12 // COASTWEEKEND.COM
Coast Weekend’s local
restaurant review
BEACH N’ BREW
Beach N’ Brew is, humbly, what it is
Review and photos by
THE MOUTH OF THE COLUMBIA
MOUTH@COASTWEEKEND.COM
B
each N’ Brew doesn’t pretend
to be anything but what it is:
a dive-y blue-collar pub with
some greasy grub.
A block south of Broadway
in downtown Seaside, Beach N’
Brew offers relief from the tourist
crunch. It’s a locally facing place
where workers unwind, catch up
on gossip and plunk dollars into
the video lottery.
Classic rock radio on the speak-
ers brought the Beach N’ Brew
into better focus. Perhaps no song
captured the vibe better than the
George Thorogood’s hard-luck,
rent-seeking blues, “One Bourbon,
One Scotch, One Beer.”
I asked a bartender what was
good. He highlighted the burgers,
adding all was “solid bar food.”
It falls into two basic categories:
meats between bread, and fried
things. Sometimes they’re one and
the same.
I began with the Hot Wings
($7.50). There were six of them,
big and meaty with the sauce on
the side, which I’m a fan of; not
being slathered, sitting in sauce,
the skin stays crisp. You dunk the
wing at the last minute and get the
best of both worlds.
Of the few seafood options
— all fried — I chose the Fish
Burger ($11.95). The good-sized,
beer-battered hunk of halibut had
a nice crunch. It was familiar, as
well as a reasonably clean, lean,
healthy-ish alternative within these
walls. Along with lettuce, onion
and tomato, the sesame seed bun
was painted with tartar sauce. Just
in case, a small barrel brimming
with tartar was included on the
plate — enough for maybe three or
four more sandwiches, spread and
dipped liberally. Such a waste.
As a side, I ordered coleslaw
but received macaroni salad. (It
was oily and peppery with flecks of
Rating:
405 Ave. A
Seaside, Ore., 97138
503-738-6447
Hours: Friday through Satur-
day 10 a.m. to 12 a.m.; Sunday
through Thursday, 10 a.m. to
11 p.m.
Price: $ – Easy to fill up on less
than $10
Service: Casual and a bit dis-
combobulated.
Vegetarian / Vegan Options:
A few fried things.
Drinks: Full bar, soda
KEY TO STAR RATING SYSTEM
Below average
Average
Good
Excellent
Best in region
Double Cheeseburger
Philly Steak
celery and bacon bits.) It wouldn’t
be the only time my order at Beach
N’ Brew was discombobulated.
On another visit, I was mistakenly
delivered an entrée I didn’t order,
rather than the two I did. It was
cleared up, and in the end I got
what I asked for. And while per-
haps a bit absent-minded, the help
was good-natured and contrite.
The Philly Steak ($8.75) was
dense and greasy. The name
— sans “cheese” — was a tad
Hot Wings
instructive; there could’ve been
more. What there was of the melt-
ed Swiss, though, with its mild,
dry funk, was integral. The beef
itself was thin, layered thick and
unspectacular.
The Grilled Reuben was much
better ($8.75). Though the rye
bread could’ve been given a more
rigorous toasting in hopes of
withstanding the sandwich’s soppy
juices, the stacks of pastrami, kraut
plus Swiss cheese and Thousand
Island hit that gooey, salty, fatty,
briny, sweet mark. I could imagine,
late night, maybe after a few too
many, melting into sloppy bliss.
It was the most irresistible thing I
had at Beach N’ Brew — the one
thing that, after I’d eaten my fill,
kept me coming back for more.
Of course I tried the burgers.
On that evening, it was a daily
special: a Double Cheeseburg-
er on a discount (basically two
patties for the price of one, $7.95).
Together, the pair of thin, pre-
formed, frozen patties were about
the size of a proper burger. Like
everything else, it was absolutely
familiar, drive-in style all the way.
And hey, sometimes that’ll do the
trick, especially if you’re starving
and only have $10. (Though, once
again, with the burger, my order
was slightly bungled: I asked for
jack cheese and got cheddar.)
And that’s about all there is to
it. Sure, there are chicken strips,
fries, tater tots and the like — all
exactly as you would imagine.
Smartly — or perhaps merci-
fully — Beach N’ Brew doesn’t
venture outside this basic bar food
comfort zone. Unlike many of its
brethren, Beach N’ Brew doesn’t
bother adding salads or steaks to
the menu. And they shouldn’t: The
salads would be watery, rarely
ordered and probably topped with
shredded cheese (don’t do this!),
and the steaks like gristle-y, chewy
boot heels. Beach N’ Brew acqui-
esces: There are better places to
go for salad or steak — or, for that
matter, any semblance of nuance.
They are, humbly, what they
are. CW