THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, AUGUST 24, 2018
FEATURES
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
Trouble ‘child’ in his 50s
Dear Annie: I’m writing about the legal notices in the mail.
my 53-year-old stepson, “Sam.”
We don’t give him guilt trips
I helped to raise Sam starting about the money or mention it or
when he was 11. His first mom even care, really. It’s cheaper than
was murdered with a handgun a college would have been. But I’m
year before. He was already diffi- sure he feels a lot of guilt. He’s a
cult as a younger child and already sensitive and principled guy.
into drugs, including alco-
Sam now lives in a
DEAR
hol. Things got worse. My
sleazy efficiency apart-
ment about 10 minutes
husband and I made mis-
ANNIE
takes, mostly on the side
from us. At least it gives
of enabling. We’ve got-
him some kind of commu-
nity. He is holding down a
ten some helpful counsel-
ing and learned a lot from
job, and things seem sta-
ble financially. But he
Al-Anon.
Sam did a little ther-
has stopped returning his
apy years ago (some of it
father’s texts asking him
Lane
court-ordered) and used to Annie
to get together for break-
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
fast, and there’s been no
go to Alcoholics Anony-
mous, but he doesn’t any-
acknowledgment of the
more. Too bad. AA helped him.
birthday check we mailed him
Sam is smart and kind and sen- last week. (This letter is not about
sitive and tends to set himself up to wanting a thank-you note!) A cou-
be exploited and codependent, per- ple of weeks ago, I got my son-
haps as a way of buying friends. I in-law to call him and say, “Hey,
ache to see his patterns change, but phone your folks!” He did, and we
they are out of my control. A few had the usual upbeat chat. We made
years ago, he lost his house because a breakfast date. But he ended up
he didn’t pay his mortgage. His dad flaking on that.
and I had bailed him out a couple of
My husband’s heart is quietly
times, through loans that never got breaking. We aren’t demanding a
entirely paid back despite the writ- lot of Sam’s time, and we know it’s
ten agreements and careful repay- his life to live as best he can. But
ment schedules; the last time, he total noncommunication has meant
chose not to tell us he was ignoring bad things in the past. I don’t want
7D
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
to have to go visit him in prison
again.
My role these days is basically
nagging his dad to text him one
more time. (My husband of 40-plus
years is a truly wonderful man,
but he’s the passive/denying one;
I’m the doer/rescuer. That’s not a
brag.) I don’t know whether either
of us is willing to devote more
time to Al-Anon or counseling.
Our lives are getting shorter every
day, and we’ve already poured a lot
of emotional energy into the sink-
hole. Should we keep trying to get
Sam to respond? Or what? — Sad
Stepmom
Dear Sad Stepmom: If it were
that easy for you to detach from
your stepson, you already would
have. For most friends and family
members of people with addiction,
it’s difficult to set boundaries with-
out outside support. I encourage
you to give Al-Anon another shot.
I think you’ll find that it actually
helps retrieve some of your emo-
tional energy from the sinkhole.
It’s great that you went before, but
Al-Anon, like Alcoholics Anony-
mous, is not a program you grad-
uate from.
For more information and a
list of meetings in your area, visit
https://al-anon.org
ARIES (March 21-April 19). To prevent
miscommunication, ask people to explain —
to spell it out, to paint you a picture. There is
no shame in wanting to make sure that your
understanding is thorough.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Brave people
aren’t fearless. The fear is what makes an
action brave. It may be the case that your
body and mind feel anxious about a choice,
but your spirit will be strong and undaunted
as you move forward.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’ve a clear
idea as to the next step. The ones who are
in your way may very well be standing there
just because they don’t understand your
plan. Break it down into smaller ideas, and
explain it again.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Maybe you’re
feeling a little bored with a job you’ve done
time and again, but the other options don’t
seem any more thrilling than what you
already have. Not true! A “lateral move” will
turn out to be a huge boost.
can you do to try to knock a problem out of
deadlock?
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You’ll be a
director today — perhaps not in title (not
officially, anyway), but directing this action
is what you’ll do very well. You’ll assemble
and align all the elements to represent your
vision.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). It will
be wonderful for your heart to spend time
with those who know you well and think of
you often. Familiarity will bring a feeling of
comfort and security.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Creative
dilemmas are your favorite kind. Almost
anything you choose will be tasteful, but the
question now, dear artist, is which choice
most represents you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Fight for your
own happiness. After all, no one else can
feel it, really. And as much as they might like
to see you smile, your happiness can only
truly belong to you.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You do not have to
work hard to be charming, and it’s also not
a complicated matter. You simply give each
person the attention and respect that he or
she deserves, to tremendous effect.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’ll wonder
when the right time to call someone out is,
and how best to do this. If you’re not sure,
wait. It’s the mature thing to do. And you’ll
likely feel differently about it later.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Your realm of
influence will grow, though this is not your
aim. You’re just trying to do your thing to the
best of your ability. It turns out that this is
precisely why people trust you and give you
power.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Aug. 25). You’ll
put yourself in just the situation to grow your
talent. So it’s no accident that your skills
compound and that you’re paid much more
for them, too. New lands and cultures will
attract you in 2019, and this will be a year of
research, education and travel. Also, loyal
and loving new people will come into your
world. Libra and Aquarius adore you. Your
lucky numbers are: 7, 3, 13, 29 and 44.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). If the problem
seems to remain the same, consider that
you may be currently a bit too narrow with
your definition of the solution. What else
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE