Vernonia Freedom—Page 3
Thursday October 1,1981
Self improvement can mean disaster if not disciplined
by Charolette Klinger
I’ve always envied people who are
athletic. In addition to being healthy,
athletic people are usually well
disciplined. I wish I had a nickel for
every time I’ve promised myself I’d
start a regular exercise program. I
could buy IT&T.
My usual self improvement routine
begins on Sunday night by making a
list. Lists, like diets, must begin on
Mondays, without exception. It
makes no sense to start something in
the middle of the week. No one can
make any progress in just three days.
You must have the whole week ahead
of you in order to show real results by
Friday.
My lists go something like this:
Monday: 1. Get up. (I realize most
people wouldn’t need to include this
item on their lists, but we’re dealing
with a special case here.) 2. Do warm
up exercises. 3. Jog for thirty
minutes. 4. Do warm down
exercises...
My Mondays go something like
this: 1. Alarm rings. 2. Wake up. 3.
Decide I’m too tired (having been up
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of tortures to my body and my ego.
When teams were chosen, I was the
preferred “alternate”, the team
member who stood by in case half the
team was washed away by a flood or
the star player was suddenly
snatched up by the Mets.
I was always chosen goalie in
half the night making my list). 4.
Promise to start next Monday
morning. 5. Roll over and go back to
sleep.
Most people with shortcomings like
to have something to blame them on.
I am no exception. I blame my lack of
athletic enthusiasm on an unhappy
------------I
PWakeMe'
! When It’s Over
j
By
Charolette Klinger
J
I.-.—........
childhood. I was probably the most
uncoordinated child to ever
walk...er...crawl on the face of the
earth. My pre-teen years were spent
mostly on my hands and knees, and I
have the scars to prove it. I was
always coming home with my knee
socks torn and bloodied. When
someone had the bad judgement to
teach me to skip (a process I never
completely mastered), my mother
traded in her Clorox and bought me
ankle stockings.
soccer. I assume the reasoning of the
team captains was that if (or, rather,
when) I fell, I might fall on the ball,
hopefully before it reached the goal.
In softball, I was instructed to play
outfield and told where to stand. I
was twenty years old before I found
out that the outfield wasn’t behind
thé spectators’ stand. The first (and
only) time I hit the ball with the bat, I
was so surprised, I ran toward third
base. By the time I entered high
school, I was so well rehearsed in the
agony of defeat that the thrill of
victory meant getting both shoes on
the right feet.
“Game” time in school was a series
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Vernonia Study Club members held
the first meeting of the current year
when they met on September 17 at
the home of Mrs. Ralph Reynolds.
Reports on American humorists
will be the study theme and Mrs.
Mathilda Bergerson gave the first of
these - presenting the autobiography
of Will Rogers. The world renowned,
gum-chewing, trick roping, cowboy
philosopher, comedian, columnist and
citizen of the world. A humanitarian
and ambassador of good will, he could
turn the most tense situation to one
of mirth.
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I took a beginning swimming class
my senior year, and spent the entire
semester learning how to dog paddle.
When, on the last day, I watched
from the wading end of the pool as my
classmates dove from the high dive, I
decided that my attempts to dog
paddle had been foiled by the
shallowness of the water. What I
needed to do, I deduced, was to get
into deeper water, so that my legs had
room to stretch...
As you might have guessed, I
didn’t drown. After being rescued by
my very pregnant teacher in her new
wool pantsuit, however, I wished that
I had.
My coordination has improved
some over the years. I make fewer
trips to the emergency room these
days, and my knees have begun to
heal. I’ve even thought about being
one of the torch bearers for the 1984
Olympics. I plan to start training
soon. Maybe next Monday...
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Rogers and his pilot Wiley Post
died in a plane crash in Alaska in
1935.
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97064
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