The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current, September 16, 2015, Image 6

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Mother fears abusive son
Dear Annie: I am writing to
you because of a friend’s problem.
“Lena” is a divorced woman who
lives with her 24-year-old son. Her
ex’s gambling problem destroyed
the marriage. Her son was 10 years
old at the time of his parents’ di-
vorce, and he was already unruly,
uncontrollable and slacking off at
school. Immediately after the di-
vorce, the father remarried and does
not keep in contact.
Lena decided to send her son to
a prestigious school in her home
country. She believed that her fami-
ly, who lived there, could better take
care of him and help him do well in
school. She had to work overtime
every single day to afford the tuition.
He graduated as valedictorian and
went to college in Australia. Again,
Lena worked very hard to pay the
full tuition.
When he was a junior, her son
returned to the U.S. and said he was
taking a break from college. After
several months, he decided to “get a
job” instead of returning to school.
But a year has passed, and he hasn’t
earned a dime.
We recently learned from Lena
that her son has been using drugs
and physically assaulting her, say-
ing that she ruined his childhood
by sending him overseas. She asked
Syndicate Inc.
Kathy Mitchell
Marcy Sugar
him to consider a rehab facility, but
he refuses. Lena now fears for her
life. He has attacked her many times
asking for money to buy drugs.
She is heartbroken about how her
only child has turned out. I keep tell-
ing her to call the police, but she has
begged me not to. She doesn’t want
to destroy his future by sending him
to prison. What should we do? — A
Dear Reader: If Lena cannot
get her drug-addicted, abusive son
out of her home and refuses to call
the authorities, she should get out
of there before he does permanent
harm. Please call your local state
domestic violence agency or the
National Domestic Violence Hotline
at 1-800-799-SAFE (
and ask how you can help. Also,
please encourage Lena to contact
Because I Love You (, or
Families Anonymous (familiesa-, support groups for
parents in similar situations.
Dear Annie: I am a pastor and
recently conducted a funeral at our
church for a beloved member. In
accordance with the family’s wish-
es, a friend of the deceased was al-
lowed to speak for a few minutes
during the service. Unfortunately,
the “friend” proceeded to tell inap-
propriate stories. After he’d spo-
ken for quite some time, I asked
him to allow others to talk, but he
refused to yield. Finally, an angry
family member asked him to sit
down, but the damage had already
been done.
May I offer three cardinal rules
for speaking at a funeral?
1. Keep your remarks brief —
less than seven minutes. Write and
practice what you’re going to say.
2. This is not a comedy club.
Though you may share a funny sto-
ry about the deceased, do not say
anything that would humiliate that
person or their family.
3. Do not brag about yourself.
The service is not about you. —
Grieving Pastor
Dear Pastor: Many folks, when
confronted with the death of a loved
one, say amazingly inappropriate
things. Thank you for reminding
them to think before speaking.
Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). The out-
sider sees what the insider is blind to. The
only problem is that the outsider generally
doesn’t talk about it to the insider’s face —
that is, unless asked directly. Do you dare?
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). It’s time to
calm that chaotic mind. It starts by releas-
ing a few preoccupations that have you
mentally whirling. If you want a shortcut,
try cleaning, exercise or going to that en-
vironment you love.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Small steps
lead to big things. Today’s small step will
include exchanging a first greeting with
someone who will change your entire fu-
ture. Be ready to introduce yourself.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Regard-
ing this afternoon’s happening: It feels
as though there is but one way to react.
Wrong. There are always more choices
than one. Detach yourself emotionally for
a moment to think of more.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Frustration is like
an intense spice. A pinch of it can make the
recipe. Too much ruins everything. Let the
energy of frustration inform and ignite you,
but only for a second. Feel it and then walk
away to cool off for a while.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Science is
often corrupted by wishful thinking, and
wishful thinking is often corrupted by sci-
ence. Where the two meet and harmo-
nize, corrupt or not, is poetry.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You shouldn’t
have to ask, demand or beg your loved
ones to listen to you carefully. Unfortu-
nately, some are too selfish or distracted
to realize this. Don’t take it personally, but
do kindly bring up the issue.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). The group-
think is strong. It goes against basic surviv-
al instincts to break free of it, though some-
thing inside you may tell you that escaping
tribal mentality is right for you now.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21).
Someone claims to have remembered
all you forgot, but that person recalls it so
differently that it makes you want to keep
better records. That’s not a bad idea, be-
cause there’s a lot coming up that you’ll
want to remember.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Re-
claim sovereignty over your body. Let no
trainer, person, substance or chocolate
cake boss you around. If it feels wrong in
every limb, don’t do it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). The
place is new to you, and yet the people
there see it every day. They are bored of
it. The only thing that makes it exciting is
seeing it for the first time through your
eyes. Share your impressions.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Think
twice before you suggest improvements,
give criticism, go another round, trade up
or make changes of any kind today. “Bet-
ter” can be the enemy of “good enough.”
A need arises repeatedly, and you’ll act
quickly to meet it, earning yourself a niche
that is well paid and well appreciated in
other ways, too. Note: You won’t know how,
so you’ll have to start from scratch and
learn. Your attitude plus fun changes to
your look will attract admirers and romance
in 2016. Children bring luck. Capricorn and
Scorpio people adore you. Your lucky num-
bers are: 16, 40, 3, 11 and 18.