Of smelt and roses
Smelt in the Sandy River.
First time in years, Paul is ex-
cited. All he needs is a buddy
willing to join in on the excite-
ment. Ron would be perfect.
His expertise in fi shing amounts
to which package to extract
from the freezer at Costco.
Paul manages to squeeze the
car into the last parking spot
along the river.
Ron is in awe at the size of
the mob along the river bank.
Assorted bodies are waving
what looks like butterfl y nets-
on steroids-in the air and in the
water. The river is lined with
people in chest waders and hip
boots. Some are wading the
snow-fed, icy waters with no
protection at all. Paul calls it
“Smelt Fever.”
The goal is to make a long
sweep downstream, with the
current, hoping to intercept
smelt on their way upstream to
spawn. Some folks are so close
together looks like dueling sa-
bers, or nets, as it were.
Successful dip, two or three
smelt in the net, person returns
to land and dumps them into
the obligatory 5-gallon bucket,
only to turn back and fi nd at
least 13 nets have staked claim
to his spot.
by G.I. Wilson
Could have been in the San
Francisco airport from the ca-
cophony of languages reverber-
ating across the water--Russian,
Scandinavian, Spanish, several
Asian dialects and a smattering
of English.
She catches Ron’s atten-
tion fi rst, as she comes out of
the water, net and smelt over
her shoulder. Attractive, make-
up, hair perfect, short shorts,
strides like a model on the car-
pet. But the legs stand out like
neon lights in the fog. They are
somewhere between scarlet and
fl uorescent purple. Has goose
bumps like purple M&Ms. Can
only guess how long she had
been in the water.
She is all smiles for her guy,
right out of Duck Dynasty,
decked out in insulated camo
and a stack of empties at his
side. Guess he is guarding the
5-gallon bucket.
Ron becomes captivated
by “the family” settled in on a
sandy nook. Dad, skinny as the
wooden net handle he’s wield-
ing, bib overalls, barefoot, stand-
ing in water up to his arm pits.
Dad’s net is home made. Not
one of those fancy aluminum
jobs. Looks like an old pitch
fork handle with an onion sack
and wire hoop held together
with haywire and duct tape.
Mom is the “stout” one.
Ready to cook smelt. Hair
done up in rollers, “seasoned”
apron, long-handled fork. Has
a hot bed of coals going, cast
iron skillet-big enough to feed
a platoon of hungry Marines.
She has the skillet ready with
sizzling hot lard.
Her four little rug rats are
having a ball. Look like losers
in a mud wrestling match. Sand
and mud from head to toe. Lit-
tle hands look like a mudder’s
gloves.
Dad comes sloshing out of
the river, water gushing out of
his bibs, seven or eight smelt
in the net. Kids come running
with squeals of delight. He
Volcanoes’ new coach preps
for old team’s leading role
By HERB SWETT
For the Keizertimes
“I learned about a lot of
things.”
So said Kyle Haines, new
manager of the Salem-Keizer
Volcanoes, when asked about
his preparations for his new
job.
Haines, 32, played shortstop
for the Volcanoes in 2004 and
had his fi rst managing job last
year in the Frontier League, an
independent league. His club,
the Frontier Grays, was based
in Highland, Illinois, a St.
Louis suburb about 100 miles
west of his home in Louisville,
Illinois.
The Grays did not have a
winning record and had to
play all their games on the tion before fi nding his fi rst
road, because there was no managerial opportunity.
stadium in Highland. How-
He expects to have the
ever, Haines and the
same coaches the
San Francisco Giants
Volcanoes had last
organization thought
year, Ricky Ward
what he learned was
for batting and Matt
good preparation for
Yourkin for pitch-
managing the Volca-
ing.
noes.
As usual, the play-
Haines
played
er roster will not be
high school baseball
known until a few
in Louisville and
days before open-
played for Eastern
ing day, which will
Kyle Haines
Illinois University
be at home June
before being drafted by the 17 against a college all-star
Giants in 2004. After several team. A four-day home series
years in the Giants organiza- against the Vancouver Cana-
tion, he became a free agent dians will follow, and then the
and played briefl y in the Volcanoes will play the Hops
Cleveland Indians organiza- in Hillsboro for three days.
FEBRUARY 27, 2015, KEIZERTIMES, PAGE A9
turns the net upside down and
dumps smelt, river water and an
assortment of leaves, fi r needles
and debris directly into the
smoking grease. Beads of water
pop into the air like popcorn.
Several smelt react to the hot
grease and go airborne, landing
in a mixture of sand, charcoal,
and unidentifi ed materials.
Eager little muddy hands to
the rescue. After several tries,
the little squirming critters are
tossed back into the skillet, along
with sand and assorted objects.
When a morsel is golden
brown, Mom skewers it with
the trusty fork and deposits it
in dirty little waiting hands.
Too hot for the mouth, the kid
does a smelt version of the old
hot potato, hot potato game,
until the little critter becomes
mouth-worthy.
Captivated by all this excite-
ment, Ron forgets about Paul
and his quest for smelt. Paul is a
big guy, long legs, chest waders
and an extra long handled net.
He wades out beyond most of
the shorter dippers. He has his
eye on a virtual cloud of smelt
headed upriver.
In one powerful swoop he
fi lls the net to the point where
the handle is bending precari-
ously. Ron dashes to the water’s
edge with the trusty 5-gallon
bucket. Two monster swoops
and the bucket is full of fl op-
ping little shiny critters. Hi-
fi ves and atta-boys are in order.
Back home, the two cel-
ebrate with an adult beverage
and pat themselves on the back.
The kids are fascinated with the
catch. Soon the particular odor
of a bucket full of smelt begins
to permeate the kitchen. “Time
to clean these little devils,” Ron
questions.
“Oh my God, what have we
done?” Paul moans, staring at
the bucket. “Someone told me
you just fry ‘em up and eat guts,
feathers and all.”
“You want to eat your half
that way, go for it. Not me,”
Ron adds. “My parents always
opened ‘em up and cleaned ‘em
out.”
“Oh my god, what have we
done?” Paul moans again.
After cleaning a couple doz-
en, they look at the bucket, still
full of smelt, with disgust.
“Got an idea,” Paul blurts.
“Maybe we can give some away.
I know Mobergs like fi sh.”
“Hey John, want some nice
fresh smelt? John, hello John.”
Paul, incredulous, “Can’t be-
lieve it. He hung up on me.”
Summer arrives and Ron
drops by frequently to visit. He
enjoys strolling through Paul’s
rose garden.
“I don’t believe your roses
have ever been so big and beau-
tiful,” he pauses, nose testing the
breeze, “Is it just me, or is there
a different, distinct aroma this
year?”
Want to experience dipping
smelt? Season opens two half
days (6 a.m. to noon) on the
Sandy River, Saturday, March 7
and Sunday, March 15. Limit is
10 pounds per person and no
license required.
Support,
donations
sought for
Clear Lake
new track
fundraiser
Clear Lake Elementary
School’s Parent-Teacher Asso-
ciation is holding a fundraising
auction and dinner Saturday,
March 14.
Organizers are currently
looking for donations for the
auction planned for the event.
Proceeds are used for academic
enrichment programs, new
technology, fi eld trips, play-
ground equipment and the
planned addition of a new track
at the school. This year’s goal is
$20,000.
The dinner and auction be-
gins at 5:30 p.m. Cost is $20
per person or $120 for a table
of eight. Child care is available
for $5.
For more information, con-
tact Shawna Toavs at rstoavs@
comcast.net, or April McVay at
mcvaythree@gmail.com.
Monarch ballers host try-outs
The Mid-Valley Monarchs basketball pro-
gram will once again be holding try-outs and-
sign-ups for spring and summer teams.
The program is designed to help players
who wish to pursue more advanced basket-
ball during their off season. It does not confl ict
with school programs and is intended to sup-
port their school teams. The program will set
up as many teams as the numbers of players and
qualifi ed available coaches provides.
Try-outs/Sign-ups are:
High School Girls (currently in grades 8 - 11)
Sunday, March 1: 4:30 - 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, March 15: 4:30 - 7:30 p.m.
Tuesday, March 17: 7 - 9 p.m.
Middle School Girls (currently in grades 6 - 7)
Sunday, March 1: 2 - 4 p.m.
Sunday, March 15: 2 - 4 p.m.
Tuesday, March 17: 5:30 - 7 p.m.
The tryouts on March 1 and 15 will be held
at West Salem HS. The location for March 17
is to be determined and will be announced at
www.midvalleymonarchs.com
There will be a $25 try-out fee that will
cover both sessions (the fee is then applied to
the player’s season participation cost). Players
are not required to attend all tryout sessions,
but are encouraged to attend as many as pos-
sible. Each of the teams will have a fee to
participate that will be based on the number
of tournaments in which they enter. Games
and practices will begin in late March and
early April.
For more information, visit www.midval-
leymonarchs.com or contact Ron Hittner,
(503) 580-5722, ronhittner@hotmail.com or
Terry Williams, (503) 871-6551, twilliams@
corban.edu if you have questions.
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