T H F TRIBUNE, TURNER, OREGON W hoW ants to be Bald? World Events Pictured HAPPENINGS EVERYW HERE AND PERSONS • • • OF NOTE AS SEEN BY THE CAMERA • • • Movie Studio Fire in Which Ten Perished and I f CEOBCE D O M E V. Pk- D , LL. 0 . Rum » ............................................................. . n How and Why Bodies Fosailixe F O R E 3 IC H T lla waa Halting tha newlyweda at their home. Everything was Hoe. but— "W hy did you take an apartment with aucb a tloy kitchenette. Tom. old boy T" "W ell, you’re the Orel mao I'va told. ao keep It quiet it's so small I can't gst In there to help my wife when aba's doing the dishes." Early T a llies "D o you think a aurceaaful polltl clan must spend many years In get ting an education f "All depends," said Senator Sor (hum. "on what kind of politics he gets Into. I know of underworld workers who appear to have learned more In (all than they learned to srbooL"— Washington Star. A REINCARNATION SURE Tw» persona were burned lo death and others badly Injured In a Ora that destroyed a movie studio In New Turk. Thla pit ture of the conflagration was sent by telephoto. Franklin Memorial Museum in Philadelphia Friend (referring to new-th-rn lathe) "Just think, Tom. there's your son having his drat day of crying." Dad— can hardly think It la Jim—sounds to ma Ilka he's bad a lot of practlos before." A a ts r c tic A d v a n ta g e fonder. In tar Antarctic scan. Tha ehlp* rapose amid a fr e e s # And make us envy Icy storm. While weather prophe aay 'fa ir nnd warm." Opinion* Differ Wlfey (reading paper)—It’» a shame! Simply revolting I Down In the South Sea Islands a man pays $20 for a wife I Hubby Yea. that’s a lot of money, but If she Is pleasant and good look­ ing and a willing worker she might be worth It. T he Gaeat T ow els Architect's aketrh o f the Ilenjnmln Franklin Memorlnt ami Frnnklln Inatltute museum now under construction on the I'arkway, I’ hllsdelphla. The ultimate coat o f the project Is put at 120,000,000. Electric Cutter for Coast Guard HOOVER MEDAL Hubby— Well, darling, 1 ran that errand for you today. I bought the towels and took them to a seamstress to have the question marks sewed o n Surprised Wife— What on earth did you think l asked you to buy* Hubby— You told me to buy a dozen guess towels, o f course.—Chicago Dally News. MEAN INDEED "You aay Jack's father Is miser ably mean!" “ Yea, he'a ao mean he wouldn't ever give Jack a liberal education." First photograph o f the Presidential medal commemorating the administra­ tion o f Herbert Hoover, which haa Just been cast by tha United Stataa mint at Philadelphia. The tnednla are now avallatila for parchas# by the public. NEW SENATOR W h o Has the A n sw e r? I ask a simple question, Thla only truth I wish: Are gli ftshermen liars. Or do va'.T Hars Geht Butins»* First The Officer— When you seen them dames start Mtin' an' n.dr pullin' why didn’t you stop ’em an’ not wait till they near rnurd »red each othert The Movie Opecutor— Stop 'em I Why, man, there was a hundred feel o f him In the camera. Merely Advisory Mr. Neversweat —I -an't get out and noatle up a Job. The doctor’s forbid den me to work. Ills Wife— Ferglt Iti The doc s lo t the business sgeot of your union. Chaacee Bright "Ilm I So you wish to marry my daughter. May I ask. how are your future ptoepects? Dan you provide for herF’ “ Yes. absolutely. I have a very rich uncle, slxty-tlve years old. who has lately taken up aviation." The Itasca, ftrat o f four electric cutters for the coast guard, taking the filt e r at Oakland, Calif., where It waa built. Fingernails Painted Red and White « J A NI.KHH well protected, or In raln- leaa Pern or F.gypt, or In dry eavaa. or the cold storage o f Aretlr lea, or In oil, wax. or amber, tha hotly soon yields to tha bacteria o f decay or to the teeth o f wolves and hyenas For bona or other tissue to be replaced by mineral whereby It pelrlflee or "fossilises," many conditions muat he right. The wiser the animal, tha lean likelihood o f Its being caught In qalek- aands or engulfed by tha gravel and silt o f floods. Primitive mao waa as I llttls enamored aa wa are o f being burled alive. ! Fossil remains o f the famous Cro- Magnon man have been found In Wales, and especially In Franca Puosl bly earth never saw finer built hun '.r beings. Ilia brain was 13 per rent larger than o u rs , his stature taller than any living race by ta o Inches He was clean-limbed, lithe, and swift. He had a good chin, thick and strong Jaws. Ills head waa long, bis face broad. Ila burled his dead. He was an artist and an artisan. He lived about 23,000 years ago. Did be become an ordinary European, or did It« dlsap pear? No one knows. Reyond Cro-Magnon, our forebears rather run to brutish taste. Grimaldi man waa o f the Negroid ty|>e. Neun derthal man had a huge head, chipped flint, and burled bis dead. He Is set down at 30,000 R. C. and left no known heirs. He la the first known cave-man. The Jaw o f Heidelberg man fits a gorilla, but the teeth are ours. He is poaslbly 400.000 years old. Plltdown man is poaslbly a hundred thousand years Ider. Some think he was an ape. Some say he waa the flrst Eng llsbman. We have reached a point in time where no one knows who’s who. The champion fossil la Pithecan thropus ereetus (ape-man erect), dis­ covered by Du boll In Java In 1801. He la certainly a half million years old ; some say a million. He is more pithe­ coid than any known human being, more anthropoid than any known a|>e. He waa as erect and almost aa tall aa the average Europ»rn. He had definite!; left the “ well-ventilated ar­ boreal tenements." He was a low­ browed moron—and may be represent­ ed In the living flesh. Rnt whether be was o f the direct line that led to man, or only o f a line that ended with himself. Is not yet definitely known. It Is enormously significant that, after a debate lasting more than a quarter o f a century, the biologists o f the world cannot decide whether Pithe­ canthropus ereetus belongs to the flrst or the second o f the earth's First Families. That makes him a pretty good link that is no longer missing. U The Right pla ce Rill— Do you notice 'hat lady ovei there? What a friendly expreaalon she wears on her face Hal— Yea. hut -her* else could anr possibly have It? To Import monkeys for their sex glands Is ghastly business, perhaps the lowest that haa engaged the cupid­ ity and lust o f man. but to shoot down simians aa we do mad dogs or boys In uniform Is s crime. The four Anthro­ poid apes are our next-of-kin-llving, they should be respected as cousins and not exterminated aa venuin or Indiana. Man was never a gorilla, a chimpan- see, an orang, or a gibbon. No biol­ ogist ever made such a claim Wheth er these a pee could have deAgoped Into human beings Is a different story. They have the makings— all the parts. If we knew how heredity works and could control variation, we might breed from an ape a being that could dig a ditch, play the piano, talk Eng­ lish, and sing the “ Messiah.” We can teach them to smoke cigarettes, chew- tobacco, drink beer, wear clothes, and eat with a knife and fork. We do not yet know tha limit o f their capacity to learn human ways. Why do xoologlsts put these four apes so close behind us that we ran feel their breath and they ran catch our diseases? Because they are An­ thropoid. Nothing has yet surpassed them I d the race to become human. Their anategny, embryology, histology, morphology, paleontology, physiology, and psychology entitle them to second place In the Ancient and Honorable Order o f Firsts. They vary In their msn-llkeness: no one Is In all ways closest to man. The orang looks like an Irishman; the gorilla la built H*n Jack Dempsey; the chimpanzee Is the meet angelic; the delicate gibbon has a lady-like aknll nnd an upright carriage. The first three—the Great Apes—are the ex tremes o f variation from n generalised ancestor. T glhbon varies least, and to that extent is nearest the tree man climbed down when he decided to stand up and talk. Except In teeth, the young female gorilla la tha most human. Her fa­ ther Is a brute In size nnd appear­ ance. Only five feet high, he may weigh over 400 pounds; mostly neck, cheat, and anna. If his legs were of human proportions, he would stand over seven feet high. The chimpanzee, like the gorilla, lives In Jungle Africa. Like the goril­ la. he has a shuffle along gait, swing­ ing his body between his long m u ch Ilka arms. He haa the gorilla's pro|mr- tlona, but never the great bulk of chest. And so Is more at home In the trace, where he builds his nest, ss does tha orang. The chimpanzee's skull Is not unlike the one ape-man erect tried on when turning Into man —and gave up because It had too much Jaw for the teeth required and «ot enough brain boz for Ideas. Not many, and when you are setting that way and loo«ins hair, which ends in haldm you want a good remedy that will stop falling hair, dandruff and grow hail hau on the bald I head BARE-T0-HA1R is what you want r*» Sat* at A ll 'W . H. F orst, M igr. iS . V«seals May Be Oldar Than St. Patrick’ s Tima Boottdalo. Poi Camara Flalskas Pietava Invented by a blind man, a earner« which takes pictures and makes print« at practically tha same time, haa ap­ peared In I-on don. It has two lenaao, one being lha ordinary earners "eye," and the other admitting only ultravio­ let rays. Films and paper are Insert­ ed together, and wtienaver tha shutter Is opened a secret "gas’’ Is released from a small cylinder to develop, fig and print the exposures. When tha spool la removed the photographs are unwound at the tame time. An Interesting archeological discov­ ery waa made by man Hearing ao old ditch at Mornlngton. county Louth, Ireland, a village at tha mouth of tha Boyne. Mornlngton Is connected by tradition with Ht. Patrick, who In 432, after un­ successful efforts to effect a landing in other parts o f Ireland, entered tha Boyne there and ran bis vessel Into what was then known as the harbor at Colpa, now called Colp. In a ditch Into which within living Accidentally an Arkansas lady cured memory the Boyne used to flow. form­ (Its In a valuable dog with Russ Ball ing a natural harbor, workmen un­ Blue. Many others now ose U. New earthed the timbers ot several oaken er falls, she says.—Adv. veesela lying at an angle to the stream and apparently o f Treat age. The M echanical Victim length o f the vessels cannot be ascer­ Raid to play with an uncanny hu­ tained until after further ezcaratlona. man touch, a mechanical violin haa The feet that sandy soil will pre­ been Invented by two engineers In serve ouk for thousands o f years opens France. It haa a number o f keys up the poeslhlllty that the vessels may which press lha strings like the left be even older than 8L Patrick's time. hand of a player, and a revolving bow Steps have been taken to protect them which penults different degrees of until they have been seen by an arch pressure. The violin Is driven by two •ologlcai expert. motors. One take* the place o f th* player’s arm and the ether Impart* Smper Talk the swift movements of the w rist Peggy Udell, the Follies girl who la going to eider a convent, criticized the movies at a night clufi. “ The movies." she said, "are enough to send any girl Into a convent All this super talk 1 Every film Is a super- film nowadays. A man said to me the other night: " 'I don't see any difference at all between a film and a super-film.’ “ "The more fool yon, then,' said L 'At a super-film the prices are dou­ b a l l Mandos C* ble.’ " D#«t- M IMS Ma. W«S* Sc. Smbstamce sad Shadow b o l l i N*Trfa* ¡9 It waa a saying o f Demetrius Pha- lerus, that “ Man having often aban­ K O E N I G ’S N E R V I N E doned what was visible for the sake o f what was uncertain, have not got what they expected, and have lost what they bad—being unfortunate by an enigmatical sort o f calamity."— Athenaeus (circa A. D. 200.). “The Deipnoaophists." FLO HESTON SH A M P O O —M«ml to» m s to connection *u k Parkert Hoir Balsam. Sfskntha hair eoft and fluff» SI cent* by mail or at