A6
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, FEbRuARY 4, 2019
Concerns about intimacy
Dear Annie: The subject of other couples out there) is what
intimacy involves almost every- has brought us to a point in our
one, especially couples, so I’m relationship where we’re going
writing to you not necessarily for through the motions — work-
advice but in hopes of finding out ing together on a lot of things,
even — but not hav-
whether other women
DEAR
ing fun with each other
relate at all to my obser-
ANNIE
anymore.
vations and suggestions
We haven’t been put-
about intimacy.
ting much effort into
I’ve been married
making it better, either.
for 40 years to the man
I think that all he has
I chose to spend my life
on his mind is sex, and
with. I’m committed to
because he resolves to go
our marriage, plus I love
him. I think he would ANNIE LANE on without it unless I ini-
tiate it, he’s sort of angry
say the same about
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
with me all the time.
me. When menopause
I have asked myself
struck several years ago,
though, I really lost interest in whether I’m failing as a wife
sex. Although I’m not opposed because I don’t feel like pouring
to sex, apparently it’s not enough on the sex appeal, but everything
for him that I willingly participate in me says I would feel more like
in sexual intercourse; it’s also doing almost anything for him if
important to him that I have a the emotional intimacy we used
desire for it/him. Because I don’t, to share were restored, which
he has effectively cut sex out of would require him to reopen his
heart to me. Maybe he can’t see
his life.
That brings me to the subject past the “one thing on his mind”
of intimacy. We all understand to think about what matters to
the term “sexual intimacy,” but I me. For me, though, sexual inti-
don’t hear much talk about “emo- macy — even when I’m not that
tional intimacy,” and I would like drawn to the act itself — makes
to suggest that the lack of “inti- sense only when it’s shared with
mate fellowship” between my the man who shares his heart with
husband and me (and possibly me and I want to see him happy.
— Committed but Confused
Dear Committed but Con-
fused: A special thanks for your
letter because there are a great
many married couples going
through the same thing. The
good news is that you and your
husband still crave intimacy from
each other, even though you want
more emotional intimacy and he
wants more physical intimacy.
Remember, your husband still
desires you after 40 years of mar-
riage. My guess is that once you
make more of an effort for him
sexually, he will make more of
an effort for you emotionally. It’s
figuratively the chicken or the
egg. What comes first, the sex-
ual intimacy or the emotional
intimacy? Seeing as you took
the time to write, I think you can
be the bigger person and begin
your quest for a more fulfilling
relationship.
You have been together in
love for a long time, so it would
make sense for you both to start
working on the relationship. Per-
haps a good marriage counselor
could help both of you.
While you are looking for a
good counselor, you might try
reading “Mating in Captivity,” by
Esther Perel.
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). City dwellers know
that to drown out the noise everywhere, you
have to listen to your own. White noise can help
you sleep. Talk can comfort you. Beats can move
you. Choose your sounds; choose your environ-
ment.
faintest volume.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You can tell when
someone is being competitive with you, and
unless you’re actually in an official competition,
there’s no reason to let the race go on. Sidestep.
Don’t engage.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You have an
excellent sense about how to best lead people
today. You’ll get a feeling about when you should
go easy and when you should push things along,
perhaps with a hard truth.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). There’s something
that won’t be right until you fix it, and the time to
fix it has come. As the Roman poet Horace said,
“He who postpones the hour of living rightly is
like the rustic who waits for the river to run out
before he crosses.”
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). It’s said that
crime doesn’t pay, and yet there are still criminals
at large who would beg to differ — if it didn’t
count as an official confession. But what about
honesty? Of course honesty pays, immediately if
not amply.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). One secret to your
success is that you have talent, and yet you don’t
rely on it. Consistent work is more important than
talent, and the magic mix of both things together
makes for an absolute unstoppable success.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’ve censored
yourself to accommodate those younger, older,
more formal, more pious... but when you’re at
home with your nearest and dearest, you want to
feel you can just be yourself. Lift the ban.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). To avoid a thing is a
way of focusing on it, and thus attracting it. So
avoidance is attraction. Instead, keep your eye on
the prize. Imagine what you do want, not what
you don’t.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Maybe you won’t
solve a problem by walking away from it, but
you’ll solve it after you walk away from it. Move-
ment and a new environment will juice your
mind’s problem-solving capabilities.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’re skeptical, and
it’s a beneficial quality right now. There’s too
much out there to believe and it can’t all be true.
Someone needs to sort it out, and that someone
is you.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Feb. 5). This year
starts off like a Sheryl Crow song in that “every
day is winding road,” but there’s a real sense that
you’re getting closer to regular contentment, and
you’ll achieve it, mostly through the building of
healthy daily habits. Big strokes of luck will drop
in, but it’s day-to-day improvements that will
matter. Scorpio and Gemini adore you. Your lucky
numbers are: 46, 8, 13, 40 and 11.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Loud and clear is
a good way to communicate; it usually works
mighty fine. But if you have to choose between
the two, take clear. It will outdo loud even at the
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Though it may seem
that you’ve been at a certain stage for a while
now, you cannot be contained where you are.
You’re extending your spirit beyond it, outside it,
above it and around it.