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About Oregon City courier=herald. (Oregon City, Or.) 1898-1902 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 18, 1901)
4 ' 1
OREGON CITY COURIER-HERALD. FRIDAY, JANUARY S 1901
By Charles M. Sheldon.
Continued from teat Issue
JTv tried to practice wltli one hand
nd a Toot, but it doesn't work.' It's
:a difficult feat. ,Say, It wouldn't be a
Ibad, scheme, would it, to get the girls
to tie my ties for me? Do you think
any more of the girls than you used
to, you old misogynist? Have you
.been falling in love with anybody?"
The unexpected question embar
rassed Edward In a way he had not
anticipated. He did not venture to
ay a word, and, to his relief, Willis
did. not wait for an answer, but rattled
.on About something else.
"Mother sent her regards to you, of
course, and she's awfully glad to have
us ' together again. Mother thinks
you're a paragon or a perl, and she
Isn't far out. Hope you'll keep me
going straight." And then Willis
started to whistle, and Edward did not
ask him about his drinking whether
be had given it up. The fact that he
hd come home from the banquet ap
parently without having indulged In
.anything was hopeful, and Edward
was relieved at the thought that Willis
But In a few days he was undeceiv
ed. Willis was popular with the fast
wt In college and In great demand at
-whist and poker parties. The society
dinners were frequent that fall. He
had plenty of money, and Mrs. Preston
very foolishly Indulged him In that re
spect It was no secret to Edward that
Willis bet and gambled. They were
two vices that Edward had a perfect
tiorror of. In so far his morality was
'Christian. He could not bear the
'thought of either vice, in which Willis
iindulged without scruple. At the foot
ball game that fall Willis lostr $50
which he bad put up on the game. He
mentioned It with a laugh to Edward.
""111 get even when we play the re
turn game. One season I cleared $200
on the games." Edward listened to
hlra coldly and did not even remon
strate. If he had been a Christian, he
itnlght have pleaded with him, but his
taelf righteousness simply made him
sscorn the whole affair. Ills esteem for
Willis suffered. Nothing but the rec
ollection of Willis' generosity to him
Jkept him from threatening to leave him
that aud his mother's appeal.
But matters grew more and more
trying tor Edward as the fall term
went on. One night Willis came home
very late and, In company with a crowd
of boisterous students, all of them par
tially under the influence of liquor,
broko Into the physiological cabinet
sand took out the college skeleton. They
(bung this outside the window of one
of the quietest, most Inoffensive men
In college ami put under It a sign that
;rend: "This Is My Funeral. Services
All Day. No Flowers." After perpe
trating this nonsense, which they call
ed fun, they came back into the hall,
broke In a few doors, waked up every
'body, had a little flght with the Janitor
and wound up the night by opening
the college hydrant and flooding the
basement of the chemical laboratory.
The next morning Edward, who had
boon awakened and kept awnke for
several hours by the disturbance, said
to Willis Just before they went over to
chapel, "If you get drunk and make a
fool of yourself again, you can get
some one else to room with you."
"OIl pshaw! What's the use making a
"fuss tvvor a little fun?" exclaimed Wil
lis, with n short laugh. Hut he was evi
dently somewhat disturbed by Ed
1 ward's manner.
"I menu wlint I say," replied Ed
For two weeks after that Willis
(straightened up and behaved beauti
fully. Several of the offenders of that
might were apprehended by the authori
ties and suspended. Willis escaped,
with bis "usual good hick," ho said,
"commenting on It afterward.
Hut one morning, about 2 o'clock,
lio enme back from one of his nights
nut and came Into the room singing
boisterously, lie was very noisy and
took out ills blacking materials, whis
tling a loud tune as he worked.
In the morning, before Willis came
tut of his bedroom, Edward was busy
-In bis own room, and Anally when Wll
.lis came out and called to him he did
Hot answer, lie crossed over tho largo
room and stepped to the door of Ed
"Hello, old mnu! What you doing?"
"I'm doing what I said 1 would. I'm
IToIng to leave you. I can't room with
a drinker any more."
Edward had his trunk out and was
IWklng his things into It. The sight
completely sobered Willis.
"Do you menu It?" he asked quietly
as Edward looked tip at him.
"I certainly do!" exclaimed Edward.
"Then," said Willis, "you are willlug 1
luit I should go to the devil alotie?
You're a nlee friend, you are."
Kit ward looked v.p at him, still kneel
ling by his trunk.
"It's not a matter of friendship," be
gim Edward, with even more than his
usual dozedness. "It's simply a mat
ter of necessity. I've stood the racket
as lutig as I eau staud it. If you're
Itoiiud to make a foul of yourself, I
lon't know tlmt I nfii bound to room
with you and suffer from It."
"J'o, you'll look afier Edward Rlnke
all right enough:" retorted Willis,
either purposely or unconsciously prob-
... ... I..... t 1 1 1 V .
lug uuwii iuiu me reut M'uisuuess or i
.Edward s moral rvt,u:de.
Edward turned at J went on with his
packing, aud Willi" wont back Into the
, There was a silence of several min
utes. Then Edward came out of his
bedroom and gathered up his books
and a few other things that belonged to
hlin and went back into his bedroom
with them. He packed them In and
flung down the lid, locked It, strapped
the trunk and came out Into the room
and took down his coat and put on his
"Want any help about getting your
trunk down stairs? You had to have
some about getting It up," said Willis
as he wheeled about from the window
where he was standing and faced Ed
ward, his hand In his pocket and a
smile on his face that hurt Edward
more than if he had struck him. The
words and the tone reminded him Ir
resistibly of that first mi.etlng, when
he had befriended him during that first
blow of great trouble. And here he
was leaving him when nerhans he
ought to stay by him. And the promise
to vviiiis' mother was he true to
If Willis had uttered a Dlea then. It
Is possible Edward micht have recon
sidered his action. But Willis turned
around to the window again and began
to whistle a tune. It was. unfortunate
ly, the same tune he had whistled the
night before, and the sound Irritated
"Here's my key," he said shortly,
going over to Willis table and flinging
"All right," said Willis quietly. Then
he suddenly turned around and faced
Edward, and there was actually a tear
In his eye.
"Won't you shake hands, Ned, before
you go? I don't blame you a bit. By
George, I wonder you've stood It as
long as you have. But I don't want
you to bear me ill will. I'll go to hell
fast enough without your helping to
The unexpected attitude of Willis
almost upset Edward. He put out his
hand silently and shook Willis', and
as he did so his eye traveled down the
empty coat sleeve. And, again, If
Willis had waited just a second Ed
ward might even then have changed
his mind. But be turned around to
the window and resumed his whis
tling, and Edward slowly went over
Into his bedroom and dragged out his
trunk, put It out In the hall, shut the
door and went down stairs, leaving the
trunk against the wall at the end of
the upper passage.
He had not the slightest Idea as to
where he would go or what he would
do for a room; but he felt the need first
of a bit of solitude, and he went off
Into a piece of woods down in one cnr.
ner of the campus and had a time all
by himself, during which he cooled nff
a little, although when he came back
up on the hill he had not changed his
mind concerning the step he had taken "
and was, if anything, more deenlv con- !
vlnced that he bad done the right
thing for himself. The only thing that
troubled hlra much was the thought nf
Willis' mother. Would she consider
bdward false to his promise that he
would do all In his power for her son?
Had he exhausted all possible efforts
to save him, or had he deserted him
Just because of the annoyance aud
discomfort of a few anplcasant times
He had been such a stickler for the
truth aud for keening his word that
this one thought "made him uneasy. It
was haturdny, and there were no
classes, so ho walked slowly over to
the ladles' ball, thinking to see Freeda
and tell her about the matter, with a
more or less vague feelimr that In
arguing with her about It he could
persuade himself that what he had
(tone was Justiltod by the facts. "
irocda came down Into the narlor
after a few moments, and Edward
with his usual directness told her what
he had done. She looked verv serious
and questioned h'im rather closely.
Do you think Mr. Treston has been
drinking more this term thnu he used
"There's no doubt of It." Edward re
plied decidedly. "He's bei.n out often
er. He Is getting worse nil the time."
"Are you auro you bava luken the
best way to help him?"
"Wttll l-Viiml't wlint- nnn Art I
can't staud the breaking Into my sleep
and the uuiioyauee treuerally. I've got
myself to couslder Borne, haven't I?"
"I suppose so, yes," replied Freeda
slowly. "DU1 he seem to care much
about your going?"
Edward told her something of the
sceno that took place. Freeda listened
"lie's not altogether bad, do you
"T.y no menus. Willis has some
noble qualities. Why. Freeda. I'm In
college now, perhaps, on account of his
generosity. That's what plagues me
some. That, anil and my promise to
"What did you promise her?"
"Why, I made a general sort of
promise to her that I would do all In
my power to help Willis. But what
can I do In this, drink matter when he
himself confessed that he had renent.
edly broken the promise he had made ;
to his owu mother? 1 don t seem to :
have any Influence over him lu this
direction. That Is what I said to Mrs.
"Do you think you will have any in- i
Uuenee over him now?"
"I don't know. Anyway, he's to
blame for all this trouble. He knows '
he's wrong, and he cau't blame ine for ;
his own foolishness." j
"It seems dreadful, though, Ned, to
think of him going to tho bad this
way nud r.o one doing anything to stop
It. Do you know" Freeda stopped
and looked at her brother very thought- I
fully ns it she was In doubt about giv- !
big him her coulldenee "do you kuow,
Ned, if It is possible some one of tho :
girls might have liitlueuee with Mr.
Trestou. I think I know of one who i
could help him some." j
Edward looked at Freeda nuxlously.
It was the first time In the conversa
tion that he had given a thought about
Willis' feeling for his sister. Was It
He asked a question cautiously, but
at the same time with his usual love
of the truth:
"What girl could help him?"
"I think Ida could. In fact Ned-thls
Is entirely confidential and you must
not breathe It to a soul I am sure
Ida thinks a good deal of Mr. Preston.
Ever since his return from the Philip
pines she has admired him. If she
should use her Influence, she might
belp him to break off bis drinking."
Edward listened in silence. Here was
& little complication with a vengeance.
For the first time in his life be knew
what Jealousy meant. It was true he
had, ever since his talk with the presi
dent been able to control and even
direct his feelings In regard to Miss
Seton. But the thought that she might
care more for the reckless Willis than
for himself, the upright added a touch
of bitterness to bis feeling for Willis
that he bad not yet experienced.
He was so disturbed by this feeling
that he did not stay much longer with
Freeda. In answer to her question as
to whether he didn't think Ida could
help Willis he replied shortly that he
didn't know, and soon went away to
brood over this new chapter In his own
Before the end of the day he had
found an empty room in one of the
other balls and bad moved bis trunk
Into It He secured a few pieces of
furniture from a student who was sell
ing out and very late that night he
went to bed thoroughly unhappy, rest
less over the whole business, angry
with Willis, with Freeda for making
the suggestion about Ida and with
himself In general for being several
kinds of a fool In coming to college at
Next morning he felt a little better,
and a little ashamed of himself be
sides. But all through the day he was
haunted by the dread of getting a let
ter from Mrs. Preston. He could not
make bis action seem quite right In
the face of his promise to her. And
as the week went by he watched for
bis mail with increasing nervousness.
But when another Saturday bad
gone and the letter the truth dawned
on him that perhaps Mrs. Preston
knew nothing about the affair. Ed
ward had a returning wave of his old
liking for Willis come over him as be
began to realize that Willis had not
written anything to his mother about
It and probably never would.'
It was at this point that Edward
showed the better side of his char
acter, especially in the matter of his
truthfulness, ne sat down that night
and frankly wrote Mrs. Preston a full
account of his leaving Willis. He did
not attempt In this letter to hide the
fact that it was largely on his own
account for the sake of his own
peace and quiet, that he had left Willis.
An answer came promptly that
week. It was In some particulars ex
actly what he had anticipated. In
other ways parts of the letter tur-
It wii a matter of great lurprlse to me llr
Preston wrote that you had left Willis. '..
writes me every week, and he atd nothing ab . i
It In hia letter that I received yesterday. I !
Hore grieved and pained than I can tell you. 0
rourae 1 do not excuse Willis lor bia conduct I
la what has been breaking my own heart ft
years now. Re knows full well the conaequei c.f
nd yet he chooses his course. 1 never (o f1 y
ihat hla grandfather was a drinking n- 1
used to boast of his temperance in drtn f a
laid any man was a fool to let the tub) et i
better of him. He also claimed the I .ty,
ho called It, to do aa he plcuscd, and t-v
occasiona that I know of he resented uti .,t,j'
restrain the liquor drinking In hia own nrtuhh
hood. Ilia son, Willis1 father, uas horn ivitho
any taste for liquor, and I think he neer touchei
a drop, but Willis Is suffenni fnro th.- sins of
Ms grandfather. Willis is apparently a victim of
the passion that his vruiuliuiher mlul in so
boastinglv and without anv appaiem personal
harm. Oh, when will men li'arn me temlilv truth
that what thev do or are will he repeated some
where, some time In the third nr hun-tli ireu-'ra-tlon,
and if they dnn't Ruffe? annie one will In
the future? It seenia to he t,ne oi (lit- itie.uratdo
laws of God. ut what huve you ilone. Mr.
lllaket Are you aure you h:ive acted in the best
way? Waa there no other way for ynu to do but
to leave my son alone? What Influence will you
have now? Did yun plead with him as you
miht, or did you IriTve him in anger? Suppose
I, his mother, had abandoned him after all the
times he has annoyed and disappointed and aren
ignored me and my prayers. For inure than seventy
times seven 1 have forgiven him on my knees before
Uod. That Is because I am hia mother, while you
were only hia friend. Hut did you do all that a
friend ouirht to do? Ood help me not to be un
just to you. 1 have tried to realiae the position
in which you were placed. But if our Father in
heaven dealt with us too aeverely how many of us
would ever come Into the kingdom ? What I fear
for Willis now is that he will go down faster. Ho
will become more and more reckless and rnnka
his friends more among the fust set than hereto
fore. If In any way yuu can still prevent this, I
pray God you will do so. I do not know any
other student In college who has any power over
liim. 1 have thought to write the president, but
I know he Is burdened with a great load, njid I
tesitate. If I have said in this letter things I
Ihould not, pardon me. You never can know the
heartache of a mother for her firstborn and only
ton. The Lord bless you and give you sin-cosa.
Your friend, Lucili I'ukbton.
Edward reread this letter gravely.
The last part of It added to his self
accusation. At one time that same
(veiling he was almost on the point of
going over to see Willis and talk over
mutters. But his pride nud also his
natural obstinacy In keeping at a thing
he bad onee decided upon kept him
back. He answered the letter, after a
fashion, and said lu It that lie would
serve Willis In any way he could if
opportunity offered. All the time ho
was wilting It he felt more or less like
a hypocrite. Was this friendship? Had
he done all that a friend could do? The
questions faced him repeatedly as lie
tried to go on with his college work
and y wvre seldom out of his mind.
Along with It nil was present that
tinge of jealously and bitterness to
ward Willis that dated their real be
ginning from his talk with Freeda.
So the winter term went ou, rather
unsatisfactorily for him. He was dis
contented from a number of causes
and was nut getting out of the course
what satistied him. lie had a real pride
lu keeping up Ills rank In class, how
ever, and iu spite of his troubles he
managed to retain Interest euotigh In
his regular work to do his best.
Tune was another matter, also, that
began to interest him, and, for a time
at least, It drew his mind away from
thoughts of Willis.
His paper route was In the heart of
the city and took him Into stores, busi
ness offices of lawyers and doctors and
into some places that be knew were
evil. There was one place, especially,
a large room at the top of an office
block, that he very soon came to under
stand was nothing more nor less than
a professional gamblers' resort Gen
erally he simply opened the door and
flung the paper In without stopping.
He had too many stairs to climb and
too big a load of papers to stop any
where on the route. But occasionally,
as men were going In and out. as he
came up to the door. Instead of throw
ing the paper down Inside where they
would step on It he walked la and put
the paper on a table. The proprietor
of the place one day asked him to do
so every time, as his customers care
lessly kicked the paper on the floor If
It was thrown down there.
So, after awhile, as Edward fell into
the habit of entering the room regu
larly, he gradually came to understand
Just what was going on there. There
was an ordinance in Raynor that win
ter against gambling devices; but It
appeared to be a dead letter, and there
was hardly a pretext of secrecy about
the matter of running the machines
End the tables. In this particular
place the violation of the law was
open and bold. Crowds of young men
thronged It every night. One evening,
when the paper was delayed by an ac
cident and the carriers were all two
hours late, Edward noticed when he
went In several college men from the
fast set and among them Willis, who
was trying one of the new machines
recently set up In the establishment.
It was this sight of Willis in this
place that really started Edward to
think about the Iniquity of the whole
business. Wa have spoken of bis
wholesome horror of the vices of
gambling and betting. This horror
was Inborn In him. With all his
faults of self righteousness, his firm
love of truth and fairness gave him a
real feeling of Indignation toward
such a vice as gambling, and the sight
of Willis and the thou jf what it
meant .to him gave him sober thoughts
on the subject, and he could not drive
them away. Mrs. Preston's prediction
concerning Willis' more rapid fall
smote Edward as he thought of all he
owed Willis for the paper route and
many other old time kindnesses.
This feeling grew on bim until he
could not resist the growing conviction
that he ought to do something. But
he did not know Just what to do, and
finally, in his perplexity, he went to
President Royce and told htm about
The president listened with growing
"I bad no Idea that matters were so
bad In Raynor. How many of these
gambling - places are there on the
"I don't know, sir. Williams, who
carries a route on the other side, told
Ine the other day that there were two
big places In tht west block. I know
of three smaller places at the end of
my route down by the river."
"How many of the students did you
see lu this one place?"
"I think eight or ten in all. Of
course I didn't stay long enough to
notice much. But there were at least
"You say that Mr. Treston ' was
"Yes, sir," said Edward, with some
"T res ten has been going down faster
ban ever lately. I've had to have him
lu here twice within the last two weeks
and warn him. I fear he is in a very
bad way. I'm sorry for his mother.
Of course I kuow you have left him.
Are you' sure that wns a right step?"
"No. sir, not altogether," replied Ed
Ward in a low voice.
"Well, my boy, we will not discuss
that now. The question Is what to dJ
about these gambiingtVleus iu Raynor.
They must be stopped If possible."
The president was silent a moment.
Then he spoke abruptly.
"Are you wllllnrf to testify nr:.i!nst
the place, Blake?"
Instantly Edward confronted the
situation nud understood what it mlirht
mean. In the first place it would mean
aa enemy ou the part of the proprietor.
Then rose lu his mind the question of
spying. He entered the place unchal
lenged because he was on the paper
route. If now he used that advantage
to bring testimony ngaiust it, the fact.
w nen it came out In court, would mean
the loss, not only of that one customer
for his paper, but probably of several
other keepers of disreputable places.
He would have the whole crowd of
lawbreakers down on him, and It
would damage his prospects seriously.
But, ou the other baud, here was e
real moral danger. These men were
enemies of society. Had he no duties
ns a citizen toward society? Was he
to plead as an excuse for noninter
ference the probable loss that would
come to him if he testitled against the
wroug? Was not this just what the
average citizen wns constantly dolus?
He knew well enough that the real
owners of the block where the gam
bling was going on were the members
of the business firm ou the ground
floor. They were men who passed as
respectable citizens In Ravuor be
cause of their wealth ami social stand
ing, and yet they took the rent from
these gamblers and knew what was
going on and all for the sake of the
money that was lu it.
Edward was uot too vor.uir to know
aud understand these facts, and In his
heart lie had long had a contempt for
these real ow tiers of the buildlns? who.
while walking about like good citizens, i
Yl-.tca Iti .,tttlt.. ...........I: - .. , . , . I
....v a,. I-.,.,,, aii-i,u4uu--s uuti ue
served stem m'ltilslimeut for their own
lawlessness due to their love of gain.
The presideut was watching him
closely and knew exactly what was
passim? in his mind.' When Eiirv;i.;
looked up, he was strengthened in his
final resolve by the look on the pres'
"Yes, sir; I'm willing to testify In
the case," he replied.
"Are you? Then I will go with you."
said the president quietly.
"You go with me!" exclaimed Ed
"Yes. Why not? Are these young
men In peril not my young men? Is
it not the duty of the citizen to do his
part in the republic In times of peace
and lawlessness as well as In times
of physical war? What I have asked
you to do is nothing more than what
the law expects every good citizen to
do. According to the ordinance. If I
remember it rightly, all that the law
requires Is that an eyewitness of the
gambling testify to the use of the
gambling device. I know enough
about the condition of local politics in
Raynor to feel convinced that appeals
to the authorities will do very little
good. Preaching and praying and
teaching have got to be supplemented
with some kind of action that the peo
ple of Raynor will respect. We need
an old fashioned revival of righteous
ness In Raynor."
Edward listened in astonishment,
and yet his admiration for the presi
dent increased as he went on. He had
a respect for that kind of courage and
began to think less of his own possible
losses and more of the probable'
amount of criticism that the president
would suffer for such a course.
"When do you think we had better
go, Blake?" the president asked after
a short silence.
"One time is as good as another,"
"Say this evening, then. I'll start
with you from the newspaper office."
Edward Blake will never forget that
little experience with President Royce
that evening. When the time came,
they went up the stairs and entered
the room together.
It was, as usual, pretty well filled,
although there was a much larger
crowd present later In the evening.
Their entrance provoked no especial
notice at first. Several boys and young
men were at the tables and a number
were trying the new device that Ed
ward had peon Willis try So they had
time enough to take note of details and
had started to go out again when the
proprietor of the place, who had seen
the president when he came In, rose
and went over to the door
"State your business here, you!" he
said, planting himself In front of the
"State yours, sir. first!" replied the
president standing up with an athletic
strength that made the ninn recoil.
The president and Edwnrd walked to
gether to the door, nnd the man backed
away from It. The crowd lu the room
nearest them had turned to see what
was going' on, but before anything else
was said the proprietor had turned
back. The president and Edward went
out and down the stairs unmolested.
They at once went to the authorities
and swore out a complaint tinder the
ordinance, and that evening the place
was raided by the police, who arrested
the proprietor in the very act of re
moving his apparatus, having a sus
picion of what vas coming. To relate
briefly the results of all this action on
the president's and Edward's part aft
er many delays of the law aud much
technical skirmishing on the part of
the attorneys for the iitc...scJ, the pro
prietor was convicted mul sentenced.
The conviction frightened nil the other
gamblers In Raynor and closed every
den In the city, for a time at least
The owner of the building was also
guilty under the ordluauce, but on at
tempt to convict him f'ailed owing to
his social Influence and the use of his
means, and uothiug ever came of the
attempt. Aud yet It Is said that the
poor man as well as the rich man has
equal justice shown him In our courts.
Does any oue In America today dare
deny that wealth nud social position
have it In their power to defeat justice
In our courts? If they do not have
that power, how does It happen that
so often wealthy offenders escape the
penalty of the law they have violated?
The entire affair caused a great stir.
In Raynor. There was a good deal of
criticism of President Royce's course.
Good citizens who were very indignant
always when mention was made of
lawlessness in the city aud wanted to
know over their coffee and morning
paper why something was not done by I
somebody to prevent such lawlessness
said that President Royce had done a
thing unbecoming a president of a col
lege. So undignified and and well
so lackiug In the the best judgment.
But the ordinance expressly provided j
for testimony to convict. The law of
the state plainly said that It was the
duty of every good citizen to Inform
the authorities of a breach of the law.
The president was a citizen, like other
men, and he had simply done his duty.
What wns there wrong about that?
Well it was a very undignified thing
to act as a spy to euter such an In
famous place to coutamlnate himself
with touching the thing, so these
good citizens said, and yet they were
the very men who never did anything
themselves except to find fault with
the people for electing bad men to
otllce or for not enforcing the law In
some way. The good citizen of this
country, of this type, will take his
rightful place some time alongside the
lawbreakers and be labeled with his
true name, which Is "Bad" citizen,
with a capital letter "B" for "Bad."
To be continued.
First-class board t reasonable rates
can be obtained at the Red Front House.
rhis tignature is on every box ct the genuine
Laxative BromoQuinine Tablets
the remedy that cnrvti a cold In ne day
i A Midnight Eicapade.
It was midnight as a thundering
knock came at the door of room No. 48,
"What Is wanted?" asked the occu
pant as he sat up In bed with furiously
beating heart. " .
"We want you! Open this door!"
"Then take the consequences."
' The man sprang out of bed and hur
riedly dressed himself. His face was
pale and his hands trembled, but he
shut his lips with a determination 4o
Bell his life dearly. He heard foot
steps moving in the hall, and presently
Lis door was burst from its hinges and
l dozen men burst Into the room. They
found him standing with a revolver In
each hand and the light of battle In his
"You may hang me," he said In a low,
lense voice, "but 12 of you will go into
the other world before me."
"Who said anything about hanging?"
Inquired a voice.
"But you have come for that. Twelve
years ago In this Vwn I killed four
men. . You have recognized me and
have come for revenge."
"Not much, stranger. We don't know
anything about the four men and don't
want to. You live in Missouri, Tlon't
"Well, what we wanted to ask was
whether three of a kind beat a straight
In your state."
"They do not."
"Then that's all, and you can go back
to your snooze. Sorry to have disturb
ed you, but we had a dispute and
wanted to settle It." New York Sun.
Man's Fool Aire.
A medical man has discovered that
neither In youth nor old age Is a man
likely to make the biggest fool of him
self. Extreme youth usually Is con
sidered not to have arrived at the dig
nity of years of discretion, yet a home
ly proverb would have us believe that
"there is no fool like an old fool." This
medical observer has broached the the
ory that there Is an "aberration period,
of middle life," between the ages of 57
and 02. "If," he says, "a careful ex
amination be made of the preventlble
disasters of the last 20 years and of
the ages of those who were held re
sponsible by the verdict of mankind
for such lamentable Issues, there will
be found a strange coincidence in the
range of their ages."
Here Is an interesting and practically
inexhaustible field for Investigation.
Politicians who are "agin the govern
ment" may trace the blunders of an
administration to the sinister influence
of some boss who was passing through
the fatal period at the time, and "re
grettable Incidents" of all kinds, In
war or peace, may be traced to their
true origin. In time no doubt we
shall appreciate the necessity of re
quiring all public? men, on entering the
fatal period, to take a five years' holi
day and to resume work only when
they have passed the age of aberration,
New York Press.
The Hardest Head Vet.
Cheerful Rastus hobbled painfully
Into the office of the city physicians,
supported by two abbreviated broom
"Well. Uassy. how is the limb to
day?" Inquired one of the young men
"Tol'ble, tol'Me." replied Rastus. grin
ning like a new moon.
"Ah tell ye." he said as the dressings
were changed. "Ah'ze heerd all kin's
stories ahoot niggers' balds bow bawd
dey Is an how pi-esuinslitis It becomes
er wlilie man ler leinpi ter break 'em
but lemuie tell ye ve (loan know
aboot It tel ye runs ain do real t'ing.
Me an dis feller wuz wo'kin togedder
puttin up a b'iler. nn u dessertatlon
ariz between cs. an All lu de 'zuber
ance of me fet lilt's kicked wid all me
tnlte. Wei1. Ah reckoned ter strike.
him ou de ha id. an Ah did. 'Deed Ah
did!, ("ar.ght hh:i s;-ar' He nevah
mpved-uo. sah. Hm do reaction didn't
do er t'ing but break free of me toes,
an dat's what Ali'm here fo'-ha. ha.
ha! Huh. hull'"
Aud cheerful Rastus. with the broken
toes, laughed liilnriouslv while the nhv-
slclnn readjusted the splluts.-DetroIt
Like a Cat on a Wall.
A Scotch highland minister was very
fond of commenting on each verse as
he read it out. On reading the precept
"Walk circumspectly," he said: "Ye've
all seen a cot my brethren, walking on
the top of a wall covered wl' broken
bottles and bits of glass. See boo It
lifts ae fit and then nulther fit and boo
slowly and carefully It puts It doon, to
keep clear of the sharp bits of glass.
Arid so, my brethren,' In this warld o'
snares and pitfalls, we should be like
the cat ou the wall we should walk
Mrs. Talkso's husband was reading
an advertisement which osserted that
"the qiail is quick, the telegrapher Is
quicker, but the telephone Is quickest
and you don't have to wait for an an
swer." "Ah." he reflected, "iu one particular
that reminds me strongly of Mrs. Talk
so." Baltimore American.
Thonubt It Vn a fropo.nl.
Scene, cab stand near London. La
dy, distributing tracts, hands one to
cabby, who glances at it. hands It back
and says politely, "Thank you. lady,
but I'm a married man." Lady nerv
ously looks at the title and, reading
"Abide with me." hurriedly departs, to
the great amusement of cabby. Span
The men-of-war of the Romans had
a crew of about 225 men. of which 174
were oarsmen working on three decks.
The speed of these vessels was about
6lx miles an hour In fair weather.
Never mind who was your grandfa
ther. Who are you? Troverb.