THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2015
FEATURES
Toxic in-laws insult kids
Dear Annie: My in-laws have
always caused problems, but
things have escalated since my
husband and I had children. They
live 30 minutes away, but they
refuse to visit. When our second
child was born, they didn’t come
to my baby shower or to the hospi-
tal. When they ¿nally visited, they
didn’t even look at the baby. They
won’t FaceTime to see the grand-
kids.
We told them we’d come to their
home when the kids aren’t napping,
but they said if we couldn’t spend
the entire day, they aren’t interest-
ed in seeing us at all. When we try
to schedule a visit, they usually say
they are “too busy.” Yet when we
do manage to see them, all they
do is sit on the sofa and watch
TV. They don’t interact with the
children. My in-laws take several
luxury vacations every year, some
lasting for three weeks. Somehow,
they aren’t too busy for that.
Meanwhile, they send us ran-
dom texts berating us about not
visiting more and that we don’t do
enough for them. Worse, when they
see the kids, they insult them and
make fun of their slow physical
development and speech impedi-
ments. But they are little kids and
progress takes time. I am angry and
Annie’s
Mailbox
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
Kathy Mitchell
and
Marcy Sugar
hurt. I dread the upcoming holi-
days. My husband feels as I do, but
these are his parents. The stress has
caused a lot of problems in our oth-
erwise happy marriage.
I am not yet 30 and cannot
imagine spending the rest of my life
like this. What can I do? — Feeling
Blue
Dear Blue: No one should be
permitted to make fun of your chil-
dren’s developmental issues. Peri-
od. Your in-laws sound both toxic
and sel¿sh. &ouples with young
children are allowed to set their
schedules. We suggest you be un-
failingly polite while you explain
that, no, you cannot come visit now
because the kids are napping (or
in school or have other activities).
When you can do a whole-day vis-
it, offer to do so. But if the in-laws
insult your kids, leave immediately.
If they don’t like it, too bad. And
make sure your husband backs you
up on this.
Dear Annie: My boyfriend and
I are discussing marriage. We have
both been married previously. We
already live together and have ev-
erything we need.
We would like to have a picnic
or something and just surprise ev-
eryone with a wedding, so that no
one feels obligated to bring gifts.
Normally, when we have picnics
with friends and family, we provide
the main courses and everything
else is potluck. Would that be ac-
ceptable in this situation? — Won-
dering in Pennsylvania
Dear Wondering: The idea of
surprising your friends with an im-
promptu picnic wedding is a lovely
idea. Just be sure that the people
most important to you will make
the date a priority and show up, and
others won’t be offended because a
picnic seemed to be no big deal and
they spent the day elsewhere.
But unless it is the custom
among your friends to supply the
wedding feast, we don’t think it is
appropriate to ask your guests to
bring the food. If people offer, you
can say it’s not necessary. If they
choose to bring something anyway,
so be it. They will consider it a
wedding gift.
5A
Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Good peo-
ple around you do not want to trouble you
and are too nice to let you know if some-
thing is wrong. So it’s on you to check in
and make sure all is well.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Some
of the rules feel more like guidelines to
you — others feel like mere suggestions.
You’ll find the most creative way to push
the boundaries.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). There are
intelligent people around you and — bo-
nus — they are smart in the way you most
appreciate. The feedback you’ll receive is
likely to be constructive and helpful.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You’ll
experience a win with your whole team.
Celebrate as a group. Later, privately con-
sider how you contributed. You deserve
individual acknowledgement, even if it
only comes from you.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). It will take more
than the usual effort to get your head in
the right place to do your work. An inspir-
ing Scorpio could help to motivate you,
though nothing will motivate you more
than needing a paycheck.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). People want
to share with you. Though you may not
need much of what they have to share,
accept these gifts to keep the channel of
abundance open and flowing.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Your fortune
can change or solidify at any moment.
There is power in each decision you
make. Success depends on making the
kinds of choices you’ll want to build on.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You’re
not just a cog in the wheel of commerce,
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
you know. You’re a part of nature. Wide-
open spaces breathe fresh air into your
thoughts and clear the cobwebs of your
mind.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You
can’t relate to those who have become
embittered by their trials. If anything, the
troubles you have experienced have giv-
en you a more compassionate outlook.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Con-
sidering the amount of work they create
for you, it might be hard for you to believe
that people wish you well and want to
help you. Remember, you’re the one who
chooses what to take on.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Those
who are supposedly “in the know” will be
eager to impart their knowledge on you.
If the information is true and actionable,
those who teach it should be living it, too.
Are they?
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’re
thinking of making a change in your ap-
pearance. If you look the part, others
might just assume it’s who you are — and
that includes you. The outer change will
spark an inner transformation.
THURSDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Nov. 19).
The happy truth is that what’s import-
ant to do will also be fun as you head
into this new era. Your personal life will
blossom in December and you’ll grow to
accommodate the change. In February
you’ll re-connect with people from the
past. You’ll be favored in a trade. A con-
servative, long-term plan will pay off in
2016. Capricorn and Gemini adore you.
Your lucky numbers are: 10, 36, 13, 29
and 4.