THE MORNING OEEaONIAN, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 18, 1901.
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TODAY'S "WEATHER Cloudy and threaten
ing, with, probably occasional rain; winds
mostly southerly.
YESTERDAY'S "WEATHER Maximum tem
perature, 86; minimum temperature, 31; pre
cipitation, trace.
PORTLAND, "WEDXESDAY, DEC. 18.
A SPEECH THAT WASN'T MADE.
Representative Payne's masterly ef
, Sort In support of the Philippine tariff
tbill discovers at its outset the true basis
of operations. "We glory in this bill, he
eays, because it deals so generously
-with these unfortunate and trusting
people. Hence it is that we have re
duced Import duties at Manila below
the rates formerly maintained by the
oppressive Spaniards. Hence it Is that
we cut the tariff on flour from 1 88 to
BO cents, and on other foodstuffs in
proportion. Hence it is, also, that we
permit the islands to collect moderate
duties there for their own advantage.
Instead of leaving them without sources
of. necessary revenue. Hence it is,
moreover, that we authorize and even
direct the transfer of all duties col
lected to the Philippine treasury. "Far
he it from us, the greatest and grandest
Nation on the globe, to deal unjustly
with the Inhabitants of these poor
Spanish islands, who have come to us
as the prize of war and diplomacy, and
look to us for generosity. "We will not
touch a penny of their tariff taxes; we
will not even put the navigation laws
In force, lest the transportation facili
ties of the islands be crippled and hard
ship result.
All of which is sweet and commend
able In your nature, Hamlet One can
only wish and wonder at the sudden
change that comes over the spirit of
Mr. Payne's dream. Philanthropy
sticks out noticeably on the topic of
imports to the islands, but nowhere
shows Itself under the head of exports.
As to their purchases, we are generos
ity itself. As to their sales to the step
mother country, generosity is forgotten
or has never been heard of. This feat
ure of Mr. Payne's speech was either
cut out or delayed in transmission. He
doubtless said:
Having in mind tho welfare of tho Philip
pines, Mr. Speaker, and our obligation to deal
Justly and even generously by them, wo have
forborne to levy a higher tax upon their sugar
than we levy on Germany's, or on their tobac
co than we lay on Cuba's, except that each
must also pay at Manila an export tax, which
we deprecate, but "there eeems no other way."
Out of the goodness of our heart we decline,
though sorely tempted, to discriminate against
American territory in Asia more severely than
against European possessions in Acta. This
mark of paternal affection will hardly be lost
upon the Islanders, who will feel grateful that
they are not forbidden American markets alto
gether, and bidden to sell their produce to
Great Britain, or somebody else, who will give
It lower tariffs.
These remarks, accompanied by
Bcornful glances at the Democratic side,
and punctuated with applause from the
Republicans, Mr. Payne did not make.
He couldn't. Otherwise, one noteworthy
day In American history would fain
have been bright with generosity. In
stead of black with injustice and sub
servience to our protected corporations.
v
ROSEBERY AT CHESTERFIELD.
Lord Rosebery always makes a bril
liant speech, but keen critics are seldom
able organizers and executives. The
Liberal party will hardly rise to the
level of leadership in the affairs of Eng
land until It can present a scheme for
action. Lord Rosebery says England
should be as willing to treat for peace
as LIricola was from 1SG3 to 1865 with
armed enemies. Very true; but Eng
land is in the same situation as Lincoln
was when he vainly tried to treat with
an armed enemy whose leader would
accept nothing short of absolute Inde
pendence. So war went on until the
Confederacy that refused to be ruled
by the rudder of discretion was ruled
by the rock of utter disaster and com
plete shipwreck. Lord Rosebery admits
that there is nothing left for the Boers
but annexation, but the Boers at pres
ent insist on independence. Lord Rose-
bery's speech will not energize the pres
ent so-called Liberal party of England
into an opposition formidable enough
to dictate a new war policy to the
Conservatives, because the Liberal
party was practically destroyed by
Gladstone. It is today a party In for
mal organization, but It is without a
leader and without a dlsllnct aggres
sive policy.
When Gladstone let go the helm Lord
Rosebery tried, to steer the ship, but did
nothing but suffer it to sail about
vaguely until it became becalmed, and
then Rosebery packed his gripsack and
took he captain's gig for the shore.
Since that date Rosebery has been
shouting messages through a mega
phone from dry land to the bewildered
passengers and crew of the Liberal
ship of state. The truth is that the Lib
eral party, with the exception of John
Moriey, was quite as bellicose toward
the Boers at the outset of the war as
the Conservatives. The Liberal party
has gloried in that war, and is so com
pletely committed to it that Mr. Cham
berlain taunted them once upon their
support of a war which "you do hot
approve but dare cot oppose." The son
of peace-loving" John Bright, who bit
terly denounced the Crimean "War, ..de
clared, that "the main differences of
the "Unionists "with the Liberals are fast
receding." At the last general election
the candidates on both sides Insisted
on the "necessity" for annexation of
the Boer Republics. Liord Rosebery'
himself has already declared for some
form of military conscription, the de
mand for which has a good many
friends In the ranks of both parties.
The truth Is that the Liberal party
by Its own action is estopped from
finding any fault with the Boer War,
except that It has not yet been com
pletely crowned with success. So far as
the military methods and ability of Gen
eral Kitchener are concerned. Lord
Rosebery has nothing but words of
praise. Ho thought the government
should listen to peace overtures, when
he knows very well that the Boer ulti
matum Is independence; he protested
against treating the Boers In the field
as bandits, when he must know that
they have not been treated other than
as legitimate hostile soldiers entitled to
all the rights of civilized warfare. In
short; Lord Rosebery Is today jUBt -what
he has always been, an accomplished
man of great ability as an orator and
a critic, but a man totally unfitted by
temper for the organization and aggres
sive leadership of a great political
party. The truth is that until the Boer
"War Is ended there is no more real
room for two great antagonistic parties
In England than there was room In the
United States for two great hostile par
ties during our ClvJl "War. The people
have no use for two parties during a
war upon whose victorious conclusion
the "whole nation's future fate may
largely depend. Lord Rosebery has
made an attractive speech, but has only
embittered his political foes without il
luminating his friends.
INTERNATIONAL DRAINAGE.
The always able and frequently cor
rect Chicago Record-Herald, In pros
tration before the new subsidy bill,
scintillates on this wise: (
"Without any rhetorical flubdub Senator Han-
na called tho attention of the Boston men to
the fact that American merchants are paying
annually Into the pockets of foreign shipown
ers the enormous sura of $200,000,000. Could
any other country oa tho globe stand this
drain?
The assumption is, of course, that
$200,000,000 a year is a tremendous drain.
As drains; go, it Is, undeniably right
smart, but there are others. There Is
the drain of some $230,000,000 a year
collected from us in customs taxes.
There is another of some $300,000,000 a
year of Internal revenue. One way and.
another the National Government pays
out every twelve months some $500,000,
000 to $700,000,000, which It has no way
of recouping except through taxation.
Another class of tremendous drains
arises from our reprehensible habit of
buying goods abroad. Europe, for ex
ample, Is taking out of our pockets not
only -a paltry $200,000,000 (no more, or
Senator Hanna would doubtless have
said so), but twice or three times that
sum for merchandise we have been
thriftless or traitorous enough to im
port. "We have been known in one
short twelvemonth to take from a sin
gle European country the weak-minded
and immoral extreme of nearly $200,000,
000. These are awful figures, yet the
country makes shift to survive them.
But the question before the house is.
Could any other country on the globe
stand this drain? The correct answer
appears to be In the affirmative, and
one consideration of eome pertinence is
that several countries are actually
doing so at the hour of writing. Great
Britain does a large share of the carry
ing trade for the Continent and for
Asia, as well as for the United States.
A man can conduct business at a
profit, though he does not necessarily
own the drays that take his wares to
dock or depot, and the railroad that
carries them hither and yon. The sum
of $200,000,000 as a drain looks ridiculous
compared with the $500,000,000 annual
drain which Great Britain, for exam
ple, sustains by reason of our food
stuffs. The fact Is, of course, that a drain
may be a useful rather than meretri
cious article of International equip
ment. The pertinent question as to out
lays is not as to their absolute amount,
but whether or not we get anything for
them. The uninformed would Infer
from Mr. Hanna and the Record-Herald,
that this $200,000,000 a year is unmiti
gated loss; whereas you can bet money
that Uncle Samuel would not pay out
the said $200,000,000 or any other sum
unless he got something In exchange for
It "What he gets is that excellent and
Indispensable commodity called trans
portation. If wheat is worth $r a
bushel in Liverpool, it is worth only 75
cents in Portland. It is of some ad
vantage to the Oregon farmer to get his
wheat to Liverpool, and nobody Is
going to put him In the way of that
extra 25 cents without making at least
a nominal charge for his services.
If Mr. Hanna or any one else, high,
low or intermediate, thinks that the
United States can take the carrying
trade away from the foreigner, simul
taneously continuing to buy no more
and sell no less of other commodities
than now, then heneeds a term In the
primer class of political economy. The
commodity of transportation Is one of
the things Europe uses to pay us for
what she buys of us. If we stop taking
$200,000,000 worth of It, or any other
"sum, she will either buy an equal
amount less of us or else sell us an
equal amount of something we now
supply ourselves. Refusing to buy Is
an unsurpassed way not to make
money.
A Vancouver correspondent Informs
The Oregonlan that he can find no his
torical confirmation of our recent edi
torial statement that "Daniel "Webster
was a conspicuous leader of the anti
war party in New England in 1812-15."
The following facts ought to be suffi
cient to satisfy our correspondent: Dan
iel "Webster drew up the so-called
"Rockingham Memorial," the famous
protest of the people of "Rockingham
County, N. H., against the war, ad
dressed to President Madison In 1812.
Webster -was at once elected to Con
gress and took his seat in May, 1813.
He at once Introduced a series of reso
lutions aimed at the President. His
first great speech was made January
14, 3814, in opposition to the bill encour
aging enlistments, and he opposed Sec
retary of "War Monroe's measures for
enforcing the draft of 1814; he disap
proved of the invasion of Canada, and
held the war to be unnecessary and In
jurious to the country. His attitude
toward the war policy of President
Madison was similar to that of Demo
cratic Governor Seymour, of New York,
who stoutly opposed the draft of 1853,
and to that of Dcmpcratic Congressmen
Vallandigham, Voorhecs and Fernando
"Wood on the floor of the House. Web-
ster did not favor the Hartford Con
vention of 1814, and kept New Hamp
shire out of It, because, like Governor
Seymour, who was obstructive to the
war administration of Lincoln but hos
tile to secession, "Webster was loyal to
the Union, but hostile to the "War of
1812. Clay and Calhoun favored the
"War of 1S12, but "Webster was so hos
tile to it (hat he voted 191 times with
Timothy Pickering, the most radical
Congressional leader of New England's
opposition to the war. "Webster was
wrongV and Hve'd to perceive that he
was wrong, but it is due to his fame
to say that the whole Federalist party
of New England was opposed to the
"War of 1812; that while "Webster went
with his section, nevertheless he was
conservative enough with John Adams
and John Quincy Adams to stand aloof
from the Hartford Convention.
MILITARY FORCE NECESSARY.
It is fortunate for our Government
that the military administration of the
Philippines is presided over by so wary,
experienced and able a veteran of In
dian warfare as General Chaffee, for it
is possible that he may be confronted
at no distant day with a formidable
Insurrection. The fact that General
Chaffee urges that no material reduc
tion of troops be made before January
1, 1003, implies that he Is not altogether
free from anxiety as to the near future.
There is no reason why we should ex
pect a very early pacification of the
whole group of the Philippines. The
Province of Luzon, in the vicinity of the
great city of Manila, ought fo be secure
from all danger of Insurrection, but
recent reports are to the effect that
General Chaffee is not without dread
of a possible rising in the city. Of its
250,000 Inhabitants, less than 9000 are
Americans. There are 182,000 Filipinos
and 54,000 Chinese. The uneasiness of
General Chaffee is natural. He knows
that the Filipinos are treacherous, full
of dissimulation, ignorant, supersti
tious and Inflammable. Of course. Gen
eral Chaffee does'not doubt his ability
to suppress Insurrection, but he knows,
too, the possible horrors that might
take place before the flame of Insurrec
tion was stamped out. General Chaffee
remembers that the resistance of a few
thousand Indians kept our regular
Ariny actively employed from 1865 to
1886 before they were finally subdued
and pacified, and he knows that in
treachery and ferocity the Filipino is
the equal of the American Indian, while
in acquired ability he is his superior.
The Filipino as a rule cannot shoot as
straight as an Indian. He is of less
powerful physique, but he Is armed
with larger knowledge of the arts of
civilization that make an enemy for
midable In war time. "With but 40,000
men at his command in the Philippines
today, no wonder General Chaffee feels
that the situation demands the strictest
military vigilance. The probability is
that the experiment of civil govern
ment has been attempted too soon to
be crowned with flattering success. It
Is not unlikely that the presence of a
large American Army will be n2cessary
for many years to come, even In Luzon.
This will be due to no fault of our owil
but simply to the fact that an Asiatic
Is so different from an Anglo-Saxon
mentally, morally and spiritually, that
after nearly 150 years of wise and just
rule the English In India confess that
they have failed to Anglicize India in
the smallest degree. They have vastly
Improved the social condition and hap
piness of the people, multiplied railways
and steamboats, and made taxation less
onerous, but they have not been able
appreciably to humanize, much less
Christianize, India. They have simply
helped increase the number of converts
to Mohammedanism. The end of a cen
tury of English rule was marked by the
terrible Indian mutiny of 1857. English
government of India has in the main
been free from corruption or wanton
oppression. It has been a despotism at
times, but a despotism ruling in the
spirit of wisdom, Justice and political
benevolence. Nevertheless, the Asiatic
in India Is indomitable today. Given
an easy opportunity and there would be
insurrection in India tomorrow. The
people of India would doubtless help
the English to repulse Russia, for they
know that the Russian bear Is an ugly,
morose brute compared with the Brit
ish Hon; but if the English were sped
today the people of India would
promptly replace the veneer of English
civilization with a .government whose
chief administrators would be followers
of Mohammed.
There -Is small probability that we
shall make any faster or moreiperma
ncnt progress in the Philippines than
the English have in India, except that
their Insular situation and compara
tively small population make them
more open to the application of heroic
treatment at the hands of an American
Army and Navy, The probability is
that, outside of Manila and Southern
Luzon, the Filipinos will for a number
of years to come be not only Incapable
of self-government, but incapable of
submission to any form of government
beyond a purely military administra
tion. We Bhall be obliged to extermi
nate the "bolo" men and other forms
of untamable barbarism. "We may be
obliged to execute or exile a number of
the ablest and most Intelligent Filipino
leaders In event of a renewed insurrec
tion. The Filipino is a treacherous
creature by racial Inheritance. His
nearly 400 years of Spanish environment
has Intensified his natural traits of
ferocity and cruelty, and we shall find
him for the most part as untamable
and as artful as an Indian.
The Islands were nothing but a noi
some nest of Malay pirates when the
Spaniards occupied them. The Span
iards were too Indolent to make any
resolute attempt for the complete sub
jugation of the islands, and were con
tent to hold Manila as a trading mart,
but we Americans, like the English in
India, are sure to exploit the whole
country, and In order to do It we shall
need a large Army in the Philippines
for probably' twenty years td'eome. We
shall solve the Fllipind problem about
as the English have the Hindoo prob
lem, by a wise mixture of military force
and political tact; but the American
soldier will be needed for a good many
years to come. If it were not for the
presence of 40.000 to 45,000 American
troops In Luzon, we should probably
have a "Sicilian Vespers" there tomor
row, with a prompt relapse of the peo
ple Into -their ancient practice of piracy.
Henry C. Payne, a distinguished citi
zen of Milwaukee, Wis., a man of great
business ability, and a very stalwart
Republican, Is to replace Postmaster
General Smith in the Cabinet. Mr.
Payrie was in 1897 named as likely to
be called irito the Cabinet of President
McKInley as Postmaster-General. His
appointment by President Roosevelt
will cause no surprise, for Mr. Payne
was the most coosdIcuous leader of the
Western delegates at the Republican
National Convention who insisted upon
the nomination of Roosevelt as Vice
President. Mr. Payne brings to the
Cabinet great business ability and a
very vigorous and Impressive individu
ality. He was distinguished at the Re
publican National Convention for his
earnest and forcible protest against the
present vlclbus method of giving South
ern States that cast no appreciable Re
publican votes as full representation In
the National Convention as the strong
est Republican states of the North and
West. Mr. Payne's opposition was
based on the fact that these Southern
Republican delegations 6tood for rotten
boroughs and were for sale to any
Presidential candidate base enough to
bid for their votes; that they were al
ways composed of office-holders In esse
or 1n posse. Mr. Payne Is a very strong
man, and, like Mr. Root, is bound to
the President by ties of long-established
personal as well ns political friendship.
The statement of the Portland Na
tional banks. published today. Is gratify
ing for two reasons. It shows a large
increase in volume of transactions In the
past year, and It shows a healthy state
of business. Loans and discounts have
Increased nearly half a million, cash on
hand Is nearly three-quarters of a mil
lion greater, end deposits are nearly a
million and a half more this December
than a year ago. If there is any crit
icism to be passed upon the showing
now made, it is that the bank3 contain
too much meney, but this Is explained
by the fact that Portland Is the seat
of capital for the whole Pacific North
west, and as such Is the depository for
reserve funds of numerous and varied
Interests. The strength of Portland's
business institutions is indicated by this
bank statement. And less than half of
Portland's banking business is done by
its National banks, there being nine
private banks and only four National
banks in the city.
The mlscKance that sent the steamer
Ruth to the bottom is a reminder fit
the earlier days of steamboatlng on the
Willamette, before the Government
took the channel In hand and attempt
ed to keep It clear of mags. The trans
portation company that ran the light
built craft which served the farmers
and merchants of the Willamette Val
ley before the railroad era of the
earlier days of steamboatlng long and
well, accounted Itself fortunate If
Its boats outrode a freshet without ac
cident from the swirling waters at Rock
Island or from the great trees cast
adrift upon the stream. Accidents of
this kind have been relatively rare in
recent years.
Socialists have not been so fortunate
in their limited Incursions into munici
pal official life as to warrant them in
pursuing the experiment. The only cit
ies in the country that have ever elected
socialistic Mayors are Haverhill and
Brockton, Mass., both shoe manufac
turing towns. Both continued the ex
periment the second year, but refused to
venture farther In a direction of such
doubtful wisdom. This year the social
ist were defeated in both cities, and
matters nave settiea aown into tne om
grooves of order and security.
Senator Lodge's resolution to prohibit
the sale of firearms, opium and Intoxi
cating liquors to the natives of our
Islands In the Pacific Ocean Is in the
right vein. If we accept Kipling's defi
nition of our new-found sullen foes,
"half devil and half child," we should
certainly see that they are not pro
vided with weapons or elements of dev
iltry which they will use with the in
discretion and venom of irresponsible,
revengeful children.
The public takes little Interest in the
wrangling of detectives over the appor
tionment of the award offered by the O.
R. & N, Co. for the arrest and convic
tion of the man who wrecked its train
near Celilo a few days ago. While It Is
desirable that justice be done, as no
doubt it will be, the fact that the train
wrecker has been apprehended and will
suffer the penalty for his atrocious
crime Is the point upon which general
Interest centers.
Admiral Schley Is not going to take
the verdict of censure as meekly as It
at first seemed that he would. He
could hardly be expected to acquiesce,
upon reflection, in a verdict that gives
Maclay reason to vaunt his "History of
the Navy" as accurate In Its recital
of the movements and direction of the
fleet in Cuban watera during the Span
ish War.
The Incineration of three bodies In one
day at the Portland Crematorium In
dicates the passing of a sharp repug
nance to this method of the disposal of
the dead, though it may well be be
lieved that earth burial will be the rule
and cremation of the human body the
exception for yet many years to come.
The relatives of Mrs. McKInley do
not think that her life will be pro
longed beyond a few months at farthest.
In view of her manifold afflictions. It
would seem that death will come to her
not as an imaginary king of terrors,
but as a veritable prince of peace.
Exponents of the ship subsidy are re
ceding little by little from their de
mands. The present bill Is not so nox
ious as its predecessors. Its advocates
are willing to give up their hobby by
degrees. It is not possible to cure a
bad habit all at once.
The final chapter In a sad and trying
drama was closed when the remains of
Arthur Venville were laid to rest last
Sunday in his home graveyard. A he
roic lad, he deserved a better fate than
that which befell him In the far-away
Islands of the sea.
A Bnlm's Pleading?.
Temple Bar.
My learned friend with mere wind from
a teapot thinks to browbeat mo from my
legs. But this is mere gorilla warfare.
I stand under the shoes of my client, and
only seek to place my bone of conten
tion clearly in your Honor's eye. My
learned friend vainly runs amuck upon
the sheet anchors of my case. Your
Honor will be pleased enough to observe
that my client Is a widow, a poor chap
with one post-mortem, son. A widow
of this country, your Honor will be
pleased enough to observe. Is not like a
widow of your Honor's country. A
widow of this country Is not able to
eat more than one meal a day, or to
wear clean clothes, or to look after a
man. So my poor client had not uch
physic or mind as to bo able to assault
the lusty complainant. Yet sho has
been deprived of some of her more val
uable leather, the leather of her nose.
My learned friend has thrown only an
argument ad homlnle upon my teeth,
that my client's witnesses are all her own
relations. But they are not near rela
tions. Their relationship is only homeo
pathic So the misty arguments of my
learned friend will not hold water." At
least, they will not hold good water.
MODERN EXPERT BILLIARDS.
New Tork Times.
The game of billiards as it is played by
experts Is so rapidly modified that "the
record" is of very little use In estimat
ing the latest performances. All the mod
ifications that have taken place in the
American game within the past 20 yearo,
have had for their object to make the
game harder for two experts, Schaefer
and Slosson, nnd to give other players an
opportunity of competing with them on
even terms. It was for a long time insist
ed, by these other players, that the knack
of nursing in which the3e two confessedly
excelled, did not Imply an equal superior
ity In "all 'round billiards." But. as mat
ter of fact. It has been shown that it doe3.
The accuracy, the delicacy, the wonder
ful judgment of force which these two
showed at straight billiards and rail nurs
ing have served them equally welly In all
the modifications of the game upon which
their would-be competitors insisted. Cush
ion caroms Is the one possible exception
But it seems the public win not "come in"
to a tournament of cushion caroms, it
Is noteworthy that the record run at this
is still Sexton's 77, made 20 years ago.
Nor are the later records of profes
sional or semi-professional billiards of
much more use in .determining whether the
right (and left) hands of the two virtuosi
In question have lost or gained In cunning.
VIgnaux's 329 at the eight-Inch balk line,
Schnef ers -566 at 14-Inch, "one shot In,"
anchor nurse allowed; the same player's
or Ives equal average of 100 at the same
game, even Schaefer's 111 at lS-Inch, one
shot In, or Ives' average bf 50, five shots
In none of these has anything to do with
the case. Elghtcen-Inch balk line, "no
shot in," is without doubt the hardest
game the experts have ever tackled in
public. One proof Is that Schaefer's rec
ord run of 63, made on Tuesday night
against Slosson, 13 10 points short of the
record at cushion caroms, white most
competent observers who saw It made
are yet probably prepared to pronounce it
the mo3t astonishing display of skill at
billiards they were ever privileged to
behold.
Upon the whole, and without reference
to last night's play, the two seniors main
tained their old superiority. Hard as one
of them has been Dressed, the other Is
quite beyond competition at this particu
lar style of play. It may almost be said
that Schaefer1 has succeeded in "beating
the game," as he has succeeded in beating
every game that has been devised to neu
tralize his superiority and that of Slosson,
with the single exception of cushion car
oms. This he tried to beat also, and
Slosson beat him by the simple expedient
of playing It.
It Is not to be expected that the in
genuity of the minor players will intro
duce a game at which it is harder to
make long runs apd high averages than
that at which this tournament has been
held. It Is quite hard enough. But it Is
to be hoped, in the Interest of those who
delight In seeing how the sense of touch
can be cultivated to the point of art, that
there may be many more tournaments at
this or an equivalent game. And it is to
be hoped that for many years Schaefer
and Slosson, who, though veteran billiard
players, are not old men, may continue
to Instruct and entertain the lovers of
what, in their hands, is a noble game.
IXCOXSIDERATION OF THE DYING
Chicago Record-Herald.
When a man makes up his mind to die,
hto first and last thought should be to
accommodate the undertaker. He should
fix the date of his demise so as to con
form to the desires of the undertakers.
After the Immediate relatives and friends
have been satisfied, he should ask himself:
"Does this please the undertakers? Have
I selected a day that does not Interfere
with their plans or arrangements? Am I
violating the rules of the Undertakers'
Association by shuffling off this mortal
coll on Thursday?"
The lack of an accommodating disposi
tion on the part of those who have made
up their minds to die has moved the un
dertakers to organize for their protection
against thoughtless and Inconsiderate
persons -who shuffle off "any old time"
that happens to suit their fancy. The un
dertakers have got together and have de
termined tp discourage the practice of
Sunday funeral3. They propose to so
licit the co-operation of the clergy and
the superintendents of the cemeteries. If
the clergy will decline to preach funeral
sermons on Sunday, and the superintend
ents of cemeteries will hang out the
"closed" sign on that day, the undertak
ers believe the Sunday funeral can be
abolished.
It Is true that a man may secure a
longer string of carriages and a greater
number of mourners by being burled on
Sunday, as most people have nothing else
to do on that day. In the case of the
poor, -the tolling masses turn out and
show their grief for the departed In a
manner that would not be possible on a
week day, when they must stick to their
work. It Is also a fact that the popular
notion of Sunday makes It -easier to mourn
on that day.
But these considerations, in the opin
ion of the undertakers, are not weighty
enough to supply an excuse for making
them do their hardest work on Sundays.
They desire to rest on that day. Of
course. If the undertakers are united and
mean business, there Is little doubt that
they can bring about the desired reform.
If we are to have a "closed Sunday" in all
the cemeteries, and a man who Is in a
hurry to die 'cannot break In with an ax
and cannot get in under the fence, what
Is the poor fellow to do? He will simply
have to wait till Monday or Tuesday, so
he may be burled on a weekday. There's
no other way out of It except to flatly
refuse to die at all.
He Caught the Princess.
Youth's Companion.
An entertaining story comes from tho
French Alps of Dauphlny, relating the fu
tile efforts of the Princess of Croy, who
desired to enter the monastery of tho
Grande Chartreuse, a habitation from
which women visitors are rigidly excluded.
The story runs that the Princess dressed
herself in. boy's clothes and accompanied
her husband to the institution. The gates
were opened to them, and the Prince sent
his card to tho father superior, with a
line to the effect that he was accom
panied by a friend.
Just as they were about to make the
round of the building the word was re
ceived that the father would like to seo
the Prince and "his friend." Going up
stairs, they were received by the smiling
monk, whocordlally Invited them to join
him In an appetizing luncheon. The Prin
cess endeavored to make the best of the
.situation, but sho was not put any tho
more at her ease by the fact that the
monk kept gazing sharply at her.
At last he exclaimed, suddenly. "Catch
it, young man I" at tho samo time throw
ing at her a. large pear. The Princess was
startled, and, thrown completely off her
guard, made a feminine motion to grab
up her skirt, the absence of which she
overlooked In her confusion.
Then the father stopped smiling, and
said with great gravity:
"I beg your pardon, madam, but ladles
are not allowed In the monastery. I must
ask you to wait outside until the Prlnco
has finished his Inspection."
And outside sho had to go, tho reverend
father bowing her from the room with
most elaborate politeness.
When It Pay to Steal.
Albany Democrat.
It has been "finally decided that no one
Is responsible for theft by G. W. Davis of
over'SCO.OOO from the State of Oregon, be
cause the statute of limitations operates.
Hence, If a man can steal and keep it
quiet for over six years It Is "all right;"
both civilly and criminally, and the man
Is considerable of a gentleman. If Davis
comes back he ought to be a good can
didate for Congress or some other high
office where shrewdness is desired. But
seriously, it Is time that the provisions
of tho law were such that men in a case
like this shall be punished to the full
extent and not be allowed to go free be
cause certain length of time has elapsed.
Rascality should be sat down on wherever
It occurs.
AMUSEMENTS.
Balfe's tuneful and ever-popular "Bo
hemian GIrL" was sung by the Wilbur
Klrwln Opera Company at the Baker The
ater last night, and the old familiar airs
were received as enthusiastically as ever.
"The Bohemian Girl" is and ha3 been for
many years the "Uncle Tom's Cabin" of
opera, and never fails to draw or to please.
The production last night was as good as
anything the company has given in Port
land. The costumes tere- pretty, the
Gip3y chorus being dressed in an unusu
ally picturesque fashion, and the dance
In the second act was one of the hits of
the evening
Susie Klrwin played Arllnc, and sang
the well-known songs allotted to that
young lady sweetly. Forest Huff was a
fine-looking Count Arnhelm, and W. H.
Kohnle an excellent Devil's Hoof. The
specialties were as usual, the living pic
tures being the feature of the vaudeville
bill.
"The Bohemian Girl" will be repeated
at the matinee this afternoon. Tonight.
"The Chimes of Normandy.''
MATIXEE TODAY.
'Bohemian Girl" at the Bnfcer The
ater. The tuneful and popular opera. "Bo
hemian Girl," will be given for the last
time at the matinee at the Baker Theater
this afternpon. So well-known are its airs
that the house will no doubt be crowded
with the old-time admirers of Balfe's fine
music. The advance sale has been unusu
ally heavy.
COMIXG ATTRACTIONS.
Gran's Nevr Opera. Company.
Thursday, December 19, Grau's famous
opera company will play a three nights
engagement at the Marquam Grand, with
matinee Saturday, presenting the latest
and greatest successes Thursday "El
Capltan," Friday "Dorothy," Saturday
matinee "Wang," and Saturday night
"Rip Van Winkle."
- Sousa's "Stars and Stripes Forever" and
his great "El Capltan March" both are
sung in his great opera of "El Capitan."
The sale of seats opened yesterday morn
ing. Cordray'a Chriitmni Attraction.
The attraction at Cordray's Theater
Christmas week will be Arthur C. Alston's
drama. "At the Old Cross Roads." which
Is said to be the best production Mr. Als
ton has yet taken on the road. This is tho
first time "At the Old Cross Roads" has
been seen In Portland, but Mr. Alston Is a
regular visitor to tho Pacific Coast, and
has been identified with many excellent
attractions. The company Is composed as
follows: Estha Williams, Jane Corcoran,
Mary Rose, Mrs. Charles G. Craig, Louise
Valentine. Edwin Walter, J. J. Plerson,
Thomas Ince, F. Mastyn Kelly, Maurice
Hedges, and several others. Special mat
inees will be given Saturday and Christ
mas. "Ole Olson" at the Baiter.
After a long season of opera, the patrons
of Baker's Theater will welcome the
change to comedy which takes place next
Sunday, when the popular comedian Ben
Hendricks will begin a week's engage
ment In his well-known and equally well
liked impersonation of Ole Olson. While
this Swedish comedy Is unpretentious in
literary theme and treatment, and Is far
removed from the cult of Ibsen or Maeter
linck, It has what Is perhaps better than
a dramatic diagnosis of social sins and
foibles.
Were 7!ot Prepared.
Milwaukee Sentinel.
The American Machinist discusses the
battle of Santiago from the engineer's
viewpoint, and brings out some facts that
will be new to the general reader. In the
opinion of thq writer of the article there
was not a single officer at Santiago who
dreamed that Cervera would attempt to
escape, and the problem therefore seemed
to be to maintain an indefinite blockade
and to do It a3 cheaply as possible. Owing
to this theory, the entire American fleet,
with the exception of one ship, the Ore
gon, was unprepared to give chase at full
speed when the Spaniards were suddenly
seen steaming out of the harbor. Admiral
Schley's view of the necessity of saving
coal must have been shared by the cap
tains, for the ships, with the exception
noted, were under half power, with only
half the boilers in use. The Brooklyn, for
instance, had only three of her five large
boilers and two half boilers ready for
service, all the others being empty, and
some of them with their mnn-hole plates
off. The Oregon alone, thanks to En
gineer Mllllgan's Insistence on keeping
fires In all the boilers all the tkne, was
ready to steam at full speed when the
critical moment came. How largely the
splendid workof the Oregon was really
due to the foresight of her chief engineer
and to his influence with Captain Clark,
who yielded to his views, Is apparent.
The deduction of the writer that had
the Spanish ships been manned by British,
French or German engineers they would
have escaped, may be accepted with an
Important qualification. The notorious In
efficiency of Spanish engineers must have
been reckoned on by the American com
manders in keeping their own ships at low
steaming power. Had, however, a single
Spanish vessel gotten away owing to the
facts pointed out, we should probably have
had another naval investigation on our
hands. Indeed the American Machinist
seems to think there ought to be one as
it is. To this alarming suggestion a long
suffering public will demur.
The Anemone.
By David Gray.
(DavJd Gray, a Scottish poet, was born
at Kirkintilloch. January 29, 1S3S, and died
there December 2, 1SS1. He wrote "The
Luggle and Other Poems," which were
published In 1S6Z, the year after his deatn.
"Tho Luggle," with Its sense of natural
beauty and its promise of dladactic and
descriptive powor, constitutes Gray's chief
claim as a poet, but his sonnets are re
raarkable In substance, and several of
them are felicitous In structure and ex
pression.) I have wandered far today.
In a pleased, unquiet way:
Over hill and songful hcllow.
Vernal bye-ways, fresh and fair.
Did I slmplo fancies follow;
Till upon a hillside- hare.
Suddenly I chanced to seo
A little white anemone.
Beneath a clump of furze It grewj -1
And never mortal eye did view
Its rathe and slender beauty, till
I saw It In no mocking1 mood;
For with Ito sweetness did it all
To me the amplo solitude.
A fond remembrance made me see
Strange light la the anemone.
One April day. when I was seven.
Beneath the clear and deepening heaven.
My father, God preserve him! went
With me a Scottish mile and more;
And In a playful merriment
He decked my bonnet o'er and o'er
To fling a sunshine on his ease .
With tendcrest anemones.
Now, gentle reader, as I live.
This snojvy little bloom did glvo
My bclnj most endearing throes.
I saw my father in his prime:
But youth It comes, and youth it goes
And ho has spent his blithest time;
Tet dearer grown through all to me.
And dearer the anemone.
So with the spirit of a sage
I plucked It from its heritage.
And placed it 'tween the sacred leaves
Of Agnes' Eve, at that rare part
Where she her fragrant robe unweaves.
And with a gently beating heart,
In troubled bliss and tolmy woe,
Lies down to dream of Porphyro.
Let others sing of that ?nd this.
In war and science find their bliss;
Vainly they seek and will not And
The subtle love that nature brings
Unto the reverential mind.
The pathos worn by common things,
By every flower that lights the lea,
And by tho Dale anemone.
NOTE AND COMMENT.
t ;
Mr. Ldwson seems to be effectually cop-
percd. '
Now Is the time to lay In your stock
of resolutions.
Tho man behind
troubles just now.
the counter has his
The. Pope Insists doggedly that the re
ports of his death are baseless.
Why hasn't the irrigation committee
made a report on the Army canteen?
The new Postmaster-General ought to
put the department on a payln' basis.
If death loves a shining mark, Tolstoi
and Ibsen must be sadly In need of polish.
Senator Morgan will wake up some or
these Jlne mornings and talk for the rest
of the ses&ton.
If Carnegie still yearns to die poor he
might give Congress a chance at the sur
plus in his treasury.
A scientist predicts that the human race
will one day be legless. Thus comic opera
begins to behold Its finish.
Have you bought them all? Haven't you
forgotten two or three sixteenth cousins
who remembered you last year?
It Tillman and McLaurin are really In
earnest, San Franciaco would no doubt
be willing to provide the ring and square
tho police.
Chicago machinists are still cheering
Czolgosz. They thereby provoke the po
lice, but the silent dust is as immune
as tho dull cold ear of death is to flat
tery. King Edward and Queen Alexandra are
not going to Ireland after the coronation.
The King has evidently taken time from
the coronation preparations to put his car
to tho ground occasionally.
Maurice Grau says that the man who
tries to succeed him as an impressarlo la
either a madman or a fool. Maurice's
next advertising move will be to have
himself arrested for calling himself names.
Senator Kearns, of Utah, not so very
long ago was working with a pick and
shovel for 52 a day. Last Summer he
and his partners refused $14,000,000 for one
of their mines. The Senator Is used to
life in the open and the atmosphere of
the Senate oppresses -him. Last Thursday
he sat down beside Senator Heltfeld, also
a Westerner, and said: "Henry, what do
you tnink of this game, anyhow?" Helt
feld, being now schooled In the wiles of
diplomacy, answered the question with
another. "Why do you ask?" he said.
"Oh," replied Kearns, "they use too much
language in their talk to suit me. Why
don't they say what thfey mean instead of
bundling it all up In a lot of unnecessary
words?"
There Is a rohiantic story about Lord
Kelvin's second marriage. In the early
'70s he. then Sir William Thompson, was
in West Indian waters, on board his
schooner yacht, the Lalla Rookh. As- a
recreation he took up the question of
simplifying the method of signals at sea.
He had been talking of it at the dinner
table of a friend in Madeira, and the only
apprehension that seemed able to grasp It
was that of his host's daughter, a lady he
greatly but silently admired. "I quite un
derstand It, Sir William." she said. "Are
you sure?" he questioned, half doubtfully,
"If I sent you a signal from my yacht do
you think you could read It and could
answer me?" "Well, I would try," she
responded. "I believe I should succeed in
making It out." Tho signal was sent;
and sho did succeed In making it out and
In transmitting the reply. The question
was: "Will you marry me?" and the an
swer was: "Yes."
A new story of Lincoln was told at the
recent semi-annual dinner of the Delawate
Valley Society of the State of New York.
The author of the story was the venera
ble Benajat G. Jayne, who during most of
the Civil War was the personal assistant
of Edwin M. Stanton, the famous War
Secretary. One day Lincoln sent for
Jayne to come to the White House. "My
boy," said he, "there Is a letter I would
like to have you look at." Jayne picked
up the letter, and found it was from
General Dix. It conveyed the information
that several Federal prisoners had es
caped from LIbby Prison with the aid of
Abble Green, a woman famous during the
war. The letter also said that, as the
fact of Abble's assistance was well known
she had been obliged to flee from Rich
mond, and even then was on her way
to Washington on the flag of truce boat.
"Now, my boy," said the President, "I
don't know what I should say to any
rascal who would steal that letter and
have a bill passed through Congress to
grant $10,000 to the relief of Abble Green."
Mr. jayne "stole the letter," and the
next day both branches of Congress
passed the bill to grant $10,000 to Abble
Green. The following morning "Honest
Abe" sent for Jayne again. "I told you
I didn't know what I should say," he
said, with a twinkle in his eye. "to the
rascal who would steal that letter and
have Congress act on it. Now, I've made
up my mind what to say. You go down
to No. street, get Abbie Green,
take her down to Chase at the Treasury,
and don't you let her go until she gets
that money." '
- .
PLEASANTRIES OF PAltAGRAPIIEUS
No Room for It. "They have a skeleton in
the closet, I believe." "Oh, dear, no! They
live In a flat." Chicago Post.
As to Friends. He They seem very much
attached to each other. She Oh. yes! She
thinks she 13 tho only girl he ever taught to
skate. Puck.
It's Her Nature. "Oh. those won't do at
all." she said, when the guide brought out the
snowshos. "I'm suro I can wear a size small
er." Chicago Post.
One-SIded. Nodd My wife and I have agreed
not to glvo each other any Christmas presents
this year. Todd Are you really going to stick
to it? "Sho 13, but I wouldn't dare to." Llfo.
Mamma You ought to be careful of your
toyr. It would be nice if you could have them
all when Santa Claua comes again. Ethel
Why, If I did, he might think I didn't need any
more. Brooklyn Life.
A DIFFICULTY.
The billionaire is puzzled now.
He cannot bang, you see.
A railway system on tho bough
Of one small Christmas tree.
Washington Star.
Strategy. Subbubs We"e changed the name
of our town to Bogdale. Cltlman Why. it was
only six months ago that you changed It to
Swarapuurst. Subbubs I know, but we havo
to change it frequently, so as to get servant
girls to come out, thinking it's a new place.
Philadelphia Press.
Literary Subjects. "Whom did you discuss at
your literary club this afternoon, dear?" asked
the husband in the evening. "Let ma seel"
murmured his wlfo. "Oh, yes. I remember
now! "Why, we discussed that woman who re
.antly moved i .to the house across the street
from us, and Longfellow.' Ohio State Journal.
Nearlng the Finish. "How long has the min
ister been preaching?" whispered the stranger
who had wandered into the church and sat
down away back. "About 30 years, I believe,"
replied the other occupant of the pew. "That
being the case," rejoined the stranger, "I
guess I'll stay. Ho must bo nearly done."
4 Chicago News.