FEATURES
6A
Divorce after a long marriage
Dear Annie: I am a 70-year-old
man with two adult sons. My wife
and I divorced eight years ago after
30 years together. It was simply a
case of two people having grown
apart over the years and seeking dif-
ferent things in life. She had insisted
that we move to the East Coast to be
nearer to her family. I had no desire
to either move cross-country to an
uncertain future or live near her
troubled family.
I always felt that because we
have children, our relationship
should be civil, if not amicable. But
for some inexplicable reason, she
has disparaged and defamed me to
anyone who will listen, especially
our kids. She cut off all contact with
me and poisoned my younger son’s
mind with all manner of lies and
distortions, such that he cut off all
contact with me, too.
Curiously, my own mother did
the exact same thing many years ago
when she and my father divorced.
Annie, I have always believed
that if you love your children, you
should encourage them to have a
good relationship with the other par-
ent. So I am mystiied by this kind
of behavior. Can you explain it to
me? — Puzzled in Los Angeles
Dear Puzzled: You’re right that
in a divorce, the best thing for the
Dear Annie
By
Annie
Lane
Creators
Syndicate
Inc.
children is for both parents to stay
civil. But there are two sides to
every story, and I would question
whether your divorce really was
simply a case of two people grow-
ing apart. Your wife may feel differ-
ently. Thirty years is a long time to
have everything unravel so unciv-
illy. She may have been really hurt
by you. Relect on that.
Then talk to her. Perhaps
you could bring up how your
own mother did the same thing
and explain how that negatively
impacted you.
If she is lat-out irrational and
uninterested in compromise, talk
to your sons, but keep it simple
and respectful. There’s no need to
defend yourself on every speciic
charge she is leveling against you.
Just let them know that their mom
may be saying some negative things
about you because she is hurting.
Relate to them about what you went
through with your own mother.
Don’t be vengeful, but don’t let her
push you out of your sons’ lives,
either.
Dear Annie: In response to your
advice to the “Deserted Dad,” who
is worried about his marriage once
the kids leave the nest, I would go
a bit further with advice to act fast
and make changes today. I was with
my wife for 30 years, and I would
describe our marriage basically the
same way Deserted Dad did. Our
kids were our life. More specii-
cally, my life revolved around our
kids. I see now why that was a bad
idea.
Deserted Dad should waste no
time in developing other interests to
explore with his spouse. He should
insist on it immediately.
At 48 years old, I now ind
myself searching for activities to do
alone, feeling guilty every time I go
out to try something new, knowing
that there is no reason we couldn’t
have been doing these things
together. It is a very serious turning
point that Deserted Dad is facing
— and one that thousands of oth-
ers are probably facing, as well. Act
now, before it’s too late. — Regret-
ful Ex-Husband
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 2016
Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Most changes
don’t happen overnight, and the larger ones can
take especially long to unfold. When the change
takes hold, it will seem like it happened all at
once, but it will have been years in the making.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You are commit-
ting daily acts of self-sabotage. However minor
the destructive habit may be, the numbers will
work against you over time. This is a bigger
deal than it seems. Make your life better: Cut
it out now.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). A bitter person
looks at the bad situation and says, “It always
happens like this.” A wise person decides to
stop getting into the situations that tend to hap-
pen “like this.”
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Chaos is inher-
ently dangerous. The accompanying thrill is ad-
dictive. Break your addiction to low-grade, daily
chaos by accepting the part of yourself that’s
hiding behind this diversion.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). When people are
brave enough to share their weird, uncensored
thoughts with you, it’s a major compliment.
They trust you not to judge. They value your
insight. They consider your love a safe haven,
which it is.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’ll be remind-
ed how you and the others in your group are
united in a common purpose. The energetic
bond that holds the group together may be in-
visible, but it’s real, it’s tangible, and it’s growing
stronger all of the time.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Let the others
know your process. Tell them how you got to
this point. Let them know what you gained and
what it cost you. Your journey will educate, in-
form and help others. You’ll also be better ap-
preciated.
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Even though
you can be as constant as the tide, it’s import-
ant that you exercise your right to be unpre-
dictable, as that’s exciting for all. Bonus: This
will keep your loved ones from taking you for
granted.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). As it is in
the fairytales, your wishes are magic seeds.
Unlike the fairytales, they are not limited to
three. So don’t worry so much about wishing
the right wish. Just plant them — preferably
close by, so can watch them grow!
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). No matter
what you choose, there are some people your
choice will displease. Don’t waste time defend-
ing your choices. As long as you do right by
your own code, good will come of it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’ve been
so focused on taking care of others that you’ve
neglected your main responsibility in life —
which is, of course, taking care of yourself. Do
what makes your heart and body feel whole
and happy.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Struggling
for your next dollar is not your favorite way to
spend the hours. On the other hand, you love
to spend time and energy on a cause that
helps others, and if you happen to make mon-
ey in the process, life is good.
FRIDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Aug. 26). In the
past you’ve felt you were doing what was nec-
essary for survival, but this year is all about
thriving. You’ll live in lifted emotion and higher
thought. Because of the love and support of
your inner circle, a stimulating group of col-
leagues and a tranquil domestic environment,
you can take chances and fly. Cancer and
Gemini adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 4,
18, 22, 29 and 50.