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About St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 3, 1922)
'WHEN MR. SlMPKINS LAUGHED
Oouraa He Was Henpecked,
He Made No Contribution to
Slmpktas was henpecked. Mrs,
Slmpklm "wore the trousers," spnnkod
'Iho children and paid the prenchcr.
Neighbor Smith was quite another
oort of person. In his domicile, Smith
was lord and master, and ho got away
with It, too. It was n pet Joko of his
to refer to his friend Hlmpklns as
Mrs. Slmpklns' huslmnd."
A browbeaten, subdued wife Invar!
bl comes In for general sympathy,
tut scorn and derision Is over tho un
happy lot of the poor, henpecked huh
by. Ilowover, every dog hath his day,
And Slmpklns came at last.
One day tho two families boarded
the train for an excursion together,
When a few miles on their Journey
tho passengers were stnrtled by tho
nhorp command: "Hands up I" Tw
masked bandits stood at the rear of
"Passengers will Mo past us and
hand over their pockethooks," directed
a gruff voice behind one of the monks,
Bmlth's otherwlso nggresslvo fare
went cray. Women fainted and llttl
children began to cry.
When all wns over Smith looked a
Slmpklns. Slmpklns the shrinking!
Slmpklns the despicable, strange to
ay, was as cool and calm us llnllln
land bay In Junuory, And hu actual
"Heavens I Whnt nrn you grinning
ftboutr demanded Smith In n thick
voice. "Man. I'vo lost JfiOOI"
"I'm eut 11.05 and it stamp hook,"
aid Slmnklus. "You see. tho wlfo
had onr roll In her stocking." I'rlto
Story In Judgo.
FAMOUS IN IRISH HISTORY
Ntna Roderick Gometlmei Referred
To as the Laet of the Mon
arch ef the Island.
Rery O'Connor bears a nnino fn
moils In Irish history. Ills in out noted
nsmesako was king of Ireland. When
he became king of Comimndit In llfiO
one of his first acts wuv to put out
the eyes of one of his brothers as a
sure means of preventing him from
becoming n rival, In 1100 ho went to
Dublin, gavo tho Danes, who wero In
yoiiesslon, 4,000 cows, and was them
Inaugurated king of all Ireland,
ceremony which wns the llrst Irish
regal pageant of which tho city wns
the scene. Killers wero plartnl over
various counties ami provinces, nnd
ome of these wero fur from popular.
The peoplo of Month deposed their
klur, for which affront O'Connor ro
clvl compensation of 210 cows.
Htnry II of Knglaud visited I ro
und In 1171, nnd O'Connor's terrl
twr becamn dliputed, but after
treaty concluded at Windsor ho was
left to rulo Counatight us before tho
Kugllsh Invasion, and wus to ho head
under Henry of thn kings nnd chiefs
f Ireland. Ho wus to acknowledge
Ilenry as his liege lord and to pay
lilai an annual tribute of hides,' fight
Ini with Hoary and with hi sous con
tinned until Roderick's deuth In tho
ahbev ef Ong. County (lalwny. Ho
Is commonly spoken of as tho last mi
tive king of Ireliiud, hut this illHttnc
tlou belongs rather to Maelsechlulnu
I, a Roderick's title to rule thn whole
litoml was no better tliiiu that of
Heiiry II both resting on force alone,
QrM In New York Streets.
It Is literally true (hut grasi Is
growing In scores of Manhattan's
street. The crop Is especially green
on streets running off Klvorsldo drive.
The practice of waterlog them dally
by tho street cleaning department
krnpu the grass fresh and hearty. Many
4 these streets are foiiiparutlvely
atrep uiiil nrn paved with blocks In
stead of cemunt. The irnllle Is not
heavy enough to wear It down.
The seed from which this crop of
Krass springs Is spilled from tho uom
bags of horse drawing milk wag"))
and other vehtclei that wult In tluwtu
trerts whllu their Mtiiplloi urn lielng
dUtrlbuted. Thu dully sprinkling help
them to sprout quickly uiul dovelup
Unpopular Cngllih Statesman.
Apropos of the death of hr WHIInin
Marcourt, who had long outlived Hie
Interne unpopularity of hi early
jr, Sir David Hunter lllalr kiiys
that at the time of hi passing It
seemed altaoit legendury to rtx-nll how
three member of purllament hud ouco
resolved to luvtte to dinner tho hull
.vidua) they tlltllked mot In tho
weriJ. Cover were laid for U but
aly en gunst turned up Sir William
Yerneu Hareourt, who hud been lit.
lltd by all three.
Cuban Honor DrItUh Admual.
Word come from Sautlugo do Cuba
that posthumou honor wwro paid
there In tlio form of a lust and a tub
let t Mr Lauipton Lorrulne, HrltUh
rear admiral, who lu 1NTU I credited
with having avertud wur between tho
United Stulea aud Spain by threuvvu
tsg to ilieh Sautlago If tho Spanish
KUthorltlea executed uuy nioro of tho
raw aud paMttuier of the Virginia,
vaptured while rutinlng arms uud vol'
untevrs to the Cubans In tho Ton
Has Important Minion.
MaJ. Ia'oii Krszer of New Vork, 1
ftlng on ii u Kuropeuu tour In behalf
f the veteran' bureau, to mako a
survey of foreign beneficiaries of tho
government' wur-vouipeuutton law.
XI I also to complete urruuKomontH
vtth European nation for reciprocal
ttMtiueut by th allied governiueutB,
of disabled veteran.
DIDN'T HAVE TO ASK FOR IT
Simple Matter of Finance by Which
Frederick Became Possessed of
Frederick has not yet learned the
addition nnd multiplication tables, but
bo has reached such an understand
trig of finance as a verb transitive
that one wonders as to his future.
"Here, Frederick, you bo mother's
big man and take this empty milk bot
tle to the grocery on the corner und
bring back a full bottle of fresh milk
"And I puy the money to the man,
"So, dear. You know how wo get
It Homcllmes. Tho mnn will churgo
"Haven't you got any pennies, mum
slo?" "No, Frederick, mumslo hasn't any
pennies for candy this time. Now ho
cureful. That's a nice little mnn."
Frederick returned safely with a
bottle of best grade milk. AIbo, he
had n line all-day sucker lu his mouth.
"Why, Frederick I I hope you didn't
ask the grocer to give you that can
The sucker had to bo removed be
fore the youngster could articulate.
"No I wouldn't ask I paid for It."
"I'aldl Whore did you get tho
"He give mo n nickel for the empty
bottle and then I pay for the sucker,
uud thenthou ho charge you for Uio
now bottle milk."
WHAT REAL VACATION MEANS
Play Is the Foundation, and That Con
sist of Doing Anything That
I Not Work.
A real vocation, If you can get one,
consists of play, asserts Preston Slos
hon In thu New York Independent,
l'lay lu tho npMslte of work. I'lay Is
whatever Is done for Its own sweet
suke. If you build a lire to warm
yourself or to cook u dinner you are
If you hulld u buullro because you
like to see sparks redden against tho
sable background of the night you uro
ut play. If you dance to tmprovo
your waistline or to learn a nuw step
you urn working.
If you danro becnuso you "Just
can't make your feet behave" when
tho orchestra stnrlH, you uru playing.
If you go Hulling to catch llsh you
are us much at work as If you wero
building bridges or writing editorials
to make money. If you go llshlng In
tho true llNliennan'tf spirit you won't
care much whether they bite or not.
Thu vacation mind Is a law unto
Itself. If It enjoys an occupation It
keeps on while tho enjoyment lusts,
thought every liber of tho tired body
may he shouting "gult."
If It ceases to enjoy an occupation
It stops ut once, though It create con
sternatlou all around. A real vacu
tlou Is a trip Into a fairyland, where
the unlives never heard of duties or
obligations and the only law Is "Do
what you really like."
Cherry and Plum Tree.
Can you poslthely distinguish be
tween a cherry tree and u plum tree
In the spring of tho year before, thu
trees carry fruit? ion may think
that you can, yet, so similar are some
cherry aud plum trees that eventual
ly you will surely fall unless you em
pluy tho simple rule that trained hor
tlculturlsts follow. That one lufall
Iblu guide Is this: Tho leaves of thu
cherry, both lu the hud und Just after
emerging from the bud, are folded to
gether like the pageti lu u book, while
tluwui of thn plum urn rolled up like
a uiagaxlne. And, by the wuy, tho
leaves of tho peach are foldot like
those of the cherry, and the leaves
of the apricot am rolled like Hiomi
of the plum.
Kmery hud tho whooping cough, uud
It bad hung on fur u long tliuo. lu tho
worst of it be had contracted a bad
cold that added to hi discomfort.
When bo hail Dually recovered from
tho effects of that, ho wus onco mora
allowed to play out of doors.
One morning, us ho started out, hu
commenced to imcogo, uud hi mother
tucliiliued lu despair: "(), Kmery, you
mve taken another cold," but did not
keep him lu the house.
Ho was swinging on tho front gute.
us one of the neighbors went by, who
hulled him with, "Hello, Kmery, How
lire you this inuriilng pretty well?"
Kmery answered ; "No, sir; I've got
two colds aud tho whooping cough."
Protect From Corrosion,
Drowning clectrotytlcully I th
method of protecting ulumluum and
aluminum alloys from corrosion pro
posed by 1.. vou Urotthcrs. The elec
trolyte consists of a sulphur com
pound of molybdenum, and the metal
to bo protected Is suspended In this
solution with a zinc unode ut u tem
perature of CO to 03 degrees O. Tho
dark brown coutlng soou developed
Is uot cracked by bonding or rolling
the metal. Tho ulumluum articles
coated lu this way are stated to have
been free from corrosion even after
Immersion lu salt solution for twe
Lo AnQeles Qet It Aqueduct.
lxs Augeles' uuueduct, which was
recently completed, is iWS miles lu
length. It wus built by tho cltj of
Los Angeles within the estimated cost
of JSI.IXXUXW, and within the time
limit allowed. It couslsts of M miles
of tunnel, 12 miles of steel siphon, 00
miles of open ditch, and 101 miles of
covered concrete Hume, Its capacity
U 'J00.0O0.OO0 gallon a day.
Teacher of Piano
Near Portsmouth Ave.
Typewriter ribbons for buIo nt
this oflleo Oliver, Underwood,
Snnlli uud Homiiib'ton. Ktjeh
75 oentH, You can do bettor aud
more prcseutnble work with n
T. L. PERKINS for
Mr. Perkins lins been successful in
holding Public office. lie lias been
tried and proven. He served as
City Commissioner in 1918, filling
Mayor Maker's unexpired term.
He has n clean record. If elected
be will follow the same conserva
tive policy that bis past record in
dicates, in 1913, he was Chairman
of the Wnys and Means Committee
and was instrumental in enacting
some of Oregon's most constructive
legislation, Mr. Perkins has lived
m Oregon for over forty years and
it a Spanish American War Veteran.
For a Ilusincss Administration,
Kconomy and Good Government
Vote 97 X
f (Paid Adv. by T. L. Perkins
on your Winter Journey to
Observation Cars with comfortable chnirs, wide windows
nnd broad rear platforms, Through Sleeping Cars with
latest travel luxuries, Uucxellcd Dining Car cuisine, nnd
picturesque scenery will add to the pleasure of your
Through Standard Sleeping Cars
Via thu Scenic Shnstn Route
San Francisco and Los Angeles
Southern Pacific Lines
lfor I.ow Round Trip Fares, .sleeping car reservations, train
schedules or picture books, Inquire of agents, or communicate
JOHN M. SCOTT, General Passenger Agent
Should Be Elected
Oregon's Congressional delegation, consisting of Representa
tives V. C. Hnwley (First District), Nicholas J. Slunott (Second
District), and C. N. McArthur (Third District) is generally re
garded as the strongest and influential delegation in Congress.
Mr. Unwley is ranking member of the Ways and Menus
Committee; Mr. Siuuott is chairman oi the Public Lands Com
mittee; Mr. McArthur is a ranking member of the Naval Affairs
Committee. They are nil experienced, cajwble and industrious
The Stute of Oregon will do well to re-elect those three men
on November 7th nnd thereby continue Oregon's high prestige in
the House of Representatives.
I'ald Adv., by Republican .State Central Committee,
Imperial Hotel, i'oitlumi, Oregon,
Stands for Soldier's
Bonus and Against
C. N. McArthur's
Ballot No. 15
If re elected, I will coutinue my
record of .strict economy, efficiency,
clean government and fairness to
BALLOT NO. 95
The best reason we can give you for
liavlng your battery looked to be
fore you start to tour it that it's
just plain common sense. A good
deal the same as taking along a
spare tire, or an extra set of spark
plugs, or a couple of headlight
If It's right we'll say so. If it
isn't well do what's necessary to
bring It up to the mark.
Whether it's a Wlllord or not It
will be given the benefit of Wtllard
Standards of Battery Service.
St. Johns Auto Electric Co.
Empire 0088 317 S. Jersey St.
1 1 BATTERY 1
The people of Multnomah county are con
fronted with the serious problem of traffic con
gestion and loss of the present bridges span
ning the Willamette.
Four years ago 36,000 vehicles crossed our
bridges daily, while now 67,000 vehicles cross
each day and our bridges are rapidly becom
ing useless under the very heavy and rapidly
increasing traffic they were not designed to
We Must Have New Bridges
Over two years will elapse before new
bridges can be built if approved at the com
ing election. What will the increasing prob
lem of traffic mean at that time?
Owing to it's central and natural location,
the Burnslde Bridge must be rebuilt. The
old bridge has about outlived its usefulness
and we must rebuild our most used, and con
trally located bridge.
The new bridge is ninety feet in width,
with sufficient height and ample approaches,
and is designed to meet our great problem of
BRIDGE MEANS TO
The Burnside Bridge
i Portland Manufacturing Co. ii
i Panels, Berry Boxes, Coffee Drums, Ex-1
celsior Grape Boxes, Egg Case Stock, 5
and all kinds of Veneer
FACTORY, FOOT OF RICHMOND STREET
Circuit Judge, Dep't No. 7
GEO. R. FUNK
Auditor of the City
Asks the People for a Sec
ond Term of his Record
A Vote for Funk is a Vote
for Continued Economi
cal and Efficient Service.
Ballot No. 85 X
One hundred first class envel
opes with your name ana ad
dress neatly printed on the cor
ner for one dollar at the Kevtew
oflice. Additional 100 for 75c
ho nostothce department ad.
ises the use of printed return
Qatton Ranch Qairy
Buy Pure Milk Direct From The Farm
The Dairy is under strict supervision of the City
Health Department and the Cows are tested
for tuberculosis every six months.
Phone Col. 321 for orders
St. Johns Lumber Co.
Wholesale and Retail
Foot of Burlington St.
Cooking Utensils CLEAN
For quick results on
all metal ware use
Clians Sceurs PeHsbM
HtWutam fck Mjryu'i Sui C. , Krw Twk, U. S. A.