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Love
Feeling Sensations
BY DAN SAVAGE
I am a straight cis-woman in
her early 40s who ended a 12-year
sexless marriage a few years ago.
I have recently met a wonder-
ful guy, and I am starting to be
able to have fun in the bedroom
again. My dilemma is that I have
been experiencing pleasure so
intense it becomes discomfort and
takes me out of the moment. Like
I loved when he was going down
on me, but the sensation made me
want to push him away because
it was too much. Am I OK? Is this
fixable? Help!
— Overwhelming Orgasmic
Feelings
“This isn’t a problem to ‘fix’
so much as an invitation to get
curious about what’s happen-
ing,” says Rena Martine, an inti-
macy coach and sex educator.
“Sexual overstimulation is a real
thing. Sometimes it’s caused by
too much repetitive friction or
sensory sensitivity from neuro-
divergence, but in OOF’s case, my
guess is that it’s about the good
feelings feeling so good because
she hasn’t had them in a really
long time.”
We don’t need to tell you this,
OOF, but 12 years is a long time
to spend in a sexless marriage.
And while your marriage ended a
few years ago, you only just met
the new man in your life, bed,
crotch, etc.
“Just like water hits differ-
ently when you’re dying of thirst,”
Martine notes, “pleasure can hit
differently when it’s been a long
time since your body’s had a
reason to remember what it likes.
For all intents and purposes, this
is new territory.”
So, while you may not be a
HannahSellsHomes.com
virgin technically — I’m assuming
your marriage wasn’t sexless at
the start — it’s been so long since
you explored your sexuality with
a partner (I’m hoping you were
having good solo sex while your
ex-husband neglected you), OOF,
that you can think of yourself as
a virgin in spirit. (Recognizing, of
course, that the concept of virgin-
ity is a problematic one and blah
blah blah. But you know what I
mean here!)
“When I work with clients
exploring anything new sexu-
ally, my mantra is: baby steps,
and keep yourself in the driver’s
seat,” Martine says. “There’s a
technique by Masters & Johnson
called Sensate Focus that I often
recommend to couples. It's essen-
tially a scaffolded touch exer-
cise where partners take turns
showing and describing what
feels good. It builds incremen-
tally, and it’s great for expanding
your body’s capacity for pleasure
while learning each other’s cues.
And while there are times when
discomfort warrants a medical
check — like pain during orgasm
(dysorgasmia) or penetration
(vaginismus) — because OOF
describes the sensation as over-
whelming rather than painful,
there’s no need to sprint to the
doctor’s office just yet.”
Follow Rena Martine on Insta-
gram @_rena.martine_ and learn
more about her work (and get
her book The Sex You Want)—
at RenaMartine.com.
Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your
question for the column to mailbox@
savage.love! Or record your question
for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/
askdan! Podcasts, columns and more at
Savage.Love
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LEGAL NOTICES
TRUSTEE’S NOTICE OF SALE The Trust
Deed to be foreclosed pursuant to Oregon
law is referred to as follows (the “Trust
Deed”): Grantors: Robert Miller Jensen.
Trustee: First American Title Insurance of
Oregon. Beneficiary: Oregon Community
Credit Union. Date: November 19, 2008.
Recording Date: November 20, 2008.
Recording Reference: 2008-062915.
County of Recording: Lane County. The
Successor Trustee is Patrick L. Stevens
and the mailing address of the Successor
Trustee is: Patrick L. Stevens, Successor
Trustee, Hutchinson Cox, PO Box 10886,
Eugene, OR 97440. The Trust Deed covers
the following described real property in
the County of Lane and State of Oregon,
(“the Property”): THE LAND REFERRED TO
HEREIN BELOW IS SITUATED IN THE
COUNTY OF Lane, STATE OF OR, AND IS
DESCRIBED AS FOLLOWS: Parcel I:
Beginning at the iron pipe marking the
Northeast corner of Xury O. Duncan
Donation Land Claim No. 41, Township 18
South, Range 5 West of the Willamette
Meridian; thence South 0 32‘30 “East
721.80 feet along the Easterly line of said
claim as the same is now located and
monumented by a survey by Earl N.
Thompson titled “Subdivision for A.R.
Taggart in Section 1, 12 and 13, Township 18
South, Range 5 West of the Willamette
Meridian, Lane County, Oregon” and filed
in the Office of the County Surveyor, Lane
County, Oregon, under Survey Number
6622, to any iron pipe marking the
Southeast corner of Parcel 14 shown
thereon; thence South 0 12‘20 “East
873.12feet continuing along the Easterly
line of said survey to an iron pipe marking
the Northeast corner of Parcel 10 of said
survey and marking the true Point of
Beginning; thence South 89 59 ‘East
1621.47 feet along the Southerly line of
said parcel to the iron pipe marking the
Southeast corner of said parcel; thence
North 0 12 ‘20 “West 292.66 feet to the
true Point of Beginning in Lane County,
Oregon. Parcel II: Beginning at the iron
pipe marking the Northeast corner of the
Xury O. Duncan Donation Land Claim No.
41, Township 18 South, Range 5 West of the
Willamette Meridian; thence South 0
32‘30 “East 721.80 feet along the Easterly
line of claim as the same as no located and
monumented by a survey of Earl N.
Thompson titled “Subdivision for A. R.
Taggart in Sections 1, 12 and 13, Township
18 South, Range 5 West of the Willamette
Meridian, Lane County, Oregon” and filed
in the Office of the County Surveyor, Lane
County, Oregon, under Survey Number
6622, to an iron pipe marking the
Southeast corner of Parcel 14 shown
thereon; thence South 0 12‘20 “East 873.12
feet continuing along the Easterly line of
said survey to an iron pipe marking the
Northeast corner of Parcel 10 of said sur-
vey; thence South 89 58‘25 “West 1621.47
feet along the North line of said parcel to
the true Point of Beginning; thence South
89 58‘25 “West 1362.04 feet to a point in
the centerline of the County Road known
as Spencer’s Creek Road (being refer-
enced on the ground by an iron pipe bear-
ing North 89 59‘East21.18 feet and mark-
ing the Southwest corner of said parcel
10); thence North 89 59 ‘East 1342.21 feet
along the Southerly line of said Parcel 10
to a point therein; thence North 0 12‘19
“West 292.40 feet along a line parallel
with the Easterly line of said Parcel 10 to
the true Point of Beginning, in Lane
County, Oregon. Also: Beginning at the
Northwest corner of the above-described
tract of land; thence West 30.26 feet
(according to said survey) to the West line
of said Xury Duncan Claim; thence South 0
05‘West 195.6 feet (according to said sur-
vey) along said claim line; thence East
35.26 feet to the center of said County
Road (according to said survey); thence
Northerly to the Point of Beginning in Lane
County, Oregon. Commonly known as:
86635 Pine Grove Road, Eugene, OR
97402. Both the beneficiary and the trust-
ee have elected to sell the said real prop-
erty to satisfy the obligations secured by
said trust deed and a notice of default has
been recorded pursuant to Oregon
Revised Statutes 86.735(3); the default for
which the foreclosure is made is grantor's
failure to pay when due the following
sums: The monthly installment payments
beginning July 25, 2024 and continuing
through the installment due March 25,
2025; plus interest and late charges; real
property taxes, plus interest and penal-
ties; and other liens and penalties. Total
default as of March 25, 2025 is $25,173.97.
By reason of said default, the beneficiary
has declared all sums owing on the obliga-
tion secured by the trust deed immediate-
ly due and payable, those sums being the
following to wit: $246,414.33 principal
balance, plus unpaid interest through and
including March 25, 2025 in the amount of
$14,416.07, together with the sum of
$851.27 which represents late fees,
together with interest on the principal
sum of $246,414.33 with interest at the
rate of 7.25% per annum from March 26,
2025 until paid, together with insurance
paid by the Beneficiary on the property,
late charges and penalties, trustee fees,
attorney fees, foreclosure costs and any
sums advanced by the Beneficiary pursu-
ant to the trust deed. The date, time and
place of the sale is: Date: Wednesday,
January 28, 2026. Time: 11:00 o’clock a.m.
Place: Front Entrance, Lane County
Courthouse, 125 E. 8th Ave., Eugene,
Oregon 97401. RIGHT TO CURE. The right
exists under ORS 86.753 to have this fore-
closure proceeding dismissed and the
Trust Deed reinstated by doing all of the
following at any time that is not later than
five days before the date last set for the
sale: (1) Paying to the Beneficiary the
entire amount then due (other than such
portion as would not then be due, had no
default occurred); (2) Curing any other
default complained of herein that is capa-
ble of being cured by tendering the perfor-
mance required under the Trust Deed; and
(3) Paying all costs and expenses actually
incurred in enforcing the Obligation and
Trust Deed, together with Trustee’s and
attorney’s fees not exceeding the amounts
provided by ORS 86.753. We are a debt
collector attempting to collect a debt and
any information we obtain will be used to
collect the debt. Cashier’s checks for the
foreclosure sale must be payable to
Oregon Community Credit Union. Dated:
October 23, 2025. Patrick L. Stevens,
Successor Trustee Hutchinson Cox,
Attorneys at Law, PO Box 10886 Eugene,
OR 97440, Phone: (541) 686-9160, Fax:
(541) 343-8693
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