The Port Orford tribune., March 13, 1912, Image 1

X .X .
V o lu m e
13. 1O1«
o r n c u i«
N u m b e r >41
d ir s c t o b y
HOPES BLASIED.
T h ia la th e tru e story o f a dtacour-
' I aged and wracked h u m o ris t T h e vie-
of i tlm has recovered e n tire ly and counts
I I t as one of the lo rtu o a te things of his
Is life th a t, aa a funny n a n , ha was ship­
w recked early.
A few years ago there waa a student
la one of the leading u d v e r s itl a fo r
w ho the u n th in k in g p a rt o f the fa c ­
u lty — an y university has some proftas-
l- ors not g u ilty o f th in k in g much— pra- j
d ie te d what they called a b r illia n t fu - 1
| ture. T h e young man heard of w h at !
th ey said and believed I t . too.
j
L | H e was know n as the college w it. He
. w ro te alleged humorous pieces fo r the
• college
publications, end when he
m ade speeches at college dinners his I
• auditors were convulsed. E very one '
seemed to lik e the youngster— whose
. nam e m igh t be M c A n d rew ^ although
w n a t is a
visible typewriter?
I
McAndrews was a ll the more popular
because he waa w o rking hie way
through college. H e had lived most of
• his Ilfs in N ew Jeraey
Uns day he
wa* approached fo r a contribution fo r
an ath letic fund.
fra n k ly said ks hadn't an y money
, * • •P ar«. hut he would give a public ■
humorous lecture In the town b a ll If ,
I Port O rfonl.
th e u n ive rsity would rally round him . 1
OOliMTV o rn o a a a .
W h e n he announced that his subject I
i ’o n r t y J x w lg e -E . A. B a ile y , G old would be “ N ew J e rs e y -tra v e ls In an. '
unknow n and foreign land." there was I
Beaoh.
I m a ty C om m laaionera—O tt o la m e rt, an Im m ediate prom ise to rally .
A nd ra lly th a t university did. W o rd '
I low Beach ;OeoChenoweth, L an glo is.
was passed around lhr.t It n u going 1
I l.e riff— W . A . Biahel, Gold Beach,
to be n great show?. Th e glee club was 1
l o u n ty C le rk —G eorge W . S m ith ,
sailed upon to rehearse grinds cn N ew c
Hold Beech.
Jersey In general and on M cAndrew s I
I ' ounty Treasurer—James Caugltell In pa rticu lar.
T h e re was a large advance wale o f F
Wedderburn
tickets. McAr.drew a ruse id the occa- r
-
—
___ __
isseaeur—W m . Tulm an, H a rb o r,
•io n .
He V orked early and late la ’ » p rtn g a t le a s t th re e
cliool H u p t .- W . 8 . Guerin. Langlois
w ritin g fanny things Into the lecture, le n g th , so you c a n .. .
■irveyor—D . C u n n iff J r., Gold Beech.
Me teHotod a ll th e alleged humorous h n v o
k
ih t o * . ever p rin ted about N ew j X “
“ 7 . to * ' « J c a r e fa l
u ro o e re -D r. a J . M ann, Langlois
and rew rote thorn as his own.
H e a e r i n K « b o u t in th e eg)
■ ir r u io s o r t u x cottars,
“ J u s t b e fo re Ic u m e (
irc u it C o u rt meets F om th M onday la picked out a ll th e peculiarly named
as to see what you have done. T he key-for-every-character
keyboard of the easy action, light running MODEL 10
Coaplrie. StreTht I n - I
vhnerd
RemoveUeandL.v .>.-1.^»
Ball Bearing Cariug»
RevernLla abelalci . .»r
lel'ieHui
Simple Steedl Cattuis 0» 1st
K z . ' c s ' i l r 5"
m akes it th e only truly visible w riting m achine
—
Visible W riting
T k e Smith Premier Typewriter Company, In c
Syracute, N . Y .
Bugs and finakea ta M era.
A h H a v e Horna, Declares a
I t Is n 't
W riting in sight is part of it. Keyboard in sight is the
other part. It is as important that you see what you do
W r ite for information to
CREEPING HORNED THING
Complete C o n tro
B ru ch « emjwhaaa
fro m
Keyboard
A K e y for Every Character
Bichrome RfiAea
J
~
* u u ' ,u th “ H»hokuo, I w a a in O o ld fle ld g aa»
August of each year.
^ h t t e l ^ . « ^
T h e 7 «• “ o d o u b t b u t ,
■ ounty nom mlselonera C o u rt meets
M cAndrew s w asn't e n tire ly eat’sfled P * ° P ,e h a v * d ie d reco u
first Wodncmlay In Jno nary, A p ril,
J u ly and September of each yee i. w ith the words he wrote and soon dw> ■ “ “ *» « d is t r ic t , b u t I h
Probate C o urt meets firs t Monday in elded th a t he m ost fo rtify them . H e i a t “ l d is e a s e th e y ta lk
each m o ^ th -'
poun<,* i “ “ P « b o u t is n o th in g less i
s ra a r ooturrr roer orrtone swn roer- th a t he got from a saloonkeeper, im d
1 1 h
k “ ,’ * ' n !
Bell Beeriag Type Bar
Coiume iin d a . and Pwagealwk
Decimal Tabetator
Perfect Eraairj Fseiuea
tatarihangeable Canlaga. X
L e f t Carnage Ralaau-
Swinging Merges! Rack i
Pramsad R & U e
Gear Driven Camagea
Ribbon C o m o lle d fr.« K a H « rd
Variable aad 1 i m i l L k e Spacer
Perfect Dual Guard
Back Space Laver
Ceiyioge Retards,
Improved M atgaal Stop.
Three «NT features
• 'b e feo ...........
H a rb o r.. . . . .
Gold Bench.
Wedderburn
lU M ie e ... . . .
M e r in i..........
A g n e a s .....
Port Orford
D e n m a rk ...
L an glo is
C o k le y ...
wlfak
make the Smith Premier tha
choice of the m an who
in vestig ates
- Mies Id a Cooler.
. . Fletcher Gardner.
..............J . W . Riley.
. . . . G L . Wakeman.
■ M r . K. B Burnell.
M rs. V io la A . F rv .
. . . . . . c i . M . Biles.
....A m e s Johnston
..............J. K Ceppe.
..........E . Backieff.
. . . . . / . A. H ain es
comparative
advantages.
BLACK -
DRAUGHT O ne cr More
C’A
°
CASCA K b T S »lid they are lite beat
»edlem « we.toure are. hud in the lw/uae L u i
w h my « Ita was franti«: with bendnrhe for
i S S y 1,
»OMieof your CASCA R ETS,
•Bhl
U fl palL- in her head almost
«.m ediately. Wa both recumutcnC Caacareta
.
Cuna grauet UUK.
1 Itta b u r, t« ta a Dspo-'* Co . FU tebur,. Fa.
STOCK and in g habits?
to Lead.
Afraid
POULTRY R Refusing
unning awav when halter t+uV
e ttiiig fast in «tall,
'A frai i
MEDICINE I G Pawing
in stable.
K in
Stock and poultry have few
??.*' W ? “ '''!
n »»k- ri
Test« Gena Po
(« U n e. «ir. l* c .Vie
C U W t C O N S T IP A T IO N .
W MSMmw. IM w . «M.wL ! . . IwV. u>
t .r ' ‘. '.'•’ U '—«• h r
e '" i fi'fi
Afi hr >«>-. —
-- --.
e ll drnc-
Il_ ...
T h o u s a n d s H a v e K id n e y T ro u b le
aad D o n ’t K n o w It .
M e w To Wind O at.
r ill 1 bottle or common glass with your
» star and let It stand twenty-four hours; a
.
M_e
sediment or set-
»
" ,lln< Indicates an
b
}g{
unhealthy condl-
y ji *
,!on v>l ihe kid-
»
1 1 t ney»: if It Malm
' ìt '
, y ° u,; *|nen •• is
1 I iT fY é j
of kld-
,
It]
I \u
nay
' r c u b ,e :
,o °
• -V xsl Z
fregueol desire to
' ^ *!S* 11 or P*,n ,n
back U also
nc .-tg proo, that the kidneys snd blad-
am 0141 of order.
W hat to De.
•
ra Is comfort in the knowledge so
* expressed, that D r. K llm tr s Swamp-
'>t. the jre a t kidney remedy fulfil]« every
iih in curing rheumatism, pain In the
kidney a, liver, bladder and every part
».f tha urinary passage. It corrects insbllltv
o hold water and scalding pain In passing
’t. or bad effects following use of liquor?
wine or bear, and overcomes that unplesianl
eacaaally of baing compelled to go eften
daring tha day. and to get up many times
daring tha n ight The mild and the axtra-
oralnarv affect ol S w am p -R o o t ts toon
realtreo
It stands tha highest for It, won­
derful su re, of the moat distressing cases.
If yae need a medicine you should have ihe
beet. Sold by druggists |e 50c. and j l . sUss.
' d e r M 7 *“ ’ • * “ mplo bottle of this
I trouble! which sre not bowel and
l i v e r irregularities.
B la c k -
hreught Stock and Poultry Medi­
cine la a bowel and liver remedy
f.ir «lock, lx pnta the organa of
digestion in a perfect condition.
Prominent American bleeder« and
farm er! loop their herd« and flock,
arelthy by giving then an occa-
«ionnl d'wo o f Black-Draught St-ok
and Poultry Medicine in their
food. Any stock raiser mav buy a
25-cent half-pound a ir tig ht can
of thia medicine fro n h i, dealer
and keep h i, stock in vigorous
health for weeks. Healer, gener­
ally keep lllack-Draught Stock and
Poultry Medicine, if your, doe,
n»d, «end AS cents for a wnnple
can to the manufacturer,, The
Chatlano iga Medicine Co., Chat­
tanooga, T ra n .
Ho jMeii.e, 8 s „ Jaa. se, len.
Blaolr-D >ught fltock and Pvnl j y
M«d4-Hne la th4 b«fit I ever tried. Ow
•lock ttbs Miking bad «rhea yoa «eat
me the m xilcine and non they are
getting ao fl-ie. They are looking M
per eent. b »tier.
8. P. BROCJKIMOTOM
mors about It. both s e ru ttS M W S iH » -'' ' ; A
T lW
P . ^ A r n T ^ ^ E ^ N
TS
^ iA fe S
SWIFT & CO.,
R *wrv«Mh.Yy fiayt »O.
g X / ■ V V T e ‘- l é i • ‘ 2 ‘.
»»»«!!*»•“•
• afii tf-w-.
LM*) »
S
|lt
H-i . . »4-
t e r m , th e re fo re I m u s t n o t s p a re a n y
m o r e c e lla r . P le a s e d o n o t ask fo r it
T h e green trees w ill g ro w and th e <lea4
J H . U ptom ,
U a g lo ie , O r., A u g a ri 27. H IO .
to wrile Pir mir conIWenllsl lutt. r betör» an-
PWog tar M tc n t; It nwy be worth aoaöwi
We prom atl, obtela üTfi. aad Foreign
’
l
i i r t ***
ìv C r t b a r f k t . ih e
•»Cvf’ i !!»»•■ be-.n fliw e x * é r v
i
<Pf« •«. »Tt|.T\xi, UJ.TBP4., I upg,
i m o s t huh I mi n<1||jn v t im b e r Io re*
p lace fences e n d b u ild in g s j n th e
*
b -
ikeelutely free by mall,
»
P a tM il
^ r ' KHmer A Bews «V tveeq-Va-«. ’
Ca.. Binghamton. N . Y . When writing man-
Opp- U S. Palsstt ¿fflca.Watkii.qt0d, ß C.
Uee reading this generous offer In this paper.
,
W , E. B u r r o w ,
C orb in , Orp,
I f you have ho
-
tioned had habit-: <>i ¿ c i
And permanent'!v t<><
en in this course of 1 s i
of yo u r horse mam d
keep or sell him. ' H »» d
dence in d riv in g an I h m.l
The only l i n - e d
work guaranteed.
ones w ill keep.
ea« beit .egwl rorrko aad advic«. aad <rar
Charge« ara moderato. Try aa.
end • book that
Tender bitted.
Afsaid o f-.n n
Pawing when hitched in n t eet
lC ro w ding in stall. • rt,-.M-in_
Refusing to halter or bi idle.
P u llin g on one rein.
Lugging on bit
L u n g in g and plunging.
Jum pin g fence«.
IJ. f
\
A fraid o f automobih-s
A fra id of paper,
4
Afraid of umbr< la
Afraid of >oiin,|
,
A fraid o f canv-t i
fa llin g of board
ved.
B itin g
i -.iLiiid of «team
r or strangers
‘•■gen wheel«
i >ucli o f shaft*
g- along road
sitin g away
witcher8
t > groom
Shying
’ down h ill
r wagon
I ofrobes
> 'he
. mg
Ai»t und
U’ U»«’ Ute -c,
6H( ¡g>s Uv< »y Of’ kt«;».¿vs, a v e r Hl
H ’h iis in * the e n tire
HI
ciiiT» h r iv in g f tc ,
» y * ’ '
lever, to fth iftm } c«i
!*:»•••« bur ar»«t
>1 I . ... C. iGwInv; IO, 2.V Mi ctfuu.
ju U vd
cues by « Il d rung uh
DOCTORS
p*y c o r u m p t i o n c a n be
î ur?d*. N **“ «« »Ion« won't
do it, it naedfi help.
MOI I'Sl Mlil SiOV
"eetMOnag
- the Me
. w ill w«
n '. . f the
I. f a r li.
vu e M Hit tangle out bon e ! d
pearrd * t u , rial:. Jo lo r ot J tv is it
o s the (a e u li; *& £ accuse», of appro­
p ria tin g it. I t was a night o f great
ton. and at Ite close McAudrewa war
, besieged by scores w ith th eir o o rg rat-
, stations.
,
T h e university president generously
,aald It was the most distinguished aud-
|lenee assembled In thr.i xow a wlU l
! I the exception of ohe th a t Oeorge W it
Ham C u rtis once had. As a hum orist
M cA jldrew a was a ho w ling success’
The e n tire un iversity was sure o f the
b r illia n t fu ture a w a itin g him .
|
In th a t audience was a college g irl,
the chairm an of the lecture c o m m ie .«
o f a neighoonug g lrl'e college. She
too. caught the enthusiasm of the mo-’
m eat in d offered M cAndrews the mu­
nificent sum o f f U to come to lecture
to the glria.
He snapped It up as quickly aa a
get n -h-qulck man does easy money
I t was lik e flndlng a gold mine.
Th e g irl chairm an want nome to
boom the lecture, «he advertised Mc­
Andrew s as the re c o a te d wt, of his
u n iversity, tbe oonucg humorist o f the
U nited States, the only Icg lilm ate ,u e-
eaesor tn a t M a rk T w a in would ever
hare.
T h e n ig h t o f th a t lecture earns on.
th e lecture wag given io the college
chapel, ong of those cold, blue p.acs,
th a t are sometimes found in In s titu ­
tions established la the Intereet o f
some religious sect.
Th e college president sat oa the p lat­
fo rm aad his face was g ra v a
H is (
whole aspect seemed to esy:
„
I
" T t u a g man, th le Is a holy place.
L e t no undue le v ity be attem pted
1 M cA ndrew s n T a th a lecture, and the
.aodtonea laughed ju st onoe.
Te ars later, when M cAndrews — my
to kn ow M a rk T w a in , he plucked up
eouraee to w rite M r. Clemens to know
tf he a o u li look th a t lecture o r or and
aay w h eth er there waa really an yth in g
funny In It. H e got a le tte r |O reply
telling h im to eend It along.
M r. Clemens returned the m anuscript
la te r w ith th a re m a rk th a t it waa
A m i-r a ia “qatte good." McAndrews then — d
A t.:hio<
Hr. M ite r
Flue 1er beiUecUe. Benrulcia. esterise.
ren there gave ag ail hope a t being a
humorist.—M. T. Baa.
DOCTORS ARD CHARITY.
H u m a n w a n t and m isery la n o t to he
a lto g e th e r a ttrib u te d to ig noran ce la
th e o rd in a ry ed ucatio nal rense, nor al
to g e th e r to ecuncmlc cu tx litlo n f, b ill
in o r* la rg e ly to th e m alig n effects o f
h e re d ita ry ph ysical ta in t and u n ta i l-
ta ry su rrou nd ings, says A m r. lean
Medicine. A ll m odern eo m m u n itlr
possess org s n ic stio n s o f t»i« chai B a ­
biy inclined, and to tb e effo rts o f s u i!.
benevolent persons th e m edical j • ■
fession Is chiefly indebted fo r t l
fo u n d in g and support o f th e many in-
s titu lio n a th ro u g h which phy.sh Ians
exercise th e ir fu n ctio n s am ong the
poor. I t rem ains fo r th e profesxlci. ti
e n te r In to th is w o rk In a m ore syste-
niat-ic w ay .
E very c ity , county nu
s ta te m edical society should have .
... ucTvinpm g th e fora» o f p r r .e i; T .
c h a rity w h ielt w ill seek to am en o-
su ffe rin g by th e red u ctio n o f p e rn ,
clous conditions. T h s spirti»»«! w
o f in firm a rie s , dispensaries and ho­
te ls In p lacin g c u ra tiv e medicine,
th ediapo eal o f the diatased p. or. n -
-
*« be supplem ented by b iii , p tl
science o f p reventive m edicine .a.
h a rm o n lo u . action w ith th a t fo rm .
c h a r ity which lo o k , to th e | , W f ,
o f Social e v il, a lo n g th e lines o f p->-
•u n a l and pu blic s a n ita tio n .