and the forces of Colonel Winston's candi
date went over to the enemy he was
playfully chlded by a newspaper man for
losing his fight The reproach was not
very gracefully received, and with a string
of profanity modulated with the Cojonel's
inimitable Southern accent, he said:
"Beat? Of course we got beat How la
the blankety blank nation do you expect
to beat six millions of money with a
pitcher of Ice water? You might do it
If the contest was pulled off In Hades, but
you'll never do It In Olympla."
The Colonel was still feeling sore over
his defeat a day later, when he departed
for Seattle. He was approached on the
depot platform at Olympla and asked
Where he was going. "Temporarily,'' re
sponded the Colonel with dignity mixed
with bitterness, "I am going to Seattle.
From there I will return to South Caro
lina. I can stand it to live awhile with
these political scrubs, but when I die, I
want to be in a land where I am assured
that on resurrection day I will go up
with gentlemen." As a stump speaker,
Co'lonel Winston was a decided success,
and his work In the Populistic campaign
of 1S9G contributed in a large degree to
the success of the ticket He was not
sparing In his criticism of the new party
with which he was temporarily affiliated
and told many humorous stories at the
expense of the middle-of-the-roaders.
On one occasion, while making a speech at
a Palouse town he drew a vivid word pic
ture of the woes that, had resulted from
Republican rule In the country and fol
lowed It with one which showed up the
Democrats In an equally unfavorable
light He spoke In eloquent terms of tho
doom that awaited the country under the
administration of either of the old parties,
and after a glittering climax, said:
"Ladles and gentlemen, there Is no re
lief, absolutely no relief." This perora
tion was so unexpected that the audience
sat dumfounded. They had fully ex
pected the Colohel to suggest as a means
of escape, the voting of the Populist
ticket After giving the dead silence
which followed time to soak In. the Col
onel arose and told a story running -about
as follows:
A number of years ago I visited an Insane
asylum In the South, and through the courtesy
of an attendant was shown through the dif
ferent wards. In the first we found a class
of lunatics so violent that most of them
were strapped in padded cells and were at
tended by numerous guards. In the next
ward the Inmates were less violent and at
tendants were fewer. Thus It continued until
Anally we visited a large, well-lighted apart
ment, opening out on a lawn. Here were
numerous well-dressod individuals strolling
about, apparently with no restraint whatever.
I cautiously asked one of them If his mind
was affected, and he promptly answered that
it was not. but that people thought it was
and kept him shut up. "But." said I, "there
seems to be no restraint on you, the doors
are open at that end. there is a low window
over in the corner, and there is even a ladder
standing against the wall."
"Oh, yes, I understand," said the lunatic,
"but you see that little fellow over under
the tree. He Is watching us."
I suggested that It would be an insignificant
task for such a large number of men to over
power that one lone man and escape that
way, if they did not wish to take advantage
of the other openings to freedom. "Now
there is where all the trouble lies," said the
lunatic "We have talked this matter over
a thousand times, and we never can agree.
Some of us want to go out through tho open
window, others want to make a break through
the end doors, still another faction will listen
to nothing else but taking the ladder, and
still others Insist that we overpower the guard
and escape in that way. It is simply jno
use. we can never agree and our caee Is
hopeless."
Again the Colonel paused for a mo
ment and then very Impressively said:
"Ladles and gentlemen, those darn
lunatics are down there yet."
About a year ago Colonel Winston
started a weekly paper In Spokane, and
like all of the Colonel's utterances
It was distinctly Wlnstonian. He took
the part of a free lance in politics
and has been especially severe In his
criticism of the railroads. The last Issue
of his paper, which appeared Saturday,
contained a very severe criticism of the
Insincerity of Gvernor McBrlde, When
the Governor was In Spokane a few days
before, he was Interviewed by a Review
reporter and made a very lame attempt
to explain his attitude on the commis
sion bill which he attempted to defeat
during the Rogers administration in or
der that a bill placing the appointing
power In the hands of the Lieutenant
Governor and two others could be passed.
Governor McBrlde's excuse was so "fishy"
that he was handled as follow by Col
onel Winston:
Senator Tolman Introduced a bill in the
Senate providing for a railroad commission,
to be appointed by the Governor. What did
McBrlde, the presiding officer of the Senate,
do? Did he pull off hla coat and go to work
for the bill, like an honest advocate of it
would do? Not at all. On the contrary,
he camo to the conclusion that the Senate,
being Republican, would not pass a commis
sion bill giving a Democratic Governor power
to appoint a commission.
Why didn't he try the Senate, and see what
It would do before coming to this conclusion?
Instead of saying to his Republican
friends: "Tojman'a bill is all right. Let's
get In and do all we can for It," he pro
ceeded to get up another commission bill,
exactly like Tolman's except that it vested
the power to appoint the Commissioners In a
board to be composed of the Lieutenant Gov
ernorthat Is McBrlde tho Auditor and tho
Governor.
This narrow and partisan attempt to con
stitute a MoBrlde railroad oligarchy was not
only an Insult to the Governor of the etate,
but to every Democrat in the Legislature,
and Its effect was to Instantly divide the
frtende of a railroad Commission into two
opposing factions, while the railroad forces
were presenting a solid front. At a time
when unity among the friends of a commis
sion was an absolute essential to success,
McBrlde threw a flrebrand into the camp in
the shape of a bill to give him the right to
appoint the Commission. Of course his bill
was rejected, as it ought to have been. It
took from the Governor the appointing power,
where the constitution places It. and vested
It in the hands of McBrlde & Co. The very
moment McBrlde's bill was given the prece
dencethe right of way In the Senate, all
chance of passing any Commission bill was
lost.
How then can he say that he never opposed
a bill giving the Governor power to appoint
the Commission? He is condemned, not only
by the record, but out of his own mouth. This
Is the reason that while the voters of this
county prefer him for Governor to a railroad
henchman pure and simple, there is no en
thusiasm for him.
They take him like little Johnny said, when
he told tne stranger that his Uncle BUI was
In the kitchen hugging the cook:
"That's bad,'! said the stranger. "Tes,"
replied Johnny, "It's bad. but it's the best
be can do."
Winston's Weekly was a pretty ac
curate reflex of the man whose name It
bore and It was certainly Independent
with a capital I. Among other numer
ous articles bearing the Winston Im
print, there appeared in the last issue
the following:
Wo regret to 3ay that we do not receive
as many suggestions how to run Winston's
Weekly as we used to.
When It started we could hardly move
around so thick were the suggestions. Then
they began to fall off. and sad to relate they
have continued to do so until now it Is really
refreshing to "get one.
The fact that we never followed a single
one, and never Intend to. will not. we trust,
deter those whose interest In our welfare
prompts them to make them from doing so.
The last one we got we came very near
adopting. It was to say something once In
favor of somebody. We certainly would have
adopted it. if It had been accompanied by a
suggestion of the "somebody" entitled to con
sideration at the hands of an Independent,
honest journal. As It was, we were com
pelled to do as old Mrs. Spellings down in
Nprth Carolina did when "Clarky." her
servant, brought In a dish on which was a
broiled chicken:
"Here." said Clarky, "is a chicken Mrs.
Webb sent you."
"Did she send anything to go with it?"
asked Mrs. Spelling.
"No. marm," replied Clarky.
"Then take It back." said Mrs. Spelling.
The Lone Fish-Bail.
Boston Transcript
"The Lone Fish-Ball" is said to have
been written by Professor Lane, of Har
vard. This statement Is made by Professor
Norton in the introduction to one of the
reprints of the Caxton Club, of Chicago.
where the song Is called "The Lay of the
Lone Flsh-Ball." The version here given
Is from "Songs of tho Eastern Colleges."
compiled by Robert W. Atkinson, of Har
vard, and Ernest Carter, of Princeton, In
which it Was printed at the special request
of several Harvard alumni.
There was a man went up and down
To seek a dinner through the town.
What wretch is he who wife forsakes.
Who best of Jam and waffles makes?
He feels his cash to know his pence,
And finds he has but Just six cents.
He finds at last a right cheap place.
And ontera In with modest face.
The bill of fare he searches through,
To see what his six cents will do.
The cheapest viand of them all
Is "Twelve and a half cents for two Fish
balls." The waiter he to him doth call,
And gently whispers: "One Fish-ball."
The waiter roara it through the hall.
The guests they start at "One Fish-ball!"
The guest then says. Quite ill at ease,
"A piece of bread, sir. If you please."
The waiter roars it through the hall,
"We don't give bread with one Fish-ball!"
MORAL.
Who would have bread with his Fish-ball,
Must get it first, or not at all.
Who would Fish-ball with flxln's eat.
Must get some friend to stand a treat.
Yet They May Get It.
Minneapolis Tribune.
The New York papers bring a rational
explanation of the reported differences
between the Great Northern and Union
Pacific interests as to the distribution of
Northern Securities stock. It is said that
agreement upon the plan adopted was
unanimous In a conference where the
Union Pacific and allied banking Inter
ests were fully represented. The only
question that has arisen since is a legal
question. The Union Pacific people re
ceived Northern Securities stock for their
Northern Pacific stock. They have de
posited this Northern Securities stock
with a subsidiary company, the Oregon
Short Line. This Issued bonds upon them,
which wree sold to the Equitable Trust
Company as trustee. Now the directors
of the Oregon Short Line and of the
Equitable Trust Company want to be
satisfied that they can accept ratable
propositions of Northern Pacific and
Great Northern stock for this Northern
Securities stock on deposit, without ex
posing the security for the bonds to at
tack. They are taking legal advice on
this question. After the experience of the
Northern Securities Company with the
legal advice of expensive counsel, they
may decline to make "the exchange with
out an order of the Supreme Court affirm
ing Its legality.
Twain Was In Line.
New York Press.
Mark Twain and W. D. Howells were
one day lunching In a cafe in New York.
Two overdressed young men entered
and the first said in a loud voice:
"Walter, bring me some bisque of lob
ster, a bottle of white wine and a chop.
Just mention my name to the cook, too,
so that everything will be done to my
liking."
The second young man said:
"Bring me some sole with peas, and
tell the cook who It is for."
Mr. Twain gave hl3 order a moment
later. He said, with a wink at his com
panion:
"Bring me a half dozen oysters, and
mention my name to each of them."
The Texas Vernacular.
Philadelphia Press.
"Have you ever been in Texas?"
The man who thus inquired had very
evidently been there. Ho proceeded:
"You know they speak what Is almost
a language of their own down there.
Here's an example:
"A little girl went Into a rural grocery
store.
" 'Ain't you got no egg3?' she asked.
"'L ain't said I ain't!' replied the store
keeper. " 'Well, responded the girl, 'I ain't ast
you Is you ain't. I ast you ain't you is.
Is you?' "
Hearst In Georgia Papers.
Monticello Courier.
The Hearst bubble seems to be busted
In Georgia.
Cairo Messenger."
Hearst's boom In Georgia seems to have
gone glimmering.
Waynesboro True Citizen.
Some papers have put it down that
Hearst is an impossibility without having
said a word to Bryan on this subject.
Had a Hot Time.
The Outlook.
Two church workers from a small town
came to New York on a slum hunt, and
were more than satisfied. One of them
was asked by a friend on her return
where she and her husband had been.
"In the slums of New York for a day
and a night." she answered, enthus
iastically. "My dear. It was hell upon
earth. We had a splendid time!"
Red Oak as Arbiter.
Anderson, S. C, Mall.
Some citizens of Red Oak. la., have
passed resolutions Indorsing Hearst The
people of Red Oak are not good judges
of Presidential timber.
A Farewell.
Charles Klngsley.
My fairest child. I have no song to give you;
No lark could pipe to skies so dull and
gray;
Tot, ere we part, one lesson I can leave you
For every day.
Be good, sweet maid, and let who will be
clever;
Do noble things, not dream them, all day
long:
And so make life, death, and that vast for
ever . One. grand, sweet song..
NOTE AXD COMMENT.
Kim Ka Jin has been made the Corean
Secretary of State. Sounds like a ragtime
fragment
Lou Cohen has been having soma re
pairs made at Recreation Park, prepara
tory to the opening of the ball season,
says the Seattle Argus.
Two kids, of the tough order, were
coming down town after having been out
to Inspect the grounds.
"Say, Red," exclaimed one of them,
"are you going to take in der games dls
year?"
"Naw," was the disgusted reply, "some
bloke has nailed er slat over my seasoa
pass."
Mayor Weaver, of Philadelphia, has an
invaluable secretary, who furnishes his
boss with Jokes suitable to each occasion
on which a speech is required from the
city's head. This should prove a hint
to young men hesitating over the selection
of a career. Study Joe Miller and the dime
compilations of toasts, and become mu
nicipal funmaker. it may be. however,
that the Jump should not be taken without
a previous look. The market for such
jokes may be too weak for profit Mayor
Weaver, it must not be forgotten, is by
birth an Englishman.
A man went to a nose and throat
specialist the other day to have his cold
cured, says the Saturday Evening Post
As he was paying a not small sum for
the first treatment he said: "How long
does It take you to euro a cold?"
"Three weeks," said the specialist.
"And how long would It take me to get
well If I didn't come to you?" asked tho
alarmed patient.
"Twenty-one days," said the specialist
And It wasn't until the patient was half
way home that he suddenly stopped and
wondered whether he ought to laugh or
get angry.
Mrs. Jaffray, the wife of a British
army officer, was born in Now York and
shows her devotion to America. If wo
are to credit the New York Press, by
having all her ball dresses made of
red, white and blue. The skirt Is usu
ally arranged in red and white panels
with stars scattered around the top
sides. As Mrs. Jaffray Is described by
tho Press as looking "statuesque In her
stars and stripes," It would appear that
she finds her costume becoming. If it
made her look like a busted flush we
would place more faith in it as a proof
of her devotion to the United States.
The man that Invented the word
"knocker" did more harm than any other
person of his generation. Let any one
offer the least criticism, and straightway
he's damned by the single epithet
"knocker." Let anyone make a sugges
tion for the betterment of an institu
tion, of a political party, of a baseball
team call him a "knocker" and have
done with It Had the word been known
In apostolic times, Paul had been
squelched with the one word "knocker."
Luther might have dropped his hammer
and have let the wind blow his thesis
through the gutter had tho word "knock
er" been deftly used by the church.
There is no advancement without knock
ing of some kind.
"During one of my visits through the
country districts," said tho professor In
the Philadelphia Press, "I happened to
reach a small village where they were to
have a flag-raising at the schoolhouse.
After the banner had been 'flung to the
breeze. the teacher recited to them the
'Lanulng of the Pilgrims." and requested
each pupil to draw from his or her Im
agination a picture of Plymouth Rock.
"Most of them went to work at once,
but one little fellow hesitated and at
length raised his hand.
"'Well, Willie, what Is It?' asked the
teacher.
" 'Please, ma'am, do you want us to
draw a hen or a rooster?' "
Many times has the pitiable case of
the Japanese been proclaimed to the
world, and universal sympathy has gone
out to the little men that have no cuss
words In their language. "Sympathy
without relief Is like mustard without
beef," however, and the Japanese them
selves had to cast about for the beef of
an effective word. The numerous British
sailors in their ports gave the little brown
men their opportunity, and the London
Daily Chronicle Is authority for tho state
ment that an endearing expression fre
quently used by the bluejackets is now
used by the Japanese to designate all
foreign sailors. "Damnyoureyes san" Is
how the Japenese address the frolicking
tar. the "san" being equivalent to "hon
orable." "O honorable damnyoureyes" Is
Indeed a happy combination of Oriental
politeness and Occidental familiarity.
OUT OF THE GINGER JAR.
Hiram Maria, this paper eald the Russians
retired in confusion. Maria Does it say how
they slept? Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
He I don't see why you shouldn't believe
that you are the only girl I over loved. She
Why; did all the other girls believe it? Judge.
He Her complexion is Just like strawberries
and cream. Isn't it? She It Is something Ilka
strawberrte's; It comes In a box. Philadelphia
Ledger.
"Do you know anything about the Mormons,
Tommy?" asked the teacher. "Tes'ra." re
piled the boy. "With the Mormons a wife is
sometimes twins." Chicago Post.
Mrs. Breezy The impudence of that woman!
How did she know that my husband would
flirt with her? Mrs. Lakefront From past ex
perience. She was his wife several years ago.
Judge.
"So they call your country the land of tho
morning calm?" "They used to call it that.'
answered the Emperor of Corea. "But this
artillery they've been turning loose is worse
than any alarm clock ever Invented." Wash
ington Star.
He But, really, don't you think if it came
to a pinch your father would help me out?
She (versed In the slang of the day) If it came
to a. pinch he might ball you out. Clevelanl
Plain Dealer.
Giles Congress could settle this woman's
suffrage business in short order if it was to go
about It in the right way. Miles How? Giles
By enacting a law compelling women to
vote. Then they wouldn't want to. Chicago
News.
"He has whipped me three times," said the
Boston boy. "And now what do you intend to
do?" the sympathetic neighbor Inquired. "I
have proposed that we submit our difference
to arbitration," the Boston boy replied. Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
Postmaster Tes, sir. an that married Mrs.
Fresh was watching me with one eye an flirt
ing with Zcke Crossby's hired man with the.
other. Farmer Ryetop Do tell! I swan, theso
postofflce scandals are getting worse every
day. Philadelphia Telegraph.
"You should be willing to give everything for
art." "I guess that's right. I've noticed that
the people who talk most about giving every
thing for art usually end up by insisting that
art shall give everything for them, with a few
thousands thrown In by the general public."
Chicago Post.
Miss Sheen Where did you graduate from,
Mr. Gill? Mr. Gill From the School of Phar
macy. Miss Skeen (with surprise) Is It poa-
iman t
ber rl
too. I
sioie; inm a airange cnoice tor a. roanr
man brought up In the city! But if I reraern-
rlghtly, your grandfather wa3 a farmer.
Kama Horn.