Steelheaders can
be DEAD SERIOUS
By G.I. WILSON
It is a cold December day on the
Nestucca River. Twenty to 25 driftfi sher-
men, in cold weather gear and insulated hip
boots, line the gravel bar below the mouth
of Three Rivers.
Skilled drifters cast and retrieve with
a synchronized ebb and fl ow that would
make a Broadway dance choreographer
glow. Cast and retrieve in unison and few
tangles occur. Cast out of sequence a few
times and it would be a good idea to quietly
slink away to a safer place to fi sh. Could be
a little intimidating hearing your ancestors
described in colorful language not to be
heard by women or children.
Winter steelhead are returning in record
numbers. This is the peak of the hatchery
run. Millions of smoldts are being released
yearly. The Nestucca has been the top river
for steelhead production for several years
in a row. State hatcheries are adequately
funded and running at capacity.
This is long before anti-hatchery groups
begin a program to convince state leaders
fi sh hatcheries are far worse than coal burn-
ing plants and pipelines.
A river guide arrives in a wooden drift-
boat after a half day fl oat. He has to come
ashore on this gravel bar.
He has to bring the craft in and interrupt
the casting cycle. Two reluctant anglers
grudgingly wave him in, grab the heavy
boat, and slide it partially onto the gravel,
and promptly return to casting.
A passenger, feeling somewhat uncom-
fortable for the interruption, smiles weekly
and off ers greetings. She notices a beauti-
ful 7-8 pound steelhead on the bank.
“What a beauty. Who got that one?” she
gushes.
“Guy landed that fi sh, dropped dead in
his tracks.” A big, bearded guy mutters.
“Hauled ‘em away in the ambulance.”
“Who gets the fi sh?” the stunned boater
asks timidly.
“Guess the guy he came with,” a second
angler off ers, jumping into the conversa-
tion. “Tall skinny guy down there with a fur
hat. He ain’t leaving till he gets his limit.”
“We are dead serious about these winter
steelhead,” giggles a heavy guy as he fi n-
ished his second Blitz. “Had my limit before
8:00. Got to wait for my buddy to get his
limit now.”
Guide Jim Johnson has one client on
another December trip down the Nestucca
River. Today he decides to fl oat from Bridge
One to Cloverdale.
They fl oat past the usual crowd at Three
Rivers. About a quarter mile downriver the
client suddenly has an urgent “call from
Mother Nature.”
Johnson rows to shore and the guy
makes a dash to the bushes. He comes back
to the boat, steps one foot into the boat and
drops dead.
Obviously, Johnson is not only badly
shaken, but has a major problem on his
hands. It is over an hour fl oat to Cloverdale
and a quarter-mile hike back to the Three
Rivers parking lot.
Since Al Gore hasn’t invented the cell
phone yet, Johnson has to leave the body
and make the hike, fl ag down a vehicle, and
drive to the nearest telephone. “My client
just stepped one foot in the boat and just
checked out,” a shaken Johnson blurted. “I
mean, he was stone dead.”
Firemen and paramedics return to carry
the corpse back to the parking lot.
This is the big news of the day at the
local “watering hole.” All the locals are
eager to hear the details and have some fun
at Johnson’s expense.
“Old boy just checked out right there in
mid-step,” Johnson stammers. “Dropped
stone dead.”
“Was it a full day, or half day trip?” a gig-
gling barmaid asks.
“Had he paid you?” comes from another
local, struggling not to laugh.
“I can just see the headlines ‘Local
Guide Deadly on Steelhead.’”
Keizer’s newest Rotarians
Inducted March 18, 2021
Karma Krause
Karma is a life-long Keizer resident. She attended Clear Lake
Elementary, Whiteaker Middle and McNary High schools,
and earned a B.A. from OSU.She currently works for Salem-
Keizer Public Schools in the Community Relations and
Communications Department.
—Sponsored by Joe Egli
MARCH 26, 2021, KEIZERTIMES, PAGE A23
Mavericks League
announces
2021 schedule
The inaugural season of the
Mavericks Independent Baseball
League will begin on Thursday, May
13, when the Portland Mavericks play
the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes. The
Campesinos de Salem-Keizer will face
the
Salem
Senators on
Friday, May
14, as all
four league
teams jump
into action.
E a c h
team
will
play 48 games during the regular sea-
son which will conclude on Sunday,
August 29. A postseason will follow
as the winner of the fi rst half of the
season will play the winner of the sea-
son’s second half, in a best-of-three
series, for the fi rst ever Mavericks
League Championship.
All-Star Festivities will occur July
6-7 after the fi rst half of play con-
cludes with two games scheduled on
July 4th, a 1 pm contest between the
Volcanoes and Senators and a 6:35pm
nightcap between the Mavericks and
Campesinos.
The schedule features 32 matinee
games, played every Saturday and
Sunday afternoon, beginning at 1 pm.
The 64 night games will all be played
on Thursday,
F r i d a y ,
Saturday
and Sunday
evening.
All league
games will
be played at
Vo l c a n o e s
Stadium. Open tryouts for interested
players will be held at Volcanoes
Stadium on Saturday, April 3 at 9 a.m.
– registration is required. Ticket pack-
ages and local and small business
marketing packages are currently on
sale by calling Volcanoes Stadium at
503-390-2225 or by emailing maver-
icksleague2021@gmail.com. In addi-
tion, host family opportunities are
available – email lisa@mavsleague.
com for details.
M emorial C enters ◆ C remation & B urial
Simplicity - Convenience - Low Cost
simple
cremation
simple direct
burial
church
funeral
◆
$795
◆
$995
◆
$2965
Salem
Portland
Eastside
275 Lancaster Dr. SE
Salem, OR 97317
832 NE Broadway
Portland, OR 97232
1433 SE 122nd Ave.
Portland, OR 97233
Corri Falardeau
(503) 581-6265
(503) 783-3393
(503) 783-6865
A Salem native, Corri went to Cummings Elementary,
Whiteaker Middle and graduated from McNary in 2001.
She has three children, two with husband Richard. Corri works
for the Keizer Chamber of Commerce as administrative offi ce
specialist. She volunteers in the community wherever help is
needed.
—Sponsored by Mark Caillier
Tualatin
Tigard
Milwaukie
8970 SW Tualatin
Sherwood Rd.
Tualatin, OR 97062
12995 SW Pacifi c Hwy
Tigard, OR 97223
16475 SE McLoughlin Blvd.
Milwaukie, OR 97267
(503) 783-6869
(503) 653-7076
SERVICE ABOVE SELF
(503) 885 -7800
“Easy Online Arrangements”
CrownCremationBurial.com