12 // COASTWEEKEND.COM
Coast Weekend’s local
restaurant review
Uptown Cafe offers mid-tier menu but a local vibe
Review and photos by
MOUTH OF THE COLUMBIA
MOUTH@COASTWEEKEND.COM
The concrete sprawl of Warren-
ton’s North Coast Retail Center
represents one of the region’s rare
pockets where national chains
outnumber locally owned busi-
nesses. Among Petco, Staples
and Home Depot, Uptown Cafe
is an outlier. When it comes to
dining, that distinction becomes
more pronounced. Nearby there is
but a Taco Bell, the Costco food
court and the new Panda Express,
which, bewilderingly, boasts long
drive-thru lines seemingly every
time I pass.
Such corporate conglomerations
have been known to welcome the
likes of an Applebee’s or a Chili’s.
And while Uptown Cafe doesn’t fit
those molds precisely, the com-
parison is not without some merit
— for Uptown Cafe is also family
friendly, offers reasonable prices,
substantial portions and familiar,
ketchup-dunking dishes. The most
obvious differences, besides more
festive side-show flavors and
corporate “flair”? Uptown Cafe is
less a place to watch sports.
Beneath the double-high
ceilings, Uptown’s reasonably
comfy interior is mostly a clean
slate. There are a few embellish-
ments to the silvery, aquamarine
palette like floating glass balls and
metallic fish. There’s also plen-
ty of wood. The substantial bar
and benches were salvaged from
historic regional buildings in the
Warrenton-Astoria area.
The menu is less locally in-
spired. There are appetizers like
chicken wings and onion rings,
dinner salads, pastas, burgers,
fish and “other meaty stuff,” such
as New York steak and barbecue
ribs. Nothing you haven’t had
before. Without hesitation, two
different servers told me that the
Fish Tacos ($10) were Uptown’s
most popular dish.
Quickly the tacos emerged with
UPTOWN CAFE
UPTOWN CAFE
IS FAMILY
FRIENDLY, OFFERS
REASONABLE
PRICES,
SUBSTANTIAL
PORTIONS AND
FAMILIAR, KETCHUP-
DUNKING DISHES.
Above: Though the fish tacos at Up-
town Cafe are popular, the Mouth
didn’t find them special.
Left: The Petit Filet had a colorful
presentation and was a serviceable
but unremarkable steak
a cup of mostly minced tomato
parts, watery and mild, allegedly
pico de gallo. The taco’s ingre-
dients, meanwhile, were almost
imperceptible from the grocery
store’s most packaged: medi-
um-sized flour tortillas, bagged,
premixed coleslaw, and frozen,
beer-battered cod. Uptown Cafe
adds an almost imperceptible
layer of cheddar cheese, which
has no business in a fish taco. (Try
cotija.) They also use Baja sauce,
which has a subtle kick, but is
hardly a savior. The dish cried out
for something, anything — a sem-
blance of finesse, exciting ingredi-
ents or expressive taste. I remain
perplexed why these bland, basic
fish stick tacos are Uptown Cafe’s
most popular item.
A cynical take? Perhaps it’s
about margins.
Either way, the burgers were
much better. In my trips to
Uptown, I saw a whole lot more
burgers being served than tacos.
With a steak knife jutting out of
the top, each one was easy to spot.
I had the Peppered Pig ($10).
I went with the 1/3-pound patty,
which was pre-formed. (For a
dollar more you can upgrade to
a 1/2-pound patty.) Besides the
usual lettuce and tomato it was
loaded with pepper jack cheese,
thick peppery bacon and breaded
onions that resembled the shards
of rings, only with more bread
and less onion. A dousing of
buttery peppercorn ranch multi-
plied fat and salt contents. Tall
and barrel-chested, all together
the Peppered Pig burger was a
big, gluttonous, greasy delight.
Cholesterol spikes aside, it was
far more enjoyable than the fish
tacos. A better deal, too.
But my mood dipped again
with the The Avocobbo ($10),
Uptown’s take on the Cobb salad.
Note: The original Cobb salad
includes avocado. The differenc-
es: rather than grilled or roasted
chicken, the Avocobbo substitutes
chicken fingers, which act like
chicken croutons. There were no
onions as the original calls for nor
red wine vinaigrette. I found the
olives rather incongruous (though
some Cobb recipes use them).
Either way, the Avocobbo was
less exuberant, less lean and mean
than the namesake. The delivery
was also unwieldy. In a bowl
shaped like a 1960s mid-centu-
ry-modern ball chair, the tilted,
sloping edge seemed designed to
dump salad into my lap.
Rating:
1639 SE Ensign Lane, War-
renton
PHONE: 503-245-1400
HOURS: 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.
Monday through Friday, and
8 a.m. to 9 p.m. Saturday and
Sunday.
PRICE: $ – Entrées around
$10
SERVICE: Youthful and en-
thusiastic
VEGETARIAN/VEGAN OP-
TIONS: Slim
DRINKS: Full bar, soda, cof-
fee, juice
KEY TO STAR RATING SYSTEM
Poor
Below average
Good
Excellent
Best in region
The colorful presentation of the
Petit Filet ($17) was more entic-
ing. There were red bell peppers,
green broccoli and white onions,
all of which were made to kneel
by the bacon they were cooked
with. The white hill of potatoes
were whipped and buttery. The
red onions adorning the steak
had become even more purple,
soaking up the red wine demi-gla-
ce, keeping it all to themselves.
The six-ounce beef tenderloin was
cooked to an appropriate medium
rare, and there was hardly a spot
of fat on it. There also wasn’t a
whole lot of fat rendered into it.
This was a serviceable but unre-
markable steak.
The same could be said of
Uptown Cafe’s menu at large: It
neither upends nor transcends the
corporate surroundings. The vibe,
however, at least reflects the local
pulse.