j
BURDETTE JOKED
ON HIS DEATHBED
Wrote Humorous Letter to ao
Old Time Friend.
FOUND FUN IN EVERYTHING.
Agreed With Henry Ward Beeeher
That Joke In Pulpit Waa Not at All
Out of Placa Declared That "People
Are the Funniest Things Thia Side of
the Grave."
Bob Burdette, a humorist to the end,
could crack a Joke wben death was
knocking at the door. This is demon
strated In a letter written by the fa
mous humorist to his lifelong friend,
the Rev. Dr. J. G. Walker, pastor of
the Mantua Baptist church. West Phil
adelphia. Wben Burdette lived in
Bryn Mawr twenty-live years ago be
frequently vLsited Dr. and Mrs. Walker
at their parsonage.
Burdette'a letter, written on bis
deathbed, reads In part as follows:
"My health is sadly broken; perma
nent y so. I still write a little every
week, but my pulpit and platform days
are yesterday's story. I go out to drive
a little dally and see a few people
mighty few.
"1 enjoy life. I love to live, though
It isn't nice to be sick. I don't know
Just what Is the matter with me;
chronic pancreatitis I think the doc
tors call It Do you know, until it went
on strike I never knew I had a pan
creas, and I'm mighty sorry I ever
found out"
Instance of Humor.
A fugitive instance of Burdette's rol
licking humor was a letter home to his
flock in Los Angeles during his first
trip to Europe. He dated the letter
from "some distance out in the damp,"
and said In part:
"The scenery along this route, al
though somewhat monotonous, is
splendidly Irrigated. But it seems too
early for the growing crops. Nothing
has come up yet except on shipboard,
and that has gone overboard. The
route is not nearly bo populous as the
Kanta Fe trail over the desert We
have Just two kinds of days-tue days
we see a ship nnd the days we don't."
The veteran humorist found fun in
everything. While he was forced to
abandon It In the pulpit largely because
of the reputation he had made for fun
waking, he n creed with llenry Ward
lieccher that a Jo!;c In tliejiulpit waa
Stop looking at the piano and read the rest of the ad. It means money
to you. In order to give an inducement to the Early Shoppers I will
give 1 0 per cent off from all my stock except licensed goods until the
1 5th of December. Be sure and come early and avoid the rush.
Remember this offer is only good until the 1 5th of next month.
Have you looked over my $9,000.00 stock of goods? It will surprise you to see the different articles and
low prices and quality. Remember we can sell you pianos of different prices on long terms.
Talking Machines, Jewelry of all descriptions now in and the latest Toys and Silverware.
Samples of Haviland Chinaware, Christmas Ornaments and many other things too numerous to mention.
Be sure to call on me for your holiday trade. A small deposit will hold the goods until Christmas.
L. KAMSTRA, Prineville, Or
not at sQ out f prace. It was, as
Beeeher said, "Wben you are fighting
the devil shoot bun with anything."
Burdette died with the conviction
that there was not only Just as much
fan In the world today as ever, bnt "a
great deal more, because," as be said,
'there are more people in it, and peo
ple are the funniest things on this side
of the grave."
On the occasion of bis sixtieth birth
day Burdette, asked by a newspaper
man how it felt to be sixty years old,
replied:
"Well, my boy, it feels rather crowd
ed. There are so many more people
In the world than there were when I
took up my homestead claim. Wben
I landed on this planet there wasn't a
soul In Los Angeles that I would go
across the street to shake bands with.
(There was no city of Los Angeles, hi
fact).
"A great many old people say tbey
feel Just as young at sixty as they did
at twenty. Is it that way with yoor
'."Sot by forty bappy years, my boy.
No man, and fewer women, can be as
young at sixty as at twenty. Wben I
enter a room now I instinctively select
the chair I want to sit In. I pick out
the one that la the easiest to get out
of, for It takes me longer to get op
than it did at twenty. I do not love
the kind hearted, stupid people who
insist on my sitting down in a cavern
ous easy chair with a backward Incli
nation and a foot rest which I cannot
reach, for then there is a life and
death struggle wben I would emerge.
"8trokes of Paralysis."
But you are still very vigorous."
Oh, I do my dally stunts. But I
don't rush at my work with a war-
whoop, as 1 used to do. I have a
stroke of paralysis every day right
after my noontime dinner. It lasts
about an hour and Is incurable. 1
break and lose more spectacles every
week than I used to break in five years
when I didn't wear any. 1 can hear
a great deal better than I did In young
er flays, for I can't hear a thing with
my left ear, and I use that oh, very,
very often to rest the one 1 can hear
with. So, though I don't hear so much.
I hear a great deal better much bet
ter." "Is there as much fun in the world
as there used to be?"
"More a great deal more because
there are more people in It, and peo
ple are the funniest things this side of
tlie grave. Monkeys tire me, but peo
ple amuse me."
"Would you like to be young again?"
"Indeed 1 would, my boy. And I'm
going to be when I get to be about
(i n or twenty years older. But I don't
wmit to be young again In this world,
iiecause then I would grow old again.
It is a xin of weakness intellectual,
physical mid moral weakness to want
" lie yountjer in tills life. A man
'UKht to be ashamed to have such a
. '.jling. One of our bovs. Jlohort, once
wrote to me on one ol his birthdays
'A man's years are bis retainers, and
the more birthdays he has the stronger
and greater Is his following.' That's
about tha way It feels to be sixty.
DAIRY and
CREAMERY
BREEDS AND BUTTER.
Comparison of Dairy Cattle and Their
Production of Fat.
There is no question of trreater In-
lerest In dairying than that as to
which breed is the greatest producer
or butter. On this one factor the com
parative merits of the different dairy
breeds are more largely Judged by the
breeder than on all other factors com
bined, as It has now been proved by
numerous experiments and tests that
a cow Is profitable in direct accordance
with the amount of butter she pro
duces In a year, writes Harold Mc
Allister of California In a series of
articles making comparisons of the
production of the several dairy breeds.
The importance attached to large
producing cows and as evidenced by
breeders as well as by farm dairymen
At a recent sale of grade Hol
steln cows In Kansas seventy
elxht animals brousht a total of
(6,700. While this price is lower
than the cows would brlni? if they
were pure breds, it is much higher
than would have been received for
scrub cattle The moral then is
that dairy blood pays. Next to
purs breds the grades are bout. A
pure bred dairy sire may In a few
years work wonders In a herd of
scrubs, The illustration shows a
young HolKtein bull.
is shown by the tremendous growth of
ow testing associations n ml the great
emphasis each dairy breed association
places upon Its olllclal records, says the
Kansas Kurmcr. McAllister lias gone
into all Hie available records of (lie
various breed associations, and Hie re
sults of the figures complied by til in
indicate that the officially, tested lloi-
: ir',4
itelns'are producing 10 per cent more
butter than the Guernseys, 21 per cent
more butter than the Jerseys and 38
per cent more butter than the Ayr
shires. It must be remembered lu con
nection with those figures that many
more Iloistelus have been officially
tested than of other breeds, and the
figures reported should bo considered
as a comparison of the officially tested
animals of the breeds and not as rcp
lesenting the orformiince of each
breed as a breed. It must be remem
bered, too. In the selection of a dairy
breed that there are conditions of cli
mate, feed and also of environment
which must be considered that is to
say, that a cow or breed which might
produce the most butter might not be
so profitable as a breed or cow pro
ducing somewhat less butter.
Weed Out Boarder Cows.
Tbe unprofitableness of cows is dne
to Inferior cows, to improper care, feed
and management Either one or all
of these factors may play an Impor
tant part In reducing cow profit Thou
sands of cows fail to return a profit
because they are not fed as they should
be for milk production. Thousands of
others are well fed and cared for, but
are Incapable of producing milk In
profitable quantities. Whether or not
a cow be profitable cannot be deter
mined until she bus been so fed and
given such care as Is necessary to
enable her to produce at her maxi
mum. The first essential therefore in
determining cow merit is to know
first whether the cow Is doing as well
as she should do. The Ilabcock test
tells tbe story.
Persistent Milker Valuable.
The persistent milking tendency
should be developed lu every farm
dairy herd. It is tbe lack of this tend
ency which among common cows re
sults In low yields, Tho existence of
this tendency In cows of dairy breed
ing is that which probably has tho
greatest influence on high yields. May
Hi I ma produced more butter fat In the
thirteenth month of her lactation pe
riod than In tho first month. Johanna
Chene produced 190 pounds of fat In
the first three months of her test and
224 pounds during the last three
months. Klie did not reach her maxi
mum of milk until seven mouths after
freshening. Kansas Farmer.
Care Pays With Dairy Cows.
It has been found by actual experi
ment that cows transferred from poor,
Insanitary, poorly lighted and ventilat
ed iiarterH to n comfortable, sanitary
building, well ventilated nnd equipped
throughout with modern fixtures gain
15 to SO (ier cent In iiintitily of milk
production alone, to sny nothing of
(imillty. This Is not a theory, bid a
fact proved by many tests.
Tennis is sure reveuler of charac
ter. Three sets wltb man suffice to
give one a working knowledge or Us
moral equipment; six. of bis cblef
mental traits, and s dozen, of that
most Important and usually veiled part
of him. bis subconscious personality.
Toung people of opposite sexes are
sometimes counaoled to take long
railway Journey together befors decid
ing on a matrimonial merger. But I
would respectfully advise them rather
to play "singles" with each other be
fore venturing upon a continuous game
of doubles. itobert II. BchaufHor In
Atlantic
Gooeeberrlee as Tonlo.
A supposed authority strongly recom
mends gooseberries, cooked, of coarse,
s tonic better than the finer berries
generally In the market The gooseber
ry bas an acid not to be found In other
small berries, or perhaps It la salt
Anyhow, they are good and bealtn giv
ing. There we go following a custom
of England, where the gooseberry has
been the main feature of tarts, famed
In song and story. Cincinnati Commercial-Tribune.
Eels as Food.
Tbe eel's food value la great and In
some countries It Is staple. Tbe Eng
lish consume millions, but tbe Scotch
would quite as soon eat snakes. Bo
In the ancient times, while the Ro
mans consumed large quantities, tbe
Kgyptians would not touch them. A
great many of our people have this
same aversion to the eel, though a
great many others are fond of It
Cincinnati Enquirer.
One Way.
"Mr. Interlocutor, can yon tell me
how one may make Ice water without
Ice7"
"No, Mr. Bones, I cannot Will yon
tell as how?"
"Peel ao onion, and that will make
your eyes water." Cincinnati En
quirer. Brazil'a Coffee.
A Portuguese, Joao Alberto Castello
Brsneo, Is said to have planted tbe first
coffee tree lu Wo de Janeiro In 1700,
and from this small beginning bas de
veloped the Industry which has mnde
Brazil the greatest coffee producer of
tbe world.
What Did He Mean?
Olbbs So you send your wife abroad
for three months every year, lu great
to have money. Dllibs-Ves, money
Is certainly a greut blosslng.-Btum-foid
ChapnrrnL
Safety First.
The reason we wouldn't hire a mnn
who never makes mistakes Is because
he would soon have our Job.-Oalves-tou
News.
Here are two privileges the average
man Insists on: First the right to do
ss be pleases, and, second, tbe right to
abuse a neighbor who doesn't do as he
wants htm to.
Some one tins Invented another new
danco, but as It is said to be bugleas
the chance that it Is going to crowd
any of the tangos off the stags Is prob
ably pretty slim.
An Indignant creditor In New York
killed the man wbo owed blra 1200
and could not pay. Did he think that
dead man would be more likely to
settle than living man?
Dr. Anna Shaw, speaking befors the
International council at Koine, declares
that women are the best news fea
tures for the dally papers. Depending,
speaking In half tone, npon tbe fea
tures. Statistics showing the enormous pop
ularity of moving picture theaters In
I'aris seem to disprove the supposition
that the Tarlslan gets all bis recrea
tion studying the work of tbe old mas
ters In the Louvre.
M -SIS 1
PQP0EAR
MECHANICS
MAGAZINE
For Father and Son
AND ALL THE FAMILY
Two and a half million readers find It of
absorbing interest Everything In it Is
Written So You Can Understand It
We sell 400,000 copies every month without
Kivinij premiums nnd have no solicitors. Any
nitwndi'alc-r will ahow you a copy: or write the
publisher tor free sample a postal will do.
$l.SO A YEAR 15c A COPY
Popular Mechanics Magazine
I A A P Ochoco No. 40. Meets
1. J, J, i , eV(jry Tuesduy night,
Kt ruiigerH welcome.
J. 11. Gray, Noblo Grand ; Percy It.
Smith, Vice" Grand; S. (J. llinkle, He
cording Kerretary! C. li, Dinwiddle,
Treasurer.
I Hit, V v'MJlaaaw.Vj .i-m--..r.
II I i l , f Ik . msv JSM a m