8
OREGON CITY COURIER OREGON CITY, OREGON, THURSDAY, MAY 20, 1915
GEORGE APE
THE FABLE OF THE TWO
UNFETTERED BIRDS
Copyrldht, 1915, by Essnnay Film Co.J
EDGAlt aud Laura were Close
Friends. Tbey were stuck on
the Higher Life. Edgar was a
Professional Bachelor who had
nothing to do but Study. Luura had a
Snowy Heurt that beat only when
somebody wrote an article rending like
an Introduction to Pilgrim's Progress.
She simply Doted on the lofty Ideals
that made Ufo worth the living.
And Edgar, graduate of the Wale Sci
entific school, and sole owner of a
P. G. course at the Varsity of Berlin,
ran a Close Second, or even better.
They were a couple of Grizzlies when
It came to the Brain Stuff.
As Edgar and Laura were the only
High Brows in the vicinity they agreed
to be Intellectual Comrades. They
would wander through art galleries by
the hour and have a perfectly delirious
Soiree. They got soused with Erudi
tion two or three times a week In the
Castor-Luntlx library.
The friendship between them
was not even plutoulc. It was
about as romantic as a cold Hot
Water Bag.
In order to appear distinctly
Thoughtful they passed a joint resolu
tion that they would wear lurgo eye
glasses with thick tortoise shell rims.
Tbey gave one a Soulful Gaze, It was
agreed. This fashion was Imitated by
the associates they Tolerated at the
Advanced Thinkers' club. Tho mem
bers all felt Uppish when they donned
the shell rluinicd Lamps and didn't
realize that they looked like o Bunch
of Owls.
Oh, how Laura and Edgar pitied the
Common Place People who fall In love
and get Married and have to wash the
Baby every mornlngl
Every time they saw a nappy
Family they took a solemn Oath
thnt civilization had gone to the
Dogs and that tho Itace was
Doomed.
At a Rally of the Advanced Thinking
Gang In AriHtotlo Alley, Edgar read a
paper to the Muckers on the Incompati
bility between Matrimony and the Spir
itual Life, hi oilier words, he argued,
"Getting Married is a Sucker Piny."
Laura said afterward that tho Ha
rangue was the Apotheosis of all that
-1 ; a-,
"Getting married Is a sucker play."
was Perfect In Logical Philosophic
Reasoning.
Tho Dissertation gave Laura some,
new Ideas. From that time the pre
cocious klddo with on overcrowded
Dome went around preaching that Wo
man should be Free and Independent,
not a Domestic Slave. Most of the
women were too old fashioned to get
her elevated Point of View.
The solemn little Cut considered them
to be a Crew of old Fogies.
Laura had her own Apartment where
Bho was surrounded by Books and an
Air of Refinement and everything to
make her Happy. She was a Fiend on
Emerson, Henry James and tho Doc
trines of Confucius. She could also
tell you Offbnnd the exact date when
STOP LOOK
11
i c
X A ) P. .1
-J -v. !,
ATTENTION OF THE PUBLIC IS CALLED TO THE FULL
PAGE AD. ON PAGE TWELVE OF THIS ISSUE ANNOUNC
ING THE SALE OF THE TWO STOCKS, VIZ., THE WORK
INGMAN'S STORE ..AND THE ADAMS' DEPARTMENT
STORE. ..BEGINNING FRIDAY, MAY 21ST. ..READ IT IT
IS WELL WORTH YOUR WHILE.
Written by Frederick
R. Toombs From
George Ade's Scena
rio, Which Has Been
Filmed by the Essa
nay Company.
tho Egyptians first began to Dabble
with Ceramics.
Edgar had two Rooms with Bath
which he called. Independence Hall be
cause no Women or Kids wore there
to interfere with his Liberties. And
when he tired of studying "The Origin
of Species," or of delving Into the
florid mysteries of Etymology, he
would very frequently Indulge in a
game of Solitaire. At such moments
he would couslder himself a Hot Old
Sport.
Part of each day Edgar would
devote to writing his Great Book
that would make a Name for
him. It was entitled, "Medieval
Astronomy; What It Means to
tho Coal Miners of Today."
One day, while on his way to visit
his highly cultured Companion, Edgar
was tempted and actually showed hu
man Weakness. A newsboy, all tat
tered and torn, and all forlorn, stood
on a street corner trying vainly to sell
his papers. Edgar saw him and so far
forgot Himself as to take the lad to a
clothing store. There Edgar, nfter a
violent Struggle with his Conscience,
finally purchased a hat, a suit f
clothes and a pair of shoes for the
youngster.
And in the meantime Laura also was
Slipping.
A friend of hers, after vigorous la
bor, had enlisted her Aid for a poverty
stricken family living over near the
gas house. Laura decided, as a Start
er, to present them with a kitten as a
plaything for the hungry children. She
thought that the animal would prove
Entertaining enough to take their
Minds off their empty stomachs.
On her way from the Cat and Dog
store she met Edgar with the News
boy. Both gasped in astonishment
They were Paralyzed at the Idea that
each had had a Kindly Impulse and
had been Caught at it. They discov
ered then and there thnt even a Book
worm will sometimes act Human.
Edgar aided Laura in delivering the
.Budding Feline to the denizens of the
slums and in a spirit of reciprocity the
young lady accompanied him to the
newsboy's insignificant Abode. There
they squabbled as to who would ad
vance tho money for the lust month's
rent
It Is dangerous to become in
terested in Humnnlty. They
were told of a wonderful Baby
left alone In the World and
about to be condemned to a
Foundling Asylum.
' Marvel piled on marvel In the aristo
cratic careers of these naughty Beings.
First thing they knew they wore on
the way to the 111 fated infant's Nest
They had overlooked this basic propo
sition, to wit:
If you are a Superior Person, don't
have anything to do with a Baby.
Mrs. O'Shaughuessey, who had tem
porarily assumed charge of tho child,
told Laura and Edgar how the awful
father had died from overwork in a
brickyard.
If he hadn't overworked he would
havo been alive that very day. The
widowed mother had fallen in love
with a cook on a coasting schooner and
becanio so proud that sho would not
live in the Neighborhood any longer.
So she deserted her Offspring.
Laura concluded that sho would sim
ply Just have to Adopt the bowlegged
Outey Cutey. And thnt is what she
did.
Edgar escorted her home with her
Prize. He decided to assist Laura to
make n great Scientist out of the 2
year old boy. They would start to
Educate him In a few months, they
agreed. You can never start In too
soon at Training Bomebody else's child.
Tho Landlady had n Fit when she
found a strange Baby on the Premises,
hut finally she Cooled Down and said
sho would join in the work of teach
ing It how to Behave.
When a High Brow fails, he
falls Hard. Edgar became a per
fect nuisance at the Depart
ment Stores, buying every use
less thing in sight for tho Kid.
Botli he and Laura looked forward
Eagerly to the Day when Laoncelot
would bo able to Analyze the gases In
the Rings of Saturn. They know he
would amount to Something because he
was being brought up In such Elite
surroundings. Environment Is more
than Princely Blood, said they.
Edgar called at the house every day
and frequently was seen wheeling the
Little Precious In the park. He was
gradually getting Used to acting like
AND LISTEN
Other People, though nt the start' It
hurt him like Pulling a Tooth.
The policemen on the Beat believed
that Edgur had gone Nutty, but he was
simply acting Normal against bis Will.
Launcelot was fed on Alphabet Wa
fers for a week or two and when he
had learned to spell c-a-t, r-a-t and
p-a-t. It was Resolved that he be ad
vanced to a more Mature curriculum.
So they fed him on two syllabled wa
fers, and asserted that he would be
able to skip the First and Second Read
er classes when he went to School.
He was going to be bright enough to
start with the Third.
The Landlady finally got riled at Ed
gar because he became such n Pest,
through his frequent Calls on Launce
lot and Laura. She sent the following
note to the young lady:
DEAR MISS BRIGHT:
If that child is to remain in
my establishment it must be
provided with some regular
parents or guardians.
Truly yours,
MRS. SNIPPY.
This, of course, complicated matters
seriously. The couple talked the situ
ation over at length. At last they con
cluded that they would adopt the child
The Lawyer Seized Edgar Warmly by
the Hand.
Jointly, if it were legally possible to
do so.
Next day they called on Counsellor
Quibble at the Bunko Building. The
great lawyer was simply bowled over
when he learned that they had tackled
a new kind of Problem. He shook his
head negatively at the mention of
Joint adoption, but then decided to
look tho subject up.
Mr. Quibble delved half an hour in
the Domestic Relations Act, but could
find no provisions thnt would grant tho
Wish of his Clieuts.
"You cannot adopt the Child jointly ,"
he decided, "unless you are Man and
Wife."
The couple gasped, stared nt one an
other, ami bqtk blushed equally em
phatically. What a Rude person the
lawyer wos to suggest such a Com
monplace procedure!
Edgar, after a moment or two of
confused Silence, found himself steal
ing a Sly Glance at Laura out of the
corner of his eye. Laura found her
self doing the same nt Illm. The law
yer noted (lie Coincidence.
He seized Edgar warmly by the hand.
"Cheer up," lie said briskly. "Yon
two Brain Centers logically belong to
one another. It would be a loss to the
Race If the Combination were ever
Broken. Kiss her and go to the Min
ister," It was their first Kiss. Both were
very awkward at It; but It was finally
accomplished.
Gentle Render, don't pity them.
Perhaps they were merely hunt
ing around for nn Excuse.
The wedding ceremony at the AlH
Saints parish house was marked by a
most notable assemblage of Thinkers.
Laura was In the Seventh Heaven of
Delight when she read over the list of
Professors who sent word that they
would bo on hand. Their preseuoo
would lessen the Vulgarity of Mar
Hugo.
Independence Hall was cap
tured by the Allies.
Now, Edgar felt that he had author
ity to have Launcelot wear glasses,
and lie purchased him a Hue pair of
tortoise shell rimmed spectacles Just
like Laura and himself wore. It was
an Intellectual Ensemble when all
three sat reading together.
At the age of the Launcelot could
play Schubert's Sonata In A Flat and
whistle the Dead March from Saul. Ho
was going to he a Horticulturist when
he grew up. Laura and Edgar had de
termined. MORAL.
THE IWltENTAL INSTINCT
IS BOUND TO CROP OUT,
EVEN AMONG REFRIGERAT
ED UPLIFTERS
POSTAL BANKS ENLARGE
After July Any Person May Deposit
With Government Offices
Every person in the United States
ten years old or over may open an
account in a postal savings bank
after July 1st, according; to an in
structive leaflet on the Postal Sav
ings System just issued by Postmas
ter General Burleson. This impor
tant extension of the service will be
made possible by permitting persons
living in communities so sparsely set
tled as not to justify the designa
tion of .thein local post offices as
regular postal savings banks to open
accounts by. mail.
Under the plan adopted by the
Postmaster General for opening ac
count by mail an intending depositor,
residing where there is no regularly
designated postal savings bank, will
apply to his local postmaster who will
see that necessary identification data
is prepared and forwarded to a near
by post office authorized to accept
deposits. The intending depositor
will then be given permission to for
ward his first and subsequent depos
its by money order or registered mail
direct to the postmaster at the bank
ing point for which receipts or cer
tificates will be issued. He may
withdraw all or any part of his pos
tal savings by mail and on demand
together with any niterest that may
be due him.
A new government leaflet dealing
with postal savings banks points out
that any person ten years old or over
may open an account in his or her
own name; that an account may be
opened by a married woman free
from any control or interference by
her husband; that post office offic
ials are forbidden to disclose to any
person, except the depositor, the
amount of any deposits; that with
drawals may be made without pre
vious notice; and that the Govern
ment guarantees to repay all depos
its on demand with accrued interest.
Postal savings receipts have brok
en all records the past year. During
the eight months prior to April 1st
there was a net gain in deposits of
$19,000,000 as against a gain of
$8,000,000 for the same months the
year before. Thousands of new ac
counts have been opened and the
millions made up largely of hidden
savings have been turned back into
the channels of trade just at a time
when there was pressing demand for
every dollar.
PICNIC PLANS COMPLETE
County Communities to Unite in Trip
to Bonneville Gounds.
With plenty of room for all as
sured, and with the Redland band
engaged to make the trip and fur
nish music whenever needed, the pic
nic of the Baptist Sunday school a
week from Saturday (May 29) prom
ises to be one of the most enjoyable
events of the season.. A guarantee
has been received from the railroad
that one 70-seat car will be pro
vided for every 50 tickets sold, and
the entire train will be parked at
Bonneville so that the execursionists
mayleave their belongings in their
seats while enjoying the fun at the
picnic grounds.
En route from Oregon City to
Bonneville stous both going and com
ing will be made at Parkplace, Clack
amas and East Morrison street for
the convenience of those who desire
to take the trains at points conveni
ent to thei homes; and should the day
set for the picnic prove to be rainy,
permission has been granted for a
change of date.. Tickets sold and
not used will be redeemed by the
committee in charge of the affair.
Free automobile transportation to
and from the train will be provided
for those who are unable to walk
to the cars; and lage contingents will
join the picnic from Bolton, Will
amette, West Linn, Maple Lane and
other suburbs of the county seat,
along the scenic Columbia river, and
stops will be made at the princi
pal waterfalls, so that the excur
sionists may enjoy the beauty of
these marvels of nature. An es
pecially low fare of $$1..20 for the
round trip has been seccured, with
chiildren between the ages of five
and twelve carried at half rates. Chil
dren under five will be carried free.
Present indications are that at least
800 people will make the trip; and
in making up the train the Southern
Pacific railroad has promised that on
ly modern coaches will be used, and
one of the finest engines on the line
will haul the train.
BIG EXCURSION HERE
Mt. Angel Folk To Come To Booster
Day With "Royal Party"
Mt. Angel,- Molalla and other
communities along the line of the
Willamette Valley Southern will con
tribute hundreds of people to Oregon
City's annual Booster Day this year,
the county's own railroad running an
excursion train to the county seat
for their especial benefit. Not only
will this train bring in big crowds
from outside points, but it will stop
near the limits of Oregon City and
take aboard Miss Louise Walker,
queen of the Booster Day festivity,
and the members of her court of hon
or. The queen and royal party will as
sume command of the train after
boarding it, and will subject all pas
sengers to their will. Upon reaching
Oregon City the queen will be for
mally wolcomed, and will in turn wel
come the visitors from points along
the line. Then all will unite in mak
ing the first parade of the day one
of the big successes of the festivity.
The special train will arrive in
Oregon City at half past nine in the
morning, and will be the signal for
the commencement here of the day's
program. The Mt. Angel band will
be on the train, and will furnish gay
music on the way in; as well as tak
ing part in the parades after its ar
rival. Special tickets will be sold
for this train, with a return limit ex
tended until the following Monday.
SHERIFF IS FOXY
Clackamas County Official Is Re
venged Upon Portland Deputies
In a large number of cases recent
ly, Sheriff Hurlburt, of Multnomah
county, has sent his deputies over the
boundary line in automobiles to get
"first blood" on robberies and hold
ups that should have been the "pick
ings'' of Sheriff "Billy" Wilson, boss
peace officer of this county. Sheriff
Wilson got joshed a good deal about
CARVED A LIVING FISH.
Part Was Cooked and the Other Part
Swam Around Till Needed.
Not many years ago, being one of the
few foreigners permitted to reside in
the Interior of Japan, I was favored
with this interesting experience:
Living near a small fishing village
and out of convenient reach of the
treaty ports, I found It necessary to
content myself to u great extent with
native subsistence. However, a -daily
supply of delicious living Ush went far
to compensate for the absence of beef
steak and bread and butter.
The peddlers of fish carry their
finny merchandise In shallow tubs
filled with water, suspended from the
ends of a yoke across the shoulders.
In this fashion they trot along for
miles on their rounds.
Having the advantage of first choice,
I could usually select one of a size
suitable for the day's needs, but one
morning they were all entirely too
lurgo, and when It was pointed out
that the smallest was double the size
wanted he replied:
"Oh, but you' can cut it in two; use
half today, the other half tomorrow."
This suggestion would seem simple
enough In American markets, but when
he was told that stale fish was unde
sirable he explained that the remaining
half would be as lively tomorrow or
any day thereafter until used; that the
operation would not hurt the fjsh in
the slightest respect. At this point
curiosity prompted me to direct the
flip vlvisectionlst to proceed with his
barbarous act.
He immediately laid one of the fish
on a board and placed his long, keen
edged knife just back of the gills and
quickly sliced off all of one side down
to the tall and so close to the ribs that
you could almost see them. The part
containing the vital organs was return
ed to the water, where, of course, ow
ing to loss of equilibrium, it turned on
its side. But to my astonishment it
swam round lively as ever, seemingly
undisturbed by the loss of so much
Qesh, and remained so until the next
day when I was ready to cook it.
My native friends smiled at the sug
gestion of cruelty and related the story
of a distinguished daimlo who caught
a fish sliced in this manner that had
been placed in the river years before
and lived this long time happy and
lively as other fish. But the Idea of
carving a living fish made me shudder,
and I never tried It again.-C. D. Wel
dou. In New York Tribune.
it, especially when the "doings" were
in the neighborhood of Milwaukie,
but the sheriff lay low, and last week
he got his revenge.
While on a sleuthing expedition in
Portland, accompanied by Constable
Frost and other worthies, seeking a
youth who had successfully put over
worthless checks here, the sheriff and
his minions of the law ran into a
"camp" of "yeggs" on the east side
of Portland. The doughty Clackamas
county officers saw their chance to
even up old scores, and five of the
young yeggs were "vagged" and tak
en down to the Portland central po
lice station.
"Here's some dirt you've had about
your city,'' said Sheriff Wilson, to the
police sergeant, as he lined his pris
oners up before the bar. "Take 'em
and lock 'em up, and any time you
need any more help in cleaning your
town, telephone out to the Clackamas
county courthouse, and I'll come
IN
Put El
Portland Railway, Light k Power Company
THE ELECTRIC STORE
Phones Home A-229; Pacific Main 115 Beaver Bldg., Main St.
BE WITH US ON
Booster
Help boost our city and coun
ty, and we can assure you
of our hearty co-operation
i
We are showing a splendid array of high
class wearing apparel for
Men, Young Men and
Boys at Popular Prices
Make THIS STORE your headquarters on
Booster Day. Leave your parcels here, use
our phone and make yourself AT HOME
YOURS FOR. A GALA DAY
OREGON CITY. ORE.
down. Always glad to return favors,
you know."
Portland officers found that the
sheriff's prisoners had been respons
ible for many thefts and disturbanc
es lately in the metropolis.
HINTS ON APPETITE
If You Want To Eat a Lot, Don't
Work in Poorly Ventilated Room
Prof. C. E. A. Wilson, writing in
the Journal of the Outdoor Life,
quotes some interesting deductions
reached by the New York commission
on ventilation. Among other things
the commission's findings may shed
light on the question as to why
boarding house dining rooms and
restaurants in general are usually
kept more than comfortably warm.
Lack of ventilation and excess heat,
says the commission, brings about
loss of appetite. According to exper
iments made, it appears that people
working or living in "close quarters"
ectnc
YOUR HOME
NO IMPROVEMENT IN YOUR RESIDENCE
WILL BRING YOU BIGGER RETURNS IN CON
VENIENCE, COMFORT, CLEANLINESS AND
SAVING OF LABOR..
IT ADDS TO THE VALUE OF YOUR PROPERTY
ADDS TO TIIE PLEASURE OF LIVING FOR
ALL IN TLTE HOUSEHOLD.
IT MEANS NOT ONLY THE COOLEST, SAFEST
LIGHTING, BUT THE ABILITY TO USE MANY
TIME AND LABOR SAVING DEVICES SUCn AS
ELECTRIC FLATIRONS, VACUUM CLEANERS
AND SWEEPERS, TOASTERS, TABLE STOVES,
WATER HEATERS, SEWING MACHINE MO
TORS, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
D
av
I eat from 4V& to 13 percent less than
people wno uvea or ate m rooms
filled with clear, fresh air.
"These experiments," says Profes
sor Winslow, "indicate that fresh air
is needed at all times and in all
places. While we have changed our
ideas as to what causes bad air, ven
tilation is just as essential to re
move the heat produced by human
bodies as it was once thought to be
to remove the carbon dioxide produc
ed by human lungs, and it is now
proved also to be essential for carry
ing away chemical products which
1 exert a measurable effect upon the
appetite for food. People who live
I and work in overheated and unventi
lated rooms are reducing their vital
ity and rendering themselves an easy
prey to all sorts of diseases, such as
tuberculosis, pneumonian, grippe,
etc."
How are you fixed for letter heads
and envelopes ? Courier.
Lights