.-
THE :NEW AGE, PORTIjAND, OREGON.
The Worst Part of It.
De Jones I hear your firm dh
charged you.
Bmythe Yob; but I wouldn't mind
that so much if they hadn't added In
tuit to Injury.
De Jones How bo?
Smythc They advertised for a boy
to fill my place. Chicago News.
Tim Twentieth Ontnrjr.
The twentieth century bejrnn Jnnuarv
1M, 1001. ni il will end with 2100. People
did not hecin p reckon time from A. )i 1,
but united until uliont the WO year of the
ChrtMlnii era. People who begin to tnkn
the great henlth restorative, Jloftettcr'o
Btoumch Hitters, linintdlutcly nftcr the
first outbreak of dvppeprla, innlnrln, rhen
nintisitt, roiiMtiiiatloii, nervousness or kid
jiey trouble i 111 date their cure Immediate
ly from then.
Naturally.
Fuddy Did you over notice that
most of tho black-faced artists are
Irishmen?
Duddy Nnturally. An Irishman is
right at home in Cork. Boston Trans
cript. Spring
Cleaning
You aro mado awaro of tho neces
sity for cleansing your blood in tho
spring by humors, eruptions and other
outward signs of impurity.
Or that dull headache, bilious, nau
ccous, nervous condition and that tired
feeling aro duo to 'tho satno cause
weak, thin, Impure, tired blood.
America's Greatest Spring Medi
cine is Hood's Sursapariila.
It makes tho blood rich and pure,
cures scrofula and salt rheum, gives a
clear, healthy complexion, good appe
tite, sweet Bleep, sound health.
For cleansing tho blood tho best
mcdicluo money can buy is
Hood's
Sarsaparilla
It is Fcculiar to Itself.
American Commission at Parle.
Tho cost of tho American commie
aton nt tho Paris exposition was nonrlyj
fl.ooo.ouu.
All dtrsaicd conilltloiii of Hie
Mc. mi Hint ikln tire benefitted by
tho wetl known remedy, (Jiutltld
Teit; It nurltlt-s tlio bloounnd
clears tlm complexion.
Good Subject Makes Qood Talker.
McCarthy Old Brown declares you
aro tho most entertaining talker in
tho club. What do you usually talk
about in his company?
McCommick Old Brown. Harlom
!,lfo.
bw
This ilrnaturo Is on erery box ot the cenulno
Laxative Bromo-Qnininc twou
lbs remedy that riirr n coltl In one day
It Wouldn't Do.
Baron Munchausen had Just writ
ten a letter to a frlond.
Ho closed with a nourish, "yours
truly," and signed his namo.
Then, with a melancholy smile, ho
erasod the word "truly."
"It would only movo him to dorlslvo
laughtor," ho Bald. Chicago Tribune
Il-eil Mm Itnl l'ln?r Hanger!
Kcd plninlri. blntchrs, bnll, sores aredancer
llgnals of torpid Iher, polMincd blond, Ca
carets Candy t'Mtliartlo Mill save ou. All
arugglits, Iuc,g3e,n.
Amending 8hakcspeare.
Her Escort Ise awful fond ob
music, 'specially dance music.
Miss Snowflnke So'a I. .Doan' day
lay dat music am do food ob lub?
"It am do very chicking an' watah
nllllon ot lub." Puck.
Poison Oak
Poison ivy
are among the best known
of tho many dangerous
wild plants and shrubs.
To touch or handle them
quickly produces swelling
and inflammation with In
tense itching and burning
of the skin. The eruption
soon disappears, 'Ihe-euf-ferer
hones forever: but
almost as soon as the little blisters and
pustule3 appeared tho poison had reached
the blood, and will break out at regular
intervals and each time in a more aggra
vated form. This poison will loiter in the
system for years, and every atom of it
must be forced out of the blood before you
can expect a perfect, permanent cure.
sss
Natirc's AitlMe
FOR
Nature's NUhs,
I .. ai1 ouft far PMci-m HjA- Vnlttm
Ivy, and all noxious plant. It is com
posed exclusively of roots and herbs. Now
is the time to get the poison out of your
system, as delay makes your condition
worse. Don't experiment longer with
salves, washes and soaps they never cure.
Mr. R. M. Marshall, bookkeeper of the Atlanta
(Ga.) Cas light Co.. was poisoned with I'oUon
Oak. He took Sulphur, Arsenic aud various
other drujrs. and applied eiteriuuly numerous
lotions and salves with no benefit. At times the
loiionsauu valves -win nu kiivw. . ...- ...
swcllinp and Inflammation was so severe he was
almost blind, l'or eight ears the poiwn would
break out every season. Ills condition was much
Improve I after taking one bottle f 6. S. S , and
a few bottles cleared his blood of the poison, and
all evidences of the disease disappeared. ")
People are often poisoned without
knowing w hen or how. Explain your case
fully to our physicians, and they will
cheerfully give such information and ad
vice as you require, without charge, and
we will send at the same time an interest
ing book on Blood and Skin Diseases.
THE HftfT SPECIFIC CO., ATLANTA, 8A.
st Oouca 8f run. TaatasGood. UseH
la tana. Bold ty dreaH'"- M
A NEW TRICK WITH MATCHES
Here Is n match trick which Just now
is puzzling a good many people In En
gland, says the New York Hernia:
"A" says to "B": Hero nro twenty
Ave matches. Now let each of us take
awny, In rotation, not more thnn threo
nt n time. You may bcglti. Whoever
gets the last match loses."
"All right," Bays "B, "I'll begin."
And now they take them nwny as
follows:
"B" '. 1 3 2 3 32
"A" 3 12 112
This makes twenty-four, no thnt tho
Inst mntch falls to "H.". It will be seen
that "A" each time tnkes nwny, a num
ber of matches which, ndded to those
taken by "B," makes four, and as
twenty-live Is one In excess of n multi
ple of four "B" ennnot help losing.
But tho lnttcr docs not know It, plnyB
again, loses again, and makes "A" be
gin. "A" begins:
"A" 3 2 3 2 13
"B" 3 12 3 1
This makes twenty-four, and "B"
loses. "A" simply operates so thnt 'as
soon ns posslhlu tho number of matches
from which "B" hits to tnko shows one
In nddltlon to a multiple of four, and
from then on ngttln takes nwny n tut tu
ber, which, added to thoso taken by
"B," mnkes four. Of course, tho total
number of mntchca Is not restricted to
twenty-live, It mny bo 21), 37, 73, 101,
etc., but must almost bo one In excess
of n multlplu of four.
MfflSi
r
Tho manager of a St. Louis manu
facturing company, Mr. M. V. Kellcy,
has given tho results of his experience
in theso words: "In advertising, us In
everything else, persistency will wlu.
I've tried It. I know It. There Is uot
an 'article of any merit whatever that
cannot be sold through advertising aud
tnko the Held over products that are not
udvcrtlbcd."
A Ohjcago merchant of experience
places more stress on tho constancy of
the advertiser thau on tho striking
charucter of tlio advertisement. Ho
declares that "tho 'nd.' thnt It always
on tho tiring line, through thick aud
thin, In season and out of season, Is the
'ad.' that will win Its share. In tho dlvlv
Ion of trade. Tho 'ad.' that Is run at In
tervals must enter the ljsts each time
is a new competitor."
In all Its all-pervading Inlluenco ad
vertising seems to be like t.io trufcts,
which, according to Mr. Bryan, "we en,
rouuter from the cradlo to t grave."
Certainly publicity promotes tho miIo ot
rvery commodity Tor which umu has
aio during Lis lifetime: but its powe'r
is a stimulator of demand Is not limit
ed to such articles. A Boston company
which mnkes tombstnucj and monu
ments ha, built up an enormous bttsl-cos-
in Sew Eudnvd by persistent ad
vertising In the newspapers. Philadel
phia Record.
A notable evidence of the progress of
aowspaper advertising lias becu pro
vided bv tho book publishers. Until
recently theso publishers, like some oth
er business men, considered that '( wits
essential to their dignity to avoid any
thing striking In tho wordlug and the
Ijpo of their advertisements, and in
deed, to advertise only In n very lim
ited way. All the publishers and sorce
bankers, Insurnnco men and otters
have discovered that to do the largest
mount of business it Is necessary to
do a large amount of newspaper adver
tising, and to word their "mis." so as to
arrest attention.
Up-to-Date.
Poetlcus I have hero a companion
poem to "The Man with tho Hoe."
Editor What Is it. called?
Poetlcus "The Woman with tho Ax,"
and I've dedicated It to Mrs. Nation.
Chicago Chronicle.
Nine out of ten men who get Into
business trouble, finally credit it to re
fusal to let well enough alone.
Th aJtroBomer Is a space reporter.
'"aLaVHsW UY
Mrm. Watmon'm Message.
Ska tmilm mU auf taring woman how aha waa
cured ot Ovarian Inflammation by
fEuLH
"Dbah Mrs. PrrxnAM: When I wrote to you n few montha
go I had been Buffering from iuflammntion of tlio ovaries and
womb for orer oiehteen months. I had a continual pain and
orextem in nry baelcand aide. I belie vo my troubles were caused
by overwork and lifting some years ago. Lifo was n drag to me
and I felt lilm giving np. I had several doctors, hut they did mo
lilUo guod. I bognn to useLydiu E. Pinkhnm'a Vogotablo Com
pound four montha ago and am in bettor health today than I
have been for year. All my paina aro gono. Your vee.etnble
Compound has mado me woll. I recommend it to all suffering
woinen,r lla, 8. J. WATSOlf, Hampton, Va.
When thre l one remedy that In sure, and
humlrcds of thousand of women know from ex
perlenee'hs reliable, le It wise to experiment with
untried and comparatively unknown medicines?
RHARn
a
son who
letter is
'the Key to the Situation.
First Detective How did you man
ago to discover tho scandal in their
family closet?
Second Dotectlvo Woll, you boo, I
had a sxclcton key. Smart Set.
XOV KNOW WHAT VOU AUK TAKINO
When vou tako Clrore's Tattoleis Chill Tonic,
becatuo tho formula Is plainly printed on every
bottlo showing thnt It Is Imnlr Iron and Qui
nluo In a taitclesi form. Ho Cure, No l'ay. toe.
The Last Resort.
Clara Ho was hearbroken, desper
ate nd ready for anything when I
rejected him.
Maude What did ho do?
Clara Ho said ho was going to sco
you.
QregonJjioooPurifie
Composition of Sweetbreads.
Elsie (aged 3) Mamma, I want to
ask you a Borlous question.
Mamma Woll, what 1b it, dear?
Elsie Aro tho sweotbreads mado ot
loaf sugar?
Mothers will Hud Mr. WIikIoiv'h Month
hip Syrup the beet reined v to use lor their
chlldh'ti during thu teething period,
8erum for Diphtheria.
During a rncont epidemic of dlph
thorla In uptown on tho Hudson, 205
caeca wero treated with sorum, and
among theso thoro woro only two
tenths.
Uiopm thm OoubH mntl
Work Off tltm Cold.
Laxative Ilrnmn-Qulnlno Tablets euro a cold In
ooo day. No euro, No l'ay. l'rlco 2a couti.
The Meaning In a Squeak.
Qus do Smith Thoso now boots of
yours squeak awfully; perhaps, they
ain't pnll for yet?
Johnny That's all nonsense. If
thero Is anything In that, why don't
my coat, and vest, and my trousors,
and my hat squeak, too? Exchange.
rTS PrtuniiUr Cured. No flU or iierTOiMncm
llle) fUrnri'lT'.ii.Kriir.Kiniflrrt Nert
IlMtnrrr. tiiirrPHKKtJ.OOtlUttliIUFat.
Us. Ua.n.11 Kl.i.Lia,.MIAriliat..l,lillJ.IliU.l'.
Passing Fare.
Street car conductors aro never
beautiful. In fact, they aro not even
passing faro. Philadelphia Record.
Force of Habit.
Would-Bo Suitor I deslro to pay my
addresses to your youngest daughter,
sir. Havo you any objections?
Druggist My youngest daughter la
already engaged, young man, but I
havo another daughter Just as good.
Somervlllu Journal,
Your Clulile and Ouardli the famous Oreson Wood
Purifier, lea ed and true. Uwiiiiok,
Aluminum Bridges for Cavalry.
Tho Austro-Hungary war offlco has
recently tried with success bridges of
aluminum for cavalry. Thoy aro tho
Invention" of CaptalnB de Vaux and do
Vail, and are easily carried on wagons.
totWOtJiWCHKJtKiOCJOOOOOOOCHWtt
JKf SUMMER
I Beware 01 mem g
2 Thfre are two afflictions which 2 El
9 perhaps give the most pata W !
V and trouble, vizi g IB
1 Sciatica f 4B1
B n V HKfaHaaBaaaaal
Lumbago !HflB
X goto aisaoio ana aipptc, x
5 WTl lniiSI 111 fi
X totbelrbtsicur. 5
We hare deposited with
the .Nation
it City 0a k.
a-aaaaw 0 t vnn.
or Lynn, Ijooo,
fhlch
rlll be
raid to anv ner.
can find that the above tentlmonlal
not genuine, or was nubllihed l.tfora
uuimiuiii iv -.Tint, n rcvin, ciiiiikiiu.
I.Vnt K riMKHAM MRDICtNB CO.
Woes of a Wife. I
"Oh, that I Bhould havo married a.
funny mnnl" she walled.
"What Is tlio matter, lovoly doar?"
askod hor most Intlmnto frlond.
"Ho came homo and told mo ho hnd
a Buro way to keep Jolly from getting
moldy nt tho top, and when I asked
him how ho said turn it upsldo down."
Boston Travolor.
""" - - .
aarflcld Tea U an oxccllpnt
mcdiilnu In tulo In the spring!
It produces a healthy action
ot the liver; It cleanses tho
system aud purities tho blood. .
Restoring a Medieval Castle,
At Hohkonlnsburg, In Alsace, tho
remains of an early tnodloval castlo
1b to bo restored by tho kntscr nftor
tho manner in which Plorrofonds wns
rebuilt by tho architect Vlollot le Due
for tho Empress Eugenie.
Tha Itast Prescription for Malaria
Chills and Fovcr It a bottlaof a rove's Taitoleu
Chill Tonic. It Is simply Iron andqulnlnoin
a tasteless form. No Cnro. No l'ay. 1'rlco M)o.
Little Alice's Description.
Littlo 3-your-old Allco stood watch
ing hor mother baking pancakes. Aftor
a fow moments' Bllent observation alio
eald: "Put on back, turn over on
stomach, then cat."
Plfo'n Cttro for Coimunptlmi Is nn Infttl-1
llhle ntcdli'iiia for rouphs mid cnlils.-N. '
W. 3AMUr.i,. Ocean drove, N. J., Feb. 17,
Not Completed.
Mrs. Darling You told mo boforo
wo woro married that you had an In
como of Vil.000 n year. What has bo
como of it?
Mr. Dnrllng Can't tell you until I
got nn I to ml zed bill from your dress
maker. Donvor Nowb.
TO CU11K A COI.D IN ONE DAT
Take Laxative Jlromo Qulnlua Tablets. All
druggists refund the money It It tails to cure.
U. W. Grove's slsnaturo It on raoh box. S.V).
Knew the 8ort.
Eleanor's Mothor You do Elonnor a
great Injustice, my dear. Sho Is not
Idle, only delicate She has no powor
of onduranco.
Eleanor's Father Humph! I know
all about hor powor of onduranco. It's
the kind that'll let hor danco all night
In bIiocb two sizes too small for hor,
and mnko her too tired tho next dny
to dust tho parlor. Now York World.
SEAFARING MEN
-A-' vunui tub ui Its rB
f ItffJ nil wis int. muuu vi
WiW)$
BRNP
OILED CLOTHING
IT WILL
KEEP YOU DRY
IN THE l
Wettest weathm
LOOK rOO ABOVE TTAOE flAtt
ON JALC EVERTWHERe
catalogue:) free
SHOWING PULL ChNE OP0ARMENT3 ANDHAtt
A.J.T0WER CO.. B03T0N. MASS. M
Is best Hire to eure Catarrh,
llrnnchltl aud Consumption,
Our remvdy I Kiiarautevd, II,
I. O. Ilux lt7.'l.
,W. H.SMITH ICO., Buffalo, N.Y.
YOU DO
YOUR PART
which Is, send us
jour addrct), and
WE'LL
00 OURS
Which t, tell you tree how to male money Ian
in tne 'resni yrrai rauinu tvui ciriMeum
oil loim Write Immediately to Haulers and
Hrokeri Oil Co,; J W llrl ner 0 ..financial
agents, ZI3 1 oininerc ai uiocx, ruruami, Lire.
Deeiai ageuis wauieu iu ercry lown.
V. r. N. D.
o. is-iaot.
WUES wrltlur U advartUara sttaasa
aaaatlaa this payer
MA
QIN
a ivTff il x n
litUW
w
. WU&l WJ
"2wt3nC-?
THE ilOKE WAS TURNED.
A Man Who Ulnae I a Pit nnl Fell In
It Himself.
"Jt didn't turn out ns Jones figured,"
said the talkative man with u grin,
"lie invited me to pay him n visit nt
his summer home In the country, and
I accepted without any Idea of what
ho had In Btoro for mc. No sooner hnd I
arrived than ho Informed me thnt ho
had mo booked to net ns Judge of n
baby show that was to take place tho
following day. I laughed at him, mid
told him thnt I would have to be ex
cused. But ho pointed out the fact
that I had been ndvertlsed to net, and
that It was now too late to withdraw;
so I consented, although with a good
many misgivings concerning tho out
come. "Well, when I stood up on tho pint
form, and saw twenty-seven proud
mothers holding ns mnny babies before
me, I anno nenr losing my nerve nnd
bolting. However, I took n brnco nnd
told them to form in lino and mnrch
past mc. They did and the sight made
mo dizzy, nnd for tlio lifo of mo 'I
couldn't tell a white bnby from n col
ored one. To catch my breath nnd gain
tlino to collect my thoughts, I told them
to march nrouiul once more, tho result
being that I wns more rnttlcjl than
ever. I wns about to ask them to
parade onco moro when I saw Jones
grinning nt mo from the fenr of the
hall, aud I realized the hand that
he had hnd In getting mc Into the pres
ent situation. Like n llnnh, I saw n
way out of tho trouble, nnd n chtinco
to even up matters with Jones nt tho
Bnmo time. Clcnrlng my thront, I ad
dressed tho expectant mothers ns fol
lows: " 'I hnvo naked you to pass before me
moro ns n mutter of form than mis
doubt concerning tho, winner of .UiIb
contest. Thnt tho babies are all dears
I think yqu will agree wlt,h me, nnd 1
also think you will concur with my
Judgment when I utato.tlmh there" IfT
one baby hero so much prettier than
tho rest ns to place It In u chine of Its
own, and to (lint bnby It Is my duty to
nwnrd tho prize. But to save the heart
burnings of the other ltiotlierM I think
It best uot to publicly announce the
winner nt this time. If the mother
who holds tho winner nt thlH Instnut In
her nrniH iinil she knows to whom I
refer will call at the homo of Mr.
Jones to-morrow morning ut 8 o'clock
she will bo nwnrded thu prize she so
Justly deserves.'
"Then I left nnd caught the 11'rHt train
for home. I gather from the hoiih
what warm aud Incoherent remarks
that Jones has made in my hearing
hIiico that there was n wildly exciting
time when twenty-seven fond mother
called In a bunch to demand tho prize
thnt I had awarded. Jones refiisen t6
tell how It ended, but ns ho appears
afraid to go back I rather Imagine
thnt tho end Is not yet." Detroit Free
Press.
IDEA HAD A FATAL DEFECT.
I'loii of 11 ti Inventor t 1 liw.irt the Kit
terprlalnir llurul ir.
"I ran across a queer old relic In my
lino of business recently," said a Htifu
and lock expert who Is In tho city to
see tho carnival. "I was prowling
around n machine shop In a town up In
lown trying to hud n lining that 1
needed, when I happened to notice n
sheet-Iron box which seemed to have
onco been entirely covered with glass
tubes attached to thu surface by ce
men t. All of tho t lilies wero broken,
mid most of thciii were itilHslng, hut
thu general iirniugciueiit could he ens
lly traced mid thu contrivance lin
pressed mo at once with a hciiku of fa
miliarity. 1'rcneiitly 1 remembered
about It. It wns nil that was left of tlu
one-time famous 'uncHthctlu wife,' an
Invention which ought to hnvo been
sponsored by u society for thu preven
tion of cruelty to burglars. Tho Idea
of tho thing wns that any cutting or
drllllngthrough thu outer casing should
releasu certain chetnh-nls which would
promptly stuplfy everybody In rnngf
of their fumes. Iu tho morning the
owner would ilnd his valuables liitnci
and could Hliuply call 11 tlruy nud'paek
olf the unconscious burglars to Jail.
"Willi such n device It wits not nec
essary to Iiiivii iiiiihhIvo steel wnlls, and
tho model which I chanced to resurreel
was intiile of ouc-clghth-luch sheet
Iron. The Inner box wns entirely mir
rounded with glass tubes about the
(llnuictur of u lend pencil and lllled al
ternately with two chemicals which
wero supposed to produce stupefying
gas. when they came Into contact.
There was u thin outside casing, and
the theory was that any effoit.to break
in would necessarily fracture two or
more of tho fragile glusscH, It seems
Incredible, but several prominent capi
talists became greatly Interested In the
scheme and stood ready to back it with
unlimited means until actual tents
liunlly convinced theju of Its grotesque
Impracticability. How the model ever
drifted to tho Iowa machine shop 1
couldn't tlud out. It had been there
for years and was probably part of
tho plunder of hoiiio forgotten Junk
sule. The only other safe I know of
lit to rank with thu 'anesthetic' as a
freak was one designed by an Inventor
In Washington. It was circular In
shape, with n pivot at the bottom, and
at night time thu plan was to connect
It wrth 1111 engine belt aud spin It like
a top. Tho inventor was very much
In earnest and made a largo working
model. Ho admitted modestly thnt the
safe could only he used 'where steam
power was available.' What would pre
vent the burglars from throwing on tin
l)elt ho didn't stale." New Orleans
Times-Democrat
largest Cur pot In tint World,
The largest carpel In the world lx In
(Vlndnor Castle. II Is -10 feet Iu Incuilth
aud contains r8,810,(NK) stitches. The
weaving of It occupied Iweuiy-elght
men fourteen mouths.
WAS TORTURED
An Indianapolis Woman's Sworn Stat'
ment of the Way in Which She
Was Saved Pi 0111 Death.
From tho Indianapolis Nowb.
Mrs. Mary K. UurnB, of S05 Hia
watha street, Indianapolis, Intl., Is Ut-'
lag evldcnco of tho wonderful powers
ot Dr. Williams' Pink Pills for Pale
People, the remedy thnt cures whora
nil others fall. For years sho en
dured nil tho toitureB of Indigestion,
nervousness and fomnlo weakness, ft
complication of troubles that flvo phy
BlclnnB confessed their inability to
cure. Hor story Is well worth tho at
tention ot ovory woman. Sho says:
"My Illness commenced after my
first child was born. I was so wnnk
and nervous thnt It seemed I would
novor get strong. For twelvo yonra
I doctored for fomnlo trouble, com
plicated with nervousness nnd Indigos
tlon. My stomach was so weak that
for days at n time I could cat nothing
but broad nnd milk. I was also troub
led with palpitation of tho heart and
wns often bo miserable thnt I could not
lo down. Five doctors prescribed for
no, nnd I took mnny kinds of modi
clno without being benefited. One
day I saw Dr. Williams' Pink Pills
advertised In tho pnpors nnd I de
cided to give them n trial. I did so
and had not finished tnktng tho first
box whon I know that I was getting
bettor.
"You can tmaglno the relief I folt
whon I found that aftor years of suf
fering I wiib being cured. I continued
taking tho pills, nnd tho fomnlo troublo
cntlroly disappeared. Dr, Williams'
I'hik Pills for Palo Pcopla did moro
for mo that! It was claimed thoy would
do. Since I first took tho pills I hnvo
not needed a doctor nor any othor
medicine; thoy hnvo restored my
health, strength and happiness.
"MR8 MAIU K. DUItNS."
Subscribed nnd sworn to. boforo ma
this 10th day or October. 1000.
GUOitOlO II. SWAN,
(Seal) Notary Public.
Dr. Williams' Pink Pills for Palo
People aro sold by nil denlors, or will
bo Bont postpaid on receipt of prlco,
GQ cents n box, or six boxes for 12.0
(tiles' nro novor nold In bulk or by tho
hundred), by nddrosulng Dr. Williams
Medicine Company, Schnncctndy, N. Y.
Another Victim.
"My father," said tho uwcot young
thing, "Is u gold hug. Aro you?"
"No," replied the young mnn. "I bo
long In tho molnnooHto plclpes class."
"Hood gracious)" shu oxclatmod,
"What's thnt?"
"That," ho hastened to explain, with
tho aid of n practical Illustration, "Is
.ho scientific name of the kissing bug."
The Truth Forced Home.
"I'm nfrnld," sho slghud, "that I'm
getting old."
"Why'' ho nBkod. ,
"Whon I go to tho grocery now tho
clerks don't nearly break their necks
trying to boat ono unothor In getting
my ordors." Chicago Times-Herald.
To Play "Shopping."
Tho lendor sayB: "1 wont shop
ping this morning, nnd everything I
bought began with A. From tho gro
cer I bought (points to a player and
waits for rosponso), from tho drug
gist (points to unothor), from tho
dry goods store, from tho bukor,"
ottv Tho responses must ho given
quickly, tho penalty Is to tako tho
placotf tho louder and start unothor
ltttor.
For Keepo.
Ascum 80 you've got n political
situation? Do you expect to keep
It?
Ilnfforty Faith, I do, so, an' what's
moro, I Ixplct It to Knpo mo. Phila
delphia Press.
A Delicate Matter.
"No," said Miss Cnyoono, "I don't
think I should euro to voto, Publlo
affairs aro too dllllcult for mo."
"Vou used to say thoy woro vory
simple."
"I havo changed my mind. It seoma
to bo nlmost ns hard to determine
whom you should snub In politics as
It la In Hoclcty." Washington Star,
Not a Confiding Nature.
Mr. Johnslng I don't Ilka dat Farm
er JoneB. Ho'b too 'splrlous.
Mr. Jackson What's ho dono now?
Mr. Johnslng Ho'h dono gono nn'
put n six-foot bnhb-wiru fonco nroitn'
his melon patch. Now York Journal.
How It Happened,
Miss Klttlsh Major, Is It truo that
onco during tho war one of tho enemy
died to savo your life?
Major Uluntly Yes.
"How noblol How did It hnppenT"
"I killed him." N. Y, World.
Would Still Be a Puller.
"Charlie," said a visitor to a bright
littlo a-your-old, "aro you going to
bo a dentist llko your father and pull
people's teeth whun you grow up?"
"No, sir," replied Charllo. "I'm go
lug to bo a lawyer llko Uncle Georgo
and pull people's logs."
Standard Wants Japanese Oil.
Tho Btnndnrd Oil Company has or
ganized the .International Oil Com
pany, with 110,000 capital, at Yoko
hama, Jajfiin. Tho purposo of tho
now corporation Is to control and
develop tho Jnpaneso oil Holds,
Biliousness
have used your Tuluable CANC'A
Itlt'l'M and and them iwrtrcl. Couldii t do
tuhoui thtwn. 1 huu uvul ihvm (orfcome time
'or ludiifcsiion and bllloiimn sn mid urn now coin-
Sielely cured. Kecoinmtnd them, touvtry one.
iico tried, you will nevur be without them la
the Istnllr," Entr. A. Maui, Albany, N. Y.
CANDY
1 m m tAinKiiii
CATHARTIC
TRAOI MMM aiaWTiase
Plsatant. I'alatabl. i'ouni. Taste Oood. De
flow. Jrer Blcasu, Weaken, or Orlpa.lOc.UcHw.
... CURE CONSTIPATION. ...
UtrlUe limtit tw)n, CVUms. Bulfttl. TrS. m
Hfl.TO.lAn ?'." L?Ar7tyr'",d .r M'
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