22 // COASTWEEKEND.COM
Coast Weekend’s local
restaurant review
Chinook restaurant off ers handsome interior, heavenly cornbread
Review and photos by
MOUTH OF THE COLUMBIA
COLUMBIA RIVER
ROADHOUSE
MOUTH@COASTWEEKEND.COM
T
The Opening Soon sign sat
in front of the Columbia River
Roadhouse for months, so long
folks began to doubt it. Eventu-
ally a reassurance was tacked on:
“Really!”
Indeed, renovation of the build-
ing that would house the Chinook
restaurant took much, much lon-
ger than expected. What began in
October 2014 and was thought to
be in the home stretch toward the
end of 2015 fi nally opened late
last summer. And while a signif-
icant portion of that time-con-
suming work was in replacing the
building’s creaky electrical and
plumbing, fabrication of the inte-
rior was equally extensive.
The Roadhouse is replete
with custom metal work. The
chairs, tables and bar — as well
as so many little flourishes —
are hand-welded. The walls and
ceilings are coated in corrugated
metal siding. Coat racks and door
handles are cobbled together
from wrenches and hammers.
License plates and gas station
memorabilia dot the walls. Edi-
son light bulbs dangle from light
fixtures made of old car parts.
Reflecting the many blazing neon
signs and flat-screen TVs, all
of it is gleaming, both raw and
buffed, heavy and slick.
Creating the menu, one
imagines, was less arduous.
Joining Castaway’s Seafood
Grille and Stormin’ Norman’s,
the Columbia River Roadhouse
is ownership’s third restaurant on
the Long Beach Peninsula. The
fare mostly dovetails with the
vintage highway theme — big,
meaty throwbacks. It’s familiar.
I overheard one customer inquire
if this was a chain, related to a
Roadhouse-themed joint in Salem
where folks toss shells of free
peanuts on the floor. While there
are free peanuts at the Columbia
River Roadhouse, there is no
The Columbia River Roadhouse in
Chinook, Washington, is replete
with custom metal work.
association. “The peanuts are on
the house,” a server said, “but not
on the floor.” It’s also worth a
mention that while there is a full
bar, the place is family friendly.
(Along with a cheeky gift shop,
an adjacent wing hosts 15-odd
pinball machines.) To be sure:
This “Road House” is a far cry
from Patrick Swayze’s.
The menu is big. It feels like
there’s a lot to choose from,
though the options aren’t especial-
ly broad. There are sandwiches,
burgers, seafood, steaks and so
on. Some dishes are marked with
icons: the chili pepper, of course,
supposes a “Southern kick of
heat”; the RH designation, a serv-
er explained, meant the dish was
specially made in-house. I fi gured
I’d stick mostly to RHs.
Among them is Fall-off-the-
Bone BBQ Ribs, which are served
with the “signature RH Bourbon
BBQ Sauce.” I wasn’t hungry
enough for a full rack ($23.99)
nor a half ($18.99). I zeroed in
on the “Lite Bites” section of the
menu, which offered three ribs
and two sides for $12.99, and
wouldn’t require an after-dinner
nap. For sides I went with the
Fried Okra and Broccolini and
Squash. To my delight, a piece of
Cornbread with Honey Butter was
tossed in by the kitchen.
I like to think the kitchen
The Mouth tried the Lite Bites version of ribs, which came with three ribs,
broccolini, squash, cornbread and fried okra.
782 U.S. Highway 101, Chi-
nook, Washington
Rating:
360-777-8223
HOURS: 11:30 a.m. to 8 p.m.
daily
PRICE: $$ – Both good and
lacking values
SERVICE: Friendly, easygoing
VEGETARIAN / VEGAN OP-
TIONS: Pescatarian? Nary a
veggie burger.
DRINKS: Full bar
KEY TO STAR RATING SYSTEM
shepherded me in a direction the
servers didn’t, as the cornbread
absolutely made the meal. It was
critical, buttressing the plate’s
comfort — like pillow top on
a mattress. The fried okra were
crispy, a vegetable alternative
to tater tots. The broccolini and
squash were sopped with butter.
The ribs themselves — and there
were four rather than three —
were hardly falling off the bone.
But the crusted edges appropriat-
ed something nearing jerky, which
I found enjoyable in its own right.
The Roadhouse’s own barbecue
sauce was easy, neither too spicy
nor too sweet. Really it was the
cornbread that was most irresist-
ible, the ideal counterpart to the
fatty meats and elemental veggies,
a crumbly, simple, lightly sweet,
spongy bread, with butter and
honey on top and bottom.
I found no such value, char-
acter or comfort in either the Po
Boy ($13.99) or Tex-Mex Black-
ened Fish Tacos ($14.99). The Po
Boy, which I had with prawns,
came “dressed,” i.e., with lettuce
and tomato. Should you want
the more familiar version you’re
free to make it yourself — slaw
and pickles came on the side. But
even after reconfiguration, the
sandwich was lacking. To call
the doughy, un-crusted bread a
“French baguette” is more than
a stretch. Moreover, it was just
plain bland — with none of the
slurpy, tangy, messy goodness I
look for in the Creole classic.
While off the mark, at least
the Po Boy came with a side of
thick steak fries. At $15 a la carte
the Tex-Mex Blackened Fish
Tacos neared highway robbery.
The cod did have a slight char,
but there wasn’t a whole lot of it.
To be sure: We’re talking about
two just-larger-than-street-style
tacos on white corn tortillas with
a heap of with a mango salsa.
You might recognize the sal-
sa— cubed mango, red onions,
cilantro and a few potent slices
of jalapeño — from the Road-
house’s sister restaurant, Cast-
away’s Seafood Grille.
In ensuing trips I returned to
red meat. The burger was ... a
burger. With a pre-formed patty,
the bun — which was similar to
the one on the Po Boy — made
better sense here. Otherwise, it
was nothing out of the ordinary.
The Meatloaf ($15.99), a
blend of beef, pork and veal, was
home-style. Like an iPhone-sized
brick, the loaf was really salty,
Poor
Below average
Good
Excellent
Best in region
light on herbs, onions and bread-y
fi ller. Along with a nice bit of
caramelization and darkened
edges, the top and bottom were
coated with strips of bacon. (Not
wholly, as the menu suggested,
“bacon wrapped.”) Served on a
platter with cornbread and choice
of sides, I found myself, with
Creamy Mac-N-Cheese and Yu-
kon Gold Mashed Potatoes, adrift
in a sea of basic, starchy, buttery
salts. Once again though, that
cornbread, fl ecked with whole,
supple kernels — was what I
couldn’t get enough of.
After my meal I lingered,
sipped a beer, and appreciated
the handiwork and the elbow
grease that the welders put into
the Roadhouse’s handsome interi-
or. And while ownership of this
growing peninsula conglomerate
were clearly willing to invest in
building a handsome restaurant,
significant portions of the menu
longed for that same personal
touch.