THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, JUNE 23, 2017
FEATURES
Kids don’t see dysfunction
Dear Annie: I divorced over or someone reading this who
a year ago after a 35-year mar- has been there? I am so sad and
riage that was very dysfunctional heartbroken. I wish now I would
— although my adult children have just ignored the affair, beat-
and ex-husband did not see it that ings and sexual abuse just to keep
way. Initially, I did not handle the my kids and grandkids in my life.
divorce with any tact or finesse, — So Lost and Lonely
Dear So Lost: The
I’ll admit. I am sorry for
DEAR
last line of your let-
that and have apologized,
ter is devastating. Leav-
but my kids still refuse
ANNIE
ing your husband was
to have any contact with
the right thing to do.
me.
You didn’t deserve that
My middle daughter is
awful treatment, and
extremely angry because
abuse is not a price any-
I got the family home,
one should have to pay
and she tells me, “Dad is
to be close to her family.
destroyed.”
Lane
Divorce is messy. Per-
Ironically, he has Annie
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
spectives get muddled,
moved on already and
but clarity often comes
is engaged to be mar-
ried to the woman he was “see- with time. It’s only been a year,
ing” while we were married. I though I’m sure it’s felt like an
spent most of my free time with eternity for you. Let’s hope your
my kids and grandkids. I thought children will see things more
we had a good relationship, but clearly in the future and reach
this divorce has shown me differ- out to you.
In the meantime, commit
ently. I have reached out to the
kids and offered to go to counsel- entirely to your own healing pro-
ing, meetings, etc., but have got- cess. Continue going to therapy,
ten no response. My counselor even when you feel as if it’s not
has advised me to figure out how working. Join a support group for
else I can be happy in my life and victims of domestic violence and/
or sexual abuse or even a support
move on.
I am really struggling with group for divorced women. (Your
this! Any other advice from you therapist can refer you to groups
in your area.) You must learn to
love yourself, first and foremost.
Dear Annie: I am writ-
ing in response to the letter
from “Mary,” the person who is
offended by her good friend’s
interrupting their personal con-
versations at church to greet oth-
ers. There is a difference between
hospitality and fellowship. When
we are in a place of gathering,
especially at church, and there
is a good possibility of newcom-
ers in our midst, we exercise hos-
pitality. When we are in a group
and know everyone in the group,
we exercise fellowship.
Before or after church is prob-
ably not the best time for deep
personal conversations. Instead,
hospitality toward the newer
folks should be the rule. Please
advise the writer to be hospita-
ble to others at church, especially
those who may be less than com-
fortable. There is a time and place
for friends to visit, but church
may not be the place. Focus out-
ward, not inward, during these
conversations. — BJEC
Dear BJEC: I appreciate your
insight, and I feel you’ve offered
a nuanced, accurate reading of
the situation. I’ve passed it along
to “Mary” for consideration.
3C
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). If you’re in a
place where second-guessing is second
nature, you need a place of solace too — a
home base you can touch where there are
people you can count on, doing work you
understand well.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You’re willing
to face rejection. It’s something you have to
muster up, but this willingness is harder than
most people pretend, beyond the reach of
many, and it’s the single most useful trait in
increasing your influence today.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Making money
doesn’t make character. Doing work builds
character, and often the work will bring money.
It’s important to make the distinction today.
The riches that earn respect may not be gold.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Know your
reasons. This is the difference between reso-
lutions that fail and resolutions that succeed.
When your reasons are good and deep
enough, your resolve will make things happen.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). When the unexpect-
ed thing happens it can be exciting in a good
way — something to tell your friends about.
Or it can be unsettling and hard to recover
from. You’re sensitive to this as you set up
expectations in those around you.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’re keeping
track. In everything that happens, you’ve the
equivalent of the black box of an airplane
accounting for it. Flames and floods and love
and war couldn’t change the account of the
faithful, honest witness inside you.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Taste what you
eat and get the full impact of what you touch.
Treat your daily life and routine as though
you’ll have to do a report on it later. This level
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
of attention will serve you well.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Your family of
origin has much to report about the mettle
you’re made of and the frailties stamped on
you but in no way does it define the whole
of you. The self-made part of you will shine
today.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). There are
those who do the right thing when the eyes
of the world are on them, and there are those
who do the right thing when they’re all alone.
Align yourself with the latter and all will be well.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). If you’re go-
ing to launch yourself into the hard challeng-
es, you’ll need your own thoughts and feelings
supporting you. Convince yourself. Encourage
yourself. Get on Team You.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). When passion
ignites, it’s a stroke of luck but not necessarily
a blessing. Passion is the spark, the begin-
ning. It has to turn into something sustainable
to be a gift.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). There’s an eth-
ical decision to be made. The morality of the
situation isn’t deep but it is complex. Getting
away with it doesn’t make it right, and getting
caught doesn’t make it wrong.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (June 24).
The mission drives you. At times you’ll be
hyper-productive, singlehandedly accomplish-
ing more than whole teams do. Respect your
need to hibernate and rejuvenate; it’s how
you’ll stay healthy. Lifestyle upgrades are ce-
mented in November. A new study will delight
you in 2018, and you’ll be paid well, too. Leo
and Libra adore you. Your lucky numbers are:
10, 4, 44, 48 and 17.