The state Republican. (Eugene City, Or.) 1862-1863, March 14, 1863, Image 1

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A Texas Obituary Notice.
Texas was formerly the "Botany Boy," of the
United States, and consequently her early set
tlers were of the daredevil, coarse, and illiterate
class. The following obituary speech is said to
have been delivered in the Texus Legislature a
lew years since :
"li seems there was a member belonging to it
by the name of Dill, who seceded from that
body while it was in session, the inducing cause
of this secession being typhoid lever and a lack
of wind. On the day which followed his decease
Mr. Gherketi, n member, arose to atiiiouce the
melancholy fact to the House. Another niem
ber of that body, named Sinker, was the chronic
opponent of Gherkin in till matters of legisla
tion, from a cambric needio to a sheet anchor,
and never neglected a cliauco to give him a shot.
Lr. (iberkeu, alter a fo'emn pause, says :
'Mister speaker! 1 have rlz in my seat for
be purpose of informing this yer house that Sol
omon I)ill, a member of this yer body, whose
nont is now unfortunately vacant, has foil a grim
and destr ying tyrant, who yesterday put an
end to his eareor. and I lint b- is now dead at the
house of this wilow Jon.-s, on the hi:!, whero he
and many n embers of this yer house boards,
wlio gave him intention throughout a leuthy and
4ioneipieiilly protracted ty pliers fever, and who
fiirnhed board and lodging to the members of
this yer legivlature of uniform price of four dol
li'iif a week, washing not included ! It ain't with
feelings of no ordinary regret, that I make this
er communication to this yer august body, Mr.
Speaker, for I knowed the deceased and I knowed
him from A to izird ! He, like nil other men.
bad his faults, and who ain't got em ? It he was
not strictly virtuous- among females, who is?
I put it lo you and this yer august body to an
swer! lie may have been slighJy addicted to
whisky; but who in Texas ani't ? and so let
that man shy the first rock.
"He may" have been quick to use his tools !
but who in Texas ain't ? But he never drawer's
a weapon if he was'nt mad ! People say hs
didn't pay hi debts! Who does in 'lexas, Mr.
Speaker Among his virtues, he was fond of
encouraging the breed of that noble animal, the
boss, in the exlensivest manner, and, Mr. Speak
er, conscientiously attended every race within
twenty miles tc this yer place, and in a gentle
inanjy manlier back'd his opinion onto certain
events in the future to the extent of his ability,
lie was a good citizen, an honest man, and a per
feet gentleman, and in his melancholly disease
society has lost a bright ornament and this yer
house, but more especially over tho domestic
.circle of Mrs. Jones, where, as I said before,
board and lodging is furn shed to the members
of this yer house at a uniform price of four n'uf
a week, washing nflt included, Mr. Speaker.'
"Mr. Sluker here started up, saying that he
'arose to a pint of order.'
"Speaker requested tho honorable number to
'state his pint.'
Mr. Sinker said :
" Is it in order for a member of this house in
bis speech onto a dead man, to ring in a boarding
Jiouse kep' by his aunt and furnished by Jimisclf f
The Speaker decided the 'pint' to be not well
-taken, an J, after a withering glance at Slaker,
JMr. Giicrken proceeded :
"This is too solemn a lime, Mr. Speaker, to
notice personalities and side mark. I'll see that
bis motion is cooked hereafter, and not on a mel
jiiiehollr subject. To reuine the deceased :
Whatever can be said of him, no man can de
dare that he was't a patriot ! look back on his
record, and see what's ! for Dr. Watts
eloquent remarks; 'By their record shall ye
know me.' Mr. Speaker, what is that record V
"'Virtue is its own reward, Mr. Speaker, and
no great action was ever done but w hat the man
who does it was barked after by somebody.
But the deceased, intrenched in the glorious ar
tnor of patriotism, with hand upon this yer ree
ord,could defy chain lightning in any shape,
and when prostrated and niaciated he died on
his prostrate bed at the house of Mrs. Jones,
where, as I had occasion before to remark, no
matter whose corns is trod on, the members of'
this yer house was furnished with board and j
lodging (t a uniform pti'o of fur n'.if a week,
washing not included the thought of tlmt l.ill
nml that record, and that patriotism catno Id his
wounded sensibilities and his sinking torm like
a heavenly angel, and death couldn't set Li n
even a half turn hack,
"I close, Mr. Sneaker, this melancholy and
ufilii'ting duty, that a committee be appointed to
draw resolutions on thii deceased, and report;
at the same time remarking that the gorgeous
and smiling heavens has opened to receive his
mortal spirit, and that his earthly remains will
he buried to-morrow at 3 o'clock, from the house
of Mrs. Jones, where, it is eminently proper to
remark, and I do emphatic, that board and lodg
ing can be had at the moderate price of four
dollars n'af a week washing not included, where
the deceased boarded and occupied an elegant
room now unfortunately vacant. Peace to his
Charles S. Stiutto.v, the veritable) General
Tien Thumb, says the Bridgeport, Cor.necticut
Standard, is residing hero in his native town,
lie has travelled nearly the world over, and has
umassed a fortune (or himself, as well as made
his mother, two sisters and a younger brother,
independent. The little general is now in his
twenty-sixth year. His habits are unexception
able, and his intellect and general business abili
ty are such that he personally attends to his own
finances, and transacts all the business appcr-
Itaining to the leasing of his house, loaning his
money on bond and mortgage, and looking after"
his estate in general. The pclie general owns a
fine yacht bearing his own name, which he sails
himself with as much natural skill as an' "old
salt," who sails out of Bridgeport harbor, lie
also keeps a fine pair of Shetland ponies and a
splendid fast horse for his own driving, as well
as a pair of highly trained hunting dogs.
His rifle and fishing tackle were, of course made
to suit his diminutive size, and ho is a very suc
cessful sportsman. I Its killed several deer w hile
traveling west last year. A few months since,
the little general was made a Free Mason. He
has already taken three degrees, and expresses a
determination to ascend the mystio ladder until
he has reached tho top round. Although Gener
al Tom Thumb has always led a lk'e of excite
ment, and twice after retiring to private life, has
felt compelled to exhibit himself again to keep
off the ennui, he remarked to tho writer of this
article last week while quietly twirling his ele
gant lit'le mustache, of which he seems quite
proud, that he hoped one of these days to got
married, in "which event," he added with a
roguish look, "I guess that the cares of my fam
ily, added to my ordinary duties, will give me
enough to occupy my attention, and prevent the
necessity of again seeking the excitement of a
traveling exhibition !" The general is something
of a politician, be contributes liberally to chari
table objects, and is highly respected by his
fellow citizens. He has been offered the candida
cy tor several public offices, but ho says lie leaves
such honors for smaller men.
(Glimpse at the Mormons.
Dan do Qui'le, well known as one of tho most
popular w riters of this coast, writes to the Ter
ritorial Enterprise of what ho sees at Salt Lake
City. Afier the city he speaks of Mormon La
dies. Meddling with their women is a business of
such extreme peril, that few dare undertake it ;
then, it is said, that tho women themselves lay
snares for the venturesome. Outsiders dread a
something, they scarce know what, and so keep
the straight and narrow path.. Not a night
passes here but there is a ball in some ward, mid
often there are dances in several wards on the
same evenii g
, . ,
1 he trice ot admission to all otl
these ward balls is the same viz : a poun
d Of
caudle-, a bushel of wheat, or sixty cents in
money. This, mind yon, is no invention of
mine. Wheat, apples, rags, soap and all. kinds
of "truck," are taken for admission tickets at the
theatre. Specie is extremely scarce here. There
is doubtless, much hoaided, but very little in
circulation. Brigham, no doubt, has a big pile
of rusty twenties stored away, for a rainy day.
Every ball and every dance is here presided over
by a bishop, and is opened and closed with
prayer. The closing prayer invariably com nun
ces "Oh Lord we thank thee that wo have
again been permitted to go forth into tho dance
before thee." etc. No one dare shuftlo a boo;
i r i i , i i . '
before the opening prayer, and woo to him or her i
. 1 r 1
who shall venture to trip the light fantastic, or to
tho slightest degree "go forth," after tho closing
prayer had been made.
Eakly MAURIAOES.-SI.e stood at the ltnrl0l,, ' l" ,ul"
, , i . . ci i i. i
when she was but sixteen. Sho w as in love ; her I
. . , . i i- . i i
oesu.iy .eseoo, , t,,a,,.,e ..eoL.,.e , -r
" "'" -, i ,
vow. IhitiK ot a tiriue witn milium nair, origin
eves, and pouting lips, only sixteen years old.
Sho stood at the wash tub when her
twenty-fifth birth day hi rived. Tho hair, the
lips, the eyes, were not calculated to excite the
heart. Five cross young ones were about the
house crying some breaking things, and one
urging the necessity of an immediate supply of
the lacteal secretion. She stopped in despair
and sat down, and tears trickled down her once
plump and ruddy che. k. Alas! Niri' v, early
marriages are not the dodge. Better inj y youth
at home, and hold lovers at a proper distance
until you Lave the muscle, limb and
heart enough to f ice a frowning world and fami
ly. If a chap really cares f r you, he can wait
fr two or three years, make presents, take you
to concerts and so on, until the time comes. Ear
ly marriages and early cabbages are tender pro
ductions. Tug Nevada Demnrral says that the wind re
t. .it... ,i ii,.i r,l. .bit it ...rr,. '
very near raising a mortgage that had been hang- j
irg over that fii. ch-r a long time pst. . ,
Wbitino for NewspAraits. This is a pecul
iar an, and thus skilfully analyzed in the Exam
iner ; "lis principles must bo somew hat careful
ly studied by those who would succeed in it.
Tho disregard of theso principles is tho cause of
the prosiness w hich characterizes so much of our
newspaper literature. The newspaper is not a
thing to be studied scarcely one to be read. It
is to bo glanced over. The articles, then, aro to
be so written as to attract and hold attention.
Processes of thought and reasoning aro to be
shut out; results only are to appear. Argument
is to be suggested, rather than stated. Usually
one point is enough for an article. Some single
nail should be struck fair upon tho head, and
then left at once. Introductions are a nuisance.
Inferences are alwas skipped. Tho sentences
should be short. Every word should leap with
life. Condensation should be extreme. Subor
dinate thoughts should bo thrown nway. Tho
object is, not to treat a subject in full, but to
produce a certain effect. AH that is not neces
sary to the effect should bo discarded. Ho w ho
has the nerve to do this, with a soul that fires
with a great thought, and the manliness to litter
it freely, may wield a power with llio pen which
no cepter can rival. Tho tendencies in profes
sional life are to dctcrrioratiou of style. The
constant diductism of tho pulpit often degenerates
into diffasetiess. Tho reiteration of points at the
bar, and tho precision of legal style, tend to pro
duce dryness and repetition. In no way can the
professional man, more ellectively make his
w ords instinct with life and pow er, than by week
ly practice in tho columns of a newspaper.
Parties going to Boise, should go well armed.
Tho Indians on the Payette river, aro known to
be hostile, and unarmed parties are sure to bo
attacked. Lata letters speak of trains being
stopped and robbed by theso graceless seamps(
and there is every reason to apprehend that th ey
will add murder to their other crimes. Soveral
months must elapse before the' military expedi
tion reaches that quarter, and in tho meantime
the miners must rely upon their own strong
arms for protection. To this end, all who visit
tho mines should go well armed and prepared
for any emergency. Mountaineer.
I his is a conclusive argument in favor of
the immediate filling up of the Oregon Cavalry
negimcnt. The troops are needed, and if Oregon
fails to furnish them, her interest will suffer.
Government does not ask assistance from this
State, but offers to muster into service, equip
and pay men enough in Oregon to protect her
interests. It is a true saying that, they who will
not help themselves, are unworthy of assistance.
Oregon can furnish the volunteers by offering
sufficient inducements, and if sho does not do it
the men will not be raised ; for a draft will not
be resorted to.
Foit Peach Democrats. Tho following from
Prentice is good advice for a growling set of
dotnogogues in tins country, eager for the spoils,
who have so much to say about tho action of
Government :
Those persons who aro constantly on tho look
out for occasions or psetexts to create dissatis
faction in regard to all tho means adopted for
carrying on the war, are better partisians than
patriots, and belter fictionists than partisans.
As exchange says that Ingraliani's blockade
raising at Charleston is something like tho fel
low's bear hunt. Ho went out, Raw a bear, fired
at it; the bear chased him and he ran into camp,
shouting "I've got the game, boys ! and brought
It fl.rl, inOl n.imn " Wlw.r. k. t a fili.ic,l 111.
IK . iiiv mi'i vi..i,iy. null Will U"l tiilM.ii l"l
i. ..:..... r-u .. .!..,.... i i . . . j . i.. :... i
; ,,, ii i,.,,i . ;, i. , i)
lr liiiiiiiiiniLW wiiiii itraLiin. nil i.iiiiiii i-ii: ivci ulsl-u
lilt? uiifiituuv , it, a ,vuiiii I Igllt lllllf iui..
A True Bill. Tho Wheeling Litelligenccr
having had a pretty thorough experience of se
cession intrigues and sympathizers, says :
Tho cry of "Abolition" won't answer but one
purpose, and that is to toll rebels by. It's as
good a mark as across slit in a hog's ear.
The Steilacoom Herald learns that Superin
tendent Hale, of Washington Territory his just
received the snug sum of $100,000 for disburse
ment in his department. A considerable por-
f tion of this money, we understand, is designed
lot lliu m-iurnii'lMj Ol Claims ot um in ,
, . , . . r.
A niirtinii itt tlin Atiwiimt i--i in .run hnur
. .....i . . e .1 ri :
much, we did not learn.
Massachusetts must bo a terrible little
12. ... ... I. - .... U - '...n . .T
opinion. 1 he seceding ol aoiiili Carolina is noi
f . . r -. .i u. r it
thought of in comparison with tho nu'ht of .M is-
i,.,,, hl.P vi,.., N.tb.n;,l af
. n. i.i . i ..i r . i... ,..i. n...... ;..
kindred hearts all over the I'nioii, and warms
with indignation against thoso who seek to pros
ecule her, thus building Massachusetts up as the
mot powerful State in the Union. Yreka Jour
nal. Siiootixo Umics Me i.i Arkansas. Five
Union men, from the town of Wittimburg, were
hot at Little liock, Arkansis, lately, by order
ot General Hin Jinan. A man named Webb,
sixty years of ago, was huii'l naar Glaze Bridge
fir being a Union man. His body hung throe
days before it was taken down.
Tub weight of England's national debt is csti
mated in gold to bo Gli tons, in silver 120,000
tons, To transport it across ca, in gold,
would require fleet of 25 ships of 250 tons
burden, or it might be carried by land in 12,fiS0
one horse carts. These would extend in a single
line 55 miles. 281,709 men might carry it,
mch man to carrv fifly rtonnds. Put it in five
dollar gold pieces, and pile it one upon another,
and it would be 7 10 miles in length. ;
Laughable Interpretation of Scripture.
" Some people," snys a correspondent of tho
N. Y. Observer, "are given to such a literal
reading of the Scriptures, that they fake every
thing just as it stands, ai d construe every proph
ecy as they would an article of tho Constitution.
It is said that w hen one of this sort was pressing
his views hard upon tho celebrated Dr. B ,
that able commentator asked him how tho pre
diction is to be literally fulfilled, which says that
'kings shall bo nursing fathers to the church?' "
But tho following conversation which actually
occurred in tho family of another correspondent
of the Observer, is a very amusing specimen of
the same system :
" Susan," said the man of tho house to his
maid-servant, " why do your church people have
such noisy exhortations in your meetings? It
seems to me not very becoming in a Christian
"Why, Sir, the Biblo bids us to."
"The Bible !"
" Yes, Sir."
" Why, tho prophet says Cry aloud and spare
not; lift up thy voice like a trumpet,' which
means that wc should holler in meeting, if 1
understand tho Bible."
" H-e-in ! Yes, Susan that passago has not
happened to occur to my mind in that light.
Thank you for tho idea. But to chango tho sub
ject, Susan 1 want you, the next time you go
to meeting, to take n doso of epicac."
" Mo take a doso of epicac !"
" Yes, that's w hat 1 say."
" Epicac ! Sir, I'm not sick,"
" Perhaps not; but you ought to take it."
"But why bo Sir?"
' Because the Biblo snys that you should,
" The Bible say I should take epicac ?"
" Why, not exactly, Susan. But it says that
you ought to take un emetic of some kind ; I
merely mentioned epicac, because it is the mild
est and safest."
" What do you mean ?"
" Why, I'll tell you, Susan. That same
prophet whom you have just quoted as enjoining
upon God's children tho duty of shouting in
meeting, says nlso, ' Cast yo up ! Cast ye up!"
" So he does, Sir."
" And that means ' take an emetic.' doesn't it ?'
"Oh! Sir, how can you talk so?"
"I can't Susan. But why shouldn't I, when
you say tho command you just now quotod
makes hallooing and screaming and shouting in
religious meetings, a duty?"
" Dear mo, Sir, there's the baby cryirg. I
muni go this very minute."
Cltid and Uoast Turkey-. According a
recent traveler in Hungary, tho roasted turkey
has anything but a Thanksgiving significance in
that country. If a suitor there commences calling
at a house where there is a maiden, he quickly
leariKi his fate from the aspect of the paternal dinner-table.
Upon seeing a roast turkey served
up, ho knows himself to bo a "lucky dog," and
at once offers his hand and heart to tho fair one.
If a roast pig is served instead, ho understands
that ho is dismissed, and looks elsewhere, for n
wife. When young ladies eat turkey, let them
think of this custom, and devour with all rever
ence a bird which is thus shown to have such a
significance in tho Court of Cupid. Why the
Hungarians should select tho turkey cspeci illy
for the purpose, our tourist does not explain ;
but we presume I lie reason is, that a goose might
seem too personal !
- -
A Shasta Doctor said to a Chicoite in tho
Oroville stage tho other day, "Major Bidwcll is
a traitor lo the Democratic party and ought to be
in h I," whereupon the Chicoite said to tho
Shasta Doctor : "You ought to be in the gutter,"
and suiting (ho action to tho word, tossed him
out of tho stage and lit upon him like a duck
upon a June bug, ami pummcled him satisfacto
rily. Yreka Jnuanal.
Lofis Napoleon is recruiting negro soldiers
in Egypt for garrison duty in Mexico. Won't
the sympathizers howl now ? What a vilo wretch
he must be ! Stand out of the way and let the
Democratic journals have a fair swing at him.
Old Par died in 157."), 152 years old, having
lived under eight sovereigns, not ineludinir the
protectorato of Cromwell. Sarah Brookman,
I ff years of ng', died at Glastonbery, Eng.. in
1770. Henry Jenkins died in England in 170,
at tho age of 10!) years. Ho testified in court
. ..I - L 1 tar. .
u,a s,.,a. occarreu i years previous,
Tint New York ladies have a new pistimo. It
is a pat lor practice will, a pistol.
A new 1' rench
pistol invented f-r the use of a parlor practice
has been introduced. The ball is about the size
of a pea, nnd has a cap attached. The target is
set up at one end of the parlor, and tho '. 'ar
creatures blnzo nway. If they do not hit the
target they often do the looking-glass.
A ma in Norridgewick, Me., has a goose sixty
eight years old. Though attaining this green
old nge, she nevertheless is not a green goose.
The secret of her longevity consists in the fact
that she hid away for several seasons, at Christ
mas time until she became so tough that they
couldn't kill her, and let her live on.
P. T. Barktm, a man who, with all Lis
humbug, has cast his influence on the side of so
briety, is reported to have once said in a tern
peraucc meeting that, as a great showman, he
would give more for a drunkard who had
been prosperous in business, than for any other
Tit bill dividing Washinton Territory fast ol
the Mountains, has passed the II
sentatives by a very Urge vote.
lloiiso of Kepre-
NO. Q.
IlaukrupU or Knaves.
Tho greenback question still vexes tho right
eous souls of thos w i.o have debts to pay or re
ceive, but tho truth of tho mnttci, alter all tho
noisey words are spoken, is in a nutshell. If a
man, on this coast whero gold is tho basis of
currency, uses legal tender paper to pay a debt
which both patties inter ded should bu paid in
coin, or its value, he is a cheat, and ought to be
so regarded ; unless his poverty or necessities
make the payment as agreed impossible, and
in this case he is insolvent a bankrupt and
the payment in paper, at its face, may justly be
considered as tho dividend of an in ;ol net estate.
Such can not help themselves, and Ihey deserve
our sympathies tho legal tender law operating
in their behalf like ft National Bankrupt Act,
of which they are compelled to tako advantage.
But in regard to those who aro able to pay in
valuo what they agreed to, before tho law
passed, or even since, there can "bo no question,
in tho judgment of all honest men, that when
these liquidate their debts in a depreciated cur
rency, bought at a discount for that purpose,
they are moral swindlers and knaves. The fact
that law allows snoli action is no excuse, sofarns
fair dealing and common morality is concerned.
No law requires a muii to bo neighborly, goner
ous, honorable or patriot i", tr forbids meanness
or the petty tricks wliic'a sometimes degrade
humanity, and are not punishable savo by an
eiiligtened public sentiment ; yet ho who offends
In theso respects, is very sure, in duo time, to
get his just reward. So it always has been so
it always will be, and thoso who nrc disposed to
weaken and destroy publio morality, and ptihlio
confidence, by speculating upon faith heretofore
rcpesed in them, or by justifying such practices,
will speedily discover that they have secured to
themselves a harvest of shame and disgrace
which will cliug to them os long as they live lo
curse tho community which is so unfortunate as
to number them among its members. Supposo
the bankers of this city, or of S in Franoisco,
with whom coin hus been deposited, should
pay tho checks of their customers in legal tender,
would there not be a great outburst of wrath
and indignation at such rascality ? But Would
that bo any more deserving of condemnation
than tho conduct of those who last year, -or at
any time before the passage of the legal 'tender
law, received coin for which they gave their notes,
and which they now propose to pav by buying
government paper ul discount ? We ask all
men, debtors and creditors, to consider this
question fairly and then givo voioo and effect to
heir judgment, in such n manner that specula
ting lascals in any community may be compelled
to act fairly and honorably. Qrejonian.
Tkiuuih.e. Tho Puritans of Now England,
many years ago. hung th'vo Quakers said to
have been nccuscd of no crimes save their relig
ion. It was an act full i f hateful intolerance and
wrong. Modern Demoi-tjcy is particularly sen
sitive upon this historic; item, and, although there
is no country in tho world where greater latitude,
is given lo freedom of opinion and discussion
than there, yot Dcoineraoy proposes n reconstruc
tion with New England lelt out, because she
hung thrco CJinikers. Yet these pure Patriots
aro perfectly oblivious of tho ftets, (hat their
Democratic brethren in sv boldoni have had
many an hours pastime in whipping and scourg
ing, and, in many cases, hanging Northern men
for no other crime than a disbelief it) (he divin
ity and justice of human slavery. This they
quietly acquiesced in at tho time tbis they
are perfectly oblivious of now. They can flip
pantly talk about tho Puritans of New England
hanging Quakers over n century ago ; but so
treacherous their memories, or so great
their love for Irsilors, that they are as voiceless as
tho gravo over tho damning atrocities of their
Southern brethren." Sentinel.
Tub Amoi-nt Under existing laws, tho Secre
tary of tho Treasury is authorized to keep 550,
000,000 treasury notes afloat.
Orr to tub Waus. FdwinA. Bhcrmm, the
editor of tho Esmerald Star, leaves the tripod
for the tented field. Ho was a bravo soldier in
the Mexican war, hi has smelt gunpowder, and
will no doubt make himself felt among the reb
els. He states his determination tho in follow
ing patriotic langnngo :
My native State old Massachusetts, is calling
home her children to raise that flag from be
neath tho desecrating feet of traitros, and to
wrench it from the indignities of a vilo slaveoc
rncy. My heart responds to the call, and sink
ing all considi rations of home and its endear
ments, of the dawning prospects of fortune, and
of tho grateful companioniship of friends I seek
the path of duty, though of danger. It I fall, bo
assured it will be while fteing the foe ; but if
not, I shall return t.i v. ruia and join in the
glad jubilee of a co 'e.
Thb Mai.coxtents. Like the audience in a
theatro witnessing some great tragedy, so it is
with tho great majority of the Democracy.
They imagine themselves gixwl critics, and that
the President and the soldiers are paid to per
form the war according to their notion. These
Peace Democrats give a Utile encouragement to
both sides, in order to render tho affair mora ef
fective. The celebrated Kulstaff would b a
prince among them, in order that rebels should
not bo hurt. Instead of aiding the Government
in her endeavors, and alleviating disaster, they
strive to discourage in language as harsh as the
rebels themselves are continually using.-1'rrtn
PaKsricf, of the Louisville Junrnal, says,
"Those who talk of a re construction of tho Union
with New England left out, are no better than
the other rebels," which statement tor joly sums
up ihc mholo q'ietion.