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THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, DEcEmbER 21, 2018
CONTACT US
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IN ONE EAR • ELLEDA WILSON
‘THEY CAN’T BE LEFT OUT’
M
y grandson, Dante Williams, who is 7, has been
saving pennies for the year, picking them up
everywhere,” Brenda McKune wrote. Dante’s
father is Cliff Williams.
“I thought it was for his piggy bank, but it’s not. Last
week he told us he needs to go turn them in because he’s
taking names off the Wishing Tree to help Santa.”
The Wishing Tree program works like this: Children in
need write gift requests on paper bell ornaments, which
are hung on Christmas trees in local businesses. People
pick a tag off the tree, buy the requested present, and turn
it in at a Wishing Tree collection center.
Dante liked the idea, and wanted to help make sure
children who otherwise might not receive presents weren’t
overlooked at Christmas. “They can’t be left out,” he told
his grandmother.
“It was the cutest thing,” she noted. “So serious.” By
being in the paper, she hopes it will “get other children on
board to helping others, as he wants more to help.”
Dante isn’t the only family member with a need to
help others who are less fortunate. Brenda has set a shin-
ing example. She started Scrap Hunger, an event to “feed
those in need,” more than 10 years ago. The idea for the
event came to her in her sleep, after going to bed with a
“heavy heart” after realizing the Warrenton food pantry’s
shelves were getting bare one year.
Dante’s grandfather, Lewis McKune (pictured with
Dante), took him to Columbia Bank in Warrenton to turn
in the pennies — which were in big jugs — and he wound
up with $90.76 for his Wishing Tree shopping spree. Since
the bank had a tree, Dante chose the paper bell tags right
there, then went shopping.
“I’m proud of him,” Brenda added. “He got four tags
from the tree. He overspent by $6.38, but that’s fine by us.”
“I thought with all the sad,” she observed, “it would be
great to have some sweetness written about.”
AI: PLEASE DON’T SING
I
t’s actually not new news, but it’s news many might
find disconcerting, at best: A Christmas song was cre-
ated by Artificial Intelligence (AI). Hang Chu, a Ph.D.
student, is the culprit, umm, creator, reports Smithsonian.
com. He trained a neural network using 100 hours of dig-
ital music, footage from the video game Just Dance, 50
hours of song lyrics, and images with captions.
After the network digested all that, he fed it a generic
photo of a Christmas tree and let ‘er rip. Researchers
dubbed the resulting Christmas tree paeon “neural kara-
oke.” A better word would be jarring. A screenshot from
the video is shown.
With a piano tinkling in the background, the monotone
female-ish voice intones about “lots and lots and lots of
flowers,” and “I swear it’s Christmas Eve. I hope that is
what you say … I’ve always been there for the rest of our
lives. A hundred and a half hour ago. I’m glad to meet
you.” You can hear the “song” and read all of the lyrics at
bit.ly/AInoise
“White Christmas” it ain’t.
DECK THE WRECK
ELEVATE YOURSELF
T
here’s always one person who stumps you at holi-
day gift-giving time, so here’s a repeat offbeat sug-
gestion: Buy ’em a title from the Principality of
Sealand.
In case you’re wondering, Sealand is actually a for-
tress island, Roughs Tower, built by the British in the
North Sea, in international waters, during World War II,
then later abandoned. The fortress, pictured courtesy of the
principality, was taken over by Roy Bates and his family
in 1966.
In 1967, Bates raised a flag and declared the island
would henceforth be known as the Principality of Seal-
and, an independent sovereign state and the self-pro-
claimed smallest country in the world. At the same time,
he made himself prince, and gave his wife the title “Prin-
cess Joan.” They are pictured, inset.
And now, at sealandgov.org, anyone can become Seal-
and royalty — for a price. The title of lord, lady, baron or
baroness will set you back about $44.99.
“Thank you for the prompt and excellent service in
making me a lord,” one satisfied customer wrote. “At last
people will call me sir without adding ‘you’re making a
scene.’”
Better yet, own a piece of Sealand territory (1 square
foot, to be precise) “and become part of its Swashbuckling
History!” You’ll even get a property title certificate, all for
a modest $29.99.
Sealand’s offerings truly might be the perfect gift solu-
tion for the person who already has everything.
LOCAL BREVITIES
THE CALIFORNIA GIRL
A
ccording to Parikiaki.com, the Zenobia Wreck off
the coast of Larnaca, Cyprus, sits 137 below the
surface (http://bit.ly/wrecktree). The ferry wound
up at the bottom in June 1980 after capsizing during its
maiden voyage.
At last, the Zenobia is celebrating her first Christmas.
A group of divers brought a tree down to the ship, then
decorated it. One of them even donned a Santa suit for the
occasion. A still shot from a video, courtesy of Parikiaki.
com, is shown. Never fear, the ornaments are as green as
the tree — they’re nontoxic and non-water-soluble. Merry
Christmas, Zenobia.
ELF YOURSELF
F
rom the Christmas Eve 1890 edition of The Daily
Morning Astorian:
One eye-catching front page tidbit is a notice
advertising the presence of Miss Lillian F. Smith, “The
California Girl, Champion Rifle Shot of the World.” She
is pictured courtesy of the Buffalo Bill Historical Center.
The California Girl was appearing at the “Shooting
Range, No. 75 Main St., between First and Second. Open
every afternoon and evening except Sunday. Wednes-
day afternoon for ladies and children: Exhibition to com-
mence at 2 o’clock sharp. Prizes awarded for competitors.
Instruction given in shooting.”
A little background: Lillian joined Buffalo Bill Cody’s
Wild West Show at the age of 15 in 1876, and became
sharpshooter Annie Oakley‘s younger rival and nemesis.
To put it politely, their personalities clashed.
Annie was the better shot, but Lillian got most of the
publicity with the royal family during the show’s 1887
London season.
Feeling slighted, Annie left the show in a huff. The
tables turned in 1889, when Lillian left the Wild West
Show, and Annie rejoined it.
Annie Oakley’s fame has endured to this day. Sadly,
The California Girl’s arrival in Astoria was just one of the
many stops she made on her long, slow slide into obscu-
rity. (tinyurl.com/riflegirl)
By ELLEDA WILSON, THE DAILY ASTORIAN
Looking for something sublimely ridiculous to waste
some time on during this holiday season? Go ahead and Elf
Yourself at elfyourself.com, along with 1.7 billion others.
You can also “elf” significant others, parents, dogs,
cats, you name it. (Hopefully George the Cat will forgive
the assault upon his dignity, pictured.) The more the mer-
rier, as you’re allowed to “elf” up to five humans/pets/
whatever at a time. You can be elfing in the workshop, or
hip-hop dancing or at an office party ... there are several
venues in which to embarrass yourself.
G
limpses of Yuletide past from The Daily Morning
Astorian, Tuesday, Dec. 25, 1883:
• “The hearts of numerous little ones were glad-
dened last evening at the various churches, which were
handsomely decorated and brilliantly illuminated … elab-
orately draped and festooned with evergreens … and glit-
tering Christmas trees laden with presents.
“At the Congregational church the usual style was var-
ied by the appearance of a huge ship, full-rigged and with
swelling sails, which rounded gracefully into port and
began discharging cargo. It consisted of innumerable toys,
drums, jewelry, books, tea sets, embroideries, fancy arti-
cles, in great profusion.
“At the Baptist church Santa Claus with his elk team
arrived promptly on time and with a sleigh load of beauti-
ful presents for all.
“A noticeable feature of the Christmas trees in every
church in the city last evening was that every member
of every Sunday school was handsomely remembered.
No one went empty-handed away, and the glistening
eyes of the little folks showed how well they appreci-
ated the armfuls of good things that were so abundantly
distributed.”
Yes, Virginia, in Astoria there really was a Santa Claus.
• A little thought-provoking seasonal ditty:
“What shall I give my husband?/ What shall I give to
my wife?/
“Are the questions that puzzle the people/ And worry
their peaceful life.
“Give to your husband a meerschaum (pipe)/
“Give to your wife a gown/
“And put some crepe on the door-knob
“When the bills for both come down.”
COMMUNITY NOTES
SATURDAY
Sit & Stitch — 11 a.m. to
1 p.m., Homespun Quilts
& Yarn, 108 10th St. Bring
knitting, crochet or other
needlework projects to this
community stitching time. All
skill levels welcome.
Columbia Northwestern
Model Railroading Club —
1 p.m., in Hammond. Group
runs trains on HO-scale layout.
For information, call Don Car-
ter at 503-325-0757.
Spinning Circle — 1 to 3 p.m.,
Astoria Fiber Arts Studio, 1296
Duane St. Bring a spinning
wheel. For information, call
503-325-5598 or go to astori-
afiberarts.org
Karaoke — 7 to 8 p.m., Sea-
side Lodge and International
Hostel, 930 N. Holladay Drive,
Seaside. Free session, all ages,
for those who love to sing
karaoke. Refreshments served.
For information, call 503-738-
7911.
SUNDAY
Seniors Breakfast — 9 a.m.
to noon, Astoria Moose Lodge,
420 17th St. Cooked to order
from menu, includes coffee.
Cost is $5 for seniors 62 and
older, $7.50 for those younger
than 62. Breakfasts are open
to the public. Proceeds after
expenses help support local
and other charities.
National Alliance on Mental
Illness (NAMI) Support
Group — 2 to 3:30 p.m.,
Seaside Public Library, 1131
Broadway. Family to Family
Support Group, for anyone
with friend or loved one
suffering from a serious brain
(mental) illness. For informa-
tion, contact Myra Kero at 503-
738-6165, or k7erowood@q.
com, or go to nami.org
Line Dancing — 5:30 to
8 p.m., Seaside American
Legion, 1315 Broadway. For in-
formation, call 503-738-5111.
No cost; suggested $5 tip to
the instructor.
MONDAY
Chair Exercises for Seniors —
9 to 9:45 a.m., Astoria Senior
Center, 1111 Exchange St. For
information, call 503-325-3231.
Senior Lunch — 11:30 a.m.,
Bob Chisholm Senior Center,
1225 Avenue A, Seaside. Sug-
gested donation $3 for those
older than 60; $6.75 for those
younger than 60. For informa-
tion, call Suzanne Bjaranson at
503-861-4202.
Columbia Senior Diners —
11:30 a.m., 1111 Exchange St.
Cost is $6. For information, or
to have a meal delivered, call
503-325-9693.
Warrenton Senior Lunch
Program — noon, Warrenton
Community Center, 170 S.W.
Third St. Suggested donation
of $5 for seniors and $7 for
those younger than 60. For
information, or to volunteer,
call 503-861-3502 Monday or
Thursday.
Astoria Rotary Club — noon,
second floor of the Astoria Elks
Lodge, 453 11th St. Guests
always welcome. For informa-
tion, go to AstoriaRotary.org
to 4:30 p.m., Astoria Senior
Center, 1111 Exchange St. Not
for beginners. For information,
call 503-325-3231.
Knochlers Pinochle Group —
1 p.m., Bob Chisholm Commu-
nity Center, 1225 Avenue A,
Seaside. Cost is $1 per regular
session per person. Players
with highest and second
highest scores split the prize.
Game is designed for players
55 and older, but all ages are
welcome.
Chair Exercises for Seniors —
9 to 9:45 a.m., Astoria Senior
Center, 1111 Exchange St. For
information, call 503-325-3231.
Mahjong for Experienced
Players — 1 p.m., Astoria
Senior Center, 1111 Exchange
St. For information, call 503-
325-3231.
Line Dancing for Seniors — 3
WEDNESDAY
Warrenton Mothers of
Preschoolers (MOPS) — 9:30
to 11:30 a.m., 88786 Dellmoor
Loop, Warrenton. Moms of
children ages infant through
kindergarten are invited.
Free breakfast and child care
provided. For information, go
to mops.org/groups/warren-
See Notes, Page b4