6A FEATURES Daughter takes precedence Dear Annie: What is wrong never married, is 50. He and his with me? I truly don’t know ex-wife have been divorced for what to do. I have a boyfriend five years. He and his daugh- of five years, and for five years, ter are very secretive about their I have watched him pursue his conversations, and I have no place in their life as a third wheel. daughter daily. He still works a full-time job He texts her several times in a very demanding daily. He knows where DEAR position, but if he doesn’t she is every minute, see her at least once a whom she is with and ANNIE week, he has withdraw- what her plans are. He als. I am so mad about would drive 45 min- it that I refuse to marry utes to walk her dogs him. I have talked to him for her because she is about this till I am blue working. He knows all in the face, and he knows her friends and stays in why I won’t marry him, touch with them, too. Lane as she will always come He seeks them out if he Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. first. He just says, “She’s goes back to where they my daughter.” used to live. I really don’t love him any- She was living with him when he and I met, but a year more, as I don’t see any future later, she got a place of her own. knowing he will drop everything However, several times since, to rush to her side for any reason. she has moved in and out of his But walking out again is stress- place. He always wants to save a ing me out, too. Any advice? — place for her in church, and when Third Wheel Dear Third Wheel: Your she overslept and didn’t make it one time, he spent the entire ser- boyfriend is exhibiting signs of vice craning his neck looking for extreme codependency with his her. Their goodbyes resemble daughter. That kind of toxicity those said by people who may can’t be contained to just one area of his life. It spills into all never see each other again. Annie, this man and I are in others, including his relationship our 70s. His daughter, who has with you. Therapy might help him change. But he doesn’t seem to want to. You deserve much better, and I think you know it. You would be happier on your own than wit- nessing this man obsessively try to control his daughter for the rest of his life. You are not a third wheel; you are a valuable and important human being. Any- one who makes you feel lesser doesn’t deserve your time. Dear Annie: This is a response to the letter from “Sud- den Loss for Words in TN,” who asked about the best response to a suicide. My family has been through that situation. The worst thing for the fam- ily are insensitive questions, spo- ken or implied. For example, “Why?” “Didn’t you know?” “Why didn’t you do something?” You never know the depth of someone’s inner pain and strug- gle, because it’s not obvious. The best thing is to remember something good about the per- son: “I remember when he and I...” “I remember when he...” That person had a life, even though it ended so unexpectedly. But the important thing is that he lived, not how he died. — Been There THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 4, 2017 TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). Some experi- ence commitment as the loss of options, and certainly that’s part of it. But sacrificing an endless array of options for something narrow and concentrated, oddly, will only make your life and options larger. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Walking, running, flying — it’s essentially the same principle. To move forward requires strength, balance and constant adjustment. Be honest, feel where the weakness is, and adjust to correct yourself. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). What’s important is sometimes quite dull. You already know every cobble of the road you’re on today, but there is a magnificent reason for traversing it over and over. In a way, this is heroism. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Don’t hesitate, vacillate, agonize or dwell. Make quick work of it and get on with something decadent, like treating yourself to something sweet or de- lightful or intoxicating. Bonus points for doing it without guilt! LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You’re fanciful and imaginative. You can paint a vivid picture for others with your words and the way you say them. Use this to your advantage. The right subject matter is key. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Alas, childhood’s limitless possibility must come to an end at some point. And yet today, a youthful opportu- nity you thought was closed to you forever will open up once more. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You’re not trying to juggle three or four different balls in the air at once. That’s for amateurs! You’ve 10 to 20 that need to stay afloat. If a few drop, don’t even give it a second thought. Just keep moving. FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You’ll be a kind of champion today, although a quiet one. The fact that you don’t want to be noticed and lauded for your efforts makes them all the more valiant. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). There are times you want to be your most attractive self, but not always. Invisibility has its benefits. You need time to yourself. Play it low-key and you’ll slip happily under the radar for a spell of much-needed solitude. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The insecure and impressionable people around you need someone to mentor and protect them. You’re the natural fit. With what you know and who you are, you will teach and inspire. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Your joy won’t be found in the world of glamour and thrills today. The less conventionally exciting a labor appears to be, the greater its potential as an arena for doing meaningful, fulfilling work in the world. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’re ready to speak, but are they ready to listen? Prime them for it first: Grab their attention; then give them a moment to settle into the reality that you’re about to say something important. Final- ly, deliver from the heart. Score! TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 5). Given the choice between being somebody and doing something, you’ll choose the latter. Accolades are nice, but they feel hollow in comparison to the high you get from master- ing the task, killing the mission, being in flow. You’ll deepen your commitment to your life’s work and loves for your most successful year yet. Leo and Scorpio adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 3, 20, 5, 14 and 18.