The new age. (Portland, Or.) 1896-1905, November 12, 1904, Image 2

The new age., November 12, 1904, Image 2

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Newspaper Page TextiWKWMfiWWWUW.1 Brw"HimW THB NEW AGE, PORTLAND, OREGON. W It U I', i I i; I i OUR BUDGKT OF FUN. HUMOROUS 8AYINGS AND DC ING8 HERE AND THERE. Jokea and JokeleU tlint Are Supposed to llMVe Hcctl Recently Horn Snjlim ml Dolnux that Arc Old, Cnrlotia and Lauuli.ilile The Week' Humor. v "Poor follow, lie Is qulto broken Sown mid the doctor snys that Ills con dition N due to fust living." "Fast living?" "Yes: you sec, lie Is n traveling man, nnd ho wns obliged to cnt so many din Ing-cnr nirnls nntl loo so miicli sleep In sleepers tlint Ills constitution gavo way." Clcveinnd Lender. Very Odd. ".Mr. Jlnrem Is forever relating sonio anecdote about himself." "Yes; Isn't It odd " "Oh. I don't consider It 'mid exact ly " "Hut you see, they're the only rela tions he seems to be fond of and they ore mighty poor ones." Philadelphia Ledger. A Dry Hcrinon. "What kick hnvo you over the bcr mon of last Sunday, brother?" "It was so dry Unit It parched my corn In the Held adjoining the meeting house." How lie l'cnpcl, Sentimental lie All, would I might bo at your Hide In this beautiful moon light forever! I'rnctlcal She Well, you might mar ry inc. Kciitlincutnl He Yes er of course; but I'm afraid the tr moonlight won't last. Not Very CoiihoIIiik. "Madam," said the uulaundered hobo, "you see before yousu n pom man wot Is slowly starvln' ter (loath." "Serves you right," answered tho heartless female. "You're not lit to dlo suddenly, llko decent folks." Profcmtltinul Hccrct. Police Maglstrute How did you manage to extract the man's watch from his iwcltot when It was provided with u safety catch? Plckpookut -Kxciiho mo, your honor, but that Is a proftHslonnl secret. I m willing to teach you, however, for 10." Not Htiiiiilnif on Tick. "You seem to bu very quiet all of n udden," said the clock key. "Yes, Pin nil run down," replied the clock. "Time- Is money, tioy say, bo I guess I must bo bankrupt." "That being tho case," rejoined tho key, "I'll appoint myself receiver and proceed to wind up your affairs." It All Depend. "Is thin b Joke?" asked tho Inquisi tive caller as ho picked up a bit of manuscript. "It Is If I can sell It," replied the humorist, "but It's no Joke If I ain't" Antlciuiirluti Heacnrcli. Drown (who has taken a shooting box lu tho Highlands and has boon "celebrating" his tlrst appearance In a kilt) Worsht of theso olo-fashloued boshteads Is they take such a lot of cllinbln' Into! Where Ha Out It. Teacher Why do you take a dally paper, Johnnie? Johnnie Hecause our noxt door neighbors never seem to miss It" Cleveland Plain Dealer. More Bulmtiuitlnl, Jack What did you throw up your situation for? Tom Pin going to be married to morrow. Jack How will you live on lovo? Tom Oh, no; wo arc going to live on my love's father. See? True to Her Hex. Bho (at tho theater) Tom, dear, that man In tho box has been staring lit me for the last ten minutes. Ho Khali I go over and thrash him? She Mercy, no! Hut do tell mo if I look all right. Clever Hellenic, , Btubb How does Homer mako peo ple Jump out of the way when ho cornea along with his baby carrlago? Penn Why, ho put an automobile born on It An Incorrect Bltutle, "Well, wo've struck at the ahop again," aatd Tenspot to Hawkins. "I thought you had a strike there a month ago." "We Sid, and won It Now we hare another strike. We're lightning, I toll jrou." "Hut I thought that lightning didn't trike twice In the Mine place," Judge. An Economist of Time, "Don't you think that some mon In Congress wasto a groat deal of time?" "Some do," answered Senator Sor ghum; "but I never did. I mado over $50,000 boforo my first term expired." Washington Star. Works of Art. "What do you think of our society ladles?" nsked tho hostess of tho liter ary Hon, In whoso honor sho was giv ing a reception. "Pardon me, madam," ho replied. "I am only a writer not an art critic." Joy of l.cnp l'cnr. She I havo a pleasant surprise for you. Ho What Is It, prny7 She I have decided to marry you. He Oh, this Is ho sudden, but you may ask iiiammn. She Is acting as my manager this year. Kciivoii for It. "What on earth possessed you to bite Miss Ethel's beau last evening?" asked the house cat. "Well," replied tho bulldog, "I heard her telling him ho wns nlco enough to eat." The Old and tho New. "Did you attend tho opening per formance of that farce coinedyV" "Yes." "Anything new thero?" "Koine of tho people In the nudlcnco nppeared to bo new; they laughed at the Jokes." AuKravntliiK Man. "I don't see how you can find fault with him." "Why not?" "Ileenuso he's n man who Is really without a fault." "That's Just it; Hint's his worst fault." Tho Hctort Courteous. Miss Passay You may Hiieer nt pot dogs, but they're faithful, anyway. I'd rattier kiss n good dog than sonio men. Mr. Sharpu Well, well, sonio men are born lucky. He Wasn't to lllnme. "Madam," said the husky hobo, "you see before you n victim of circum stances over which I had no control." "How Is that?" queried tho kind hearted lady, as sho extracted a penny from her purse. "It's llko this, mn'nm," explained tho h. h., "I was born too tired to work." The Wonder of Art. "Ami then, my dears, I am going to have Huffy laco all down the front o as to mako mo look light and airy." Ho Wun Weill Knit. Sho Yes, this fortune-teller claims to bu able to read the past, present and future from a lock of one's hair. Ho lu your case did sho require past, present and future shades of your hair? Not the Keal Thlnir. Smith I don't believe Hrown pos sesses tho true Christian spirit Jones Why not? Smith Well, I did him an Injury once and ho has purposely overlooked a dozen opportunities to heap coals of tiro oil my head. Homewhut IHIIereiit. Inkcrton Did you tako your usual vacation this summer? Pcunlbs No. Inkerton Why, I thought you al ways passed a couple of weeks in the couutry. Pennlbs So I did when I was work ing on a salary, but I'm my own boss now. Wanted a Hlleut Wife. Her Mother How In tho world did you Induce Mr. Uotrox to propoio? Tho Daughter Well, you see, he at tempted to kiss mo when wo wore alouo in tho parlor, and I told him I would never speak to him again. HI Vocation. Gritty George Actors don't work lu summur and baseball players don't work In winter. Wenry Walter Den I'm going to tell people I'm an actor in summer and a base-ball player In winter." Tho Chuved. "Undo Gnwgo," called pretty Nora McCarthy, running to the gate to greet her miserly old uncle, "come In! Ma wants you to seo how much th' baby takes after you!" "An' Ol'm thlnkln'," replied tho hardened old bachelor, "that all lv mo relatives bo taklu' after mo slnco I got mo plnehun." Now Orleans Plcay. une, lliilUUng a. CAinptiro. For building a camptlro the driest sticks aro those that are dead and have not yot fallen from living trees, says tho Field and Stream. Theso dead limbs that cling here and there on liv ing trees are seasoned and aro off tho ground, so that they do not got soak ing wet at any time, and they dry quickly after a rain. They are hardly over wet through, so Unit no matter how wet tho woods are you can always got dry wood to start a tiro and then almost anything will burn. Thero ro 10,000 way to build a eampUtv. I always build a small tire and thou keep It going with, dry wood for a while before I get ready to do my cooking, so that there will bo a good bunch of coals to cook over, Thou I havo a little pile of dry sticks as largo as lead ponclU somowhoro with in oasy reach, so that I can help my tiro along if it sulks at the wrong time. Thou I get a couplo of green ticks as big as my arm and put one on each side of the Are, so it will stay in one place ami net waste the beat 04 ll fide. I 1 SrUKAINt J J. D. BUCHANAN Funeral Furnkhlngs Embalming and shipping a specialty 310 Mvcrsldo Ave. Tel. Main 681 BJ'OKANE , WA81I "MflswaMsaBiBV D UFKUNBK IlUlTKT 215 Howard Btrcot. l'lione Main h9. BTOKAXE, WASHINGTON Cascade Steam Laundry Goods Galled for and Deliv ered to Any Part of the Glty Phone Main 280. Oil Bridge Ave. SPOKANE WASHINGTON SPOKANE DRUG CO. Wholesale Drugs The Only Exclusive Wholesale Drug House in the State. SPOKANE, WASH, Diamond Ice and Fuel Co. ICE, WOOD AND COAL. 120 Madison Street, SPOKANE, WASH. WhoU-ute and Retail BREAD, ICE CREAM, PASTRY SENGFELOER'S Satwoom and Office S. 1 1 Howard Street Factory S. 207 to 213 Washington Street Phone Main 306 Wc ship everywhere and anywhere Spokano Dakar y 0o B. L. GORDON & COA1PANY WMOUIHAL,I3 QROCURS SPOKANE, - - WASH. COKNEK MILL AND K. U. For Fine, Up to Date Mcu's Fur nishings, go to Youle Bros. MEN'S FURNISHERS Telephone Main 1800 508 Rivorsldo Ave, Spokano, Wash. ! IDAHO ADVERTISING I Peasley Transfer Co. Freight, Baggage, Furniture Moving, Storage rhooe7J pjMalnSt. BOtSll. IDAHO Lewiston Furniture and Undertaking Co. WHOLESALE AND RETAIL Furniture, Carpets, Rugs, Lace Curtains, Portiers, Window Shades Linoleums, Couches, Iron Beds, Undertaking. Telephone 821. L O. O. F. Building, E. Main St LEWISTON, IDAHO The Raymond Lewiston, Idaho Is belnjf Improved In every way possible. 1 be leading: hotel in the city. Commercial trade our spe cialty. OaDICX SKOS. ftoctUtMS I IDAHO ADVERTISING I BANKOFNAMPA,Ltd. CAPITAL STOCK $50,000.00 Established U99. Dowoy Palace Hotel Bld'g. rni:n 0. mock, rrcsidont F. J. CONllOY, VIco-l'rcaldcnt C. 11. HICKKY, Cashier FKANK Ji:NKI.VHON, Ass't Cashier NAMPA, IDAHO Boise Transfer & Storage Go. It. M. Hell Phono A-10 Ind. Phono 10 Light and heavy hauling. Con signments of freight left in our charge will receive prompt atten tion. Storage at reasonable rales. See that you give your baggage to Boise Transfer & Storage Go. South Tenth Street, J. ItOSKNliUUO AHUHUItA.COttN Pocatello Mercantile Company WHOLESALE Wine, Liquor AND Cigar Merchants.. Pocntcllo, Idaho Drink Old Tort Itnll Whlskoy Hmolto Senator Bhoup Clgari J. A. Murray. I'm I lent. D. W. SUnJroJ. Vice President Win. A. Antlies, ...... Cashier I.N. Anthct, Aid. Cashier THB FIRST NATIONAL BANK of Pouutullo, lUttlio. POCATELLO, IDAHO H. D. HARRISON THEJEWELER Watches, Diamonds, Sllvcrwnro nnd Novelties. Watchmaker utul Jowclor. Wntcli Inspector O. 8. I.. It. It., Poca tello, Idaho. Kino Watch Roiairinjr a Specialty. Eyes Tented l'roo. POCATELLO, IDAHO Mallory & Lydon Livery, Feed and Sale Stable C and Fourth Sts. Lewiston, Idaho Calls Answered liny or Nlglit l'honej7i White Front Livery AND CAD STADLKS Blouard, Fountain & Randall, froprs, LltWISTON, IDAHO Lewiston Steam Laundry 94 Third St. Telephone 2041 C. H. Schroeder, Manager Satisfaction Guaranteed. Work returned same day when ordered. I SALT LAKE CITY : $ USE Salt Air Extracts, Baking Powder, Spices nnd Coffees ARU THE BEST OR MONEY BACK Salt Lnho GoffeoA Spice MM SALT LAKE. UTAH LEAVER DRUG CO. Prescription Druggists Cor. Third Wet and South Temple. Tele phone lbSM. Salt Lak City, Utah. t TROY LAUNDRY C. W. CURTIS, Prep. Work Turned Out on Short Order I'hone 107 1S7 lith BU OODEN UTAH ALLEN TRANSFER CO. ALBERH ALLCM, PfmeMf. Cabs, Bus, Drays, Baggage Wagons. We move safes, pianos, organs, office rniture, etc. General transfer busi ness and furniture vans. HACKS MEET ALL TRAINS Telephone No. S3. Office, 413 Twa ty-Fifth Street 0GDEN, UTAH. IIT It A II, AND WATKR, THE SIGN $m OF THB 333 BEST 3 OVERLAND TRAINS DAILY The North Coast Limited ELECTRIC LIGHTS, ELECTRIC FANS, STEAM HEATED, SOLID VESTIBULED In fnct nn up-to-dnto train, nnd tho beauty of it all is tho fact tlint it (Iocs not coht you any inoro to travel on thin train than, it docs on any other. Try it nnd your verdict will bo, it is tho Crack Train of Them All A. D. CHARLTON, Assistant General Passenger Agent, 355 Morrison St., cor. Third, Portland, Oregon. OREGON Shot line and union Pacific Three Trains to the East Daily Through I'nllman ntninlnnl anil tourist leor Ingcari lUlly to Omaha. OhlctKO, HHkano; tourlat ilcepliiK cars (tally to Kansas City: ft.... .. I. IIiiUh.... IiiiIuI li.HidnnMataliulMnii. I II IU Uf II S U II 111 Mil luuilit SIIVI'iiir .M( m iivivii' ally conducted) wceWly to Chicago, KaniM tiiji reclining K"ir vmr lie ucij w . 70 HOURS PORTLAND '10 CIIICAOO No change ol can 70 DKI'AllT POIt "TlJili'fiOllKbUI.M Irom l'ortland. Or. "AHUIVK PitOM Chicago Prirlland Halt Lake. IXnver. Kt BlH'Cltl Worth, Omaha, Kansas 6:05 pm unr. rii. uiuia, tinicago vuoaniTia ll'ntliiut'n ana me r.asi Atlantla iSDt Lake. Denver. Ft. W'orth, Omaha, Kansas t'l'.nmlll KTiiriil 7:15 am H'ntlngt'n and tho' Kast WalirValla. Uwiston, Spokane. Wallace, full man, Minneapolis, Ht. I'aul, Duluth, Mllwau. kee, Chicago and Kast fftTlnl Vast Mall :14pm 8;00am .Tia Bpokana Ocean and Klver Schedule For San Francisco Kvery five days at 8 p m . rv(Alivn. .. mj . .!..... ..M. M ..wv. - n in. bslly service (water rermltllug) an th Willamette and Yamhill rlvera. For further Information, ask or write your nearest tlrket agent or mmmim (leneral fauenger Agent, The Oregon Railroad Ji Navigation Co., l'ort land, Oregon. b The Only Double-Track Railway betweea the Missouri River and Chicago The Chicago-Portland Special, the most luxurious train in the world. Drawing-room sleeping cars, dining car, buffet smoking and library car (barber and bath). Less than three days Portland to Chicago. TWO Through Trains to Chicago are operated dally via the Oregon Railroad & Navigation Company. Oregon Short Line Rail road, Union Pacific Railroad and Chicago & North-Western Railway to Chicago from Portland and points in Oregon. Dtllr and personally conducted ex union n Pullman tourist sleeping aarafiom Portland, Los Angeles and San Francisco, through to Chicago without change. R.R. RITCHIE. Cot Act, Si; Mukrt St, SAM SUHC UCO, CA1, A. C BARKER. Gral Act. im Third 9t roaTI-SMO, Ou. Chicago k North-Western Ry. xwjj 11 Pi! I v BBW"1m7sw IIY It Air. ANDWATKU, "As the Crow Flies" The nhortcat lino between Min neapolis, St. Paul ami Chicago in tho route of the famous North western Limited 'Tlio Train for Comfort" Kvery night in the year Dcforo ntnrltiiK oti n trip no tnnttcr where wrlto lor liitcri'silnit Informa tion About comfortnblo trnvcllng. 11. I,. BIRI.Kll. Oeu'lApent, m Third Street, rortlnnd, Oregon. T. W. TIIASPAI.K, (Icnernl IWcnirer Audit. tit. 1'tuil, Minn. D KI.1GHTFUL KOUTK AYMUHT KIDK W. CKAGS KKP CANONS A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY See Nature, In alt her lorlotiH beauty, nnd then the nemo of mail's handiwork. Tho first is found nlonu tho lino of tho Denver it Itio Qrnude Hallroad, thu latter at tho St. ImiIm World'H Fair. Your trip will be one of pleamirt mako thu niOHt of It. For information and llhiHtrated literature wrlto V. C. McURIDE, Gcnernl Agent PORTLAND, OREGON SHAVER TRANSPORTATION GO. STEAMER GEO. W. SHAVER, Will leave 1'nrllaml, foot nl Washington 8t., 8unilay,1ucsiln)' and 'Ihuridav ovculni; at a o'clock, lor hnuvlcs Islnml, ht. Ilvli'iis, CanlfS, Dcor Island, Martina. KaUma, Ni-cr City, ItanliT, Ml. C'onin, M)Ker, rttclla, Oak 1'olnt, Krvcinans, Mauiuulllo.Clntskaulu aud all nay landing. Jr aaaaaalKlTVJa'iiMatti SHORTEST AND QUICKEST Tho shortest lino is not always tho quickest nor is tho quickest lino always tho shortest. Tho Burlington Routo to tho Southeast Is both. It is shorter AND quicker than any other lino from tho Northwest tn Oinahn, Kan sas City, St. Louis, and EVERYWHERE boyond. Another good tiling about it is this: You don't changa cars. Tho St. Louis Special runs through to Kansas City without change. Only one chango to Omaha, Denver nnd St, Louie. Tickets, berths, and information, at ofllces of connect ing lines, or from R. IOO THI rU n THE TRAIL OF LEWIS AND GLARK Wns tho pioneer American trail west of tho Missouri river and tho resulta of that exploration of 1S0I-6 wero of tremendous Importance to the United States and they wero never moro apparent than now, A publication relating to the Lewis and Clark expedition, Just Issued by CK P. Putnam's Sons, New York, stands peculiarly alone. This edition Is a two vol ume, 8 vo one called "The Trail of Lewis nnd Clark, 1801-1901", The author, Mr Olln D. Wheeler, Is the well known wrltr of the popular Wonderland series or the Northern Pacific Railway, In connection with which ho made his studies and. researches for this work. Mr. Wheeler has traveled several thousand miles over the route of Lewis and Clark. He has camped out, climbed mountains, followed old Indian trails, and visited remote points made memorable by those explorers. Their routo across the Ultterroot mountains lias been followed, Identltled and mapped. "Tho Trail of Lewis and Clark" Is Illustrated In color and half tone from, paintings, drawings and maps, by Paxson, DeCamp, and Russell, made under Mr. Wheeler's direction, and from photographs taken specially for the purpose. Tho writer tells his own story and supplements It with pertinent extracts from Lewis and Clark, and a host of other historical and narrative writers that connect the paBt with the present. Exact excerpts and photographic reproductions, in half tone, from the Original Manuscript Journals of Lewis ond Clark are given. A. chapter Is devoted to the Louisiana Purchase, another to the preparatory meas ures for tho exploration, and another to the history of each man of tho expedi tion so far as known, Including a discussion of the death of Captain Lewis. The Louisiana Purchase Exposition at St Louis, and the Lewis and Clark: Centennial to be held at Portland, Oregon, In 1S05. make this work peculiarly timely because written from the standpoint of actual knowledge of past and pres ent conditions of the old trail and country. "The Trail of Lewi and Clark" should be found In every public and private library in the land and the general reader will nnd In reading through Its Daeoa. of large, clear type that truth Is, indeed, The book can be ordered through any the publishers. MY KAIt. AN1J WATKIl ASW&COH 110 Slralght Mm Trains Doily WITH THROUGH PARLOR CARS MKTWKKN Portland, Astoria Seaside RVERRUDCO Leaves union depot Arrlvoi. " i-r Mayccrn. Itnln" Dally ler.cUtsknnlo Dnlly. 8:00 a.m. Wrtort, Ulllton, 11:10 a. m. Astoria, Warren Ion, Klavcl, tleiir liart I'urkniulbeA. fUle. Antorln A Pcft'hnre Kxptejs Dnlly. 7:00 p.m. Anlorln Kxprt's 0:10 p. in. Dally C. A. 8TKWAUT, " J. C. MAYO, Coinm'l ARt., 'ill Alder ft O. P. A '. A. Telephone Main W0. Ask the Agent for T I O K E T S VIA To Spokane, St. Pau , Minneapolis, Duluth, " Clt csjto, St. Louis ' nnd All Points Uast and South. 20VURLANI) TRANS DAILY The Plyer and tho Fast Mail JmT Splendid Service Up'ttwlato KqttlpiuenU Coiirteo u Kinployes Daylight trip nerosM the Cattcndo ami ltoeky MountaliiH. For Tickets, ruten. folders and full Inform matioii call on or address M. DICKSON, C. T. A. 122 Third Street, PORTLAND S. O. YL2RKI2S, O. W P. A.. 612 first Avenue, SUATTLU. WASH. ZMA? PPlCTTT ATHP GSSZssSiM AVA-VJ U.JUrt IW1V ' t r X v tivn UAH H rORTLAKD AND THE DALLES. ROUTE All Wir UnJInci. STUAMUMS BA1I.RY OATZKIIT" "DAU.F.H CITY' "ItKUULAIOlt" "MKTI.AKO" ConnoctliiK at I.ylc, Wash., with Columbia River & Northern Railway Co, roil Wahklacus. Daly, Centcrvltlo, noldendalo and. all Klickitat Valley jlnti. Btcamor leaves l'ortland dally (except fun. day) 7 a. in,, connecting with Clt. & N. train. athylefiilA p. m. for Uoldemlale. Train ar rlveiOeldendalc, 7:15 p. in. moamor arrives. Tho Dalles C::m p. m. Htvamor leaves The Palln dally (except Sun day) 7:lx) a. in. O.K. AN. trains leaving Goldeudale 0:1.1 k. m. connects with this steamer for rortlnnd, ar riving l'ortland n p. m. Kxcvllvnt meals erca on all strainers. Fine accommodattnns for teams aud wagons. Fordotallcd Information uf rules, Lorlh res ervations, connections, etc.. wrlto or cnlt on. nearest agent. II. C. Oiruptell, Ueu. oiilce, l'ortland, Or. Manager. W. FOSTER, TICKET AC1ENT. Struct, PORTLAND stranger than Action. bookseller or news stand or direct fro ssl XsUsflswPRfll k I rTWrVrffa u-4?$3i T&ak&iinmrw&&A'GB - w--' -1.,