TUR TRIBUNE, TURNER. OREGON
WHY WE BEHAVE]
LIKE HUMAN BEINGS
World Events Pictured
\
By OXOhOX D O M t Y , . pk. D,
u _ n.
!
M
GENEROUS RECEPTION
New Cruiser Starting Out for Severe Test»
SPEAK IN G OF FIGURES
M Ih i
O V A N $H J N t
U n do Ebon
There la d o satiety la study.
"Every time 1 aces an airplane," said
Beauty may be merely akin deep, bat
Uncle Eben, "Pe willin' to git back to
da old days right here on earth, wlf a It la nearly always affect!?»
coupla o' mules an' n canal boat."—
Washington Star.
Never try to make a fool at a man
—1st nature taka Ita coura»
Suspicious
It ta useless for a man to anafe •
Rusplrtoua Husband—Who called
steady Job If be Isn’t steady.
thla afternoon?
Hla Better Half—Only Aunt Sophie.
Friendship Is tha highest degras a*
8 . H.—Well, the left her pipe.
perfection In society.—Montaign»
A a Old Friend
Author—How do you like my plot?
Editor— With that eateem which can
Come only o f long acquaintances
For one thing, the henpecked man
Is never found In the ranks o f cries»
Usa Roa* Ball Blue In your laundry.
Tiny rust apota may come from Inte
rior Bluing. Ask G rocer»—Adv.
Not Adapted to tko Maoy
The chief drawback to living the
simple life la that ao few people can
Mistake that farm hoys make la In
stand It.—Capper's Weekly.
thinking there Is no monotony In thn
city.
The first European stood on the
brink o f the Grand canyon o f the
There's many a slip between thn
Colorado river eighty years before the engagement ring and the wedding
Pilgrims landed at Plymouth rock.
ring.
The new 10,000-ton cruiser Halt l-ake City, as It left Camden. N. 3- to undergo a period o f severe teat* over
the naval proving course off Rockland, Maine. The ship, which was constructed under the terms o f the Washington
conference, 1» 5h5 feet, 0 Inches over all, with an estimated speed o f S3 knots.
FOR ALL-AM ERICAN
Queen o f California Walnuts
"Why do 1 see yoo walking ao much
lately, Fred?"
"I'm reducing."
"80 you’re reducing, eh? Tell me,
arbat are you reducing?"
"Expenses."
N o a -C o m b a ta n ts
They say BUI S bak sap ca ra c ou ld n ’ t w rits
T he p la y s that sound ao rara.
And atlll tha v ariou s c r it ic s fight—
And old BUI d oesn 't ca m .
Check
City 8 l!cker— la this milk from con
tented cows?
Farmer (thoughtfully)—Weil, to tell
the truth, they ain’t seemed so con
tented lately.
"Urn. what do yoo suppose la an-
ooylng them?"
"W ell, near’» 1 kin make ou t It’s
these dum fool questions people ask.’
Modern Pests
“It's terrible the number of mur
ders we read about these days," re
marked the Thoughtful One.
"Huh I" growled the Grouch, “ con
sidering the number o f people who
leave the radio on while yoo are try
ing to carry on a conversation U ta
surprising there are not more."
1
T en sors
at
W ork
The business men were talking over
their employees.
“ Well, old Johnson has grown gray-
haired in my service."
“ Pooh. I've got a girl with me who
haa grown yellow, brown and red
haired In my service."
1
:
I
Toby Uanaa. sensational halfback
o f the undefeated I'lttohurgh "Pan
ther" football team, who haa been
| running riot over all kinds of oppo
sition thla season and ta regarded aa
All-American muterlnL
Probably Better Paying
"1 hear Briefless la going to marry
! a millionaire's daughter."
“ Will he give up the law business?"
“ Oh. yes: he's going into the son-
>n law
business
Instead." — Stray
Stories.
O H IO ’S N EW SENATOR
E XA CTLY
Miss Janet Chandler, from her walnut throne, announcing the harvesting
o f the *14.000.000 crop during ceremonies held In I.o# Angeles by the Southern
California Walnut Growers' association. Her majesty further announced that
the crop wna the largest on record.
Testing the New Radio Torpedo
First Wooden
teem to be very
Second Wooden
regular blockhead
Soldier—Ha don't
Intelligent.
Soldier—No, he’s a
1
H e lp fu l
W hile I ch a n g ed a tire
It d idn 't help me a n y —
It ]uat aroused my Ira
WhoWants to be Bald?
Not many, and when you are
getting that way and loosing
nair, which ends in baldness,
you want a good remedy that
will stop falling hair, dandruff
and grow hair on the bald head
BARE-TO-HAIR is what you
want.
f o r Salt at AB Daala» ia Toikt Artklea
W . H . F o r a t, M f g r .
Homeless Men Glad to
Find Stray Ducks’ Eggs
Any morning before the rush trattlc
lias begun you may aee the homeless
ones who sleep on the London embank
ment walking slowly along, peering
over the parapet at the steps and
landings. They are looking for docks'
eggs.
I was walking past the air force
war memorial (write# a correspond
ent) when I saw two ducks perched
on one o f the steps Just above high
water mark. Between them lay a
beautiful new-laid egg.
I climbed over the low railing and
retrieved the egg. Aa I waa clamber
ing back a seedy looking embankment
habitue accosted me. "You've pinched
my breakfast, guv-nor,” he complained
I gave him the egg. and he explained
that he had found a half dozen eggs
on the same steps during a fortnight.
—New York World.
Sailors in Small Boat
Menaced by Albatross
Haunted by an albatross, a bird of
(11 omen, and In danger o f having their
boats smashed by a hnge whale, were
among the experiences o f the crew of
the Slltonhall, a British steamer that
caught Are recently hundreds o f miles
from land In the South Indian ocean.
Soon after the cargo o f coal caught
fire the decks became red hot and the
hatches were in flames. The crew
took to two small boats aDd for 44
hours were adrift In a gale. It wa*
during this Ume that the albatross
constantly swooped down menacingly.
This story bears a remarkable simi
larity to the Incident In Coleridge's
poem. “The Ancient Mariner.” In
which the albatross, an ominous bird,
haunts a stricken ship.
S c o t t d a le . P e n n a
Softening Toward Him
Representative James M. Beck said
at a dinner:
“ If they bad kept me out much
longer I’d have felt as bad aa Brown-
low.
"Brownlow was running for mayor,
and one night at the end o f a stormy
meeting his campaign manager said:
“ 'Y ou 'rj winning them over. Brown-
low. They seemed more Inclined to
listen tonight. Y e » you’re getting morn
popular all the time.'
“ 'Popular r
snarled
Brownlow.
‘Look at my coat and vest.
Why,
they did nothing but bombast me with
rotten eggs.’
“ 'Y e » but,’ said the manager,
‘don’t you remember, Brownlow. hear
It used to be bricks?’ ”
Garfield T ea
Was Your
Grandmother's Remedy
For every
and Intestinal DL
S V j-J
This good old-fash
W
toned herb
/K
—ten remedy foe
p a tio» stomach 111 a
menta o f the
tem so prevalent these days la In 1
greater favor as a family
than In your grandmother's day.
W. fl. U„ PORTLAND, NO. 4*-1*2*.
Not at All Typical
John J. Itaskob said at the Savan
nah G olf du b on his way to Biloxi:
“The South Impresses me with Ita
energy and enterprise.
The South
ought to advertise Itself more.
A
good many Northerners think that It
la typified In the grocery y a r »
"A man, the yarn run» went Into
I l t f the Pala.
T h a h u r t o f a b u rn o r a c u t sto p s when a southern grocery to buy a ham. He
Colo's C arb o llsalv a Is applied.
It heal»
q uickly w ith o u t » c a r» K c an d SDc by planked down a five dollar bill on the
at; d ru g g ists, or »end XOc to T he J. w . counter and said:
Cols Co., R o ck fo rd , 111.—A dvertisem ent.
“ ‘Gimme a ten pound—’
"But the grocer, who was sitting
Watchmaking Schools
with his feet on a cracker barrel.
France has three schools of watch Interrupted him.
making which each year graduate from
“ 'I can't serve ye Just now, salt,'
100 to 125 students.
he said. ‘ Ye'll have to call round
time when I'm a-stundin' up.' ”
It Is extremely hard to be original
It'a no use trying to convince a
to stating great truths; they have
mule that be Is stubborn.
teen stated ao often.
I n t c r p r c t ia g th e L a w
Wadren (to prisoner)—You say you
want a key. What In thunder are you
going to use It for?
Inmate— I want to sleep home at
night —1 was only sentenced to 30
daya In Jail.
CHAM PION HUSKER
The Hammond torpedo, which ta controlled by radio after It hits th-
water, being flred during the recent navy tests of the new death missile oft
Newport, It. L The torpedoes coat *12,000 each and have a range of six mile#
Turbo-Electric Liner Is Launched
■■
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An Old Grouch
“John. I saved *10 today."
"W here?"
“ At a bargain ante."
"I thought so. The place to savt
money la a bank."
Class
"Ton made a hud break In alluding
to that woman aa an old ben."
"H ow ao?"
“ She must he somebody. I see she
haa been Invited to lay • corner
stone."
( :
' s S r -'
Walter Olson, young fnrmer from
Itlo, III., who won the national corn
husking contest at fla tte City, Mo.
Neolithic Relics?
Containing hones of animals and
human beings and showing signs of
Are. an enormous cave win discovered
In the I'llla mountains, near Budapest.
Itungnry. One o f the moat Interesting
objects found was an ax made from
antlers of a »tag. The excavators be
lieve that the And dale# back to neo
lithic times and ara pushing their
work for other tracea of human life.
S cs
She p layed the ukulele.
Former Representative Roacoe C.
McCulloch o f Canton who wna ap
pointed United Stntea senator from
Ohio hy Governor Cooper, filling a
vacancy enused by the death of Sena
tor Theodore K. Burton.
W ell Equipped
The »mail daughter of a motor car
tire aaleaman was playing on the
lawn o f their home when her atten
tion was attracted, for the first time,
hy triplets. She ran excitedly Into the
house crying. "Mother, mother, I’ve
Just »ecu twins and a »pare."
Haa V en n i»!#»»’ l e d o r s e a a e e l
H<Hip la cxtrcmely uaeful for »top
ng a leak In a gn» pipe, we read
veral amali boy» are o f thè opinion
at It la Impoaalhla lo Imnglne a
Iter uaa for thè »tuff.—I.ondon Un
itfat.
Toung Cohen bad visited relativa»
la Berlin.
rather— flow did they treat you la
Berlin?
Boo—n o e .
They Invited me te
lunch every day. One day Onda laaaa
said I must dins with Unci# Bolomoa
and the next day Uurla Solomon said
t was to dine with Uncle Isaac.
4
( A bv floor*» A P orooy.l
Dark Secret
Our memory goes buck to the lima
when. If e nice girl hail broken her
leg. a« they very seldom did, however,
In those d a y» abed hava naked the
doctor not to tell what (he matter wa#.
—Ohio Slate Journal.
fcuft ¿(appear, dean, uniform
More than yo rhioeo far yo i
HAPPENINGS EVERYWHERE AND PERSONS
• - » OF NOTE AS SEEN BY THE CAMERA »* •
Smiling a Human Trait
OHT o f us liavs about 810 muaolM
on aach aid« o f our body. Thaj
urn subject to such rartallou that Ta*
tut, a noted French anatomist. r*
qulred IMS) pages to describe them.
Our fourth of all our muscles ara lo
our naok aud fata. The human faca
can light up or cloud over berauae Ita
muarlea ara attuned for coiuples ac-
tlou - keyed to the human pitch.
fa cia l mtiaclea In mammala baton
man ara more almpla. Wa look fot
Intelligence In the eyoe o f a Ikiraa, not
In Ilia expreulou of Ita face. When It
nreda to flick a fly from Ita faca oi
■boulder, It movea a muacle burled In
the akin. Much a muacle cover» many
anlruala Ilka a blanket
Wa all have blta o f thla akin mue-
cle—aome of ua more, aorne leaa, even
on the cheat aud back. Usually we oiyi
not tarltch It; we aend a hand aftat
the fly. Wa have tracaa of It In oty
scalp; a few hava enough lo more
the whole acalp. Moat of ua can wrin
kle our forehead—and do, when per
plexed. A jH-a uaa thla muacla both In
pleaaura and to frighten euemlea. Wa
all hara veatlgea o f the muarlea doga
uaa to pull, push. and lift their earn;
aome can avao wriggle them.
Ho. while the akin muacla o f out
face and ahouldera tenda ta disappear,
the deeper facial muarlea allow pro
graaalve variation. They ara amoog
our moat recent acquisition». We re
tain tha muacla by which the dog
ahowa Ita canlna tooth; wa ran all
anart Hut tha muacla by which wa
amtla la not ao regularly preaent; tha
man of gloom may hava ao tiaorlus.
Variations In muarlea about tha
noaa and mouth, necasaary for apeerh,
ara uaually forward looking; they gtva
the "»peaking llkrneaa" to man. Oft
en they reveal what tha mind la trying
to hide Only aa wa grow In axperl-
enca ran wa maka our fare a mask to
hello our emotion» Thla la berauaa
tha fare la primarily under tha control
o f tha autonomic nerve»; they act of
their own aweet will and ara by na
ture honeat. Hut by and by our brain
learna to get control o f them; wa
force our fare to wear a »mile when
our heart would bid our eyea lo weep
Our arma are free; they hava not
forgotten that they were once lege. Of
Ml bodtea examined, 'JW2 varlallotia were
found In tha arm muarlea; 110 In tha
leg. Our Immediate anreetora were
four-handed, we are two-footed. Ilut
when baby geta on tha floor, It pulla
with tta fore and puahea with Ita hind
llmha; Ju»t aa we once crawled up
out o f water on to dry Innd.
i'almista rarely read the pad at tha
outer edge o f our palm—or know that
w t have one like It on the aole of our
foot; both protect deep lying muaclee
from Injury In walking. The palm
pad haa Ita own palmar muacle In one
uinn out o f every ten. It helped to
work the pad» which protected the
muaclee and tendons beneath. Today,
It la aa atavlatlc aa tha pad Itaelf; wa
gave up walking on our hand» about
2.000,000 year» ago. Aa for “ line»" of
fate and marriage, and tha “ glrdla of
Vcnua," they can all he “ read" In the
hands and feet o f monkey», and lo a
rertaln extent In a baby's foot, or In
tha fetal hand» and fret. I'almlatry
la as dead aa phrenology. Anyone who
can read “ charucter” or "mental ca
pacity" from head humps or palm
lines Is a wltard.
What doe» It all mean, thla astound
ing range o f variation, on which I
hare barely touched? There they are.
by the thousands, by unnumbered
thousands. Shall we say that they lie.
that our levator coccygla never lifted
a tall, that our curvator coccygla nev.
er curved one. and that our atlolletia
aurtculam never lifted an ear? Or
shall we »ay that we are walking mu
seums of comparative auatoroy and
try to And out whence we cam» and
whither we are going? Till» la cer
tain: there Is no fixed, standardised,
perfect, or biologically Ideal human
body—there are no two humnn bodies
quite alike. Each one o f ua recks
with evidence that our ancestor# were
not the two-handed, two-footed crea
ture» we are now ; that they hnd no
talking muacle»; that they could not
hack up their talk with a spooking
countenance; and Ihnt they could not
balance their heads on their »pine»
Home variations are atnvlatlc or
vestigial. l ike the buttons on our coat
cuff*, they no longer function; like
pnrlor boarder», they often make trou
ble. They are hnngovere from a re
mote past. They are prone to die.
ease; we should he better off without
them. Some are retrogressive, wenk
slaters o f our body, functioning In a
half-hearted w ay; we could do with
out them—mnny o f ua do. Some ore
progressive, a little hit more than hu
man; they point to further change In
man's physical atructure.
Taken together, they bridge every
gap and make a complete story. They
prove that, while our eyea look for
ward. our body haa not forgotten Ita
humble origin—and earrle# aome dead
wood wa were well rid of. auch as ap
pendix. tall, snarling muaela. Our
pronenesa to harnla and prolapae of
the uterus la only one of the many
proofs that our body la not yet per*
feet Iy adnpted to an npright gnIL
O ld slices made
new for less than
a penny a pair
Time Payment Plaa
"Brown tells ine lie’s got a house
full o f period furniture."
"Thut'e quite right. He hat It for
a period—then the installment people
come and fetch It away again."
Don’ t Overlook tko Tasoe
Judge— You »’ and convicted of hat
ing beaten your wtfe. I hereby tine
you *3.30.
Culprit—All right, your honor, but
shy the SB cent*?
Judge—That's the amusement tax.
The new turbo-electric ilner 8 . 8 . Ranta Clara aa It was brought hack
to dock at Camden, N. J.. after sliding down the way« at launching. Th»
new hoot will be placed In tha regular service to Peru and Chile via th.
Panuma canal.
City Slickers
"Ain't thai cow got a lovoly coat
Ted?"
“ Yea; Ita a Jersey."
"W ell. now. what do you think ol
that? I thought it was Its own ski».’
F o rC O L D S
W e all catch colds and they can make us miserable;
but yours needn't last long if you will do this: Take
two or three tablets o f Bayer Aspirin just as soon as
possible after a cold starts. Stay in the house if yon
can— keep warm. Repeat with another tablet or two
o f Boyer Aspirin every three or four hours, if those
symptoms o f cold persist. Take a good laxative when
you retire, and keep bowels open. I f throat is sore,
dissolve three tablets in a auarter-glassful o f water
and gargle. This soothes inflammation and reduces
infection. There is nothing like Bayer Aspirin for a
cold, or sore throat. And it relieves aches and pains
almost instantly. The genuine tablets, marked Bayer,
are absolutely harmless to the heart.
B A Y E R
J\ S
It I N
A spiri» to th» trad» mark oi B a y « liaaufaotara »1 M
1 u h i f i l i l i of fioHoytiood*