' Only Woman Bank Cashier.
MK8. SAKAH FRANCES DICK,
cashier of the First Natloual
JLV-Luank of Huntington, Ind., la
the duugbter of the President of the
bank. She was educated lu the cnm
iuou schools of Huntington uud Ih a
graduate of tbu Miami College of Day
ton, Ohio. She wan appointed aaslstout
cashier lu 1873, aud at the reorganise
tion of the hank lu January, 1881, sue
cceded her father as cashier nnd was
also elected a director, having served
eg caNhler and director coiitlnuoUHly
since her (lest appointment. She ha
the distinction of being the ouly woman
who Ih cashier of a national bank in the
United States.
She wax married to Mr. Julius Dick
a prominent merchant. In 1878, though
that event did not interfere with her
duties In the bank. Mrs. Dick writes
a heavy bold bund, I iillck and ac
curate in traiiMuctlonx, and an expert
In handling currency and cuius.
The position of cashier In a country
bank often lucludes the trausactlous
with Its customers directly, requiring a
quick, clear head and quick action to
keep the bank clear of a crowd during
a rush of business. A newspaper man
some years ago noticing the rapidity
With which those doing business at the
tlHS. SAHAB PIUXCKH DICK.
counter was dispatched kept tab on the
transactions during a very busy day.
Mrs. Dick had no assistance whatever,
every single Item passed through her
bands only, aud Involved tbe discount
ing of the dealers' paper", illllug out
blank notes, drafts, certificates of de
posits, the computation of Interest, en
tries of collections made, tbe payment
of checks, making change, etc. All
this required the handling of over $"(),
000 cash, milking up a total of over
TOO separate transactions. It occu
pied just .'100 minutes' time, or an aver
age of thirty-five seconds for each
transaction. At the close of business
cash balanced to u cent.
Mrs. Dick is not concerned about poli
tics, further tbuu to favor a sound
money policy, with gold us a basis.
Mrs. Dick enjoys the coulldence of
the public and Is held lu high esteem
by all who know her. She is sociable
and a (Table aud makes friends of all
who transact business at the First Na
tional. In personal appearuuee she Is
tall and graceful, very fair of com
plexion, with light blue eyes, and light
hair slivered wltb gray.
Miniature Cruze la Kverywhere.
The miniature craze is making havoc
la the land. Miniatures are every
where. The newest hair brushes show
gold backs with tluy miniatures some
where upon them. Just where the min
iature Is placed is oppareutly of no eou
equenco as long as It Is lu evidence,
ruff balls have their handles capped
with a miniature. Odd-shaped minia
tures la rims of gold form fashionable
cuff buttons, aud miniatures adoru the
newest Inlaid tables.
Cycling Ctiuperonuno la the Latent.
A new occupation Is looming up on
the Impecunious woman's horizon. It
Is a significant fact that lu England
mothers who advertise for governesses
require a kuowledge, upon the Instruc
tress' part, of cycllug, In order that she
may accompany her young charges
when they go a-wheellng. It seems
likely that a new employment may
open up for women In the form of cy
cling chapcrouage.
"She ! a Woman."
The approaching marriage of ex
Presldeut Heujauilu llarrlsou to Mrs.
Mary Lord Dlmmick, of New York, re
calls to tbe inlud of the public the ex
treme deference with which the gen
eral has always regarded the gentler
sex. No more striking Illustration of
this characteristic, writes a Lebanon,
lad., correspondent, could be desired
than the manner In which he conduct
ed himself toward the defendant In the
case of Nancy E. Clem, charged with
murder, In which Harrison waa one of
tbe attorneys for the prosecution.
Tbe Clem case was without doubt
the most bitterly contested criminal
case of the age and tbe time Interven
ing between ber arrest and final dis
charge was eight years. She was
charged with having murdered Jacob
Youug and wife at Indianapolis, Sep
tember 1-. lStlS, and was tried four
times. Twice the Jury disagreed and
twice she was sentenced to Imprison
ment, but each time the Supreme Court
cam's to her rescue and reversed the
decision. After the second trial the
case was takcu to Marlon County, aud
that county spent thousands of dollars
in the piosecutlon, but refused to con
tribute further after the verdict In the
fourth trial had been reversed aud the
case was dismissed.
(icii. Harrison made the closing arga
input for the State, and continually re'
ferred to Mrs. Clem as "the unfortu
nate defendant." After he had closed
Senator Voorhees, who was associated
with the defense, asked him why he
had been so easy In his remarks against
the defendant. "Dan," he replied, "no
matter what she may have done, she
Is still a woman, aud I will nut abuse
her." When the Jury had retired, he
went over to Mrs. Clem, who was cry
ing, and asked her forgiveness for any
thing he bad sajd which might have
Injured ber feelings. As ho turned
away he said to Judge rainier, who
was trying the case, "Judge, I'll never
prosecute another woman."
Ho has kept his word.
Making Old Drcanea Oyer,
Whether they will succeed or not It Is
bard to say, but the customers will
make strenuous efforts to Introduce
trimming on the new skirts. A few
Parisian skirts have gore punels with'
trimming ruunlng up and down beside
them. This Is an advantage In re
modeling an old dress. Two skirts that
harmonize may be put together by this
means. There Is no end to tbe variety
of passementerie and Jeweled trim
ming that can be bad to give the re
furnished gown an appearance of new
ness. Speaking of trimming, one can
buy set pieces of it for yokes to old
waists for about 3, which give a very
dressy effect. Go to the trimming
sales and sec what you can get In the
way of festoons of Jet or Jewels and
applique pieces when you are wonder
lug what to do with a dress thut Is
scuffed, but not nearly worn out.
A remnant which oue buys for $3 or
$4 may be made up very cheaply with
the trimmings, and in this way one
gets a pretty spring dress at very little
cost especially since hnlrcloth Is no
longer essential. The new llnlug that
Is stiff but very light is made better
than hnlrcloth and much cheaper, too.
A skirt nowadays need not be more
than four or five yards wide. It Is
lined with clieverette, laiund with vel
veteen, nnd finished with a riblwn ruffle
around the inside. Some of the even
ing skirts have velvet trimming. A
Dresden silk gown with a train had an
Immense amorphous blue velvet bow
Just below the right knee. There were
three or four ostrich tips standing out
and up against the skirt. Tbe bodice
had large blue velvet sleeve puffs, with
ostrich feathers and blue velvet bows
on the shoulders and at the waist.
Hostcca of Knaalan Legation.
Mine, de Meek, wife of the secretary
of the Russian minister. Is one of the
most popular of the foreign ladles In
Washington. As the wife of the new
Russian minister Is abroad Mine, de
Meek will continue to officiate as the
official hostess of the Russian legation.
She and the secretary occupy a pretty
home In Connecticut avenue, hard by
the great Letter mansion, and Its mis
tress, who Is very young, very beauti
ful and altogether lovely, Is tall and
stately and has a superb physique.
Her hair Is deep black and Is colled
high In Russian fashion, with always
a handsome circle of diamonds banding
It when Indoors. She bus yet to master
our language, although she under
stands the more common words and
phrases, but French, Spanish and ber
own native tongue are alike famllar.
In reply to the question how she likes
America she will say: "Ver much. I
no go out yet so much as the papers
have me there. I was not at ze White
House at diplomatique reception, and
yet za have me In one ver pretty
gown." Her home breathes an air of
Orientalism. The drawing-room Is
bung with embroidered bands and ban
ners and other hangings of delicate and
Ingenious design all the work of her
own hands. Like all Russian ladles
music has great charms for ber, and
her grand piano In the corner Is a
source of great comfort to her In her
new surroundings.
How to Mend Yonr Olovee.
Mend your gloves with fine cotton
thread instead of silk. The silk Is apt
to cut the kid. In mending gloves turn
them Inside out aud sew them over and
over. If there Is a tear la the glove set
a piece of kid under It and secure It
wltb a few itltchea.
' MMK. DK mcck.
AS WE USED TO LONG AGO.
Play thnt you are mothur, dar,
And play that papa In yonr beam
Play thut we nit In tbu comur bora,
Jun( an we used to long ago;
I'luy no, lovers two,
Are JiiHt a liuppy an can be.
Ami I'll nay, "'1 love you!" to you,
And yra any, "I love youl" to uel ,
"I love yon!" we both aball aay,
All In puruittt and all In piny. '
r, play tlmt you are the other one ,
Thut aoiiictlines cunie and wont away,
Ami piny thut the ltxht of ream ngouu
HIuIh Into my heart again todnyl
plii.-lntt thut you art'i the one I knew i
In the day thut never aKuIn piny be,
I'll uy, "1 lovu you!" to you,
And you say, "1 love yon!" to niel - v '
"I love you!" my heart will uy
To the ghost of the pawt ooiue back toduy.
Ur, play thnt you sought this neatling plana
for your own sweut self, wltb that dual
KUllHI
Of your pri'tty mother In your face
Anu the look of that other in yonr eyea!
do the dear old love Khali live anuw.
A 1 hold my darling on my knee,
And I'll any, "I love you!" to you.
And you'll say, "J love you!" to mo!
Oh, many a strange, true thing we aay
And do when we pretend to play I
Eugene Fluid in Chicago Record.
THE LIAR.
I never loved bnt one womun.a I pass
ed five years with her in perfect happi
ness. I can truly say that to her I owe
my success, because of my freedom from
care aud because she imbued nie with
some of her great ambition. , From the
first moment we met it seemed to me
that I hud always loved her. Ber beauty
and character answered all my dreams.
That woman never left me. She died in
my bouse, in my arms and still loving
me. But when I think of her it drives
me mad. If I attempt to describe her as
she was during tho five years, in all the
glory of her love, with her tall, svelte
figure, her clear cnt features, like an
oriental Jew's, her luminous, pale face.
her cheerful talk, her voice soft and
sweet as her glance ; if I try to bring
again to my mind that vision of delight,
it is only to say I hate her I
flor nume was Clotilda In the house
in which I first met her she was known
as Mnie. Deloche, tbe widow of a cup
tain long since dead. She appeared to
have traveled extensively. In her con
versation she would sometimes say,
When I was atTumpioo," or, perhaps,
Once during a raid in Valparaiso."
Aside from these remarks nothing in
her mnnner, in her lnngunge, suggested
nuomsdio life nothing of that disorder
and hurry incident to quick dopnrtures
or untimely arrivals. She was a Paris
iuu, dressed always with exquisite taste,
without a burnoose or those eccentric
scrapes by which one recognizes the
wives of officers aud murines who are
perpetually on the move.
When I found that I loved her, my
only idea was to usk her hund in mar
riage. A friend spoke to her lor me.
She replied simply that she should never
marry. Thenceforth I avoided places
where I woald see her, and as I was too
unhappy to work I resolved to go oway.
I was making preparations for depar
ture, when, one morning, in the midst
of the confusion of packing, Mine. De
loche entered my apartment.
"Why do you go away?" she asked.
"Because you love me? I also love you,
only" here her voice trembled a little
"only I am married." And she told
me her history.
It was a story of love and desertion.
Her husband was dissipated. He had
beaten her. They separated at the end
of three years. Her family, of whom
she seemed very proud, occupied high
positions in Paris, but since her mar
riage they had disowned her. She was
a niece of the grand rabbi. Her sister,
widow of an officer of high rank, had
married for a second husband the gen
eral of the guard at St Germain. As
for herself, financially ruined by her
husband, she hod fortunately been high
ly educated and possessed several ac
complishments, of which she now made
use. She gave lessons in music in the
wealthy families of theChauseed'Antin
and the Fuubourg St Qermain.
Hor story was touching, but quite
long, full of the pretty repetitions and
interminable inoidents which crowd the
talk of women. I hired a pretty little
house in tho Avenue de l'Imperatrioe. I
passed the first year listening to her,
looking at her, without thinking of
work. It was she who first urged me to
enter my studio and fired me with am
bition to become a great artist I could
not induce her to give up her pupils.
This independence touched me deeply.
I admired the proud soul which made
me foci a little humiliated before the
expressed wish to owe nothing except
to her own exertions. We were thus
separated every diry.
With what happiness I returned home,
so impatient when she was late, so
happy when I found her there before
me I From her pupils in Paris she
brought me rare Bowers. I often forced
her to accept some present, but she
laughingly said that she was richer than
I, and the lessons must have been very
profitable, for she always dressed with
great elegance and always in black,
which she wore through coquetry on ac
count of her complexion.
Hor beauty was enhanced by heavy
velvets, shining jets, lustrous satins and
masses of silky laces. All her pupils,
daughters of bankers and financiers,
adored and respected her, and more than
once she showed me a bracelet, a bangle
or a piece of lace which oue of them bad
given bor.
Except when at work, we were never
separated. Only on Sunday she went to
St Germain to see her sister, the wife
of the general, with whom, long ago,
she bad made her peace. I accompanied
her to the station. She returned the
same evening, and often, when the days
were long, we would make a rendezvous
and go to row on the water or for a
walk in the woods. She would tell me
about her visit, how pretty the children
were aud how happy they all were to- j
gether. It seemed to make her so un
happy that I redoubled my tenderness in
order to make ber forget ber sorrow. I
What happy times of work and con
fidence we hud I I suspected nothing.
Everything she said appoured so true,
to natural. I could reproach her with
only one thing sometimes, in tolling
me about the families to which her pu
pils belonged, she gave a quuntiry of
intimate details and told of imaginary
intrigues. She saw always the romance
around her and seemed to live in dra
mutiocoinbinatious. These dreams trou
bled my happiness. I, who wiriied to
fly far from the rest of the world to live
alone witli her, often fonud her occupied
with indifferent things. But I could
pardon these dreams in a woman young
aud uuhappy, whose life had been a sad
roniuuce, without hoiie of a happy de
nouement
Once ouly I became suspicions, or,
rather, uneasy. One Snnduy evening
sho did not return. Iwus in despair.
What should I do? Go to St. Germuin?
I could not do that without compromis
ing hor. However, aftor a fearful night,
I had just decided to go there when
she arrived, pale and troubled. Her
sister was ill; she had remained to care
for her. I believed what site told me,
not suspecting the flow of words which
met the least questioning. Two or
three times, in the same week, she re
turned to spend the night ; fiuully, the
sister having recovered, she again took
up her regular and tranquil life.
Unhappily, some time afterwurd, it
was hor turu to full ill. One day she
came home from giving lessons, trem
bling, weak, feverish. Inflammation
of the lungs declared itself, became
more serious, and soon the doctor told
me irremediable, I was crazed with
grief. Then I thought that I would
make her lust hours huppy. Hor family,
which she loved so much, of which she
was so proud, I would bring to her bed
side. Without saying anything to her,
I wrote first to her sister at St. Ger
main and went myself to tbe grand
rabbi, her uncle. When I arrived at
his house, I was ushered into an ante
chambor, and soon the grand rabbi came
to receive me.
"There'are moments, sir," I begun)
"when hatred ought to bo forgotten. "
He looked at me in astonishment. I
went on :
"Your niece is dying!"
"My niece I I have no niece! Yon
are mistaken. "
"I beg of you, sir, to forget that fool
ish quarrel. I speak of Mine. Deloche,
the wife of Captain"
"I do not kuow Mine. Delocho. You
ore mistaken, my child, I assure yon."
And kindly he pushed me toward the
door, taking me for a lmmtio or a fool.
I may have looked so, indeed. What
I had heard was so terrible, so unex
pected. She had lied, then. But why?
Suddenly an idea struck me. I would
go to the address of one of her pupils,
of whom she was always talking, the
daughtor of a well known banker.
"lime. Deloche," I begun to the serv
ant. ' ' She does not live here, ' '
"Yes; I know that. She is the lady
who gives piano lessons to the young
ladies."
"There are no young ladies in the
house not even a piano. I do not know
what you mean," and she closed the
door in my fuce.
I went no farther. I was sure of re
ceiving the same answer everywhere.
Returning to our poor little home, a let
ter was handed me, postmarked St
Germain. I opened it, knowing already
what its contonts were. The general did
not know Mme. Deloche. He hud, more
over, neither wife nor child.
This was the lust blow. So for five
years every word she had uttered had
been a lie. A thousand jealous thoughts
seized me, and foolishly, not knowing
what I did, I ran to the room where she
lay dying. All the questions which tor
mented me poured from my lips in a
torrent of words. "What did you go to
St. Germain every Sunduy for? At
whose house have you passed your days?
Where did you stay that night? Come,
answer me I" And I caught hold of her.
searching through her eyes into the
depths of her soul. But she remained
mute passive.
I was trembling with rnge. "You
never gave lessons I I have been every
where. No one I knows you. Come,
where did you get the money, those
laces, those jewels?"
She gave me one long, sad look, and
that was all. I should have spared her,
I should have allowed her to die in
peace. But I loved her too much.
Jealously was Stronger than pity.
"You have deceived me for live
years," I went on. "You have lied to
me every day, every hour. You know
all my life, and I know absolutely
nothing of yours. Nothing not even
your name I Because it is not yours,
this name that you bear. Uh, liar,
liar!"
She was dying, and I not to know
what name to call her! "Come, now,
who are you? Where did you come
from? Why did you come into my life?
Speak! Tell me something !" j
Instead of replying she tumea ner
face to the wall, as if she feared that
her last look would give up her secret.
And thus she died died without
divulging her secret, a liar to the end I
Translated For Argonaut From the
French of Alphouse Daudet
A Famous Cook.
Tim fattening of rxraltrr has been
made the subject of special attention by
M Jnspnha. the jrreat chef who has
started a restaurant in Paris. The poul
try that be uses is led according to ins
own directions. It is first a How en
mn nf 200 vanls. A few dura after
this it curtailed to 173 yards, and then
reduced daily until tlie poultry is con
fined in boxes. Beautifully clump and
fat it then is aud ready fur the crowned
heads who honor his establishment
To see Joseph carve one of these birda
is a revelation. He holds it in midair
on a fork. With his knife be thru dex
terously skims round tbe wings and
legs, aud before it is possible to say
' Jack Robinson" every portion of tbe
bird is carved and ready to be served.
Boston Traveller.
THE MINUET DANCER.
So, my enchantress in tbe flowered brocade, I
Ton call on elder fuHhlon to your aid,
Mtep forth from Qulneborough'i eonvo and
advance,
A powdered Oulutea, to tho dance.
About you clinKH a fueled, old world air,
As thoUKh the link bojs crowded round your
chuir,
Ai though the MuraronlH thronged the Mall,
And tho French horns were sounding at Vaux-hull.
Thev trend the stately niiure to Its clone,
I The silver buckle und the Milken how,
LadlcH nnd exquisite, thut bend und sway,
1 BrilliMit a popplea on un August day.
I Tou dunce tho minuet, and we admire,
Wo dullards in our bluek and white attire,
Who) ruKiiet idyl oecme a mere burlesque,
ttct in a frame ao fur Ices ptcturveque.
Vet I take heart; for Love, the ooatlem rogue,
Can ecaronly heed what raiment be n vogue,
Binco In good south bis negligence ia known
Aa something scandalous anent hia own.
And on he whispers, Eyea were bright and
brown
Long cro the powder tax dismayed tho town,
And faithful ahepherda still shall babble on,
Although the rapiers and the frills bo gone.
-Alfred Cochrane in Bpectator.
ODD FACTS ABOUT MADAGASCAR.
The Policemen Sleep on Their Beats The
Curfew Is of Ancient Use.
Probubly the sleepiest policemen in
the world are those of Madagascar. At
Antananarivo, the capital, there is lit
tle evidence of the force by day, for its I
members are all peacefully wrapped in !
slumber. At night, too, tbe guardian of
nronertv is seldom to be seen, and that I
he is actually guarding is only to be
told by the half hourly cry that is sent
up to police post No. 1 alongside the
royal palace.
"Watchman, what of the night?"
"We are wide awake, keeping a sharp
lookout, and all's well. " f
Antananarivo has no lamps and no
streets. It is simply a great collection
of houses tumbled together. There is a
big force of night police, known as tbe
"watch. " The men gather themselves
tnc ether into irrouns. and choosing snug
corners, wrapping themselves in straw
mnts. thev droD into Ions and profound
slumber. One niember of each group re
mains awake to respond to the hair
hourly call from the palace. As he calls
hack, the others, half awake, mechan
ically shout back the response. It makes
little difference, however, thut the police
oontinually sleep, for robbery ia rare.
Curfew, thoneh txitralarlv supposed
to be purely an early English and Nor
man-French custom, has been estab
lished in Madagascar for centuries. In
every town and village between 9 and
10 the watchmen go around shouting out
in the Malagasy dialect, "Lights out!"
nnd thev see that all is in darkness in
every house. After these hours no oue
is allowed to travel around without a
special pass.
There is no criminal code oi any ac
count, and when a man is caught in the
act of stealing the populace is apt to
ignore tbe police aud surround him and
stone him to death. Tbe Madagascans
have no "swear words" in their lan
guage, and when their feelings are over-
wroncht against a man the only thing
thev can do is to execute summary
vengeance on him. New York World.
Bow Fast the Earth Moves.
Everybody knows that the earth makes
one complete revolution on its axis once
in each 24 hours. But few, however,
have any idea of the high rate of speed
at which such an immense bail must
turn in order to accomplish the feat of
making one revolution in a day and a
night A graphic idea of the terriflo
pace which the old earth keeps up year
after year may be had by comparing its
speed to that of a cannon ball fired from
a modern high pressure gun. The high
est velocity ever attained by such a mis
sile has been estimated at 1,626 feet per
second, which is equal to a mile in
8 3-10 seconds. The earth, in making
one complete revolution in the short
space of 24 hours, must turn with a
velocity almost exactly equal to that of
the cannon ball. In short, its rate of
speed at the equator is exactly 1,507
feet per second. This is equal to a mile
every 8 6-10 seconds, 17 miles a min
ute. St Louis Republic.
Why Everybody Smiled.
An amusing scene was witnessed by
many pedestrians one day at tbe corner
of Thirty-seventh street and Broadway.
A fence, about 80 feet high, covered
vitfc theatrical lithographs, incloses a
lot on that corner, where the founda
tions of a new building are being- laid.
It was tbe noon hour, and six brawny
sons of Erin were seated on a slightly
raised platform, resting against the
fence. They were eating their luncheon
and were joking and laughing to their
hearts' content Those who stopped to
look at the group could not withhold a
smile, for directly above this jolly group
of Irishmen, in bold, lurid letters,
were the words "The Gay Parisians. "
Here indeed was a pleasant satire, the
result of accident No wonder the work
ingmen wondered why people smiled at
them to much. New York Herald.
The Inquisitive Small Bay.
"Father, "said tbe little boy, looking
up from his picture book, "if I ask you
a question, will you answer it?"
"Certainly," was the affable reply.
"And not get angry?"
"Of course not. "
"Nor say it's time I was in bed?"
"I won't do any of those things."
"Well, what I want to know it wbefre
does a snake begin wben it wags its
tall?" Washington Star.
A bright girl in Maine recently began
a composition thus: "Tbe Puritans
found a lunatic asylum in the wilds of
America." She bad read in a book that
the Puritans found an asylum in this
country, and to make the statement more
vivid she added the word "lunatic"
The Apache. Navajo and Uto war be
g.iu in I S49 and ended in 1835. Tbe
total number of regular troops employed
dor in? tb's war was l.uOO. while the
volunteer and militia numbered !,061,
'he grji.d to:al being 3,5l
Oh. let us join aud thankful be!
The mini who can control
The bllzxuril signal Is not he
Who runs (he price of coal.
Washington Ntar.
"You told me you and Harry loved
at sight." "Yes, but we quarreled on
acquaintance." Truth. ,
lie (gallantly) I couldn't kiss any
one but you, dear! She If that's tho
cose, you can't kiss nie, Sun Francisco
Wave.
"Baroness, have you heard" "Is It
a secret, your Excellency?" "Yes."
"Then I have heard of It." Fllegendo
Blaetter.
Jones Smith Is in business for him
self. Isn't he? Brown For himself?
Well, I should say he is in business for
tlie benefit of an extravagant family.
Brooklyn Life.
Minnie I never noticed before that
this mirror had a wrinkle In it. Mamie
I thought you were able to see wrin
kles lu any mirror you looked Into.
Indianapolis Journal.
"If I only kuew whether the police
man is standing there because nothing
Is happening, or whether nothing is
happening because he Is standing
there!" Fliegeude Blaetter.
"All the good things have been suid "
Stuylate murmured with a sigh;
Mabel yawned aud shook her head
"Well, suppose you try 'good-by.' "
Louisville Courier-Journal.
"Mamma, I really cannot see why you
call my Hegluald "the lodge;' indeed, I
cunuot." "I cull him that because he is
such a poor excuse for u man." Iudian
apolls Journal.
Uadzooks We don't seem' to hear
anything nowadays about the coming
woman. Zounds No, because she has
already come, and Is now off on her
wheel. New York Tribune.
Watts There seems to be some truth
in the suyiug that heaven hlps those
who help themselves. Potts Of course
there Is. They are the only kind worth
helping. Indianapolis Jouruul.
"How Is your daughter getting ou
with the piano, Nunson? "First-rate.
She can play with both bauds uow.
She says she will be able to piny with
her ear in six months." Household
Words.
Uncle Hays-Member the Hawkins
boys who ran away to Jine n theater
company? Aunt Murthy Why, yes!
What about 'em? Uncle Hays (quiet
ly) They've walked back. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Teacher (Jeorge, what excuse huve
you for being lute if George Only a far
fetched one. Teacher What do you
mean? George The conductor of the
car carried me several blocks past the
school. Harper's Hound Table.
The leap year valentine, they nay
(But who shall trust in rumors?)
Will bring out Cupid, bright and guy.
Upon a bike, in bloomers.
Washington Star.
Biggs I am so stout that I kuow
exercise would do me lots of good.
Tarns Then why dou't you get out and
shovel that snow off the walk? Biggs
That's not exercise, that's work.
Truth.
"I say, Bellevue, lend me $10, will
you?" "You have struck me at the
most unfortunate time of the year.
Manchester." "How so." "February
Is the shortest month." Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
It's all right, we suppose, to say that
a man Is homely enough to stop a train,
but he'll find he's not homely enough
to stop It if he has arrived at the sta
tion a minute ufter it has started.
Yonkers Statesman.
"My lips are sore, but camphor ice
I will not have," said May.
"Of course 'twould cure them, you see,
'Twould keep the chaps away."
Harper's Bazar.
Patient-That sign of yours Is not
very encouraging. Dentist Why so?
i guarantee to extract teeth without
pain. Pntient-Yes; but I want tbe
pain extracted. I'd rather keep the
tooth. Philadelphia Record.
"I wonder how warm the room is,"
said Bloobumper. "Benny, go and look
at the thermometer." The little boy's
consultation must have been very un
satisfactory, for he said, presentlythe
thermometer Isn't going." Truth.
First new woman (at theclub) What
makes you so blue? Second ditto My
father-in-law has come to stay with us,
and John and he sit at their knitting
all day, and cry about my treatment
of John. Philadelphia Record.
The brakemau's "all aboard!" ere long
Will be of little worth.
When from the airship rings the song,
"Come, all get off the earth!"
Truth.
He Why do you like the Wagnerian
operas so much better than those of the
Italian school? She Oh. Waguer oj
eras make so much noise that you can
talk all you like through the perform
ance, and nolsxly can hear you. Som
erville Journal.
"I must get a book of etiquette." said
Maud. "What for?" Inquired Mamie.
"I want to find out what Senatorial
courtesy U." "Oh. I heard my father
talking about thaL I know what that
Is. It's a rule by which every Senator
is forbidden to interfere when they
get to disgracing one another." Wash
ington Star.