B4
THEASTORIAN • SATURDAY, JUNE 13, 2020
Learn to say ‘no ’ Park: Appreciative of nature’s rich gift
Dear Annie: With your funds, which she was using
advice, I hope my family to help pay rent and grocer
will be able to deal with a ies, have ceased. Her usual
problem. Our 45-year-old summer job is uncertain.
daughter is at the heart of the But most troubling of all,
issue. “Jane” has had a chal due to the coronavirus, her
lenging past. She is an intel prospects of a teaching job
ligent and motivated person, in her area are also uncer
but starting in high school, tain. She gets by month to
she began a difficult life month. Last summer, she
asked us for funds
(mostly to do with
her poor choices in
to help her lease her
DEAR
(new) car. We gave
relationships).
ANNIE
her $4,700. This
She had a son at
goes on and on.
age 19, got married
Last year, my
and then divorced
soon after. She
wife and I retired.
And without raiding
floundered for five
our savings we can
years or so. After
several
relation
not afford to support
ANNIE LANE
ships, she found
her anymore. June
Creators
is approaching, and
another man. In
Syndicate Inc.
so is the fall. I am
those few years,
anticipating
Jane
she gave up custody
will appear with another
of her first child, left a full
time job and followed her request for funds. My wife
new man to another country doesn’t handle confronta
(for a job that didn’t work tions well, and much of our
out). Then she returned giving has been motivated
to the states, did every
either by avoidance or guilt.
Besides just saying no, is
thing she could to get preg
nant again, and succeeded. there any other answer? —
Shortly thereafter, the rela Jane’s Father
Dear
Jane’s
Father:
tionship ended.
With our help, Jane relo
Tough love is tough to give.
cated to another (smaller) But you and your wife are
city 150 miles from us. doing your daughter no
Briefly, she held a good favors in the long-term. If
job and was managing well you keep acting as her finan
in raising her second son. cial crutch, she’ll be lean
After three years, she was ing on you forever. That’s
let go from her job. In the not just immoral; it’s also
interim, she managed to live unsustainable. Deplete your
on welfare. Four years ago, retirement savings, she’ll
still be asking for more
she announced her inten
tion of returning to college when there’s nothing left to
to get her teaching degree. give. And you’ll be in dire
We knew that she’d never straits right alongside her.
be able to work long enough
“Just saying no” is eas
to repay her loans, but we ier said than done; I know.
were encouraging and sup
It will be a hard conversa
ported her decision.
tion. Your daughter is not
Now the present prob
going to like it. But do not
lem. In the past five years, for one second accept any
my wife and I have “spot
guilt she tries to lay at your
ted” her money, to keep feet. You’ve done nothing to
her afloat — approximately earn that.
$12,000.
If you find the situation
Much of it went toward taking a heavy emotional
leased automobiles, but toll on you and your wife,
there has been more — you might consider attend
$100 and $500 here and ing counseling or a sup
there for “incidentals.” For
port group such as Families
tunately, she will graduate Anonymous for help devel
in June. But her student loan oping healthy boundaries.
Our
friendly
Continued from Page B1
You too can walk pri
vately and carefully along the
plethora of forest trails and
deserted beaches. Practice
social distancing but come.
Why did Steve choose to
retire to the peninsula? That
answer is clear, here, in this
land of forest and beach and
crashing ocean waves. Lead-
better Point State Park is sur
rounded on three sides by the
Pacific Ocean and Willapa
Bay, one of the most pristine
venues in the United States.
I have descended into
Death Valley and walked on
the rim of the Grand Can
yon. I studied in New York
City and in Paris, France. I
would go back in a flash. But
here, in our small comer of
the world, we are surrounded
by landscape all as lovely as
the high mountains and rag
ing rivers.
Steve moves through a
forest now inundated with
gorse. He leads me on, stop
ping only to clip back the
invasive bush. Bird song is
sharp, soft, rolling and sweet.
A rain lifts and pelts us for
a few minutes. Then, the sun
comes tumbling through.
We relish the deep green.
We are free for a couple of
hours; free of the pandemic
and worry. Free in the land of
persistent evergreen, ocean
and the poetry trees offer, our
silent friends with deep roots.
Mushrooms have a sym
biotic relationship with the
trees. They draw energy and
nutrition through their myce-
lia. When the mushrooms
die, they give back. So is
the way of the forest. So it
impacts us, this voice like a
silent dog whistle, a subterra
nean mantra emanating from
terra firma.
Two friends fashion their
own way, an unfurling path
through bramble, under tree
and charging sky and beside
the surge of bay water, of ebb
and flow. After cutting a bas
ket full of mushrooms we
stumble back home, happy
wanderers,
appreciative
always of nature’s rich gift.
Photos by David Campiche
ABOVE: Moss covered trees
in the deep woods.
RIGHT: Harvested oyster
mushrooms.
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