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.i.i..1'.WM.iWOi1Ar'AyMiJC2;feQ9P-i?.UMIB3P
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THE OT!W AWE, rOBTLAND, OREGON.
'
KI
WM W
tNK
TH E NEW AQE
A. D. ORIPPIN, Mnnagw.
Office 4J Second St., cor. Alb, Rooau 1 and 1
Portland, Oregon.
Xntared at the poitofflce at rortland, Oret on.
M eecoDd-clMi matter.
SUBSCRIPTION.
Om Year, payable In advance $ 2.04
SeUblUhed U9C. THntfA at 2t5i Stark Btreet,
Third F.oor.
1 EDITOF
HX3X8SXI
EDITORIAL
mm ws (mm
WASHINGTON.
Politics bto warning up moro al
ready In tho stato of Washlngton-than
thoy aro In Oregon, although wo havo
an election hero In a llttlo over four
-weeks, and tho Washington state
election docs not occur for n curly sit
months. This Is principally becauso
tho pcoplo of Washington aro as n
rulo more wldo awake, moro ainbltlouH
and cnorgctlc, moro keenly nllvo to
nil that Is going on, moro actlvo and
enthusiastic, than thoso of Oregon;
but nlso partly to tho fact thnt Wash
ington Is hotter lighting ground than
Oregon Is. Not that thcro Is any
douht whntovcr that Roosovclt will
carry Washington hy n largo majority
next fall; ho Is likely to carry It by
n larger majority than ho will rccolvo
in Oregon certainly will unless our
voters register moro numerously thnn
picsont prospects Indlcnto thnt thoy
will; but in tho stato election tho Re
publicans nro not so suro. It will be
romomborod that in 1890 Iirynn car
ried Washington by a largo majority,
whllo Oregon went Republican; nnd
that In 1900, whllo McKlnloy canted
tho Btato by a largo majority, Rozcm,
tho Democratic candldnto for govern
or, did tho Bnmo.
In Oregon thoro Is Just now no ap
preciable factional Bpllt In tho Repub
lican party, except In tho case of boro
nnd thoro soma minor odlco tho Re
publicans will carry every county, or
almost ovory ono; but In Washington
tho Republican party Is split into sev
eral war-painted factions, led by am
bitious or disgruntled chiefs, nnd It
tho Domocrats can bo roasonubly
united and harmonious, thoy may ob
tain a partial victory.
This stato of affairs Is largely duo
to tho determination of Governor Me-
Ilrldo to run tho party, on Issuer
ftamed by hlmBolf, chief of which is
tho railroad commission law. He
posos as an anti-railroad man, though
lio must know that a commission could
not bo depended upon to gtvo tho
farmers nny rollof. It would only be
n moans of holding up tho rallronda,
who In turn would recoup oft tho pro
ducers nnd shlppors, This Is tho uni
versal exporlenco of rnllroad commtK
ulons. Hut bcsldos, thcro appears to
hi no great need of Interfering with
tho rallroadH. They voluntarily rt
ducod rates last year by a largo per
centage, putting iv vory big turn of
rt.onoy that thoy might havo taken Into
tho pockots of tho farmers, und will
doubtless do no ngaln when circum
stances will Justify It. Tho railroads
havo dono more than all other ngcncloa
combined to develop Washington and
Increase Its population and wenlth,
and nobody hut n domngojj'io or n
crank kceps'up a howl against thorn.
Tho peoplo of tho largo towns nro al
most unanimously against nny nntl
railroad legislation, and so aro thoso
of regions yet awaiting greator set
tlement ami development, Ho It is
not strange that Governor Mcllrldo U
losing most of tho Important counties
nnd has llttlo chance of renomlnation.
Hut It ho chooses ho can roverel)
hurt tho man who shall bo nominated,
and tho whole stato ttckot.
This is only ono of numerous
"fights" on hand, and after the nomi
nations thoro will bo many sorely
disappointed men, each with many
followers or sympathizers, who may
glvo moro or less aid and comfort to
tho Domocrats. So tho campaign next
fall In Washington will bo Incompor
ably moro Interesting and exciting
than that In Oregon this spring.
not expect tho respect, admiration nnd
confidence of tho lnw abiding people.
Why may not pcoplo Inclined to vlo
lato laws say: "If tho city authori
ties can do this, I can; nnd It Is no
worso to break tho law In somo other
ways than In this."
Truo, gambling cannot bo entirely
suppressed; somo pcoplo, bound to
gamble, will find places and means of
dclng so; but they will have to go
under covor, Into hidden, secret
places; tho temptation will rot bo
open to everybody; and tho city will
' not havo tho widespread odium of
being a participant In tho violation
of Its own laws. Nor Is it truo that
gambling cannot bo in a largo mcas
uro suppressed. It can bo so driven
into rotrcat and dark corners or into
prlvnto houses and clubs, that but llt
tlo of it, comparatively will bo going
on. All thnt tho offlcors district at
torney, sheriff and mayor under
whoso orders Is tho polico depart
ment havo to do is to order all
gumbllng to stop, nnd mean what thoy
say, and It will mostly stop. Vho pro
fessional gamblers will leave town
nnd tho majority of thoso who now
pntronlzo tho games will find other
means of amusement and of squan
dering their money.
It Is not a pleasant thing for city
authorities, for a city, to htivo such
a tragedy happen ns that which oc
curred this week tho sulcldo of a
rran, a husband and father, In conse
quence of nllcged losses at gambling
tables run, In effoct, by tho city.
Somo of tho money only n llttlo of It
that ho lost will como Into tho city
trensury; but a city must bo poor in
deed, both financially and morally,
thnt dcslrcH money thus gained at
the prlco of a man's life, a widow's
lifelong woo, a child's disgrace and
perpctunl sorrow. And thla Is only
ono Instance. How many other vic
tims Is this policy rcsponsiblo for?
Tho responsibility ennnot bo denied
or shirked; If tho city Is a partner,
for cash, In tho gambling business, it
cannot any it Is not responclblo for
theso evil and In many cases ruin
ous consequences.
Tho Now Ago docs not wonder thnt
Cr. Hill and others nro surprised and
shocked at this Btato of nfTnlrij. and it
Lellovos that thoy havo good ground
for tho Indignant protests that they
aro making, Tho gamblers aro not
tho ones to blamo, or at least not the
ones to bo attacked; tho city 'hat has
gono Into partnership with them to
ralBO rovenuo by vicious menus out of
tho slim purses of fools Is the ono to
hit.
good cause and as a needed warning
It becomes a .prlvllego if not a duty
to mako an excoptton; but the occa
sion for such exceptions will some
times arlso, and it is well thnt voters
In Buch cases aro willing nnd cour
ageous enough to show their Indepcnd
ence. This does not mako them any
and a man.
Tho Now Ago will tako plensuro In
supporting and voting for the Rcpub
llcan ticket generally this year, but
it will take moro pleasure In doing this
for Judge Mooro than for any other
ono man on tho ticket. It is a good
thing for tho state when It secures for
tho less Republicans, though of course such a position a man like Judgo
tho chronic kickers and bolters can- KTbore, and when ft can keep him
not claim to bo such.
CAPABLE COLORED MEN.
term after term in its servlco.
A GOOD RECORD.
Congress adjourned last week, at
Whllo it is readily admitted on all
hands that tho negro race In not as an earlier dato than ever before. The
far advanced and as much cultivated long session almost always runs up to
as tho anglo saxon raco In this coun- June, frequently Into July. Most of
try and in somo of tho leading coun- tho necessary work was done, how
tries of Europo Is, yet there are many ever, and tho Republican leaders
Instances of tho success, along varlouc wcro wlso In deciding on an early ad
lines, of negroes, which arc sufficient Journment. This was not only good
to show tholr capability and adapta- party politics, but well for tho coun-
f5555 LET US ALL LAUGH.
3 CAMPAIGN NOTES
Only a week more In which to re
gister. Don't neglect it.
e
Democratic candidate for
is said to bo a man of hfs
Tho
sheriff
word.
AN ASSURED RESULT.
LICENSED GAMBLING.
Whllo there is something to bo said
tn favor of tho policy of periodically
fining gamblers, being pursued by tho
present city administration, thoro is
much to bo Bald agatnBt, It h not n
iilco or proper when It cornea to that
a logltluiato way to obtain rovenuo.
Saloon licenses aro entirely different ;
selling liquor, under certain restric
tions, Is a leglttmato buslnoss, and ono
that In somo ways Is bouoflcla! to
many pcoplo; but gambling 1b a
crlwo. It is prohibited by state and
city laws. And an administration
that sanctlous tho violation of law,
that even openly und confessedly ami b& "straight" as a rule; It Is wolt to
Tho Womon'H clubs of Porfnnd hnil
12 pages of Wednesday's edition of
tho Journal, ono page of which was
occupied with editorials, and vory
gcod ones thoy wore, too, well writ
ten and full of souse. One of thorn,
on tho political prospoct, correctly de
clared that scarcely over In our na
tional history was a man bo certain
of election nu President Roosevelt Ih.
This Is truo; thoro Is not "tho shadow
of a doubt" as to Ills olectlon. If ho
lives. Ho will carry every Northern
stato, not excepting otthor big Now
York or llttlo In point of population
Montana. Tho olectlon of MeKlnloy
four years ago was a "dead surj thing"
long boforo it occurred, but t'o elec
tion of Roosovolt next Novomber Is, If
possible, oven moro so. As this wo
man writer clearly bIiows, tin Demo
ciats, who would havo no chnneo oven
if united, nro hopelessly split asunder,
and no power or Intluonco on oarth
can bring them togothor, to t'je sup
port of Parker, Hearst, Clovoland,
Hrynn, Olnoy, Johnson, or anybody
else. MiiTUtudoB of Domocrats, In any
enso, will voto for Roosovolt. and the
Now Ago expects to boo hint olcetod
by tho largost popular majority over
given a president, nnd tlFo Inmost
doctoral majority since 18C4. at lens.
Whllo all this Is truo, whllo thoro
aro good reasons for this bolag truo.
end whllo Oregon ought to Bet tho
paco on Juno 6th by giving the state
nnd congressional tlckot nn unprece
dented majority, as argued or nssumod
by tho Orogoulan, that thorcforo Ro
publicans should voto nocessarlly for
every Ropubllcnn candldnto on count
tickets. Of course thoy should do so
as n rule, should do so except .'or vory
good reason's; but it is rathor childish
to urgo voters to' support nn unfit or
peculiarly distasteful man for Borne
local olllco becauso tuo voter intends
to Bwell tho big Roosovolt majority
noxt Novombor. Thoro Is rathor all
the moro reason, If need there be,
In this or any other country, to ro
buko tho nomination of a man whom
for good causo tho public, and tho
majority of Republican as well as of
other voters do uot Hko. It Is woll to
billty. One micli, it will bo rcrr.omber
ed, Is that of an assistant United
States district attorney In Boston, a
graduato of a great Eastern college,
and an nblo orator and lawyer. It
will also bo remembered that the prize
winning orator at Harvard lait year
was a colored man.
Now that tho war between Japan and
Russia hns drawn tho world's attention
to tho Far East, It has brought to no
tlco tho consular representative of the
United States at Vladlvostok.ono of tho
rtorm centers nnd Important cities
of that region. This nblo and trusted
diplomatic rcprcscntatlvo of this great
country hns been for tho past six
years, and still Is, a colored mnn,
Richard T. aiccnor, tho first colored
graduate of Harvard collcgo and ono
of tho most conspicuous and buccobp
fill membors of his raco in tho waller
of learning, law and politics, Mr
Greener was admitted to tho bar in
Washington in 1877. Ho was dean of
tho law faculty at Harvard university
for flvo years. Ho removed to Now
York In 1883, nnd thero ho was for
BC-vcral years nn examiner tn the
municipal civil servlco board. Tho
cjnsulnto at Vladivostok increased
greatly in usofulnesB nftcr Mr.'Grcon
or assumed charge
A great storm was raised In tho
South becauso tho president appointed
Dr. Crum, a colored mnn, to bo col
lector of tho port of Charleston, S. C,
and somo Republicans woro no weak
kneed or hypocritical that they volod
with tho Domocrats and prevented hjs
confirmation. But tho president,
knowing Dr. Crum to bo a capablo and
faithful man, hns refused to dislodge
him, and ho still holds tho offlco. Ho
Is also a man of education, refine
ment, nnd exporlenco In business and
professional affairs, as woll an of na
tural ability.
Instances might bo multiplied, but
theso will sufflco to show to the un
prejudiced mind that tho negro race
In capnblo of producing mon ablo to
fill nnd worthy of filling any position.
and who thorohy provo that tho raco
Itself 1b worthy of oncourngomont In
all good works, and entitled to a (air
degrco of reward therefor.
try. It wfil gel along vory well till
next winter without any further legis
lation. Our Oregon Senators and Repre
sentatives havo also Improved their
tlmo and opportunities, and have
dono good and faithful work. Whllo
we hoped for a larger appropriation
for tho LoWIs and Clark fair, thoy so
cured all that under tho circumstances
any men could havo done, and
enough, with good mnnagoment. to
Insuro tho brilliant success of tho fair.
Greater appropriations for the Co
lumbia river were needed, but theso
wcro lmposslblo to bo obtained now.
river and harbor bill, In which our
Next year wo may expect a llboral
great river will bo well carsd Tor,
and no hotter men for this work
could bo nt Washington thnn Sonntoro
Mltcholl and Fulton, nnd Representa
tives Hermann and Williamson. Thoy
arc In accord, worlt In unison, and will
mako a very strong and effective team
Tho Republican party, whllo not
nbovo or boyond criticism for Its ro
cord mado in tho first session of the
C8th congress, has on tho wITolo dono
wcIT, and Oregon's part of that con
gress hns dono woll.
e e
The Domocrats found some very
good men for legislative candidates,
but tho Republican candidates being
good ones, too, will bo elected.
e
If John Hall should ever be "let
out," he will oven then havo "no kick
coming."
e
Nothing is heard of a bolting or
knifing faction this year.
If sheriff Storoy can down Jim
Stott, ho will retlro to private llfo in
comparative happiness.
e
Mr. Mnnnlng is not nt all certain
ubout relinquishing tho district attor
ney's offlco on July 1.
Perhaps tho Domocrats ought to
have an office or two, Just as an ovl
denco of Republican good will.
e
Either a penurious man or a spend
thrift is not nn ideal candidate.
e e e
Has anybody found out yet who
Simmons Is?
e e
Tho Oregon delegation In congress
will soon all bo homo and will bo met
with tho plaudit, "Well done, good and
faithful acrvants."
JOKES FROM THE PEN8 OF
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
VA.
rienaant lucldcnta Occurring the
World Over Snylng Hint Are Cheer
ful to Old or Young Funny Selec
tion, that You Will Enjoy.
"Did you sell your dog?"
"Yes, I did. I sold him to tho milk
man." "What did you get?"
"An extra quart of milk. It turned
out sour."
"Did you complain?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I was afraid he'd bring tho dog
back." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Imposition.
Ernie Gusslo Sapp says if I refuse
him ho will go away and Join cither
tho Jnpnneso or Russian urniy.
Rollo Then ncccpt him. Thoso na
tions hnvo enough troubles already.
The One Thing.
D'Auber Did Crlttlck say anything
to you about my Intent painting?
Knox Yes. By tho way, you must
have had it nicely framed before you
showed It to him, didn't you?
D'Auber Yes; why?
Knox Ho said ho noticed ono nrtln
tic featuro about it. Philadelphia
Prens.
A Hot One.
Then They Dined.
"You are sweet enough to eat," naid:
the very young man who lmnglncd ho
hnd tho lovo market cornered.
"Thnnks," rejoined the mnttcr-of-fact
maid. "Thcro's a small restaurant
Just nround tho corner." Chicago
News. Hnd to Close Them.
"You hnvo tho reputation of being
close listed," sold tho man who nlawys.
butts In.
"I can't help It," responded tho
brawny chap In tho green sweater.
"May I ask your business?"
"Yes. I'm a pugilist."
Caller In Mr. Smith ln7
Foolish-looking Clerk No.
Caller When will ho be In?
Foolish-looking Clerk I hnven't nn
Idea.
Culler You look it.
METHODIST COLORED BISHOP.
AN IDEAL CANDIDATE.
tr-VSKKKU'S2. -fej'f -UcteL..
SSUiSJSKSiUL
Without meaning to say nnythlng
iMspnraglng to other Republican can
didates, or to ills opponent, Judge
Thomns O'Day, who Is a popular law
yer, Judgo Mooro will probably havo
tho largost Ropubllean majority of
uny candldnto In tho Btnto election
next Juno, nnd It would not bo sur
prising If ho hnd a larger mnjorlty
then than President Roosovclt will
have noxt Novombor.
Judgo Mooro has now served two
terms, 12 years, on tho supremo bench,
nnd has grown In Judicial nblllty and
power to solve tho mnny knotty legal
ptobloma prosonted to him, during all
that tlmo. A capablo man for tho
position when first elected, ho has
grown moro capablo during those
years of study, thought nnd work, am'
has becomo an Ideal man for that
elevated and onerous position. i
But Judgo Moore will win many
votes uot only becauso of his peculiar
fitness for this olllco, but becauso of
his personal popularity with all classes
of peoplo, Whllo maintaining on nil
necossary occasions a dignity rultablo
to his oxalted position, ho Is naturally
a genial, companionable man, not
afraid or aBhamcd to greet pleasantly
the huntblest of voters. This tiatt
of nnrannnl cwnlnltv la nnvri- will.
him affected for a political purpose,
but la entirely natural, syringing
spontaneously from a warm hoart
und friendly Impulses.
So both on hla rare merits aa a judge
of long experience, and his personal
characteristics and traits, Judgo
Mooro Is entitled to recelvo not only
tho voto of all Republicans but of
mauy mon of other parties. This
cannot bo taken as an expression of
dissatisfaction with his opponent, but
only as a practical testimony to Judge
a superior worth as a iurlst
Colored pcoplo will mnko a demand
nt tho Methodist general conference
ut Lob Angeles this week for tho elec
tion of a colored bishop of that church,
lhls Is a. rcasonablo and just demand,
nnd cannot bo Ignored without a dis
crimination against many colored
members of that church, on account of
their color only. Colored ndborcnts
of tho Methodist church throughout
tho country nro vory numorous, and
nobody doubts or disputes that their
religious convictions nro ns sincere
and strong, and their general conduct
no good, from a rollglous or moral
point of vlow, ns thoso of their white
brethren.
Moreover, thoro Is a great rollglous
work, In which that church should be,
dono nmong colored peoplo, yet to bo
dons among colored peoplo, especially
in tho South, but not thoro only; in
every great ivorincrn city, buch as
Chicago, Philadelphia, Now York and
Boston, aro thousands of colored pco
plo who, If tho religion of tho Metho
dist church Is a good thing, ought to
hnvo It; and both thoso who aro now
church membors and thoso who ought
to ho or might becomo bo are fairly
entitled to a representative on tho list
of American bishops.
Tho colored peoplo'a churches aro
mostly of this denomination, or pat
tern closely after It, and thoy aro act
ing only within their reasonable
rights In urging that somo emlnont
colored prcachor bo addod to tho
number of Methodist bishops.
REGISTER! REGISTER!
Registration so far throughout the
state, and In thlls county, Is very light.
Tnero remains but a llttlo over a
week yet In which to register. ThtH
Is a duty tliat every voter and being
n Republican tho Now Ago will sav
every Republican voter especially
should perform. Tho registration lists
closo on the 16th, and do not open
ngaln this year, hence If you are not
registered you cannot, voto either nt
tho stato election In June or at tho
national election In Novombor, with
out putting not only yourself but sevi
eial of your householder f Heads to a
good deal of trouble. Most of you
will really want to vote when tho time
comes; you should want to vote; and
why not go and register so as to
qunllty yourself for voting? Thousands
in this country, tens of thousands la
tho stato, havo put off this ,dnty thu
far; It ought not to bo delayed longer.
Go and register and so be -oady to
voto for Roosovclt and tho Republican
stato and county ticket or aa you
chooao, but register anyway.
Chairman Sweok has a doleful Job
on his hands unless somebody sends
out Bomo campaign funds,
When such a man ns Mr. A. L. Mills
consents to servo as a member of tho
legislature ho should bo elected by an
Immenso majority. Wo need more
Mich men In public lift.
Thoro's ono good thing for our Dem
ocratic friends If thoy havo nny
senso, thoy won't bo disappointed In
being beaten.
Coroner Flnloy had tho largest ma
jority two years ago of any candldnto
on tho county ticket. But It will bo a
Mill larger majority this year. Nobody
has any complaint to mako about him.
It was a good deal of usolccs work
to got up that petition for Mr. Doug
las' candidacy for stato dairy and
food commissioner. Ho won't oven
get all tho Democratic votes, and thoy
will ho comparatively fow not thnt
he Is not a good man, but tho pcoplo
aro satlscd with Balloy.
Undo "Bob" Veatch talks bl? about
beating Hermann, but Hermann not
being a fool will not get scared. Mi.
Veatch Is a very flno gentleman per
sonally, and has a host of friends, but
Republicans will practically all voto
for Hermann. Undo "Bob" knows
this, but ho likes his joko.
Hla Cloacncne.
Daughter I don't seo why you don't
like Mr. Spoonor.
Father Well, for ono thing, ho's
too close.
Daughter Oh, fatherl Wcro you
mean enough to spy on us lust even
ing? Philadelphia Ledger.
Too Watery.
Ernie Poor Mr. Bluffer, ne tried
to mnko us believe ho was n great
tourist, but tripped himself dreadful
ly." Eva In whnt way?
Ernie Ho said ho went automobll
lng In Venice. ,
Fntrlotlc.
"So you submitted, a poem to the
great editor?" Interrogated Pearl, "I
suppose you tied It with a bluo rib
bon?" "No, I used rod, white nnd bluo,""
replied Edith, "It was called 'Our
Flag.' "
An Kuiergcncy Mnn.
Rltcr I'm a shorthand reporter now..
Scribbles I didn't know you under
stood stenography.
Rlter I don't, but tho city editor
Is only employing mo nt present be
cause ho was shorthanded. Philadel
phia Tubllc Ledger.
Truly Heroic.
"He had a play produced by an ama
teur company tho other night. Who
was tho hero of it, do you know?"
"I woh one. I sat through It."
Philadelphia Ledger.
-Phll-
A Friend In Need.
Jack You won't lend mo a V? Why,
you loaned a ten-spot to Jones, and ho's
almost a stranger to you.
Tom Well?
.Tack Well, I'm an old friend of
yours.
Tom Exactly, Jnck, nntl I don't
wunt to loso you. Philadelphia
Ledger.
Oddly Enough.
Jcnks Your house Is not very
warm.
Hnrduppe No. That's because It's
not coaled. Philadelphia Ledger.
Iteuta Doing Up.
"I'm afraid I'll hnvo to buy my
house," nnld Subbubs.
"Why no?"
"I can't ufford to to rent lt."-
adelphla Ledger.
Two Queatlnne.
"George, will you tako mo to an.
many places nftcr wo nro married?'
"Jnne, will you bo no moro willing
to stay nt homo thnn you now nro?"'
Clovnhind Plain Denier.
Low Value on That.
"Of course, it's cheaper to live in
tho East Tho further West you go
tho higher the values becomo, and "
"Not on your llfo!" Interrupted the
travollng man.
"No? Just glvo mo an Instance
wlicro the valuo Is not high."
"I nay not on your life." Philadel
phia Public Ledger.
nettling; uaweuit in India.
Thoy have a way of settling law
suits In India that It would bo well to
copy here, according to tho Spriugtleld
Republican. When a dispute arises
over tho ownership of land two holes
are dug near together and the opposing
lawyers nicely planted up to their
waists. Tho first one to becomo bitten
by a bug or becomes so exhausted that
ho has to bo exhumed loses the case
for hla client This does away with
unnecessary talking, and? adds an In
teresting element of chance to tho
game.
High Priced Canaries.
Slnco King Henry took up the hobby
of canary breeding prices havo steadily
advanced until treated blids have been
told at $350 a pair.
We're AH Got 'Km,
"We seem to have quite a lot of
mutual friends."
"I hope not"
"Eh?"
"My Idea of a 'mutual friend' Is one
who docs nothing but repeat to you
the mean things somebody lso says
about you." Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
Ho Wu'uted a Fit.
&x
Cheapeat Wny.
Mrs. Holdtlte Dr. Kurcm Awl say.
I must spend nix months in Europo.
Whnt nbali I do?
Mr. Holdtlte Got another doctor.
After the "Corner."
Gunner Whatovor bcvaine of that
young stock speculator who used to got
so many tips?
Guyer Oh, he's getting more tips,
than ever.
Gunner You don't say.
Guyer Yes; ho's a waiter In a
hotel now. 'Chicago News.
One Obatacle Only,
Scholar Professor, your mnemonlc
nystem is wonderful, and 1 am suro
that any one, after mastering the
rule.i, can learn to remember nny
thlng. But I am handicapped by one
dimculty. I'rofossor What Is it?
Scholar I can't remomhor the rules.
Town and Country.
I
izfrixtfto
Cash or Installments, tho Old Plon
eor Loan Office, 13 North Thlrtl
street, near Burnsldo, Ben S. Back
man, proprietor. Business strictly
confidential,
Willing to Take a Chance.
A pious citizen has a 15-year-old son
who doe not promise to be exactly a
"chip off the old block." Not long ago
the rather discovered to his sorrow
that bis boy and several others of the
neighborhood had a habit of matching
nickels. The wrathful parent led the
erring lad to the time-honored attic,
where hangs a certain strap. The boy
didn't have any agreeable impression
of what was to come, and, on the
ground that It la only the first plunge
that counts, he called out: "Say, dad!
I'll go you heads or tails for two lick
ing or none!"
Hla Aim.
W, B. Yeats, the Irish poet, tells an
aniualng story of Marlon Crawford, the
novelist According to Mr. Yeats, a
lady asked Mr. Crawford If he thought
that anythlug ho hnd written would
live after he had gone. "Madam,"
Crawford replied, "what I am trying
to do is to write something that will
enable me to live while I am here."
When tho Mississippi River Is at
flood one can drink fresh water from
the gulf ten miles from tho rlvtvV
mouth.
Mrs. Goodlelgh I can give you a
milt of my husband's, but It will bo
about six sizes too big for you.
Wandering Willie Thank you.
madam, but I must decllno to accept
it I am too much of a patriot to de
sire to bo mistaken for an Englishman.
With the pi. D.
"Latin," remarked the student board,
er, who never missed an opportunity
to air his knowledge, "is a dead lan
guage." "I suppose so." rejoined the cheerful
Idiot; "still, it has a ghost of a show."
IIU Point of View.
"But," protested the typewriter
boarder, "Adam wasn't contented with
out a wife."
"Perhap not" rejoined the old bach
elor, "but at that stage of the game
he didn't know anything of good or
evil." Chicago News.
Uaeful Klaatlc.
Little Ostend stood In the museum
staring at the "rubber man."
"Oh, ma," he exclaimed, suddonly,
"I know what thoy could do with him.
if ho was to die."
"What dear?" asked his mother.
"They could cut him up and make
suspenders." Too Many Rleea.
"I hear that Harker Is going to glvo
up learning to bo a chauffeur."
"Yes. The automobile tossed him up
so much ho is thinking of learning
air navigation."
Premature,
ne Wasn't our honeymoon a great
success, dear?
She I'll tell you better in flve-years.
Always ask for tho famous General
Arthur cigar. Esberg-Qunat Cigar
Co., general agents, Portland, Or,
When He Rakea In.
"Allow me to show you my new
picture entitled 'Harvest,'" said the
artist, leading his friend through tho
studio.
"Why," gasped the surprised friend,
"I don't see anything in tho picture but
pipes covered with icicle. How can
you call It a harvest?"
"It Is the plumber' harvest"
Yet to Come.
She I your play finished?
lie No; it hasn't been put on yet.
He's a Plumber.
"Did I understand you to say that
Mrs. Goldsolder will not go to Florida
for the winter?"
"Ye. 8he doesn't care to leav her
husband."
"But why doesn't ho go. too? rr
la making a lot of money, you say?"
"That's Just it He's a Dlumi.r.
Yl1lA '
An Inference,
Her I admire Miss Newcomer more
than any other girl of my acquaint
ance. Have you over met her?
Him No, and what's more, I don't
care to if she's that homely.
Proof ut Hund,
"Blr," said the haughty Individual
with the unbarbered locks, "there Is.
poetry In everything."
"Sure there is," rejoined the village
editor. "Even our stove Is full of it"-
What Chinese Name Mean.
A few definition of Chinese geo
graphical preflxe and suffixes may be
of service In elucidating the nomencla
ture of current war news. First, pre
fixes: Ta, as In Taku, means great
nnd slao, as in Siao-Plng-Thou, means
uimi. rei or pe, nan, tung and st
are respectively north, south, east and.
went. Thus the Pei-Ho Is the North
River, etc. Bhang and hal are upper
and lower. Pal, hei and whang are
white, black and yellow. Suffixes ure
more numerous and familiar. Klang
ho tchuan, ula, muren and tchu each
and all mean river. Thus Yalu Klnng
and Liao no aro simply Yalu River
and Lino River. Shul, kou, thsuan,
khl, gol and ussu ao unfamiliar terms
meaning a brook or small river. Hu"
nor and orao mean lake, as in the welU
known Lob Nor and Kosso Gol. p0
tse and tlen mean a small lake or
swamp, or a town situated near bucu.
innw. xiai means sea; thus Whang
nal is the Yellow Sea, Tung-Hai is tho
Eastern Sea and Nan-Hal is tho South
ern Sea. Tao and sometimes shan
mean Island, but shan more often
means a mountain range. Ling 1 a
pass over a mountain raniro.TtAnn.
mtuest
tTnMCtisU