B8
THE ASTORIAN • THURSDAY, MAY 7, 2020
Make your own feelings a priority Moose Lodge
Dear Annie: I have been
good friends with Wanda for
over 20 years. Though our
friendship has lasted a long
time, it’s not been without its
trials. This is mostly because
Wanda has a tendency to
make everything about her.
Recently, my beloved
mother passed away after a
long illness. When that hap-
pened, Wanda called me —
to tell me that it reminded
her of her own mother’s
passing several years ago.
She said this was very dif-
fi cult for her, and she asked
if I would be there for her
during this time. Since then,
she has called me twice to
reminisce about her mother.
She has not asked about me
or my mother even once.
I am not unsympathetic
to Wanda’s feelings. I know
she misses her own mom
very much. Despite that, I
feel like it’s incredibly self-
ish of her to make my mom’s
passing about her grief.
Though she’s been selfi sh
before, this seems like the uge in Grief:
worst thing she has done. It
“As a culture, we don’t
was my mom who just died, make space for loss. ... That
not hers! Am I being
means that nearly
unreasonable here?
every person is car-
DEAR
I know there is no
rying a backlog of
ANNIE
timeline for grief,
unexpressed, unac-
so I’m not expecting
knowledged pain.
Wanda to be “over
Like a dammed up
it.” I just might like
river, unexpressed
a little acknowledg-
pain seeks expres-
ment of my own
sion. Wherever it
loss. Should I say
can. It’s what hap-
anything to her? — ANNIE LANE pens when we hear
Creators
My Mom’s Death Is
someone else in
Syndicate Inc.
Causing My Friend
pain, and we rush to
Grief
say, ‘Me, too! I lost
Dear
MMDICMFG: (insert person’s name) when
Where to begin. I am so I was young, so I know
incredibly sorry for your just how you feel.’ Grief
loss. And I’m sorry that becomes a competition for
you have to deal with your the scarce resource of love
friend’s behavior on top of and support.”
that.
While that might help
Psychologist and grief explain Wanda’s actions, it
specialist Megan Devine doesn’t mean that you need
writes about the tendency to offer her that kind of sup-
for people to make others’ port — quite the opposite.
losses about them, in a post To avoid carrying your own
titled “But What About MY “backlog” of pain, you must
Grief” on her website Ref- make your own feelings a
priority now. Give yourself
whatever you need during
this time of grieving, includ-
ing space from Wanda.
You are not obligated
to say anything to her to
explain your being dis-
tant; but if you’d like to, go
ahead. What you told me
really says it all: You feel for
her, but you’ve just lost your
own mom, and you need to
focus on that. You’ve clearly
got compassion in spades, so
I have no doubt you’ll han-
dle it in a caring way.
Dear Annie: What is the
link to the sleep body scan
meditation that was men-
tioned in one of your recent
columns? I have looked all
over. — Scanning
Dear Scanning: You
can fi nd that recording,
and many others from the
UCLA Mindful Awareness
Research Center, includ-
ing Spanish versions, at
the following URL: https://
www.uclahealth.org/marc/
mindful-meditations.
SENIOR NOTES
Alzheimer’s Association
Oregon Chapter — Informa-
tion, referral and counseling ser-
vices for families and caregiv-
ers of people with Alzheimer’s,
dementia and other related dis-
orders. For information, call 800-
272-3900 (24 hours a day).
Astoria Alzheimer’s &
Other Dementia Family Sup-
port Group — Open to all fam-
ily members of people with
dementias. For information, call
Rosetta Hurley at 503-325-0313,
ext. 216, or email support@clat-
sopcare.org
Clatsop Behavioral Health
After Hours Crisis Line
— 503-325-5724.
Clatsop Community Action
— 503-325-1400. Respite care
services, low-income energy
assistance, emergency food
assistance, housing information,
emergency personal care items.
Columbia Senior Diners
— 11:30 a.m. weekdays, 1111
Exchange St., Astoria Senior
holds food drive
The Astorian
The Astoria Moose
Lodge, 420 17th St., is
holding a Drive By Food
Drive from 10 a.m. to
3 p.m. Saturday to bene-
fi t the Clatsop Commu-
nity Action Regional Food
RELIGION BRIEFS
Pacifi c Unitarian
Universalist
Fellowship
The Pacifi c Unitarian
Universalist Fellowship is
holding services every Sun-
day at 11 a.m. via zoom.
us. On Sunday, the visit-
ing minister is Rev. Connie
Yost, whose topic is “Hope
in a Dark Time.” She has
served in community min-
istry for the last 20 years.
Access codes for the
Zoom service can be found
on the fellowship’s website,
pacuuf.org
National Day of Prayer
Center. Cost is $6. For informa-
tion, or to have a meal delivered,
call 503-325-9693.
Exploring New Concepts
of Retirement Education —
503-338-2408. Provides a wide
assortment of educational
experiences for individuals
older than 50.
Elder Friendship Line —
800-971-0016. Available from
8 a.m. to 11 p.m.; crisis calls
taken 24/7.
Food Pantries — 503-
325-1400. Clatsop Commu-
nity Action serves six food pan-
tries in Clatsop County through
the Oregon Food Bank Net-
work. Call for area locations and
hours.
Grief Support Group, Sea-
side — For information, call
Lower Columbia Hospice at
503-338-6230.
Lifespan Respite — 503-
325-1400. Provides informa-
tion, referral, training and paid
respite for family caregivers.
National Suicide Preven-
tion Lifeline — 800-273-TALK
(8255). A 24-hour, toll-free sui-
cide prevention service for
anyone in a suicidal crisis. TTY
users should dial 800-799-4TTY
(4889).
National Alliance on Men-
tal Illness — 800-950-NAMI
(6264) or locally, 503-717-1835.
Separate support groups for
people with mental illness and
families of those with mental ill-
ness are available.
Northwest Oregon Hous-
ing Authority — 503-861-
0119. Rent assistance based on
income.
NorthWest Senior and Dis-
ability Services — 503-861-
4202 or 800-442-8614. Med-
icaid services, food stamps,
information and assistance,
family caregiver support ser-
vices, Medicare choice assis-
tance, home delivered meals,
senior meal sites and senior
peer counseling.
Oregon Aging and Dis-
ability Resource Connection
— 855-ORE-ADRC (673-2372),
adrcoforegon.org. Information
and services for older adults,
people with disabilities, their
caregivers and families.
Oregon Care Partners —
800-930-6851, oregoncarepart-
ners.com. Funded by the state of
Oregon, provides no-cost in per-
son and online training to fam-
ily care givers and professionals.
Oregon Home Care Com-
mission Registry and Refer-
ral System — 877-867-0077,
or-hcc.org. Provides lists of home
care workers available to hire.
Oregon Law Center — 877-
296-4076. Provides free services
in civil cases to low income peo-
ple. Partners with Clatsop Com-
munity Action , Community
Action Resource Enterprises Inc. ,
and the Bob Chisholm Commu-
nity Center to provide in-person
clinics in Astoria, Tillamook and
Seaside each month.
Bank. The outside drop
off location is at the Asto-
ria Armory parking on
17th Street, across from
the Moose Lodge. Non-
perishable food items,
diapers and wipes are
needed; cash donations
are appreciated.
The annual National Day
of Prayer is today. Commu-
nity members are encour-
aged to join others on this
69th observance in praying
for the nation’s health and
safety.
First Lutheran
First Lutheran Church
is holding online services.
Videos are available on
the church’s website, bit.
ly/2VT2btg, and Facebook
page, bit.ly/39Qqxrt
Those who do not have
access to the internet, and
would like a DVD of the
worship services, can call
the church at 503-325-6252
and leave a message.
SELF-HELP GROUPS
Al-Anon
(Astoria)
— For information, call
503-325-1087.
Al-Anon
(Clatskanie)
— For information, call
503-728-3351.
Al-Anon
(Nehalem)
— For information, call
503-368-8255.
Al-Anon (Seaside) — For
information, call 503-810-5196
for information.
Al-Anon (Tillamook) —
For information, call 503-842-
5094 or 503-730-5863.
Al-Anon Family Groups
information — Oregon Area
Al-Anon website, orego-
nal-anon.org
Alateen
(Tillamook)
— For information, call
503-730-5863.
Alcoholics Anonymous
— To fi nd a meeting in Clatsop
County, call 971-601-9220, in
Tillamook County, call 503-739-
4856, or go to aa-oregon.org
Celebrate Recovery —
Faith-based 12-step recov-
ery from hurts, habits and
hang ups. For information, call
503-738-7453.
Men’s Sexual Purity
Recovery Group — Part of the
Pure Life Alliance (purelifealli-
ance.org) in Portland. For infor-
mation, call the confi dential
voicemail at 503-750-0817 and
leave a message.
Narcotics Anonymous —
For full schedule details, as well
as upcoming special events,
call the h elpline at 503-717-
3702, or go to na.org
Ci t y Lumber
Voted
“We’re
more than
a lumber
yard”
BE S T
Founded 1904
Home Im
p
Store in rovement
2019
Your Project Headquarters
2019
REALCOMFORT ADIRONDACK COLLECTION
$
21
99
Now Offering
The Adirondack collection is an attractive,
comfortable, and extremely budget friendly
addition to your porch, patio, or backyard. The
RealComfort design provides lumbar support for
hours of poolside lounging and chatting the night
away. Choose from a wide variety of bold colors to
accent your outdoor area. Supports 250lb
Product inquiry
texts &
Curbside Pickup
Have a question or
product inquiry?
30”W x 34”D x 37.5”H
Want to schedule a
curbside or lumberyard
pickup?
Just text this number!
503-852-9146
$
14
99
QUICK FOLD
TABLE
Folds flat with ease.
17.5”L x 15”W x 20”H.
Flame Genie Inferno
Flame Genie Original
(Black) FG-19
(Stainless) FG-16-SS
TM
It’s a unique pellet firepit experience without
the smoke, sparks and cleanup.
$
129
88
$
194
99
2142 Commercial, Astoria
325-4511 • 1-800-248-4511
®
www.citylumber.com
FOLLOW US ON
Open Monday - Friday 7:30 am to 5:30 pm; Saturday 8 am to 5 pm; Sunday 9 am to 4 pm
FOLLOW US ON