A6
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • TuESDAY, FEbRuARY 12, 2019
He’s drinking and driving
Dear Annie: I have been control him and should not feel
married for 25 years. My hus- guilty if he makes bad choices. I
band grew up in a foreign coun- don’t want to destroy my family
try and has been drinking alco- with telling him to leave, but I feel
hol his whole life. He drinks beer backed into a corner. I have tried
counseling several times,
the way I drink water. He
DEAR
but he refuses to go. Any
is in the restaurant busi-
ANNIE
suggestions? — Trying
ness and must be able
to Do the Right Thing
to recommend wine to
Dear Trying: Kudos
his customers, so giv-
to your friends for their
ing up alcohol is not an
good advice. They’re
option. The problem is
right that you can’t con-
that once in a while when
trol your husband and
he gets home, I will seri-
ously question whether ANNIE LANE should not feel guilty for
Creators
the things he does. Real-
he should have driven
Syndicate Inc.
ize, too, that threaten-
home. We have been
ing to leave him is not a
arguing over this forever.
I used to argue he needed to stop way to control his drinking. If you
drinking. Now I just say he should truly mean to leave him because
not drive home if he has had too you yourself cannot be around
much. My begging has not made his toxic behavior anymore,
a difference. I have explained that’s one thing. But if your say-
that if he were to hurt himself or ing you’ll leave him is really an
someone else, I would feel guilty attempt to get him to quit drink-
that I did not do more to stop him. ing, that’s not a good reason.
I have now told him that if he You will end up more exasper-
drives home drunk again, he can ated than ever when things don’t
move out, because I cannot live change.
Your husband’s excuse that
with this. He thinks I’m just being
overreactive and I should not he owns a restaurant and must
blow up our marriage and fam- be able to recommend wines is
ily over this. He does admit it is just that — an excuse. Someone
not OK. I am at a loss as to the else could always taste the wines
next step. Friends tell me I can’t for him. Your husband drinks
because, from the sound of it, he
has alcoholism. It is as simple and
as frustrating and heartbreaking
as that. I urge you to find some
support through a group such as
Al-Anon
(https://al-anon.org)
or SMART Recovery Family &
Friends (https://www.smartrecov-
ery.org/family). I think you’ll be
amazed by what a weight it takes
off just being in a room with peo-
ple who understand what you’re
going through. And with some of
that weight off, you’ll be able to
think more clearly about what’s
best for you.
Dear Annie: This is in
response to “Mulling Over Mem-
oir.” You advised her to start
interviewing her father about his
memories. I took a recorder to my
dad’s and listened while he told
me some of the things that he did;
then I typed up the transcripts.
I’m so glad I did. It was nice for
the grandkids to be able to read
about how he lived.
I also did this with my hus-
band, who was older and had
served in World War II. He didn’t
think that what he had to tell was
very interesting, but once I per-
suaded him to talk, I found out
things that I never had during the
28 years we’d been married.
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Think of your
offender as much younger than they are, infan-
tile perhaps, because in some ways we are all
immature, and indeed it is immaturity that has
caused the rift.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). The good opinion of
others can be a seduction. The trick is to accept
people’s interest in you as a compliment, and yet
not let their attention or opinion of you change
how you think of yourself.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Trees give us oxygen
and animals give us the spiritual equivalent. Your
admiration of an animal will buoy your spirit.
Taking the time to learn more about this animal’s
nature will lift you even more.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Honesty can be
hurtful, crass and ugly. Honesty can also be
beautiful, and that sort either takes more con-
sideration and compassion to craft, or it takes
purity and innocence such as that which comes
from a child.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Negative experiences of
the past have blocked the flow of love in your life
in some way, causing injury. Maybe you’ve de-
veloped a behavior that hides the injury, but not
from yourself. It’s time to give this wound a look.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). As reasonable as you
may be about most things in your life, matters
of the heart are impervious to reason. Your heart
won’t be swayed by even the most logical argu-
ment. It wants what it wants.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Thoughts, like cats,
are a hard thing to discipline, but they can be
led. With cats, it’s opening up a can of food. With
thoughts, it’s providing yourself with lots of
better, more attractive things to think about.
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Noticing what
people like, producing what they want and pre-
dicting what they’ll need — these are the skills
that solidify relationships of all kinds. But it’s only
sustainable if you also figure out what’s in it for
you and get compensated.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Maybe you’re
afraid to expect better of people, but do it any-
way. They may not meet your expectations, but
they’ll rise a little higher than they would have.
Plus, it encourages you to be better, too, and this
you can deliver on.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Sometimes you
act. Also, you’ve been known to plan and then
act. Then there’s when you dream, and then plan,
and then act. That third way produces the most
interesting results.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You hate to admit
when you’re bored, but maybe it’s time to recog-
nize that a certain situation has lost all superficial
appeal to you and must be enlivened in some
way. Add something. Go deeper. Or just get out.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). It would seem that
wanting what you have shouldn’t be so difficult.
After all, you acquired it at some point and
wanted it very much back then. Find a way to
reconnect with that feeling through memory. A
picture will help.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Feb. 13). You know
what it’s like to feel stuck and that’s why you
appreciate the effortless movement that sweeps
you into the first five weeks of this new personal
era. Decisions and actions feel effortless as you’re
reaping the benefits of a flow of benevolent kar-
ma. You’ll link to an entirely new circle of friends
in summer. Libra and Taurus adore you. Your
lucky numbers are: 4, 48, 3, 10 and 22.