f
THE NEW AGE, PORTIjAXD, OREGON
Y
Y
there's going to bo n railroad up In Ice
land, '
In Ireland.
ind what n funny railroad It will bo I
( would never think of Iceland as a nice
Inml,
A nice land,
Tor week ends nt n cottage by the sea.
For tlie trains will very likely go on run
ner like n sleigh,
4nd they'll harness up tho englno In a
Jingle belli nrray.
It least, 1 cant' linaglno It In any other
way,
In Iceland,
fou won't need your thermometers In Ico-
land,
In Iceland,
ind you won't have any fretful vis a vis i
t'or up there In Hint anything but spice
laud,
Hut xplco land,
the can arc always cold as they can be.
Oh, they'll hnve to dig tho sleepers out a
doten times a day,
Or perhaps they'll tunnel through tho great
big Icebergs In the b.iy,
ind that will lie Just bully till tne Ue-
bergs move nwny,
In Iceland,
4 Journey will be Jolly up In Irelnnd,
In Iceland,
The scenery's so wonderful to see i
It will seem like nothing short of para
dise land,
I'nradlsc land,
As the open cars go whirling o'er the lea.
rhcy won't have any schedule so there'll
never be delay,
The rates will be so low that almost any
one ran pay,
Cor In that curious climate It Is Christmas
every day,
. In Iceland,
m
VL
1 Little Baby Beth
Ily Cnrtillni- II. Mlnnler.
smasttxm
IT was Now Year's eve. Downstairs
In the parlor wnn I In by Heth's
Chrlstmns tree, Just oh It hnd been
arranged a week ago bisque doll,
toys, glittering Imlls, marvelous sugar
dogs nml hears anil "elplnints," candy
apples and hearts, popcorn, colored tapers
Just ready to be lighted nnd upstairs
Itaby Ileth was dying. All week long,
with tho fierceness of n tigress lighting
for her young, Margaret Thorpe had
fought for her child's life, From tho mo
ment that tho first hoarso cough sinoto
upon her car nnd Heth had said, "Mam
ma, It hurts me hero when I toff," sho
had lost no time. All that doctors,
nurses, servants, friends mother love
could do had been done, nnd now In her
darkened chamber tho mother sat with
her baby on her knees nnd wnlted. To
ward night n change had come. Tho
liarsh cough ceased, tho panting breath
came more quietly.
"Didn't sho seem easier?" she had ask
d, nnd the doctor hnd answered briefly,
"Yes." Then, nfter nn interval of wait
ing, "Wasn't lier breathing less labored?"
The doctor made no reply.
"Doctor," plteomdy, "don't you think
he Is hotter?"
Dr. Lcmnyno turned away. He had
practiced many years, nnd witnessed
many n scene like this, hut to his kind
'heart each one was new.
' "My child," he said, "sho will never bo
any better sho Is dying."
Margaret Thome made no outcry, shed
no tear she would have "to-morrow nnd
all nfter life for tears," to-day she had
her baby, Sl'ie bent over tho child nnd
linlf stretched out her arms with the Im
pulso to take her nnd go somewhere
anywhere away from everybody. It was
the Instinct of the wounded animal. Then
he fell Into tho monotonous swinging mo
tion of tho knees, familiar to mothers,
patting her little ono softly the while ns
if sho wero putting her to sleep.
It was heart-breaking. The women to
whom the child was only n 'dear lit t lo
- tiaby who "would be better off In heaven,"
' i , ns the phrase goes, crept about tho room
jWJsvS weeping softly with aching hearts. Af
ter a time Margaret looked up.
"Doctor," sho asked, "how long?"
"I can hardly tell," he answered, "but
only a few hour nt best, I think."
Sho turned to tlie women.
"Send for her father," sho said briefly.
There was a slight stir of surprise. Sig
nificant glances passed from ono to an
other behind her bowed head. Then they
went out to do her bidding.
The message was quickly sent nnd as
julckly answered. The case brooked no
delay. Margaret Thome heard tho fa
miliar step In the hall, then In the room
fcelow, A moment later he came in. Tho
women spoke to him In the sympathetic
'key of the sick room ami the doctor si
lently wrung his hand. Margaret looked
up with a slight movement of the head,
tut did not offer him her hand.
"Margaret," h said, "It was very good
of you to send for me,"
"It was only right," she said, her voice
hardening In her efforts to steady it ; "sho
is your child, too."
Ho made no effort at conversation, and
co they sat, tho silence of death upon
them. It grew oppressive. The women,
one by one, stole out of tlie room, and
the doctor finally muttered something
bout going into the library to lie down,
telling them to call him If there should
be any change. The two were left alone
with the dying child.
It was a strange scene. Each held a
baby hand ; each with a burden of grief
-unutterable bent over the littlo form and
watched the flickering life go out; and
each shut up and double-locked and bolt
ed the heart that the other should not
lenow what was therein. They wero but
a band's breadth apart, but between them
was a great gulf fixed.
John Thorne had not seen his child
4 -since that never-to-be-forgotten day when
'' be gave her'and his home into Margaret's
lands and went forth alone. How he had
longed for a sight of the baby face, for
a touch of the baby bauds, none but him
self would ever know. Hut he had been
too proud to ask to see her, ami Mar
garet had said in bitter scorn, "It is the
way of the sex. A woman would never
have forgotten her own child." And she
bad clasped Uetti passionately to her
heart and cried out, "I will be father and
mother both to jou, my baby, my poor,
forsaken baby."
As he bent Over her now, all his heart
In his ejes, n strange feeling of doubt be
gan tugging at her heart. Had ho really
loved the child like tills? Uncomfortable
regrets took possession of her. .Could she
have misjudged him? She might have sen)
Ileth to seo him occasionally, It seemed
to her now, when she had her nil the
time. Ho had been more generous than
she.
She glanced furtively at him. He rest
ed his head on his right hand, his left
clnsplng Heth's. Ills eye were fixed on
the child ns If he would in these few mo
ments left feast his famished heart upon
that which had been so long withheld.
Something in his position made Margaret
think of ono other night when they had
sat like this nnd watched lleth through
tbn rrntm. ntitl hnu Hint lirw! fnU tltnt (f
.. ,., ...... ..v,, ..w ...... ..... ...... ..
! God would only spare her they could
have nothing in life to trouble them agnln.
I low gentle and tender John hnd been
that night 1
And then there was the time thnt Ileth
was burned and John hndwnlked with
her the whole night long nnd would not
even let the mother rest him, because "she
was weak nnd ho was strong," he bad
said. How the memories came thronging
upon her! Oh, if she could only wake
and find that this year had been n dream
a horrible dream and there had been
no quarrel I
The clock ticked on, the fire sputtered
fitfully, hut tho silence of the vigil was
unbroken, John Thome raised his head
nnd looked nt Margaret as she lay with
closed eyes. Her white, suffering face
touched his heart. How much older she
looked. It was only four years since she
had stood n brldo of nineteen and given
herself to him, Why, could It bo only
four years? It seemed like nn eternity.
Tho breath comes slowly. Tho little
hands are very still, and yet, O baby
fingers, through tho solemn watches of
this night, thou'rt gnthcrlug up the tan
gled, broken threads of these two lives.
first an
r tiddct?iy
0f?d ifcj.rr;ct6
hAOir n
m wa fold 1f;ern
Ond aII ley tf)Ar
and with a touch no other hand might
use, art weaving them together, deftly,
surely, with heaven-sent skill !
There was a slight stir. The mother
and father felt a quiver pass through the
little form. With startled faces they bent
over her. There was a gasp, a sudden
throwing up of the little hands then all
was still.
In an Instant his arms were around her,
her head on bis breast.
"Margaret, my wife!"
"0 John, John I" she said.
Tho clock struck twelve. A New Year
had dawned.
Jn tho twilight of a summer day a man
and woman stand beside a little grave.
There is an air of subdued sadness about
them that tells to whom tho littlo mound
belongs, and jet when they speak It Is
hopefully and cheerfully. It Is a tiny
grave "only a baby," a stranger would
say but we who have stood beside such
know that love and grief are not measured
by feet and inches.
Tho glory of the setting sun fills th
place. It lights up the faivx of father
and mother as they lay. with loving
bands, forget-me-nots upon the green turf,
and then, hand in hand, go forth. A stray
sunbeam falls across the white stone. We
stoop to read the inscription. It Is a very
simple one:
IUIIY BBTII.
AOED TIIBEE.
"And a little child shall lead them."
The Housewife.
Toiurar Got One,
Tommy (on Christmas morning)
Where does Santa Claus get all bis stuff,
mamma?
Mamma Oh, he buys It.
Tommy Well, he must be a Jay to Jet
anyone palm off a tin watch on him!
Town Topic.
(V jsp?r c
fpt
imw
Wm eh
i 'i
111
mm.
fui
LET'S KEEP SANTA CLAU3.
.lli-iiiorj- of ltni)' IJuj-s itf I.niiir Abo
I'ratec-tn St. Mcli.
psttpa
1 1 10 memory of
happy days long
ago should ever
protect Santa
L'laus. When your
boy looks you
squarely In the
eye and says:
"Papa, Clarence
McGufTy s n I d
there Isn't nny
Santa Clans nnd
I punched him,
for I know there
Is," what nro you
SMtZ give the blow nnd
cling to a hnppy myth or destroy your
boy's faith In Santa Clans, nnd, Incident
ally in a good many other things he be
lieves In, but doesn't understand?
"Why discuss the matter at all?" Is n
natural question. Hccnusc It Is n ques
tion that nlwnys nrlses nt Christmas time.
An Eastern preacher Is discussing It from
the pulpit nnd holds that deceit Is sin and
thnt the truth and only the truth Is the
best steady diet for both young nnd old.
The man or woman who would take
from n child his sublime faith In a Mys
terious Ilelng, who rewards all the good
children and skips the bad ones on his
annual tour of countless chimneys, has n
shriveled heart. Wo want more happi
ness; not less. Wo need more good Influ
ences In the lives of our children, not
fewer. Nothing but good ever came from
the Santa Claus Myth. He Is a glorious
ghost, a delicious Impossibility, Is this
friend of the children. He tenches kind
ness, charity, goodness. He Inspires and
encourages. lie brightens the lives of
millions of little ones with the Joy of an
ticipation nnd the gladness of receiving.
lie Is a companion of brownies and elves
nnd fairies, nnd (lowers that speak.
When we abolish Merry Old St. Nick
lets burn all the story books, tho fairy
Je$M Christmas
2 I it
Kcsr
wjzm&i
9J tWe Were 19 !)e jArpc-couurfy ifoeprjcrdj abiding In ;c field, keeping
WAfcbocrtfclr flock-by ijlgljh .
t)i, oM& Aitfel of 1.5c Lord ,mc flpon1lcro,And tfic lory of Ifjc Lord irjooe
rotJ9dbourW3orr;;M7dcy were sore AtYAtd.
nd n)c xptfcl iid anfo fficnW (jot, for.bcbdd J briltf yOo $ood fldtpg
or flrfa yoa l born tfyj -day (17 tlje city of pAvfd a Saviour; wfjltr; Christ'
gd t)i sba'ir be & r ai)Vayoa ; tc $bH f to "Hfc
ddhrpdclojOejJinAmacr- , .
rycrc w& win? n;c ArciAiyuiiiiMw.
oryfoGod fre )$jcsttr)d?OQ'eLity fccc, good
fAtt,.MtticAndcl Were 309c AWAy frorr; tijerr; Ipfo
t.hpnhfrrii. t,d nnft intb AnoMnr. Let" IK. no fO e.e
60l'o.pctt)lcpcrpr;dec tO 0'93 Wbicr; i&corpc to
r , lord-tjMi) rc)b.ic K90W9 ooip a$-
AJf7d tljcy CAtne wily te.dod' hand HAtyAijd Jojcpb.&ndfye bAbe
tAJrjd wi;cr) tfjcy hiJ seen ifc 1l;cy njAdc. ktjown Abroad tfje Ayip5 wl;kl;
concerning mo child.
bcArd if wondered aIIjosc tOirpg
ISJflt MAry Kept' AlHbeje tnAn:! pondered" ibern 19 her beArfc
0i?d tr)e 5f;cpberd retanjed, gloryfytog ud prAioing God for All
tfje tvinf tf?AtMI;cy IjAd beard And 5cen,ArirWAyfo1dantot!;crn. j
ST. LUKE H. a-20
V8rgB
tales, and all the make-believes that wield
nn influence for good In the lives of chil
dren. Hut Santa Claus Is In no danger,
for If the children love him, so do the
parents. Memory of happy days of long
ago protects him. A century hence he
will be making his rounds nnd laughing,
with the children, at thoe who would de
stroy him. Cincinnati Tost.
8traiiK Orlirlit of ClirUtmu Trrr,
Mott of us know that the Christmas
tree comes to us direct from (Jermany.
And we know of the tree worship of the
Druids which obtained in England and
Franco, and which probably had some in
fluence on the later uso of tho tree in the
Christian festival, Hut we do not all
know that a similar festival with the tree
as a crowning feature Is observed among
many heathen nations, and that it comes
from sun worship, which is older than his
tory. The revival of tho sun after the
winter solstice lias ever been the subject
of rejoicing and of celebration by cere
monies which represent the new ll-.-lit
brought back to the world. Our trei,
with Its smnll candles, Its glided knick
narks nnd toys for the children, Is a di
rect descendant of this old festival In
honor of the sun.
Traces of It exist In Iceland, where the
"service tree" Is found adorned with burn
ing lights during Christmas night. The
HnglUh yule log Is a faint survival of this
festival. Hut it is beyond these that I
wish to draw your attention, back further
even than the Druid mysteries of the Gal
lic forests. It is to China, that home of
all wonders and of all history. It has
been shown that as long ago as 217 II. 0.
a tree with a hundred lamp and flowers
was placed on the steps of the audience
ball. This appears again In the records
of Princess Yang, who lived 713-755 A.
D and who caused a hundred-lamo trea
eighty feet high to be erected on a moun
tain. It was lighted during Ilcw Year's
night, and the Illumination was seen for
hundreds of miles, eclipsing the light of
the moon. This candle tree Is no longer
lighted In China, being replaced by nn
unusual number of lanterns, which nro
hung everywhere. A suggestion of the
tree, however, still survives In Japan. At
tho New Year two evergreen trees nro
placed without, on either side of the door.
Their tops are tied together with tho
sacred band of straw, nnd various objects,
dried lobsters and oranges nre fastened to
their branches. Woman's Homo Com
panion. CH.-.ISTMA3 IN DIXIE.
A Qtinliit Custom the Survival ot
SIiimt-c Ii.
In some parts of the South, notably
Alabama, the observance of Christmas is
kept up after tho manner of slavery days.
Two weeks before the festival brawny
colored men In the employ of the planta
tion owner search out n timber tract, fell
tho tree of greatest size, cut off the trunk
where the circumference Is greatest, big
enough to admit of It filling the space of
the open hearth, fasten heavy chains to It
by driving In spikes, haul It to the near
est river or pond, sink It nnd anchor It
well below the surface. On Christmas eve
It Is drawn up, taken to tho owner's man
sion nnd In the presence of his family,
relatives and friends the dripping log Is
placed on a roaring fire In the hearth. To
reduce the water-soaked wood to ashes
Is a slow process and sometimes a week
"lapses before this Is accomplished. In
tho meantime the plantation darkles do
not work while tho Incineration Is In pro
gress. On Chrlstmns eve tho hostess
serves the company with egguog nnd sho
supplies them with eatables while the log
sizzles In the (Ire plnce. The banjo nnd
guitar nre brought Into piny and the old
melodies nre sung and Jigs nnd other
dances nre gone through with zest. Tho
white folks take a hand In the fun mak
ing, too, nnd with song nnd story mnke
Stories
in
uDrr!tSfl
bbe.wrApcJ ip
, ,u . AO .
-v- .--
will -toward njep.
p&V,wl;icp iJc
:y.'Miiiiiiiiii.vi
wbfeb were -fold EB63n3!
the colored folks happy. At some of the
gatherings 1100 persons take part, tho old,
capacious mansion giving ample room for ,
all.
Curious Custom of OsfonUhlrr.
In some places In Oxfordshire, Hng
land, It was the right of every maid ser
vant to ask the hired man for a bit of
Ivy to trim tho house. If he turned a
deaf ear to her Importunities or forgot
her request sho would steal n pair of his
breeches and nail them to the gate In the
yard or on the highway. This was sup
posed to debar him from all privileges of
the mistletoe,
i:uy fn ll llniipr.
Mrs Nexdoor Aren't you nlwnys
worril half to death when It comes to
buying a Chrlstmns present for your
husband?
Mrs Sunshine Mr, no! I buy my
huband something I want for myself,
nnd he buys tne something he wants for
himself, and then we trade.
Wow the trumpet, bent the drum.
Glad am I thut Santa's corns I
HI 11111
i Mil
ill mi IIMII11V
iinn
nnraa
mmSa
wa&:
Wm
If "TVw
A CHRISTMAS CONCLUSION.
Twas the day before Christmas, and all
tlirotigli tlie Innd,
Rang tlie cry of tbc clilldrcn tbht none can
wlthstnml,
'Old Kantn Is coming, rare treasures lie
brings,
s. pack loniled down wltb most wonderful
things I"
Hut, old Santa, alns, like a mere mortal
man,
To fret ami to fume nt bis duties began
for be bad been roaming nbout In dis
guise, Ind tbc state of affairs bad caused him
surprise.
For what do you think was tlio first thing
be learned?
Why nil the bad children to good ones had
turned ;
Clone all the 111 tempers and cross, angry
looks,
Devoted each child to bis work and his
books.
And he groaned as he said, "I plainly can
see
On this Chrlstmns Kvo there's no shirking
for me.
Vot one nnughty child In the whole merry
Hock,
TIs plain I must work until live by tho
clock."
Uut, my dear," said his wife, "you ought
to lie glnd
That nt Inst there's not left a child who
Is bad."
iald the saint, with n smile and a look thnt
was iuecr,
They ought to expect mo each day In the
year."
Wavcrloy Magazine.
WG
HOW HOPE
WAS BORN
vxmsstissm&
Tlin night was n wild one. Such n
night nnd such weather ns only
New Kngland can Inlllct on suffer
ing humanity. Tho dispensary wns
In darkness, save n light which gleamed
from the windows of tho resident physi
cian's room.
Dr. Hrown, tho resident physician, had
made n bad day of It, tramping through
the snow, making his regular calls on tho
sick poor of his district. Now he found
small comfort In his plpo as he sat by his
little stove In tho dispensary room.
Just now the young doctor suffered
from an attnek of the blues, lie had
worked hard, this Inst year, for his de
gree, nnd nfter graduation had been chos
en from among 'M applicants for the post
of resident nt the dispensary. The posi
tion paid In experience and gave n wide
Held for work nmong the poor of the dis
trict, both nt their homes nnd nt the dis
pensary. The salary was chlclly salary
In name, $100 n year nnd room rent free,
not enough to cover expenses; but it was
the experience to be gained thnt paid.
Ho had been n young man with expec
tations nnd hnd had matrimonial designs
on n certain dainty young lady, nnd what
hope was there for a poor dispensary doc
tor? Only that morning tho wealthy Mr.
l'eabody, her pompous papa, had passed
Dr. Hrown on the street and hnd return
ed his pollto "good morning" with u cold
look, which seemed to say: "I do not
wish to know jou, sir." And that, too,
when but n few jenrs before the student
Hrown, with great expectation, had been
u welcome guest nt the l'eabody mansion.
Society had gossiped thnt Dolly l'ea
body nnd llnrvey Hrown would make u
mutch.
He had written onco slnco that to Miss
Dorothy nnd his letter had been returned
to him unopened, Tho I'enbndys hail gone
abroad nnd he had heard no more of them
until to-day, when Mr. l'eabody had given
him the cut direct.
Dr. Hrown had worked hard nil day,
had had n cuko nt a slum tenement hnue
that afternoon nnd had missed his supper
nt the boarding house. As ho brooded
over these things small wonder thnt tho
"blue devils" tormented him.
"Devil of n night out," mused the doc
tor. "Christmas eve, tool Hope I won't
liavo n call nut to-ulght. What nn old
duffer that l'eabody Is, nuywny. Won
der If Dol Miss l'eabody would cut mo
like thnt? llnng It nil! A mnn don't
feel good to be frozen out like thnt Just
becaue he has lost his expectations, I
thought I knew Dolly dash It, I do know
her! She wouldn't throw n fellow over
like that. Hut why hang It nil, but I
do feel empty; pity that boirdlng house
couldn't keep open of n night once In
awhile, nnd I'm broke, too. Well, there's
no hope for mo with her pater, that's
sure !"
Tho electric bell over his head rung
violently and Dr. Hi own, stepping to tho
speaking tube, shouted: "Well, what's
wanted?"
"Say, bo youse do doctor? Deys n swell
bloke up de street wots nil smashed up.
Dey wants de doctor to get a wiggle on,
see?"
A few minutes Inter Dr. Ilrown was
stumbling through the storm In tho wnko
of tho smnll gamin who had summoned
him. At the corner two men were holding
a frightened horse, to which was hanging
the remains of n broken harness. A little
further on was an overturned cab, sur
rounded by a number of residents who had
turned out In spltu of the storm. They
had Just pulled from under the wheels an
elderly gentleman, whoso dress had stamp
ed him ns a "swell" with tho gamin.
Dr. Hrown was nil professional In nn
Instant, and superintended tho carrying
of tho Injured mnn to the dispensary,
where he was placed on the doctor's own
cot. Dr. Hrown did not need to bo told
that this victim of n runaway cab was
tho same Mr. l'eabody who had cut him
on the street the morning of thnt samo
day.
In the doctor's room patient and phy
sician had passed the night In silence, tho
doctor doing nil In bis power to soothe
bis patient, bis personal feelings buried
deeply under professional zeal.
In tho morning Mr, I'enbody had mndo
an attempt at conversation, but the doc
tor would not permit it.
Tho bell was ringing again and Dr.
Hrown hurried to open the door to Miss
l'eabody and her father's valet.
"You, Harvey, you?" Then, blushing
like a rose; "Harvey, take me to papa."
In another moment she was at her fath
er's side.
Hut Dr. Hrown was happy. She had
said "Harvey!" Her eyes well, only
Dr. Hrown knew what her eyes said.
As the patient was assisted to his car
riage lie said; "Dr. Hrown, this Is jour
case; I shall expect you lo finish It, sir,
I'lease call this evsniu." Kooky Moun
tain Nsws.
1 JBrJ?
Jkif
Vs.
Sriil nJlyAJ Jsssssa
Customer I want n ploco of ment
without fnt, bono or Ki'Ntlo. Clerk
You'd bettor have tin orb, tnii'iun.
New York Mull.
Kdwnnl Why did Grace tnnrry
L'roil V She wasn't the leant bit In lcyve.
Kdlth Heaveiw no I Shu thought Adu
wanted lilni. Judge.
Mrs. Skltinutu Why nro you nil hid-
'Iiib from Tommy? Little Lizzie Tom
my Ih the butcher coining with bis bill.
IMilliulclplilii Itecord.
Gauss How does your tlojr lllto your
now neighbor? Mateliett It'a a littlo
ty early to nny. Hover bus hnd only
one small piece. .Smart Set.
The Father (to boy back from col
Icko) Well, won, bow much money do
you owe? The Son Well erdntl,
bow much have you gut? Harper'
Hnr.nr.
Mrs. Flip I imve Just been talking
to a Hpcclallst, ami be says by brain
vitality has all gone to my long hair.
Do you believe It? Flip-Well er
I knew It bad gone. St. I'nul Pioneer
Press.
He Miss Hlghnoto Is certainly n
hiyiiely girl, Isn't she? She Well, sho
Isn't n beauty, but when you hear her
I slug you will forget her face. He Gra
cious I Ih her singing as bud as thnt?
The Club Fellow.
Mr. Misfit (savngely) Ilofore I nmr
rleil you, was there any doddering;
Idiot gone on you? Mrs. Mlsllt Thero
was one. Mr. Misfit I wish to good,
tiess yo.u'tl married him I Mrs. Mlsllt
I did. Los Angeles News.
Mr. Justiip Let us go around to tho
Do Hocks. They have Just bought n
Itembramlt for thousands f dollars.
Mrs. Justii You don't say. Is It gas
oline or steam, and what Is the horsu
power? Chicago Dally News.
"Is It a fact that your motlier-ln-law
threw herself out of the third-story
window and you did nothing to restrain
her?" "Kxctice me; I went to tlie first
story to catch her, but sho had al
ready passed!" II Dlavolo itosn.
"They've started a queer restaurant
down-town ; no tables, no chairs, no
fival, no waiters." "What aro they
running It on, ulr or water?" "Neither
Christian Science you think you
eat, so much a think." Hrooklyn Life.
Laundryman I regret to tell you,
Mr, that one of your shirts U lost. Cus
te,iuer Hut here I havu Just paid you
twelve cents for doing It up. Laiiu
ilryinaii Quite right, sir; we laun
dered It before we lost It. Harper'
Weekly.
Stem Parent From my observation
of him last night I came to the conclu
sion that that young man of yours wart
rather wild. Daughter It was ye.u
that Hindi' lilni wild, lie wanted you
to go upstairs and leave us alone. H
luMiMtcd Klt.s.
"Well." Mild the optimist, "I siipHsi
you ate through kicking about tho
warm weather." "Oh, yes," respond
ed the pesshulht cheerfully. "I'm kick
ing about the cold weather ue,w. You
can nearly nlwnys kick," Loulsvlllu
Courier-Journal.
"I can't uuderstauil this street rail
way situation," Mild Mrs. Wade Parker.
"I wish you'd tell mo JtiHt what you
think of It." "Well, my dear," salil
Mr. Parker, "since you ask It, I will.
Hut you'll bare to head the children
out of tho roiuu llfht." Cleveland
Lender.
"Did ye get damages fer being in
that railway mvldCut, Hill?" "Sure;
fifty dollars fer mo and fifty fer tbn
missus." "The missus? I didn't hear
she wiih hurt." "She wasn't; but I
had the presence o' mliiil to fetch her
one on the head with ino foot." Har
per's Weekly.
"My dear," said tho caller, with
winning smile, to the little girl who oc
cupied the study while her father, ait
eminent literary man, was at his din
ner, "I suppose you assist your pajtt
by entertaining the Isires?" "Yes, sir,"
replied the little girl, bravely; "please
bo ficntcd." Washington Journal.
"For soiiio time past I've been buying
n dozen eggs every week at this store,
and I Invarlabl) llud two, bad ones lit
every dozen, Something's got to bo
done about It," Mild an Irato house
keeper, "Well," said tho new clerl:
naively, and with a ipilet smile, "inch
bo If you only bought half-a-dozen
you'd only get one bad tyie." Grocer'rt
Literary Gazette.
Martha's mistress often boasts nt
her readiness e.f resource. "Tho best
nursemaid In town," she calls her. Ono
day sho came home from a drive, to bo
confronted with tho startling uonx
that the baby had swallowed a button.
"And what did you do, Martini?" sho
nuked In Mime anxiety, altbe.ugh trust
ing that It bad been tho right thing.
"Why," Haiti Martha, "I mndo hint
swallow a button-hole right away!"
Youth's Companion.
Oil 'I'liflr lloiif'iiiiioii.
She Oh, George, I want all theso
people to know Unit I am married to
you.
, He Well, my dear, you had better
carry tho dress Milt cuso and tho uiu
brellas. Lo Hlro.
llurrowed trouble lias reached tho.
limit when a bachelor elopes with u
married wotuuu.