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THE ASTORIAN • THuRSdAy, MARcH 3, 2022
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IN ONE EAR • ELLEDA WILSON
TREKKING TO ASTORIA
SOMEONE’S DREAM BOAT?
A LACK OF
JUDGMENT
ver wanted a 1938 sternwheeler, minus the stern-
wheels? Well, Chris Jones is selling the steamboat
Jean for $30,000 on Facebook Marketplace, according
to Oregon Public Broadcasting. She is shown in a 2009
photo.
He hates to part with her, but the mooring fees are
due, state fines are on the verge of being levied and he
has health issues. He used the Jean in his vessel salvage
business, and he’s closing the business, as well.
Although there are several caveats, on the positive
side, the Jean is on the National Register of Historic
Places as SP Idaho Jean, and has a “relatively sound
hull.”
On the negative side, constant maintenance is needed
(and not done in decades); there’s old oil and, worse yet,
asbestos, aboard; she needs electricity; and the interior
is fairly well torn up and rotted out. If you’re wondering
where the Jean is, so you can take a look-see, she’s off
Sauvie Island, and only accessible by boat.
She’s being used as a warehouse at the moment, but
with the right amount of patience (and scads of money
for renovation), she could be transformed into whatever
the buyer can imagine and afford.
Despite the difficulties, the Jean may just be some-
one’s dream boat. Jones sure hopes so, as he’d hate to
have to resort to cutting up and recycling the steel hull.
“Oh that’d be a needless waste of an historic piece.” Any
deep pocket buyers out there?
E
n the evening of Feb. 28, 1881,
a “disastrous collision” on the
Columbia River occurred about 10
miles above Rainier, near Willow Bar,
between the large steamship Oregon,
heading up river, and the small steamer
Clatsop Chief, with a large scow in
tow, heading down river, that resulted
in the deaths of four men.
The account of the tragedy comes
from Capt. William E. Mitchell, mas-
ter of the Clatsop Chief, who was inter-
viewed soon afterwards, The Daily
Astorian reported on March 2.
He claimed he spotted the Oregon,
moving at a good clip, coming at him,
and that his signal lights were burn-
ing. He had to get out of the way, so
he headed for the Oregon’s port side.
The Oregon gave a one-whistle signal,
meaning the Clatsop Chief should be
heading for the starboard side, instead.
Capt. Mitchell put his wheel over
hard in response, but it was too late;
the Clatsop Chief and scow couldn’t
clear the Oregon’s bow in time, and the
steamer hit the scow midship, cut it in
half “like a knife,” and then rammed
into the Clatsop Chief, almost cutting
her in two, as well.
Both the scow and the little steamer
immediately sank. The 13 men aboard
both vessels were thrown into the water,
and were struggling to survive.
The alarm went off on the Oregon
just before the collision, and the cap-
tain reversed the propeller quickly, but
it took some time and distance before
she could come to a full stop and lower
the lifeboats.
The crew of the Oregon rushed to
rescue the survivors, but were only able
to save nine of them. Despite his expla-
nations, Capt. Mitchell’s lack of judg-
ment was blamed for causing the colli-
sion and deaths.
In mid-March, the Clatsop Chief
was raised. Her bow was missing,
and a boiler, but her engines survived
the collision. With significant repairs,
the newspaper predicted, “she will be
in splendid condition to return to her
labors.”
O
INTERESTING MEN
K, guys, this one’s for you: “I am a photo pro-
ducer out of Portland,” Michelle Boucher of
Michelle Boucher Productions wrote.
(In case you’re wondering, according to
ZipRecruiter, a photo producer “designs and sets up all
production phases in a photo shoot.” Pictured, a photo
from Michelle’s portfolio; the client was Duluth, and
the photographer was Corey Arnold.)
Back to business: “We are casting interesting men
for a clothing line, Best Made, part of Duluth Trading
Co.,” Michelle explained. “I am writing to you hop-
ing that you may know some fun coastal people with a
good story.” And we all know there are too many here
on the North Coast to mention.
The client is looking for men in the 35 to 50 age
range whose “good story” hopefully has something to
do with fishing or wood working.
Anyone interested? Email Michelle at michelle@
michelleboucher.com, and she will email back the
casting sheet, which has instructions on what photos
to send.
Did I mention that the pay is $1,000 for the day of
the shoot?
O
PENGUIN PROJECT
’m a longtime ‘Star Trek’ fan,” Josh Marquis wrote.
“I even watch the 21st century version, an atrocity
called ‘Star Trek: Discovery,’ in which only the most
painfully woke characters exist. They are now in Season
4, Episode 10.
“The scene setup is that the spaceship is about to go
into great danger, crossing a ridiculous sci fi invention
called the ‘Galactic Barrier,’ which is sort of like the
Columbia River Bar (times 1,000).
“At this point many of the crew think they may die,
so they start reassuring each other of what they will do
when they get back to earth:
‘Paul Stamets: We might be able to buy another 30
seconds, but that’s it.
‘Christopher Pike: It’s not enough. Hey. We’ve got
this. A month from now, you’ll be back skiing in Zer-
matt. And where you gonna go?
‘Stamets: Astoria. On Earth’s Oregon Coast. It’s heaven.
‘Christopher: Hawaii, for me. The beach. A mai tai.
Maybe I’ll take up snorkeling.
‘Stamets: Great, I’m coming with you. I’m gonna
hike the Pacific Crest Trail.
‘Christopher: I’ve locked onto the target cell, captain!
Stamets, we’ll need those 30 seconds on shields right
now!’ (transcript at bit.ly/TrekAstoria)
“By the way, this is supposed to be about 1,200 years
in the future,” Josh added, “so apparently Astoria sur-
vived the next two major earthquakes that are supposed
to happen.” A comforting thought to ponder …
‘I
SEA LION SUNBATH
ell, we don’t get this kind of call every day,” the
Oregon State Police posted on their Facebook
page. “On Feb. 24, OSP received an animal complaint
of a sea lion sunning themselves on their trailer. OSP
Fish and Wildlife troopers out of our St. Helens office
responded to the home, on Slavens Road in Warren.”
Slavens Road is not exactly a hop-skip-and-jump
from the river. The sea lion would have had to cross a
field and U.S. Highway 30 to get to his or her special
sunning spot. As one poster noted, “Sea lion on Slavens?
That’s a hike.”
“Upon arrival, with the assistance of the Oregon
Department of Fish and Wildlife and another trooper,
recruit trooper Davey attempted to get the sea lion to
go peacefully into a cage for transport,” the state police
explained.
“The sea lion, not seeing the love in recruit Davey’s
eyes, might have tackled her to the ground before enter-
ing the cage.
“Don’t worry, recruit Davey bounced right back up
with no hard feelings to complete the mission of getting
the sea lion successfully released back into the Columbia
River unharmed.” And a good time was had by all. Well,
almost all. (Photos courtesy of Oregon State Police)
‘W
ICY ECOSYSTEM
ix-year-old Ada came home one day in January
to inform her family of her latest assignment in
Crystal Salmi’s first grade class at Warrenton Grade
School,” her mother, Faith Forster, wrote (at the urg-
ing of Ada’s grandmother, Hope Harris). Ada’s dad is
Zach Forster.
“Each child was tasked with choosing one penguin
species from the 17 the class had been studying,” Faith
continued, “to complete a report and a family art proj-
ect. Ada didn’t hesitate when she told us she’d chosen
the emperor penguin, because it was her size.
“Based on that fact alone, the family agreed we
must make a life-size version. With some ingenuity
and lots of team work, we were successful, although
Ada was quick to point out several scientifically inac-
curate design flaws present in the final product.
“One of the most interesting facts Ada and our fam-
ily learned through this project is that we share the
same last name as the man for whom the emperor pen-
guin was named.
“The emperor penguin’s scientific name is Apten-
odytes forsteri, after the German naturalist Johann
Forster, who was thought to have first discovered
the birds while sailing with Captain Cook in the
1700s.
“Isn’t that a fun coincidence, and a story to evoke
the imaginations of Forsters for generations to
come?”
“Thank you to Mrs. Salmi, and all the teachers (pro-
fessional and otherwise),” Faith added, “for sparking
the curiosity that leads to a lifetime of learning and
daring to dream ...”
TAKE THAT, MR. WILLY
‘S
he world’s largest fish breeding area, a “glob-
ally unique ecosystem” consisting of tens of mil-
lions of icefish nests, covering 93 square miles, has
been found on the Antarctic sea floor, NewAtlas.com
reports. Most of the nests, which are guarded by a sin-
gle fish, contain at least 1,700 eggs.
Actually, the area was first spotted last Febru-
ary by German researchers aboard the icebreaker
RV Polarstern, which was towing a submersible
that took the images they studied to extrapolate these
numbers.
One nest is shown, courtesy of the Alfred Wegener
Institute’s Ocean Floor Observation and Bathymetry
System team.
Researchers speculate the colony of nests is caused
partly by warmer than normal seabed waters. The local
Weddell seals don’t care why, they are too busy enjoy-
ing some fine dining.
T
un rerun: “After a recent humorous attempt by a
fake Free Willy (orca) to frighten the noisy and
destructive sea lions off the East Mooring Basin docks,
Subman decided it was time for a more local approach
to the ongoing pesky pinniped issue,” a little bird said. In
case you didn’t know, Subman’s lair is the Astoria Sub-
way, owned by Mike and Mary Davies.
“Enlisting the aid of a classic 1964 Evinrude speed-
boat, Subman took to the mooring basin waters last Sat-
urday morning … Wearing only his signature fresh veg-
etables and a cardboard shark fin, he slowly cruised
through the mooring basin, quickly and easily clearing
the docks of the troublesome mammals!
“After several dock-clearing passes, Subman slowly
sailed up the river, declaring, ‘That, Mr. Willy, is how we
get it done!’” (In One Ear, 6/19/2015)
F