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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (March 9, 2015)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • MONDAY, MARCH 9, 2015 FEATURES She can’t let go of jealousy Dear Annie: I have been married to “Ralph” for 30 years. Recently, I dis- covered that he has been speaking with an ex-girlfriend on his cellphone. These conversations have been going on for 10 years. They both say they are only friends, but I don’t believe it. This woman is married and lives out of state. Can two married people secret- ly talk to each other for 10 years behind their spouses’ backs and it just be inno- cent conversation? By the way, this isn’t an ordinary ex-girlfriend. Ralph planned to marry her after high school, but she chose college, and he had to let her go. When I confronted Ralph, he said, “This has nothing to do with you. My feelings for you have never changed, and I never treated you any differently.” But I feel as if I have been cheated out of 10 years of my marriage because his ex-girlfriend was taking part of him from me and I didn’t know. Ralph is a phenomenal father and has been a great husband. He wants me to let this go so we can move on. But how can I ever trust him again? — Feeling Betrayed Dear Feeling: Sharing a conver- sation is not the problem. The fact that you were unaware of it for 10 years and this woman was romantically import- ant to your husband is what’s bothering you. Has Ralph been sharing intimate WKRXJKWV ZLWK KHU" +DV KH FRQ¿GHG matter how much it hurts them? Is there any way to start the healing process? — Florida Dear Florida: We assume there was Creators a nasty divorce and not abuse, which Syndicate Inc. does not require their forgiveness. Your daughters may feel a great loyalty to Kathy Mitchell Mom and believe it is necessary to re- and spect her wishes, no matter how unfair Marcy Sugar or hurtful. They may be angry with you, as well. Please continue to reach out to problems in his marriage to her? Has he your daughters, regardless of their re- expressed an interest in getting together sponse. Let them know you love and with her? These are the questions you miss them, as do their grandparents. We need answered. Ralph may feel that if hope at some point they will decide they there was no physical affair, he did noth- miss you, too. ing wrong. But anything that loses your Dear Annie: I’d like to add some ad- trust damages the marriage. vice to “Desperate for Answers,” who is Please ask Ralph to come with you always being unfavorably compared to for a few sessions with a marriage coun- her older sister. I had the exact same sit- selor, who could help him understand uation growing up, and I wish someone ZK\WKLVPDWWHUVDQGKHOSERWKRI\RX¿[ had told me the following: it. This is how you “let it go” so you can Your parents love you. They compare move on. you to your sister because they don’t Dear Annie: After raising my two know how to motivate you and help you daughters for 25 years, they were told by do the best you can. They don’t mean their mother never to speak to their pa- to hurt or diminish you. Concentrate on ternal grandparents or me again, so they the talents, skills and characteristics you haven’t. have that make you unique. What part of the brain makes peo- I made the mistake of competing ple who seem normal and rational take with my sister and hating her for de- this stance? They decide they will never cades. I missed so much by doing that. It even discuss the possibility of reconcili- isn’t her fault that your parents are com- ation. Do they have to take this hate, an- paring you. Make her your ally. — Been ger and stubbornness to their graves, no There Annie’s Mailbox FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH STONE SOUP B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE 5A Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). There are things you want to do that your life isn’t al- lowing for right now. Good news: There will be time later. Hopefully, knowing this, you’ll be able to focus joyfully on your current re- sponsibilities. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Riding the tide is easier in a friendly ocean. Do some research before jumping into a new situa- tion. Ask around for personal recommen- dations. There are many choices out there, and some will be better than others. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You will get what you want, but not all at once. The small increments are a kind of test. When you’re grateful for each part of the blessing, blessings will keep coming. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Get back in touch with your values and preferences. They’ve changed, and that’s why a deci- sion has been difficult for you. Once you’re clear again about what matters to you most, deciding will be easy. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You’ll walk the line between being super-responsible and being the kind of person just about every- one can relate to. Because people feel they can trust you while still having fun, you’ll win friends and new business. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Whether you’re trying to motivate colleagues, entice customers or simply ask a favor of some- one, take time to set a mood first. A beau- tiful environment could be the difference between success and failure. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Some parts of the day will go according to schedule, and some will not. Keep your cool. An attitude of flexibility and friendliness will establish trust and promote good will. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Listen up! Loud silence will tell you more than soft words, especially when you’re communi- cating with a water sign (which are Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces). SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The best advice, input or direction you get will be downplayed. The magic words to listen for are, “This might sound crazy, but...” The phrase may come from your own psyche. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You forge bonds with very few words and build instant rapport. You hesitate to use your tal- ent for connecting with people for personal gain, though. There’s good reason to stop being so self-effacing. Get on your own team! AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Those who have great virtues are also capable of having great vices. That’s why it’s important not to place anyone on a pedestal. We are all equals with different circumstances. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’ll be dealing with people who want to please you today. If you really want to know what they think, don’t share your own thoughts first. You’ll be surprised at what you learn. TUESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (March 10). People like what you’re about. You’ll double your support base over the next 10 weeks. April brings heart-soaring adventure. You get serious about a personal goal in May. Pursue a business, product or invention in June, and continue working on it until you’re satisfied your work has made the world a better place. Cancer and Sagittar- ius people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 1, 8, 28, 4 and 15.