SAVAGE
LOVE
BY DAN SAVAGE
I’m a straight cis woman in my early 40s and a single mother. I have not dated or
hooked up with anyone in years. While I miss dating, the biggest issue right now is that
my sex drive is off the charts. While watching porn and masturbating once my child
goes to sleep helps, I really want to get well and truly fucked by a guy who knows what
he’s doing. I could likely go to a bar or on Tinder and find a man for a one-night stand,
but I’m hesitant to do that. To add to my complicated backstory, I have a history of
childhood sexual abuse and have had only two partners in my whole life, one of whom
was abusive. My past sexual forays have not been particularly satisfying, in part
due to my lack of experience and comfort indicating what I do/do not like, as well as
some dissociation during the actual act. I keep thinking it would be easier to find a sex
worker to “scratch the itch,” as presumably a male sex worker would be more open,
sex-positive, and skilled. But I have no idea how I might go about it or what the proce-
dure or etiquette is. And I am fearful that I could get arrested given the illegality of
soliciting in my conservative southern state. Getting in trouble could have devastating
effects on my life, and I would definitely lose my job. I am trying to weigh the pros and
cons, but I feel out of my depth. Any advice for a gal who wants to get fucked but is not
sure how to make that happen in a safe-ish space?
Single Mom Absolutely Stupid Horny
Gretchen 541-510-5773
there’s nothing I can’t wax
barebodywaxingstudio.com
GOING OUT
FO BUSINESS!
VAPE PRODUCTS ONLY
57 W. BROADWAY 541-687-0139
Earn your CADC
in 1 year!
ALICE M. PLYMELL
AFFORDABLE
WILLS, TRUSTS, GUARDIANSHIPS,
SS DISABILITY &
SSI REPRESENTATION
& LEGAL ADVICE
132 EAST BROADWAY | SUITE 718
541-343-9341
SPANISH INTERPRETER AVAILABLE
NO COST Training to
become a certified alcohol
& drug Counselor.
Serenity Lane is a NAADAC
approved educational
provider and has been
training addiction counselors
for over thirty years.
Call 541-284-5702 for more
information and an application.
WANT TO
GROW
YOUR
BUSINESS?
ONLY 3 WEEKS
UNTIL THE 4TH ANNUAL
SMOOCHES
FROM
POOCHES
ADVERTISE WITH THE
EUGENE WEEKLY
6/28 • 5-9PM
BENEFITING
RENEE’S
FOSTER DOGS
CALL US TODAY
541-484-0519
541-255-2734
304 RIVER ROAD
Tawnya Madsen , J.D.
Representing Your
Cell 541.729.2350
Principal Broker/Attorney
Eugene’s
Alternative
Real Estate Interests!
Thinking about selling or buying?
Call or email to schedule a free consultation.
Email: Tawnya@AlternativeRealtor.com
AlternativeRealtor.com
REALTORS ®
ACCESSTHELAW.ORG
Eugene / Oakridge / Corvallis
A nonprofit providing legal services for families and
individuals of modest means on a sliding fee scale
ACCESSTHELAW.ORG
• Divorce,
Custody, Family law • Tenant/Landlord law • Bankruptcy • Wills, Estate issues
Eugene I Corvallis
/ Oakridge
• Elder
law • Expungements • Many other legal matters
A nonprofit providing legal services for
245
West and
13th
Ave Eugene,
families
individuals
of modest 47663 Hwy 58 Oakridge,
OR 97463
means OR
on a 97401
sliding fee scale
541-686-4890
E U G E N
• Divorce, custody, family law
Tenant/Landlord
law
E • W
E E K LY . C O M
• Bankruptcy
• Wills, estate issues
• Elder law
• Expungements
Shop Around
541-780-4989
456 SW Monroe, #100
Corvallis, OR 97333
971-808-1078
“In the recent past, the answer would have been ‘Google,’” said John Oh, a Sydney-based
male sex worker for women. “But in a post-SESTA/FOSTA world, that route is now unreli-
able—especially in the United States, where advertising on the web is far more difficult.”
SESTA/FOSTA—the “Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act/Fight Online Sex Trafficking
Act”—is a 2018 law that was crafted, backers said (backers lied), to fight sex trafficking. It
made it a crime for web platforms to knowingly or unknowingly allow someone to post a sex
ad. The law is so vague that platforms like Craigslist, Tumblr, and Facebook purged sexually
explicit content in an effort to prevent sex workers from basically being online at all. SESTA/
FOSTA’s backers claim they want to protect women—and only women—but in reality, push-
ing sex workers out of online spaces (where they could more effectively screen clients, share
safety tips with each other, and organize politically) made sex work more dangerous, not less,
and has led to more sex trafficking, not less.
But one platform—one much pilloried but still popular platform—is bucking the an-
ti-sex-worker/anti-sexually-explicit-content trend.
“Twitter is still a (mostly) safe place for sex workers, and I have not heard of law enforce-
ment using it to entrap potential clients,” said Oh. “So I believe that it is a reasonably safe
place to anonymously research male sex workers. Many of us advertise there.”
Since no one knows how long Twitter will allow sex workers to use its platform, you might
want to get started on that search now, SMASH. And while sex work is work, and it’s work
many people freely choose to do, not everyone is good at their job. Since your experiences
with unpaid sex weren’t that great, I asked Oh for some tips on increasing your odds of find-
ing a skilled male sex worker.
“Sadly, in places where sex work is criminalized, it’s harder to find a suitable male sex
worker,” said Oh, “especially for someone who needs extra special care due to trauma. I ex-
pect that for SMASH, traveling to a place where sex work is not criminalized would not be
practical, but that might be an option for others.”
If traveling to Australia, where Oh lives and where he’s been doing sex work for nine years
(sex work is legal there), is unrealistic, Oh suggests chatting with sex workers in your area—
but not, at least at first, the male ones.
“Her best option may be to talk to female sex workers on Twitter and ask them for a
recommendation,” said Oh. “This has two benefits—the first is that female workers in her
general area will have local knowledge. The second is that female workers are generally very
careful about endorsing male workers. So if a few female workers suggest a male sex worker,
there is a high likelihood that he will be safe, capable, and professional. But if SMASH goes this
route, tipping the female workers who help her out would be polite—otherwise this would
amount to asking for unpaid labor.”
You can find John Oh on Twitter @JohnOhOfSydney.
An older guy at my gym tentatively inquired if he could ask me an “inappropriate ques-
tion.” I told him he could. I’m straight, he’s pretty obviously gay, and I figured he was
going to hit on me. Then he said the question was “sexual in nature” and was I sure it
was okay? I said yes. He asked if he could buy the shoes I wear to the gym once they’re
worn out. I know why someone would want my old shoes—he’s obviously masturbat-
ing with them—and that’s fine, everyone’s got their weird thing (myself included). Two
quick questions: Isn’t what he did risky? (I could easily see some other guy reacting
badly.) And how much should I charge?
Smelling Nikes Entertains A Kinky Senior
It was definitely a risky ask, SNEAKS, but you’re probably not the first guy he’s ap-
proached. I imagine he has a hard-earned feel for who’s likely to react positively and who’s not
(and a few canceled gym memberships along the way to show for it). And I’d say $20 would
be fair. It’s not the full cost of replacing the shoes—he’s a shoe perv, not a fin sub—but it’s
enough to be worth your while and it reflects the value of your old shoes. Not on the open
market, but to him.
A straight couple I know that “dabbles” in kink recently visited a famous leather/fe-
tish/bondage store with deep ties to San Francisco’s gay community (Mr. S Leather,
not that it’s important). They purchased some simple bondage implements that they
could just have easily ordered online from any number of stores that aren’t institu-
tions in the gay BDSM subculture. I don’t think straight people should be barging into
spaces that aren’t theirs to purchase items that were not created for them. I am not
gay myself, but I try to be a good ally, and part of being a good ally is holding other
straight people accountable.
Respect Queer Space
You’ve got to be kidding me with this shit, RQS. Donald Trump banned trans people from
the military, the Trump administration has made it legal for doctors and EMTs to refuse
to treat queer people, they’re allowing federally funded adoption agencies to discriminate
against same-sex couples, and they just shut down promising research into a cure for HIV
(much to the delight of religious conservatives, who have always and still want us dead).
And heaping insult on injury, RQS, Donald Fucking Trump “celebrated” Pride Month with a
tweet—and you’re not only worried about a straight couple buying a little gear in a gay leath-
er/fetish/bondage shop but you’re coming to me with this shit expecting praise? If a couple
of straight people wandering into a gay-owned business that’s legally obligated not to dis-
criminate on the basis of sexual orientation—a law that protects queer people, too—is what
you’re wasting your time on right now, RQS, with everything that’s going on, you’re a shit ally
and a worse human being. Just to make sure it was okay with Mr. S, I shared your letter with
general manager Jonathan Schroder, who said: “We are owned by gay men and very explicitly
market to gay men. But everyone is welcome here. We’re happy there are straight people
who feel comfortable shopping here.”
On the Lovecast, Mistress Matisse commands you to listen to the S&M show:
savagelovecast.com.
MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET • @FAKEDANSAVAGE • THE SAVAGE LOVECAST AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM
J U N E
1 3 ,
2 0 1 9
27