THE MORNING OREGONIAN. WEDNESDAY, AT 37, 1905.
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PORTLATCD, WEDNESDAY, MAY 27.
THE REFERENDUM JfOT A FAILURE.
Impatience with the referendum,
aroused by the menace to the Lewis
and Clark Centennial, was so unre
strainedly indulged here in Oregon in
April and the first part of May that
the country at large is in danger of
forming an Incorrect impression of that
amendment to the Oregon constitution.
A careless utterance of a "Washington
State paper, for example, leads the New
York Evening Postto the conclusion that
the referendum Is. .a "flat failure," and
that "it is always a dead letter unless
somebody wants to use it for improper
purposes."
Oregon was pretty badly scared, it is
true, when the referendum was invoked
for three undesirable obstructive vetoes
on acts of the recent legislative session.
But The Oregonlan, at least, offered re
assurance while the panic was at its
height, and expressed a confidence in
the popular Judgment which the sequel
has abundantly justified. The referen-
dum was, it is true, invoked for -lm-'
proper purposes, but it was proven to
be a dead letter in exactly that case
rather than the opposite, and its insur
ance qualities were left unimpaired by
the fact that lhe three petitions in
question failed to receive the number
of signatures requisite to bring the
challenged measures before a vote of
the people. The result may be accept
ed everywhere, as it Is In Oregon, as a
fresh testimonial to the wisdom and
safety of popular government.
The referendum stands accordingly as
a safeguard in the people's hands
against pernicious acts of an unworthy
Legislature and a conniving Governor.
Any hope of using it as an instrument
pf Improper purposes must be infinitesi
mal, after the late severe test, in which
powerful interests corporations In one
case ' and labor organizations in the
other conspicuously failed in their at
tempt to invoke the plebiscite by widely
Circulated and strenuously urged peti
tions. The amendment is the stronger
for its trial; and while it is likely to
remain a dead letter except in its op
eration as a potential check on legis
lative misconduct, it may yet have a
day of abundant triumph in actual em
ployment to defeat a pernicious law.
Efforts to bring government nearer to
the people, as the National convention
system has brought our Presidential
elections, are not to be condemned off
hand. Hardly a Legislature in the land
adjourns without some specific acts
being submitted to a referendum. It
Js not a violent extension of this recog
nized and approved practice to codify
It for instant use In. any emergency on
demand.
A PROMISING EXPERIMENT.
A scheme to hire household servants
by the hour is being evolved from the
perplexed brains of Boston women
whose wrestle with the servant-girl
problem has made them fertile in ex
pedients. The experiment is promising
from the fact that girls are first to be
trained for the service required in a
school established for that purpose. A
certificate of competence in the branch
of housework for which she makes ap
plication to work by the hour will be
necessary In order for a woman to se
cure work at the wage rate hereafter to
be agreed upon. The course of instruc
tion covers ironing, cleaning, cooking
trad sewing.
This feature, as before said, makes
the plan a promising one. It brings
housework up to the plane of skilled
labor (where, if competently performed,
it certainly should be), and insures In
its performance the respect and confi
dence of employers as well as the self
respect of the workers. It promises to
housemaids the coveted boon of "time
of their own," and makes the hours for
which they receive pay belong without
reservation to their employers..
Some kinds of work, as window
washing, general housecleanlng, wash
ing and ironing, are now being done in
this city "by the hour," the minimum
rate for capable women being 15 cents.
So far as observed, the plan is satis
factory to all concerned, providing the
worker understands what she is hired
to. do. It would be difficult, of course,
to extend this system to the more mi
nute details of housekeeping, and espe
cially to cooking. Hence the experi
ment in Boston, as being systcmized
upon the basis of thorough preparation
for the work required, will be hatched
with Interest by the great multitude of
Intelligent American housewives.
'The German''government is engaged
in carrying out a plan for the purchase
of the six large private railroads re
maining in Prussia, and when this op-
eratlon is completed the Prussian. Min
ister of Railroads and Public "Works
will be In complete control of the rail
ways of the state. Our American Con
sul -General at Berlin reports to our
Secretary of State that state ownership
and operation, from a financial stand
point, has been an unquestionable suc
cess. In 1890 the revenues of the state
railways exceeded 'expenditures by 501,
000.000 marks t?119.238,000), and this sur
plus increased to 751,000,000 marks
($178,738,000) in 1899. The state roads,
under public management, show In
creased speed, the frequency of service
is Increased, and the accommodations
for passengers Improved. The run from
Berlin to Frankfort has- been reduced
within a few years from fourteen to
nine hours, and prizes are being of
fered for the best designs of locomo
tives and cars for a 75-miles-an-hour
service of small hourly trains to run
between the principal German cities in
place of a service now generally limit
ed to four large expresses a day.
BRYAN'S LITTLE GAME.
Mr. Bryan, having commended Judge
Parker to the Democrats of New York,
and Tom L. Johnson to the Democrats
of Ohio, now turns his attention to the
South, and asks an Interviewer: "What
do you say to Judge "Walter Clark, of
North Carolina?" These castings about
of the late Defeated are entirely too
frequent to be anything but systematic.
They are part of a programme distinct
ly formulated in the boyoratorlcal
mind. "What might that programme be?
In the first place, Mr. Bryan may fig
ure that if he can get some eminent
nobody or great unknown nominated
for President in 1904, the ensuing defeat
will cause the party to turn to himself
again In 190S. But what Is far more
likely is that Bryan hopes to see so
many candidates at next year's con
vention, and such hopeless dissension
among them, that he will himself be
the only man upon whom all can agree.
"Next time" is not the day of salvation
with the general run of ambitious
statesmen. The modest self-effacement
of Mr. Bryan Justifies the view that the
best year for him to run again is In
1901
'This Is the same old game which the
bosses tried to work on McKInley at St
Louis in 1896, and which Messrs. -Hanna,
Piatt et Id omne are setting up now on
President Roosevelt. Its success under
the most favorable conditions Is ex
tremely Improbable. "When the favor
ite sons develop their unavailability
beyond peradventure, they are not al
ways able to control their disgusted
delegations, and even if they are. some
times the favorite sons do not center
their support on the author of their Ill
starred undertakings. Because Mr.
Bryan promotes Parker in New York,
Johnson in Ohio and Clark In North
Carolina is not an all-sufficient reason
why the second choice of all these
states should be Bryan. The young
Lochlnvar may be a daring rider, but
there are some politicians in the party
who have forgotten more than he ever
knew about the manipulation of Na
tional conventions. You cannot crucify
a party on a cross of 16 to 1 more than
about once In a million years.
"We can tell Mr. Bryan, If he has not
already divined It from expressions
given him at first hand, that he is
tempting fortune too far. He reckons
without the ambitions of the rank and
file of Democrats when he undertakes
to add to the role of disturber of the
Democratic peace that of obstructor of
Democratic success. He sadly mis
Judges the brains of the party if he
thinks It will submit indefinitely to his
assumption that his crazy silver and
socialistic propaganda of 1896 are the
time-honored ''principles" of Jefferson
and Jackson.
BETWEEN TWO FIRES.
"With Mr. Harrlman steadily reduc
ing the railroad mileage under hlB con
trol by the sale of branches and con
nections wherever some other road
wishes to enter, it Is hardly probable
that he is seeking to secure the Co
lumbia River & Northern. Mr. Harrl
man has much less to fear from this
new road than has the Northern Pa
cific The O. R. & N. has received only
a limited amount of business from the
route traversed by the Columbia &
Northern, for the simple reason that
it made no effort to develop or encour
age development In that region. The
Columbia River will prevent the line
crossing back Into the Oregon territory
of the O. R. & N., but to the east and
north great possibilities await Its ex
tension. As the Northern Pacific and
its close ally, the Great Northern, are
now in undisputed possession of that
rich territory, any uneasiness over the
encroachments of the new road would
quite naturally come from them.
The predominant feature of Mr. Har
rlman's policy on the Pacific Coast
seems to be a persistent effort to divert
everything possible to San Francisco
and to make no attempt to reach out
for new traffic in the Northwest This
failure to aid Portland and Oregon in
securing what rightfully belongs to
them Is explainable, perhaps, by the
fact that any increased development In
Oregon and "Washington, except on the
line of the Southern Pacific, would not
aid the Harrlman properties centering
in San Francisco. The Northern Pa
cific, on the contrary. Is directly inter
ested In the development of Oregon,
"Washington and Idaho. The business
of these three states may be of small
consequence to Mr. Harrlman, but It
has a value for the Northern Pacific
The wheat, flour and lumber business
of these states is the foundation on
which the Oriental trade has been
built and on this foundation It will rest
for many a year. Mr. Harrlman can
not take this trade to San Francisco,
and he does not handle it properly from
Portland. This leaves it at the mercy
of the Northern Pacific or the people
of Portland.
"We have no favors to expect from an
alien road like the Northern Pacific or
the Great Northern, but with a few
roads like the Columbia Northern, built
Independent of the big roads or their
influences, we can bring down to tide
water at Portland a traffic of such pro
portions that the owners of ships en
gaged in the trans-Pacific business will
gladly send their ships to our wharves.
Portland needs no overland freight to
fill her steamers for the far East, and
the Puget Sound lines of Hill and Mel
len are compelled to continue their In
vasion of Portland territory in order to
secure cargo for their steamers. It is
here, and not In the East, that the traf
fic which supplies big cargoes origi
nates. The Pacific Northwest produces the
commodities of which the Orient is
most In need, and our close proximity
to the far East should give us an ad
vantage which no railroad combination
should be permitted to take away from
us. If the Columbia River & North
ern falls into the hands of the Hill-Mel-
Jen people, millers and wheatgrowers in
this territory must market their sur
plus products in Europe, while the more
-profitable Oriental trade Is delivered to
the Eastern shippers by a discrimina
tory through rate. The present impor
tance of the Columbia Northern is. not
a serious menace to Northern Pacific
supremacy on ' the north bank of the.
Columbia, but the road is headed for
a territory from which the big road
annually hauls an Immense amount of
freight, and all of the advantage of
grades and distances to tidewater are
in its favor.
"With the Hill roads straining every
effort to pull business to the north, and
the Harrlman lines putting forth equal
ly strong efforts to divert it to the
south, Portland must rely on her own
efforts to hold for this city the traffic
which Nature Intended should flow sea
ward by a water-level route.. The
building pf short lines like the Colum
bia Northern, and there Is room for a
number of others, opening up rich
country tributary to this city, will
gradually develop a traffic centering in
this city of sufficient proportions to at
tract big railroads from the East and
big ships from the sea.
GOOD TEACHERS WORTHY THEIR
HIRE.
Collegiate records show that while
fewer graduates of promise enter the
ministry than fifty years ago, the num
ber of college graduates who choose
teaching as a life profession is rapidly
increasing. Formerly the college gradu
ate became a teacher only as a horse
block from which to reach another call
ing; but today a large number of ex
cellent university graduates make
teaching their life work. This fact
should excite no surprise. To a man
who has a natural love of books, who
prizes the social decency and quiet dig
nity of life more than he does the love
of power exercised through wealth or
the vulgar supremacy of cheap political
opportunity, the work of a teacher
ought to be attractive. The study of
the law is fine Intellectual discipline,
and discussion of fundamental legal
principles by the great jurists of Eng
land and America Is a kind of reading
that at once informs and enlarges the
mind and imparts wisdom that bears
fruit in sound government; but the
practice of the law, especially In the
petty courts, is not ennobling or inspir
ing of anything "but cheap craft and
dislngenuousness.
Its experience is vulgar and con
temptible, calculated either to debase
the lawyer or inspire him with a hearty
contempt for the average client No
wonder men of learning and scholarship
and love of books prefer the quiet so
cial dignity of a teacher's life to that
of the average lawyer, whose culture,
when he has any, Is not utilized to any
high end, but is chiefly pearls cast be
fore swine. A man of learning and
sense and thirst for books may seri
ously doubt whether as a lawyer he
will ever do more good than harm,
unless he reaches the Judicial bench,
which is the serene upper air of the
profession, where the man bred to the
law. If he is honest and able, cannot
but be of ceaseless good service to the
cause of Justice and social order. No
wonder the trained scholar and man of
culture shuns the wrangling and
chicanery of the legal profession, which
is constantly tempted to discomfit Jus
tice for bread.
The man of sound culture and hu
mane tastes feels that in the profession
of a teacher his investment not only
declares a dividend In decent personal
support, but In a consciousness of some
good wrought to his day and genera
tion. He feels, even when, poorly paid,
something of the same satisfaction that
a- good physician feels when he saves
a life, although he knows that his fee
Is Inadequate for the service performed.
But while the salaries of teachers are
far better than they were fifty years
ago, they are still shamefully low in
the grammar schools of even New Eng
land and the Middle States. In Phila
delphia the great body of teachers re
ceive salaries varying from ?470 to $670
a year. The only cities that make a
worse showing than Philadelphia are
New Orleans, St Joseph, Mo., and
Memphis, Tenn. In New York there is
always a "demand for good teachers,
and living salaries are paid them. Bos
ton Is not behind New York, but the
salaries paid the teachers of grammar
schools in Massachusetts, and even
high schools, is very small In considera
tion of the service rendered by the
teacher, if he Is a man of superior char
acter and attainments, as he ought to
be to assume the heavy responsibility
of a teacher.
We have called it a heavy responsi
bility, because the teacher, while he is
not distinctly employed to form the
character of his pupils, the probability
is that he does form the character of
his pupils quite as much as the parent
He does not form the" character of his
pupils specifically by- his use or his dis
use of the rod or by the dull round of
lessons assigned and recited day by
day. He does it chiefly because a good
teacher is not seldom the best man
or woman that the pupils ever got very
close to, unless they happen to have
exceptionally high-minded "and intelli
gent parents. The public school is, or
at least could be made, the most lm
portant formative influence in the crea
tion of good citizenship. The pupil
spends as many hours under the lnflu
ence and inspiration of the good teach
er as he does under the eye and edu
cation of the parents. There are many
parents who are ignorant, many that
are vicious, many that are stupid' and
shallow. There are not a few children
who have no parents, so that practical
ly the state does take the. place of the
parent, and it can only take the place
of the parent with success when It is
wise enough to obtain superior men and
women for teachers and retain them by
decent wages.
Good teaching, like good preaching.
Is a noble, natural gift The memory
of school" days always includes the rec
ollectlon of the inspiring Influence of
.the teachers who were born to teach In
distinction from those who assumed to
keep school. To these born teachers
the world owes Its largest product of
fine manhood and womanhood. The
scholar at school will grow in spiritual
and intellectual fiber according as his
teacher has breadth of brain, depth of
soul and warmth of heart A teacher
who has so much of manly moral at
mosphere about him that the best im
pulses of his pupils harden under his
spiritual effluence into sound, sweet
character is worth more to the world
a thousand times than the most nim
ble catcher, of pennies and potter of
dollars, because he makes the men and
women that are sure to be salt of the
state- The mediocre pedagogue Is com
mon enough. Books are well enough,
but character must be based on some
thing better than pedantic learning, and'
the strength and sweetness of the
teacher's personal character Is what
makes him a blessed formative influ
ence to his pupils. The school age Is
the impressible season. The teacher Is
the blessed .formative .Influence, if he
has any soul and genuine manly stuff
In him, but such teachers as we have
suggested -are not common where the
function of the teacher is degraded in
public opinion by refusing to pay a
teacher for his services upon a scale
that would Justify his making the
training bf youth" a life work. The fact
that the best-equipped men of -our col
lege graduates are choosing pedagogy
as their life work In Increasing num-
lunl la rrrrA .lira T t nil
cwwu diu. u onuu nciA lui
the college graduate and well for the
state. It means a higher life for the
college graduate than trade, law or poll-
tics, and It means better teachers for
the state.
A dirigible -balloon known as the
Richmond has been launched, which Is
said to surpass In all points of con
struction the Bantos-Dumont machine.
It was built for the Lebaudy brothers,
of Paris, and upon a recent test, under
unfavorable conditions of wind and
weather, responded to the will of its
navigators. While if did not sail di
rectly against the wind. It did take a
three-quarters course against a very
stiff breeze. It not only answered the
helm satisfactorily, but made good
speed, covering a total distance of
thirty-seven kilometers in an hour and
a half. The success of this machine Is
held to demonstrate the feasibility of
floating balloons under control for use
ful purposes, though It does not In
crease the probability of general travel
by means of airships.
They who are forever talking about
stimulation of American shipbuilding
for the foreign trade by subsidies
should always be answered by show
ing that the main cause of the low state
of the American marine is the higher
cost of the operation of our vessels,
both steam and sail, as compared with
others. Wages are from 50 to 100 per
cent higher; and wages demanded by
our seafaring men are not likely to fall
so long as wages ashore continue rela
tively so high as they are. Even if we
should admit forelgn-bullt ships to
American registry, we could not oper
ate them on any large scale, except In
the domestic and coastwise trade; and
there Is no probability that "protection"
in this trade ever will be abandoned.
Certainly not soon.
M. V. Leasla's attempt to "play
Tracy" came to a short and for him
inglorious end. Sleeping like any other
tired man who had not assumed -the
role of a bloodthirsty and vengeful
hero, the dastardly murderer was found
In a barn across the road from the
house where he and his captive ex-wlfe
had taken supper, and his career as an
outlaw was speedily ended without a
shot being fired on either side. While
there was .very slight prospect from
the first that Lcasla would escape.
there was grave reason to fear that his
capture would not be effected without
further loss of life. The closing scene
in the tragedy will doubtless be enacted
as promptly "as Is consistent with the
movement of civil law.
The average person of so-called cul
ture who has leisure to read reads too
much and thinks toolltfte. and In con
sequence their talk lacks' f reshness and
spontaneity. An Eastern - exchange,
after saying that people generally read
too much and read more than they
carry, tells a pleasant story of a man
who had been agTeat reader, but had
changed his ways, and when people
met him after he read less they found
him much more Interesting, and said:
"How entertaining John was' today! He
must have been reading a good deal."
Reading, to be valuable, is that pur
sued by persons whose business it Is
to read a good deal, to think and ex
press their thoughts.
Four new detention stations are to
be opened on the Canadian border
where Chinese Immigrants are to be
examined. Under the new law, the
Chinese can be prohibited from cross
ing the border at any other places than
those designated. If a Chinaman
swears he is a citizen, it falls on the.
immigration officials to disprove that
statement, which is not easily done.
Canada .Imposes a $100 head tax on a
Chinaman remaining In Canada. But
as they are allowed about three months
to determine whether or not to go far
ther, this gives them a good chance to
try and cheat the American customs of
ficials and Inspectors.
It pains the opponents of Mr. Her
mann to find, as they allege, that some
thirty years ago he was an "Independ
ent" a "bolter," or on the point of be
coming one. These Democratic critics
are shocked at the thought of any "ir
regular" action on the part of a Re
publican, even If it was thirty years
ago. It is evident, however, that what
ever Hermann's sin may have been, the
Republicans of the district thought It
condoned long ago. A half dozen times
since they have elected him to Con
gress. It seems to be the silly season
among the Democratic shbuters of the
First District.
Governor Yates has signed the so-
called Mueller bill, giving to cities au
thorlty to take over and operate street
railroads on public account, or to grant
franchises to private corporations for a
term of not more than twenty years.
This law can go into effect In any city
only after the consent of the citizens
of that city has been given through the
approval of three-fifths of those voting.
Since 1880 the Jews have increased
enormously In .the United States, there
being 1,136,240 in the -whole, country,
while In New York City alone they
number over ' 600,000. including many
rich and Influential men, some of whom
are conspicuous In the leading profes
sions, in politics and in Journalism.
"Will you rebuke President Roosevelt
by election of Hermann?" This is the
burden of Democratic appeal in the
First District. How. sad and sorrowful
our Democratic brethren would be if
the President should be "rebuked"!
Democrats' of the First District are
talking about " their , chances of electing
Reames. Evidently they , suppose Re
publicans will not appear at the polls.
But disappointment awaits them on
this basis by a 'large majority.
. It Is a safe prediction that in spite of
Hanna's efforts the Republicans of Ohio
will "indorse" President Roosevelt. To,
turn down the President because he' is
not acceptable to the trusts w&uld be
madness. -
POE'S PINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES.
Springfield Republican.
The further Poe's fleure recedes into his
tory. Indeed, the less consequence at
taches to those frailties wnicn seemea bo
terrible in the tinv literary world in which
he moved, somewhat (It must be con
fessed) after the fashion of a pike In a
carp pond. We should not bavo heard so
much of Poe's faults If so many smau
people had not been afraid of him. Tno
baser stigmas which at one time or an
other were attached to his name have now
been cleared away, and it Is universally
admitted that in most respects he was a
man of spotless purity. To his freedom
from sensuality his works are a sufficient
evidence. His one besetting vice -of drink
Is sufficiently explained by his tempera-
merit and his early life, so that the genera
tions to come will feel rather pity for the
disease that ruined a brilliant career than
condemnation for vice. The life and the
letters both bear eloquent testimony to the
resoluteness with which at times Poe
struggled against the temptation of drink,
and to the period of despair which broke
down his resistance. The teachings of
modem science as to the nature of alco
holic disease must sensibly affect the gen
eral feeling In regard to Poe.
Nor will so much be made of the poet's
financial Irregularities as In the days when
he wao constantly moving among people
to whom he owed money. The sum of the
matter Is that he almost always, needed
money, and borrowed wherever he could.
It Is fair to presume that it was always
with the expectations of making repay
ment, for there was always a sanguine
streak mingled with the depression that
grew to be chronic Sometime, surely, ho
would- make the looked-for lucky strike
which always dangles temptingly before
the eyes of the hungry author. why
should he not expect euch success? He
had demonstrated by his conduct of the
magazines of which he had been given
charge that he had rare talent as an edi
tor, and in almost every case had in a
marked degree Increased the circulation.
Such abilities at the present day would
yield an amplo Income, and undoubtedly
the illusive image of a magazine of his
own which always floated before'hls mind
Included a handsome Income for himself
as well ar the literary excellence for
which he longed. In the meantime he
needed mony, and there was nothing for
it but to borrow. It Is wejl recognized
that there Is one standard of finance for
bankers and . another for poets, and he
may be sure that the posterity will not
deal hardly with Poe for his Impecunlous
nea3 or for his unsettled bills. His admir
ers find much more of. a trial in certain
little meannesses and ugly things in Poe's
literary career, and neither the Longfellow
squabble nor the more 'serious affair with
Thomas Dunn English is endearing, but
generous allowance will be made to a man
of high-strung temper and disordered
nerves, despondent over his own affairs
ana irritated by a thousand petty annoy
ances. Wnsei In Southern California.
Los Angeles Times (nonunion.)
Following are the average wages paid
today In .Southern California. The figures
are furnished by the Chamber of Com
merce:
Day labor. 1PA to 23 cents oer hour:
ranch hands, $25 to $00 per month and
board; milkers, $30 to fiO per month and
board.
Clerks, $25 to $35 per month; bookkeep
ers, $50 to $125 per month; stenographers.
$30 to $100 per month.
Teamsters, $2 to $2.50 per day; street
car conductors, "23 cents per hour; street
car motormen, 23 cents per hour; machin
ists, 30 to 45 cents per hour; molders, 25
to 40 cents per hour. .
Fruit packers, piece work, earn $2 to
$2.50 per day; teams with drivers, nine
hours work, $3.50 per day; electric line
men, first to fifth grade, $59 to $S5 per
month; sixth grade, $2 per day; butchers,
first class, $18 per week; bakers, ten
hours, union scale, $3 per day; tailors,
union shops, $20 per week; others, $18 to
$20 per week; piece-workers make up to
$35 per weeio on weu woricers, ariuers.
$5 per day; pumpers, $3 per-day; tool-dress
ers, $2.50 to. $3 per day, and roustabouts,
$1.50 to $1.75 per day.
For elght-hoUr day s work: Carpenters,
$3.50 .per day; brick masons, $5 to $o per
day; plasterers, $5.to$S per day;-laborers,
$2.50 per day; hod-carriers, $3.50 per day;
painters, $3.50 per day; electricians, $3.50
per day; plumbers, $4.50 per day; galvan
ized Ironworkers, $3.50 per day; lathers,
$2.50 per 1000, a day's work being about
1000.
For work overtime, wages time and one
half. For work on holidays, double time.
A Xevr Thins: in Kansas.
A drunken man stopped a business man
on the street this morning, says the Atcn
ison Globe, and wanted to talk. The
drunken man had hold of the business
man's coat collar, and he could not es
cape. "My time is money," said the bus!
ness man; "this conversation will 'cost you
25 cents a minute. In two more minutes
you will owe me a dollar." " The drunken
man paid the dollar, and, when time wa3
ud. he said he guessed he had enough.
The experiment was such a success that
the Sober Man's Anti-Conversation union
will be organized at once and a scale of
prices fixed. The charge for time occu
pled by a plain drunk will be a cent a
minute; fancy drunk, with free lunch
breath, double price; extra fancy drunk,
with breath smothered In onions, three
prices, and money in advance; where
drunk man holds sober man by the coat.
or continues to shako hands through con
versation, double price; all Jokes at which
a sober man must laugh are extra.
charges being gauged by age and tough
ness of Joke; reporters can add 25 per
cent to regular scale In exceptional cases.
The movement has met with great enthu
siasm, and several hundred members have
already been enrolled. Any person caught
scabbing on the union scale will be boy
cotted, and held up to the scorn of all
loyal union -men.
The Preacher'ii One Fault.
A church In Anadarko, according to the
Neodesha Register, was considering the
availability of a clergyman who -had ap
plied for the pastorate. The deacons had
been told that a lawyer of the town had
known the pastor Intimately. They went
to him and asked for a statement of the
qualifications of the candidate.
"Yes. I know Brother very well,"
said the lawyer. "I went to college with
him and I attended his church after he
entered the ministry. Ho is scholarly.
able and eloquent, and I am sure you will
like him."
The deacons thanked- the lawyer and
were going away, when he called to them
in consequence of an afterthought
"I don't know as It makes any differ
ence,." said he, apologetically, "but per.
haps I should tell that he's a3 ugly as
a wnen he s drunk.
. locating: the Gallty Idiot.
New York Evening Sun-
Jones waltzed out of the bathroom in a
gorgeous and purpling fury. "Some Idiot
has been using my razor," he howled.
"I know It" responded Mrs. Jones. She
looked Jones right square In the eye.
"Who was it?" demanded Jones. His
voice shook with emotion. "I say, who
was it?".
"John Henrv." remarked his wife dla
passionately, 'Til have you know that
nobody uses that razor but yourself."
Ab iBBlRHatloB. Repelled.
"Detroit Free Press.
At this nolnt xrit -wish' tn dmv tho win
dalous Insinuations of the Chicago press
that the professors in the University of
Michigan are becoming as sensational and
vollrtur-lfMrtliih nn th nrnfosjnM'ln "W
Rockefeller's Justly celebrated academy
of nt-tnrowing.
DreBied. fora. Lork Wallc
Harvard Lampoon.
Mrs. Malaprop I walked 25 miles yes
terday.
Mr. Parlormop Did you- wear a pedom
eter? - '
Mrs; - M&laprop Oh, bo, isdeed Just a
Ehert.sldrt
ROW COULD BRYAN BOLT?
Harper's Weekly.
Could Mr. Cleveland, if nominated, be
elected? That he would regain every one
of -the Democratic votes cast for Mr. Mc
KInley in 16 und 1900 may be taken for
granted. We also believe that he wouia
receive the votes of a great many Re
publicans who never "before have aban
doned" their party, but who are profound
ly dissatisfied with the course pursued
by Mr. Roosevelt in his effort to propiti
ate- the Labor Unionists. Would these
gains be offset by the losses Incurred
through the defection of Mr. Bryan and
his personal following? Upon this point
nobody la authorized to speak for Mr.
Bryan, and we should find it extremely
difficult to believe that he would call upon
his friends to bolt the nomination of a
Democratic National Convention. Like
every other Democrat he is, of course, at
liberty to oppose with the utmost energy
the candidacy of' Mr. Cleveland: Before ana
during the convention. Should a two
tniras vote. However, do recoraa in -jar.
Cleveland's favor, we do not see how Mr.
Bryan could withhold obedience from the
mandate, without renudlatlng the princi
ple of regularity, on the strength of which
In two Presidential elections ne nas
claimed and received the suffrages of the
mass of the Democracy. Attention has
naturally been directed to his very -lat
est utterance on the subject in the com
moner. In the last issue of that paper.
he said: "While Cleveland would be
rightfully entitled to the nomination, if
the reorganizes obtained control of the
party, they will not obtain control."
Whether the reorganizes will obtain con
trol 19, of course, a matter of opinion.
But what, ifthey do. should be the course
of all men professing to bo Democrats,
is not a matter of opinion, but of prin
ciple. With regard to this matter Mr.
Bryan's position seems clear and firm.
He practically says that if Mr. Cleve
land can get the two-thirds vote neces
sary for the nomination, he would be
entitled to his (Mr. Bryan's) support. We
do not sec How any more distinct an
nouncement of his Intentions could be ex
pected from the editor of the Commoner.
Having twice been honored by the nomi
nation of a Democratic National Con
vention for the Presidency, it would be
unmistakably his duty to support the next
nominee of the party. Touching this
question there can be no difference of
opinion among honest men; and his worst
enemies have never denied "that Mr. Bryan
is an honest man.
The Self-Growing: Barn Indastry,
Atlanta Constitution.
An esteemed correspondent writing
from Danville, Ky., tells of a novel in
dustry, tfhlch will probably soon spread
as far as Billvllle. Tan Crawley, a farm
er in the Coral Hill neighborhood, has a
barn which is growing rapidly. The struc
ture, which is a capacious affair, was
built several years ago. Willow posts
were used on the ends and along the sides.
Being in moist and virgin soil, the posts
took root, and the entire structure has
flourished like a green bay tree. It as
cended nine feet In the first three years.
and Mr. Crawley was compelled to lay a
second floor, using the" first as a loft
The second floor Is now too elevated for
use, and next year a third floor will be
added. The' Innovation has proven verv
aavantageous, and a large croo of barns
will be planted this Spring1 by farmers of
mat vicinity.
Go to the Bottom, of It.
New York Mall and Express.
The public Is not rit all interested in the
personality of the dismissed cashier of the
Washington-Posto'fflce, who has brought
cnarges or irregularities in the conduct of
that office in relation to the General Post
office Department But the public Is ser
iously concerned that these charges and
all other charges shall be investigated
tnorougniy, regardless of whose reputa
tion, in official life or out they may affect
There Is more than suspicion. It Is ad
mitted that there are defects in the or
ganization of the Postofflce Department,
due to the Tapld growth of its vast busi
ness. What is now Imperatively demand
ed Is that these defects, great and' small,
be thoroughly exposed and he proper
remedies applied.
"StrHnK" on Hl Own String:.
Senator Carmack used to be fond of
"stringing" people, but gave up the habit
because of an incident in the last cam
paign .in Tennessee, writes a Washington
correspondent A friend asked him one
day: "How is Captain Pierce this morn
ingr' "Dead," said the Senator sepul
chrally, and passed on. That evening,
having forgotten all about his "Joke" in
the meantime, some one called him up
and asked if he had heard of Captain
Pierce's death. The. Senator, much
shocked at the alleged news,, hurried to
the Captain's home In the suburbs -and
found him "In excellent health. Mr. Car
mack foreswore all such "Joking" forth
with. "
The Editor Ate Too Much.
White, S. D.. Leader.
The editor and wife had another square
meal Sunday on account of having re
ceived an invitation to dine at the hotel.
Perk said he was afraid we wouldn't ac
cept but we did. For the benefit of our
lady readerswe will state that they had
the chicken and the stuff that goes with
such a layout and strawberry shortcake
and lettuce. Our wife wore her blue and
white and looked real dear. Mrs. Perkins
had a new skirt and looked too sweet for
anything. Tho editor wore his Sunday,
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, Saturday suit and was sick all
night
Criticisms of the AnnT.
Philadelphia North American.
It Is worse than idle to complain that
General Miles or any other protestant
against barbarity Is keeping up an irritat
ing controversy over Philippine cruelties.
Tho whole subject would have been
dropped long ago had the Army been re
gardful enough of its honor to punish the
guilty. When the War Department ceases
making excuses for acts which nothing
can Justify and evinces some genuine ab
horrence for the misdeeds of brutal offi
cers, criticism of Its past policy will cease,
but not until then.
Running: N'ccJc and. "Veclc
Comfort
"Let me write the songs of a nation
and I care not who makes the laws,"
said the musical young man.
"Oh, I don't know," replied the practical
young woman, "I guess there are about
as many ragtime laws as there are rag
time songs."
The Congo "Free" State.
London Punch.
-Tha Conso State
Is a thriving- speculation
Tor the h&ppr Belgian nation. 1
Ttia receipts are srreat.
And are growing- yearlr bigger.
But I'm gftid I'ra not a. nigger
In the Conxo Stale.
The Congo State
Is in prosperous condition, -
And its civilizing- mission
Who can overrate.
Or Its zeal administrative?
But I'm glad I'm not a native
Of tha Congo State!
In the Congo State
Bounteous Nature has supplied yon
"With some useful tribes who guide yon
(Charging nil for the freight)
Where the palm and "rubber-tree grow
But I'm glad I'm not a negro '
In the Congo Btate.
A May Morning.
John Milton.
Now the bright morning star, day's harbinger.
Comes d&acl&ff from the East, and leads with
her
The flowery May, who. from ber green lap
thrown
The yellow cowslip .and the pale primrose.
Bail, bounteous May. that dost inspire
Mirth, and youth, and warm desire;
Woods and groves are of thy dressing,
31111 and dale doth boast thy blessing;
Tbbs we salute .thee .-with our early eosr.
Iad tv el came ike, and wish tbes-tass.
SOTS AND COMMENT. ;
Mr. Hanna knows when it Is his turn to
back up.
A little pistol practice will enable Mrs.
Leasla to do better next time.
The Chinese may stay but the rats must
&o. : No bubonic plague In oursv .
PoseibV the reason Mrs. Ltasia's bullet
missed its mark was that Murderer
Leasla has no heart
The President left Seattle Sunday night
and none of his wife's letters -have been
intercepted for two days.
. Anyway Seattle-could' point with pride
to the weather during the President's re
ception. It's a good thing to be able to
point with pride" at something.
It may not be amiss to remind Seattle
that while Portland was a trifle shy on
Italian skies and Summer .breezes during
the Presidential visit it was aU O. K, on
decorum.
Oregon has tried Its new toy, the referen
dum, and -would be glad to make a present of
it to anybody that wants one. Chicago Tribune.
The referendum's all right; it's the pro
fessional referendum agitators that we
are willing to bid a long and tearless
adieu to.
Two Manila editors. Dorr and O'Brien,
were tried for sedition this week and ac
quitted on the ground that free speech
must, not be abridged. There is little la
this precedent to encouraxre. Governor
Pennypacker, of Pennsylvania.
While Bussia was engrossing the at
tention of tho powers in Manchuria,
France was engaged in seizing Kwang
Si, ono of the southern provinces. The
powers have much difficulty in guarding
all of the "open doors"- at once.
The editor of the Formosa (Kan.) New
Era has grasped the leading characteris
tics of the country village. "We prefer,"
he says, "to live In a small town where
all the people sympathize with you In
trouble, and If you haven't any trouble
will hunt up some for you."
One day Peter McArthur, who was at
the time editor of Truth, was speaking
of a certain obscure poet who had Just
brought out a book -of verses. "It is cer
tainly a unique volume," said Mr. Mc
Arthur, who was, and is etlll a great
stickler for good art "a unique volume,
and nothing else It contains only one
poem that is actually good, and that
poem . contains but one good line, and
that good line is not original with tho
author."
James Whltcomb Riley confesses to a
fondness for social life, but always feels
at a disadvantage at society gatherings.
(Being short-sighted, he Is unable to rec
ognize people easily, and as a consequence
he seems somewhat ungainly. "Besides,"
he adds, "not long ago I was recently
detected pronouncing the 'programme' a3
it Is spelled, and you can imagine my
overwhelming and suffocating sense of hu
miliation when my attention was called
to it"
A lot of young fellows In an Ohio town
had a good time with a tramp last week.
They took him into a shed, gave him a
good bath, shaved him and cut his hair.
They then bought a new suit of clothes,
white shirt and standup collar and dressed
him out complete. But when they at-
teXUDted to burn his hobo nlnthea ha nh.
jecied' arid fought for them with, euch- des
peration their suspicions were aroused and
upon searching they found $1400 sewed up
in the coat
According to Senator Bailey, of' Texas,
there was in that state a Judge who had
been robbed of a horse, and before whom
the thief, when apprehended, was brought
for trial. His Honor eyed the prisoner
with deep satisfaction for a minute 'or so,
and then delivered himself of the follow
ing:' "Owing to a personal prejudice, the
court will not hear this case. It will,
however, be tried by a bailiff, who will
find a verdict In accordance with the facts
and the law. In the meantime," he added.
Impressively, "the court will go outside,
bend a rope and pick out a good tree."
The story is told that Clark, the copper
king, refused the sale of his copper mines
to an English syndicate for $30,000,000.
When asked why he did so he said: "Not
that the offer was not a good one. Per
haps it was. But then that is such a
great amount of money that I did not
know how I should Invest it if I had it In
my hands. I'm too old now to face such
a task. And for that reason I rejected
the offer. I considered it immeasurably
easier to sit quiet and take my Income
from copper as the metal comes out of
the ground than to have such a mountain
of money suddenly thrown upon my hands
and be compelled to find ways of invest
ing it so that it would be safe."
The Commoner Mr. Bryan's paper, is
becoming somewhat of a humorous publi
cation. Last week's Issue records that
the shade of Alexander, strolling along
the banks of the Styx, met the shade of
Napoleon. Noting the dejected air of the
recruit from St Helena, Alexander
queried: "3ovr now, Nap? Why this air
of dejectionr "Alex, old boy," replied
Napoleon, "we made two grave mistakes
In our time." "Only two?" "Well, two mis
takes that ruined us." "What were they?"
eagerly queried Alexander. Slowly and
sadfy the shade of Napoleon came to a
halt and with trembling Hps replied: "We
lived too soon and we relied too much on
military strength for our power." "Ex
plain yourself. Nap." "What I mean is
this : We made the mistake of living too
soon, and also the mistake of not getting
Jobs on the Federal bench and using the
power of injunction."
PLEASASTRIES OF PARAGRAPHERS
The doctor Ton save a bad cold, Mr. JIggs.
Til give you some pills for it. JIggs Oh,
never mind, doctor. Tou can have it for noth
ing. Harvard IJampoon.
Sunday school teacher--Now, Johnny, what is
the golden text? Johnny (whose father la In
politics) In a multitude of coundlmen there
Is wisdom. Baltimore American.
"Prize fighting is a cruel and unnatural
sport." "It surely is, sometimes. I heard at a
pugilist the other day who was actually
knocked speechless." Cincinnati Commercial.
She A well-known writer says that ln order
to succeed & man must be 05 per cent hack
bone. He Oh, I don't know. A good many
who have managed to arrive are 05 per cent
cheek. Chicago Dally News.
"Is or daughter familiar with the great
composers?" asked Mrs. Cum rax. "Madame."
said the- music teacher, with a look pf despe
ration, ''she Is not merely familiar with them;
she Is Impertinent" Washington Star.
Spoiled bis romance Oeorge X see nothing
for us but to elope; do you think your father
would forgive us? Ethel Tin sure he would.
George How can you be sure? Ethel I felt
sx little nervous on that score and I ,asked
him. Plck-Me-Up.
Old pedagogue "When you teach your pupils
that two apples added to two apples saaks
four apples you. believe in desseBstratlng ihe
proposition by giving' them the .apples, do jya?
Kindergarten teacher Certainly, "sir. By that
means they gt both, 'tha sm soi th aes
stance, CBiesao'TrAwM. '
A