Why an Allaar
One afttraoear vfb.ou tas Duke 'of
Kdlnburgh and Sir Arthur Sullivan,
having flnlahwl a duet, wero sitting
down to a homely -dish of tea" pro
vided by Mrs. Sulllvnu, tliu composer's
mother, It suddenly occurred to her to
tart the subject of family names and
titles, which puxzlcd tbo good lady
considerably.
"Sir," sho said, "your family name hi
Guelptt"
"My dear Mother," be Arthur.
"Out It Is. Isn't ltt" shu persisted.
"Certainly," replied the duke,' much
amused. -What's the, matter with It
Mrs'.Bulllrunr'
"Oh. nothing," returned the excellent
old lady musingly. "Only 1 can't un
derstand why you 'don'tt call yourself
by your propiy name."
Arthur wonted to explain to bcr, but
the duke would not allow blm to.
"There's nothing to bo nsbumcd of
In the namo of Uuclph, Mrs. Sullivan."
ho said grarety.
"That's exactly what 1 say," persist-
ea Artnurs mother; "nothing what
ever as for as I know, and. thut being
so, why you should not cull yourself
by it 1 can't understand."-!''. C. Uur-
uand'a "ttecorda and Reminiscences."
A Qrsat Rsllsf.
An old organ blower toy on his
deathbed, tlo was a good old. fellow,
and everybody liked him. He had at
ways been ready to do anything and
everything connected with the church
without complaining, but bad evident
ly had his own troubles which he bad
kept looked In his breast.
. The curate was with tho old man,
soothing aud comforting him as best
be could.
"Would you mind, sir," said tbo sick
man, "asking tbo organist to play the
lead march over mo? Lor', but 1 Just
love that dead march!"
"Certainly, with pleasure, Mr.
Jones," replied the curate.
"Tbsnk'ee, sir; none o' that thero
twrcdlcduui Ueethoven, you know, but
Handel's."
"1 can promise thut much, my good
nan," said tho curate.
The old man lay placidly for nwUlli'
and then oxclulnied wild fervor, "How
thankful I am tliut I otimii nuvc to
bpw for him wbwu he piuys the loud
part at tne enai"
The Englishman In a Qreevs.
In England nlne-ieutlis of tbo lads
of the middle classes look forward to
nothing more than a seat at an olllve
desk with a certulu number of shll
Hugs u week for a certain number of
years. To attempt to do anything elite
would bo to run the risk of social os
traclsui. A young man may loaf re
iwtably on his family, but he must
on no account start a bUMlaess If It
Inrolves selling anything or producing
anything with his hands. That would
bo bad form, It would be getting out
side the groove. Thus for the great
mass of the ieople tingland, holds no
romance. The lud who tliluks.hu could
do something Is dUcouraued. Every
thing Is so cut and dried.- Every class
distinction Is so dellnltely marked.
The whole weight of public oplaloo' la
agaluat the, smsllest divergence from
tne oraiuary rum. aioncuestwr (isng
landi Mall.
Next Dser te It.
An acquaintance of the late Josh
Billings was'oue day talking with blm
about tho remarkable lucrease of Itnl
tatlona and substitutes for original
articles, us "oleomargarlno" for "but
ter," "celluloid" for "Ivory," and so
forth, "and." said he, "many of the
aubstltutea go ahead of the real thing
1 guess In time there will bo a aubstl
tute for everything, though 1 don't
know about 'wisdom.'"
"No;" replied the hurqorlst, "up to
the present time at least .there Is no
really good substitute for wisdom. But
alienee Is the best that baa so far
been discovered."
Ne" 'Criterion.
Oace during tbe progress of a certala
case Sir Chnrlua .Darling remonstrated
with a barrister for the way la which
he was arguing a point
"Tou will pardon me, mj lord," said
the latter, "butperbapa 1 may remind
you that you argued a case In a sim
ilar way yourself when you were at
the bar."
"Tee, I admit It." replied his lord
ship, with a quiet amfle, "but that was
ta fault of tbe Judge who allowed It"
London Tit-Blta.
KIM by Fear.
Frederick I. of frasJe-wse klHed by
fear. Ills wife waa Insane,' and one
day she escaped from barkeeper ad,
dabbteg her clothes with blood, rushed
bob her busbaad .while be waa dosing
ia his chair. King Frederick Imagined
bar te be tbe "white lady" whose ghost
ww believed to la variably appear
wkeaSTer tbe death.. of a member of
tbe royal fa sally was te occur, and be
waa throws late' u 'fever, sue died la
six week.
feme years ago. at being able to ac
reuat fer tbe assapnsataaca of. eggs, a
wire eage trap waa sat la a fowl run.
After, a tittle tlsse this waa eccupled
aet by a rat, "but a la hedgehog tiled
! Ha utmost esoMjr 'the trap. It
waa reset, to be-itted-la a few days
by Mrs. Msdajsbeg. Ne store eggs were
nmes.
"A WUe eaastg of beir,' remarked
tbe 4d ataa as" fee altered bla will, rut
lag eaT bis aeaeew la favor of a dls-,
Batbaalasm gives ado ta what Is si.
, rtotWs sad Uteres ,weetr has aa las-
aaBsaMHfttaW Cast ' 0MNs9BaTt tuaVaaV
(toys yti bt Bvyt
mi are always fttttiogr seratebes,
atria, bofaUw, braises, baaspe, tares
ar sssliii Don't aaglect such
aaiafs they any' result aariooa U
yam ate.. Apply Ballard's SoowU Bi
ases aeeWdiof ' to difeetioes right
away a4 it wiiT reeiev Use fain
astd heal the twwble. Priw 25c,
set U $i.o. feU byi If art Mtk
rhariscy.
Fseat ass? .a
Drawlna Infsrenees.
President Uacoln roses 'told the fol
lowing story to D. II. Dates, manager
of the war department telegraph office
"I'm like an old colored man 1 knew,
lie spent so much of bis time preach
lug to the Other slaves It kept him and
them from their labors. Ills master
told him be would punish blm the
dext time he was caught preaching.
" 'Out marsa,' aald the old man. with
tears In his eyes, 'I always baa
draw lnfruencea from Bible texts
when dny comes In ma bald. I Jss"
cala't help It Can you, marsar
"'Well,' said his master. '1 suspect
I do Sometimes draw Inferences, Uut
there Is one text I never could under
stand, and If you can draw the right
Inference from it I'll let you 'preach
to your heart's content'
"What is do text marsar asked the.
colored man.
"'"The nss snuffetb up tbe east
wind." Now, what Inference do you
draw from that?'
"'Well, iniirsa, l's nebcr heard dot
text befo' nohow, but I 'spects de In
fruence am she got to snuff a long
tlmo befo' sho get fat"'-IMttsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph;
Trapping a Tiger.
The tiger Is possessed at times of an
almost suhernutural cunning, a won
dorfal sense of smell and a One In
stinct with regard to traps and tbe
like, which make blm aa difficult an
animal to take' alive as any existing
Sometimes he can be snared, but not
often. On one occasion the writer's
native Indian servant ran In In
great state, of excitement to ea
tiger was trapped In tbo jungle half
a mile away, and the entire camp, of
course, at once .flocked over to see the
prisoner. Tbe trap was exactly on
the principle of a bumble mouse trap.
with a falling door, anil bulli of strong
timbers Inced together with rattans
The Imprisoned tiger was a full grown
mate, and It would be difficult to
Imaglue anything wilder than bis rsgr
as he roared and stormed and hurled
himself In futile fury on each part ol
the structure In turn. Then be waa
to stay until hunger had rendered him
manageable, the Incident showing that
the tiger can be trapped, although not
ofli-n. London Globe.
An Idol With Diamond lyss.
It Is a curious fact aud one scarcely
known outsldo of Itussln, aud there
hardly ever mentioned, that tbe fa
tpous Orion diamond was once the
right eye of the great Idol Hcrrlughntn
In tho temple of llrahnm. This pre
vious gem was stoleu at about the be-
ginning of the eighteenth ocntury by 1
Fro no I j soldier who bad made u pre'
tense of being converted to the Hindoo
religion In order to gain the confidence
of j the priests and admission to the
tin i n, Tne i' iicuiuui) nrst so u tue
diamond for CI.UUU. On the next turu
It was bought by a banker of Con
stautluople for 12,000. Tbe bauker
kept It until 177-1 and then sold It to
tho llusxlau empress for 00,000 and
a life pension. The gem has been In
the Itusslou royal family ever since,
As it Is now set In the Imperial scepter
of llussla it presents a flattened, rose
cut surface and weighs exactly 15MH
carata.
Anelant Ictland.
Iceland was founded A. O. 874 by
men from Norway. In the words of
John Flake, "It was aucb a wholesale
colonisation of picked men as bad not
been eeeu since nncient Greek times
and waa not to be seen strain until
Winthrop sailed Into Massachusetts
bay. It was not long before tbe pop
ulation of Iceland was 50,000. Their
ahecp nud.cattle flourished, bay crops
wore heavy, a lively trade with flsb.
oil, butter and skins In exchange for
meat aud malt was kept up with Nor
way, Denmark and the Hrltlsb teles.
Political freedom waa unimpaired. Jus
tice was fairly well administered, na
val superiority kept all foes at.-a dis
tance, and under aucb conditions tbe
growth of the new community In
wealth and culture waa surprisingly
rapid."
His Compliment
Tbe governor of a western state was
making Inspection of certain stats la-
stltutlons when be mads Inaulrv aa to
tbe progress of a chaplain vj blm ap
pointed to an Insane asylum.
"IIow is be getting onl" asked tbe
governor, thinking to get aa unpreju
diced opinion from the official acting
aa bts guide.
"Finer' exclaimed tbs omb. "Ilia
preach la' is very successful, governor.
Tbs Idlota enjoys It eeclsily."-Cia
clnnatl Commercial Tribune.
Ns Aselegy is Offer;
"Why spend three years cultivating
your voice If you don't Intend to go
oa tbe operatic stags r"
"For tbe same reason; I suppose, that
you've spent flfteea or twenty years In
cultivating a dlscrimlaatlBg taats for
aleeaollc beverages sad yet don't In
tead to go Into tbs ssleoa business."
Cblesgo Trteaae.
AseemMlitf Herself.
"Habbydid you bring boms my asw
swHcbr
"Yep."
"And my puCar
"I did." ,
"Hew about my fees powder J"
"Hera's ysur complex tea. New got
busy sad assemble yourself.' Louis-
vWe Cearlsr-JouraaL,
Hard te Dsat
Wlgg How do yea get along with
old Crusty? Doa't yew tad blm hard
sal. wttbT Wagg As bard as a
waraout pack., of cards. Philadelphia
Prejudice saalats wbea K Issaa aad
MsMB VawsMl a& w's'Jisaa'uVkffuB'talass'ss
ia a prstty hard this)- to accoaa
piisfa whra you're bkte; bilioaa tad
.out of sorts. There ia a tare cure
for all kinds ol ateaameli sm4 fatMf
fws svsv smsTusnssB 'sew sswbsbbsbbbssi assaa v aSrWsTSj
caasaiais --coBswpatiosi aaxl dys
pepsia. Ballard's Hseaeac is mM,
yet absaiatsly eBeettye m all cases.
Price 50 csjatsa per aottk; Seal hy
CtsrCvta'l )staA4C aP aaUtf iBaUaJCJTf
Praaab sbs
ef-tC.
His TrsssHrer Knew.
Us who. goes Into politics must re
member what be Is recorded to hnve
said, for it Is the habit of the sharp
nosed public to search out post utter
ances aad hold the candidate responsi
ble for them. John' Burns, says Mr.
Qrftbb In bis life of that labor lender,
once made tbs slip of remarking that
bo man wss worth more than 500 a
year. Accordingly, when he became a
cabinet member with a salary of is,
000, as was obviously open to attack.
Wbea' be first met bis constituents
at Battersea after he was mods presl
dent of the' local government board a
candid friend recalled the statement
about a man's worth by calling out in
the middle lof his speech:
"Wot abaht that 'ere' salary of 2.'
000?"
Mr. Burns was equal to tbe occa
slon.
"That Is the recognized trado union
rate for the Job," was his apt reply,
"If rtook less 1 would be a black
leg."
"Wbt yer goln' ter do with tho 1.600
over" pursued tbe Inquisitive ques
tloticr.
"Fdr details." answered Mr. tlurns,
"apply to mjr treasurer. Mrs. Hums."
One of Dr. Hals's Jok.
When ho was quite a young man the
late Dr. Edward Everett Hole played n
practical Joke on some girls who were
members of a party with whom be was
summering on tho Massachusetts coast,
All these gtrls were reading tbe same
exciting novel, and one day at dinner
It was a leading: topic. Knowing that
nose of tbem had Onlsbed it Halo, un
known to them, carried It away with
him (hs next morning' when he went
to the city. On the train be wrote an
absurd conclusion to the novel, laying
tbs flnal scene at tbe summer resort
Carrying this bogus conclusion to a
publisher, a friend of his, h'e bod It
put in type, and then, carefully remov
Ing tho bona Ode conclusion, he pasted
In his own., On uls return he placed
tbe book on tbo plaxxa and waited
Tbe look which spread over a girl's
face as she' read that last chapter was.
Dr. Hale declared, worth going far to
see; Woman's Home Companion,
The Flying Dutchman.
The Flvlng Dutchman was a shin
which was sometimes visible from va
rlous points of land, but mora partlc
utarly from the Capo of Good Hope
In very atormy weather. Tbo story
runs that ber captain once sworo so
fearful an oath that as n punishment
for his blasphemy he was condemned
to beat about the oceans until tbe day
of Judgment. Tbo Flying Dutchman
wss never known to get Into port and
was generally seen sailing under full
canvas before u strong wind. The
myth Is generally understood to have
bad Its origin In tbo waterspout, which
In the distance resembles a sailing
vessel.
' Very Fertunsts.
One evening Just after dinner a
youug husband of Indianapolis was.
In accordance with bla custom, glvjug
his belter half the gist of the newa
when suddenly he laid dowa tbs paper
with this exclamation:
'"Uy George! Here's aa account tall
lag how during the recent storm off
the New England coast a ship loaded
with passengers went ashore. Why,
that vessel belonged to my uncle Tom
In Portland!"
"How fortunatel" returned the young
wife. "And Just think how glad those
passengers were to get to dry land I"
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune,
The Poor Milkman,
A family living in an eastern city
found a good deal of cream on a bot
tle of milk which had been standing
overnight, and when the driver called
la tbs morning the pleased servant
held It up to tbe light and aald, "Look
hers, I bays never seen anything like
this before on your milk."
The msa looked st it for a moment
scratched bis bead and replied.. "Well,
I doa't know wbafa tbe matter,' but
yoa can throw It out, and I'll give you
afresh bottle la its place."
Rssuked.
SIgglns Bow is it you sre always
Idling about? I sever see you wbea
you have suytblng to do, Wiggins
Tbe. fsct Is It takes so much of mr
time looking after other folks' business
have 'boss left for looking after my
own. Don't you And something like
tbs same trouble yourself? Boston
Transcript.
Ths'Best Ever.
Gentleman But I am afraid be
wouldn't make a good watchdog. Man
(with bull terrier) Not a good watch,
dogi Why, Lor bless your 'esrt It
Was only last week that this very sal.
ami held a burglar dowa by tbe throat
aud best bw'bralaa out "with his tail
Londoe Tatler.
What sHrusk Him.
"Did anything about tbe defendant
strike you aa being out of tbe ordi
nary?" asked. tbe Judge of the pUlatla
la a case of ssssult sad battery.
"Yes, your honor," was tbs reply.
"What waa It?" queried tbe Judge.
"Bis est," aaswered tee platatla',-
Cbtoago News.'
Rsla and in Best
Dr. Jsba 'Watssa (Ian Maelsrsal
ssys: "Nsver ssk a Scotchman If K Is
Nlataa. I have sever beard a Best
admit that tbs rata Is fsUtog. WJut
bars Basra Ha say u last u It gees
ea'as It Is sew k wBI tara out wet"
Mutual Burprissw
BbsWasa I married yoa I bad ao
Idea ehat-ym wseid' stay away. Iraaa
beats se stack. Ms-WsM, assther bad
I.-Llds,
Have yew hedt-to sacrifice
loved? eaeecase of a lack of
ey to pay the wrfjeoa's fee? Step
spasming;, swart saviaa;. Jsvery
om balpa tbe frugal bum- as asuch
as he hefpe kimiiKf, The First
Ketiosa) Beak; wtH kelp you by
peyiatr eewpesiad ietesfsst every six
ateettke. it
Tee ft faM wefckt asd first
sjaasMr at the Caatsal aurkst. Just
try st a
Per Mis Hsaehen Only.
A collection was being token up in
a Scotch church one Suuday on be
half of tbe heathen. The minister
made a stirring appeal, and tho ward
en started his round with tho box,
One of the Orst members of the con
gregntton to whom hs offered It. soys
a writer In tho Churchi Family Nows
paper, was evidently III disposed to tbo
cause.
In a stage whisper, heard allkn by
congregation and pastor, .this man said
In blank vernacular!
"Tak it awn', lad. I'm not going to
give out"
At that period the collection boxen
wero taken direct Into tho vestry,
Down came tho preacher from tho put
pit went Into tho reetry, brought out
ono of tho boxes and marched straight
toward tho gentleman, all the congre
gation Imagining that tho minister was
going to shnmo tbo unbeliever Into
giving something.
The clcrpymnn offered tho box to
tho heretic with the nalvo remark:
Tak' what thou wantcst lad. It
has been gathered for tho heathen."
Correct Time In Eaypt.
Tho working of the oriental mind
was delightfully Illustrated In n story
which Professor Turner tola tho Math
cmatlcal association. lie hnd been
spending tbo Christmas vacation In
Egypt to supervise tho erection of a
telescope at llolouan. 1 Cnptnln Lyons,
who was In charge of the Instrument.
said that he had found that at noon
every day a, gun was tired nnd was
anxious to know bow tho system
worked. Accordingly ho Interviewed
tho gunner nnd asked how he knew
when to Are tbo signal. "Oh, I look
at my watch," said the official. "And
how do you correct your watch?" ask
ed tbe captain. "I take It to tho mak
er la Cairo and he tells me the error."
Forthwith Captain Lyons Interviewed
tbe watchmaker and asked him bow
be chocked the error of tho watch. "1
get tho correct tlmo from tho gun,'
said (hat simple craftsman. And thus
time was told ta Egypt London
Standard.
The Chlnsmsn's Will A Putzls.
A Cblnaraau, dying, left eleven
sheen and thrco sons and, making a
wilt, left ono-half Of! his estate to his
eldest boy, one-fourth to tho next and
one-sixth to tho third son. They wish
ed to dlrldo without killing a sheep,
but could not seo bow to do It. so they
sent for a wlso man. Scmlliig to his
own fold for a sheep, ho put It In with
the cloven. Now take your half-six,
said ho to tho eldest snd ho did so;
tbo second, tnko your fourth-thrco;
tbo younger, take your sixth and bo
gone two, snd they nil did so, when
tho wlso man drove his own sheep
home,
Was tho division according to tho
will?
Censldsrate.
"What shall wo do, John," said tho
farmer's wife, who bad retained much
of her sentiment through twenty-lire
years of married life "what shall wo
do to celobrate our sliver wedding?"
"Iteckou up where nil tho silver's
gone to In bringing up our family,"
grumbled be.
"Ob, no, John; It must be somothlug
real good aud out of tbo ordinary. I
tell you what I Ait us kill tbe fattest
pig and giro a banquet"
"Maria," said tho husband solemnly,
"I don't seo bow tho unfortunate ani
mal Is to blamo for wbqt happened
twenty-flvo ycara ago."
Manlfsstsd ths Msklnos.
Aldorman Smith's baby was being
chrlstonod. and everybody prcsunt was
complimenting tbo happy parents.
"I bellovo," said tho proud mother,
"that ho ia 'going (0 bo a great politi
cian aomo day."
"Why?" asked tbo ruddy faced fa
ther. .
"Well, because bo crawls out of ev
erything so easily," said tbe wife,
smiling up Into bcr husband's fnco.
Lipplncott's. 1
An Old Vrb.
To late Is an old verb. In Samuel
Bowls nds' "Martin Markall," 1010, we
ars told that "loyterers lase In the
streets, iurke In alehouses aud range
In the blgbwalee." The word occurs,
I believe, lu some of Mortimer Collins'
lyrics;
But Cupid lasatii 'monnt ths faterr
Isssss,
Whoss clsre complexion hs o(t swesrsth
London Notes and Queries.
r.
Hew Krln and 8cotla See Things.
We don't suppose a Scotchman and
au Irishman will ever be able to
peacefully aettle an argument, because
the madder a Scotchman gets tbo slow
er be talka, and tbe alower be talks the
hotter tho Irishman feels. Puck.
he Was There.
.A woman of whose death a witness
st Cler ken well county court said be
bad beea Informed came forward. Ills
Honor Then you sre not dead? Tbe
Woman-No; I am bere.-London Tele
graph.
Family Joys.
"Waea yeu were courting me," said
bis wife, "you declared there wasn't
SBolber woman in tbe world like me."
Yes," replied ber husband, "aud
I'm glad' of It for tbe sake of other
msa."
All the tame to Him,
Wife-John, there's a burglar going
through year pockets. John All right!
Yeu two fgbt It out between your-
selves.-Kacbsaga.
Bxpertsacs takes dreadfully blab
school wages, but hs teaches like bo
ethsr.-Carlyla.
For Sale Household furniture
cheep; 611 North Ivanhoe.
o
Have year prapsrty- Insured la ths
it. Paul er Northern flra Insurance
ipaalss. Tbsy are tbe'bsst. 8.
L. DeMs, aesat.
o
Brlasf ta your Job printing while
yeu think of It. Doa't wait ustil you
ars entirely out. We ars equipped
to turn out seat and tasty srlatlag
preatetlf at Portland prices er less.
ARTISTIC JAPAN.
Rules of Hsrmony Prevsll In Evsn th
llumblsit Homes,
Ily far tliu urea tent charm of Japan
nnd her people lies not only In the
fnct that tliu artists know tho secret
of the most wonderful carvings, cast
Ings, wood and metal work, nllkcn
brocades and tapestries, oxtiulslto clol
sonnes nnd porcclalus, things for tho
fortuuato few, but also lu tho further
nnd uiorc Important fact that tho
dnlly life of the poor Is surrounded
permeated, Interfused by tusto nnd re
finement. Even tho workmen in' their
gardens and homes are dally using
tnstcf ul 'domestic Implements which
nro the outgrowth of tho thought and
needs of tho people.
Tiie designs nnd proportions ol tho
humulcst houses, exteriors nnd Inte
riors, are settled for all tlmo by cor
tain rules of hnrmony; tho dress of the
peasant Is not left to possible hideous
Individual caprice, but follows estab
lished canons of color, cut aud usage
the garden, howuvcr small, tho fence
or paling that walls It In, the roof
over the well, over the gate, tho great
lantern tliu', hnngt by tho door, the
bucket In which water Is fetched nnd
the bamboo dipper from which It Is
poured, the bronze brnslcr for coals,
the tea service all these and n thou
sand moro details of dully llfo aro ar
ranged according to a pattern which
may bo very old, but which, as a re
sult, adds Immeasurably to tho satis
factlou of llfo.
And yet Japanese craftsmen, wtillo
holding hard by tradition, have not
failed to add to their work the subtlo
touch of personality. In the motifs of
their delicately Impressionistic and
symbolical designs Is constantly seen
their reverence for tbe early masters.
and ns constantly Is pcrcotved tho In
dividual variation which prevents each
piece of work from having a dupll
cate.-M. I Wakeman Curtis in Crafts
man.
HE FIXED THE DEED.
A Judge Who Had Small Regard For
Lagsl Quibbles.
Thoophtlus Harrington, a Vermont
Judgo In tho early part of tho last cen
tury, was u man who loved (ho right
and cared little for tncro legal qulb
bllug. "If Justlco controls your ver
dict." ho would often say to tho Jury,
"you will nor miss tho general prlncl
pies of tho law."
At one trial when tho possession of
a farm was In question the defendant
offered a deed of tho premises, to
which tho plaintiff's lawyer, Daniel
Chlpmnn, objected becuuso It had no
seal.
"Hut your client sold tho land, was
paid for It aud signed the deed, did ho
not?" asked tbe Judge.
"That makes no difference," said
Chlpmun. "Tho deed bus no seal aud
cannot bo ndmltted In evidence"
"Is there anything elso tho matter
with tho deed?" asked tliu Judgo.
"I don't know that there Is."
"Mr. Clerk," said tbo Judgo, "give
me n wafer aud a three cornered piece
of paper."
The clerk obeyed, aud tho Judgo de
liberately Hindu nnd utllxed tho soat.
"There, lirother Chlpmun," said ho,
"tho deed Is all right now. It may bo
put in evidence. A tuuii Is not going
to bo cheated out of his farm lu this
court when thero Is a whole box of
wafers 011 the clerk's desk."
The court will give mo an oxecp-
tlou?" pleaded tho counsel.
"Tho court will do no such thing,"
answered tbo Judge, aud ho kept bis
word. Excbango.
British Election Tactics.
British olectlouovrlug tactics have
chuuged. Electors aro no longer kid
naped und forced to loso tbooll. Tbo
minor detail of tho campaign, how
ever, remalu the sumo. Mr. Labou-
cberc, for Instance, In bis, light for
WliiUrfor in tne soveuties cutivusseu
six hours each day for n mouth, kissed
babies, complimented mothers aud per-
auaded fathers Just as ho would to;
day, But when tbe final survey was
made his supporters fouud that every
thing depended on half a doien voters.
And here stopped In tho diplomat. Ono
Tory who went to flsb In a punt wus
kept In tbe middle of tho river until
bis vote was useless. Another agod
and decrepit Tory was kept In tbo
House uy cnos ueing put to ruu at
him whenever bo tried to Issue from
bis door. The Liberals won, but tbo
Tories petitioned successfully,
Ne Sentiment,
At a literary and scientific gathering
a learned Greek scholar got Into con
versation with ono of tbe leading
mathematicians of tho day and appar
ently found a ready llstcuer. Ho gave
again and again oxqulslto linos from
Homer from tho original, and tho
aonoroua words rolled off his touguo
lu fine style. After nwbllo, noticing
that bis audience, the man of figures,
tnudo no remark, ho paused and said
la a questioning touo of wonder:
"Of courso you think those lines mas
terly, do you not?"
"Certainly," sold the mathematician,
"but what do they prove?"
His Qrl.f.
Dewoy Eve Dat loldy dat I asked
fer a handout gave me a dorg biscuit.
Weary Willie Well, wot yor cryln'
irbout? Dewey Eve I'm cryln' bo
cause I'm not a dorg. Chicago Nows.
The Doctor's Rssson.
First Physlclan-So you've lost Bog
era as a patient. Didn't bo respond to
your treatment? Second Physician
Yes, but not to my dunning letters,
Lipplncott's.
The battle is weak that is wsged
with one bandv Euripides.
Poverty is not a disgrace uuless
it is disgraceful Dovertv. It is dis
graceful waste to spend every cent
you make. You OUGHT to save
something. The First National
Beak issues Time Certibcates 01
Deposit. it
FOR SALH. One acre on East
Charleston street four lots all
cleared and fenced. Inquire of V.
U. HilJier, 33-4t
I $300 per month
Income on a
$25,000 Investment
CI 0n Ncw 5,room bungalow, good 011c, lot 50x100 on Improved
P10VU street. Splendid bargain.
1 400 5"room P,nlcml house, large niry rooms; lot 50x100; $400 cash
I tv V a,i )niat,ce 0u easy terms nt 7 per cent,
1400 S'X rm uouseo,,1In'Mlrcct closc li lot50ictoo. Thlslsn
ItUlf money maker. Take it quick.
2500 1''ve ro0m mot'cr11 huugnlow, full basement, toilet and bath
uOJJ jot 55x180; $500 cash, balance on good tortus at 7 per cent.
1 000 I(t ,00XI00' corncr 0,1 Ho)'" street; f 500 cash nud balance on
2200 5 rm oun8n'ow "HO'lcrn, full basement, toilet nnd bath, on
bUJJ c(Wy terms. Look at this and you will see a bargain.
1 0OO "5xioo in Point View, block pf car line,
w w w $100 down nnd $10 per month.
600 50x100 on Richmond iu block 7 in Point View.
w $50 down nnd $30 every three months.
gQQ 50x100 on Oswego street in block 7 Point View.
w w $50 down nnd $30 every three months.
Many other Bargains. Call in and sec.
J. iS. DOWNEY
JERSEY STREET
Frank L. Smith Meat Co,
"FIGHTING THE BEEP TRUST"
Jersey Street
You must use Smith's Norway
ter you ever ntc sweet, fresh, pure
Bacon by the piece 22 Wc
Smith's Norwny Creamery
uuttcr Goc
Smith's Oregon Kggs 35c
Smiths Pork Snttsage 15c
licet bltatiks , sc
Necks of Uecf 8c nnd 10c
brisket lkcf '8c nnd 9c
I'latc ucci 8c and 10c
Rump Roast lkcf . . . . ia utid 15c
Pot Roast Beef ajtfc
Prime Rib Roast Beef island isc
Shoulder Steak iv'Ac
Round Steak I3l4cnud i;c
Sirloin Stcnk 15c
Tenderloin Steak 15c
HAZELWOOD
ICE CREAM
BEST BY TEST
A. UNGER, Sole Agent
103 N, Jersey street, next to the Peninsula Bank
LOOK I?OR THE MG YELLOW SIGN
Special prices to church parties, socials, etc.
Phone Richmond 1 1
A. P. IIKMSTOCK
HEM STOCK BROS.
UNDERTAKING AND EMBALMING
Full Una of Robat, Cutkcta, to., kapt In (took
!,AV ASSISTANT
SMri UN1VKHSITY f ARK, ORHGON
will be leaving the soles. There must be
(lut strctcning to tue limit ol tue strenguioi inesuoowiunoiDe necessary.
The Bradley Shoe Will Hot "Pinch" Your reel
Every pair ia built with an allowance of leather at the ball of the foot which
permits the foot to rest comfortably in the new shoe the first time you put
it on. The linings in the Uradley Shoe will not wrinkle after a little wear,
causing discomfort so common. They are cut to conform to the upper.
This perfect fit even gives addltlouu wear as it takes a great deal of
strain off the leather.
Bradley Shoes for Men, $3.50 $4.00
represent the highest standard of material and workmanship alzty-six
years of continuous application to the making of a shoe that will give
perfect satisfaction. We make lest profit on a Bradley Shoe, but we'll be
glaa to sell you a pair, for once a wearer of these honest, well-mada shoes,
it wilt be hard to resist buying again, aud the increased volume means not
etily pront but public confidence
m
0994
mmiUj'$ artmai by Iht Bradlty &
4 o tor et yart. Wt alto hoc
Horn,
mm ana
eUUrtn.
COUCH
St. Johns, Ore.
Creamery Uuttcr the best table but
and only 60 cents per square.
Porterhouse Steak 18a nnd 20c
Smith's Hams 20c
Smith's Pure Compound, a
' n substitute for lard 13c
Lnmb Stew 8c
Lamb Liver 10c
Shoulder of Lnmb i2c
Good Roasts of Lamb 15c
Shoulder Lamb Chops 15c
Leg of Lnmb , 15c
Whole Legs of Veal 15c.
Shoulder Ronst Vcnl .12)4 nud 15c
Breasts of Veal 12 nud tjc
Veal Stew 10c and I2q
Loin and Rib Veal Cutlets .... 18c
Shoulder Veal Cutlets 15c
I
I SBS
OKO, II. IIUIISTOCK
Right Here
at the BALL
0! the Foot
It where mot of the "pinch"
comes when buying a new
pair of thoei. You com.
plain about it when trying
on tbe ordinary shoes aud
the salesman says "I'll
stretch it." Whenever ha
has to do that, look outin
a few wccksyou'llfuiityour
fect miming over the edges
of tbe soles and the uppers
plenty ol room at the ball of the foot so
H$lealt Co.. hq hai bttn mfUn ot
olhtr itjht ot thtlr matt tor mtn.
& CO.
s
I
ni. araaasit f -