SAVAGE
LOVE
White Bird asks the
community to share the
warmth with our most
vulnerable community
members.
Jeff W. Ryder
DC, LAc, Certified Rolfer™
Rolfing ® Structural Integration
Chiropractic • Cranial & Visceral
Manipulation
®
Please bring
tax-deductible donations
to our clinic at
341 E 12th Ave. in Eugene
or To Eugene Weekly
Physical & Energetic Approaches
to Health and Transformation
drjeffryder.com • 503-250-3209
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN BECOMING
A CERTIFIED ALCOHOL
AND DRUG COUNSELOR?
Serenity Lane is a NAADAC
approved educational provider
and has been training addiction
counselors for over thirty years.
Call 541-284-5702 for more
information and an application.
CouchHosting.org
says vote no on measure 102.
White
What to do instead? Make Social
Dental
Enterprise be an incorporation
category similar to S-Corp and LLC .
Make the big money social enterprises
such as Homes For Good and St. Vinnies
be held accountable by having a triple
bottom line as part of their charters.
Don’t give tax money to entities that
have already signed onto spending $2
million for a net gain of zero beds in
their family homeless shelter program
and/or that bring us studio apts that rent
for over $1100 per month. If you give me
some money I can explore building a
$50K-$150k 3-D printed SRO hostel that
rents rooms for $300 per month and is
designed so that homeless people are
actually happy to live there.
Bird
Clinic
541-344-8302 • 1400 Mill st, Eugene
EMERGENCY & ON-GOING DENTISTRY
for Low/No income residents of Lane County
Accepts OHP +Under Insured
Eugene
Antrican
Coming
Hipster
Style
Soon
ALICE M. PLYMELL
QUALITY
CUSTOM
ARTISTS
541-255-2734
LOCATED IN THE
HEART OF EUGENE’S
HISTORIC WHITEAKER
NEIGHBORHOOD
AFFORDABLE
WILLS, TRUSTS, GUARDIANSHIPS,
SS DISABILITY &
SSI REPRESENTATION
& LEGAL ADVICE
132 EAST BROADWAY | SUITE 718
541-343-9341
Helping abandoned and surrendered dogs find their forever homes
www.facebook.com/WigglyTailsDogRescue
BY DAN SAVAGE
I’m a 40-year-old married straight woman. I gave birth to our first kid in 2015 and our second
earlier this year. My perineum tore and was stitched both times. I have not been able to have sex with
penetration since having our second child. My OB/GYN said I’m “a little tighter now” due to the way
the stitching was performed. My husband is very well endowed and I can’t imagine how on earth I’m
ever going to get that thing back in me, let alone enjoy it. We have a history of pretty hot sex and I re-
ally miss it. I’ve been searching online for some sex toys to help me. I’ve never used sex toys before.
I’ve always been able to have thrilling orgasms easily without any devices. I still can with manual
stimulation. But I want to have sex with my husband. I’m confused and I just don’t know what I need
to help me open back up and get through the pain. Please help!
Thanks In Advance
“Unfortunately, this situation is very common—but luckily there are options to help her get her
groove back,” said Dr. Rachel Gelman, a pelvic floor physical therapist at the Pelvic Health and Rehabilita-
tion Center (pelvicpainrehab.com).
Also sadly common: OB/GYNs shrugging off concerns like yours, TIA.
“I see that all the time,” said Dr. Gelman. “Part of the problem is that the pelvic floor/muscles aren’t on
most doctor’s radar. That’s due to many factors—cough, cough, insurance companies, cough, our dys-
functional health care system, cough—but to water it down, it’s the OB/GYN’s job to get someone through
pregnancy and deliver a healthy baby. And when that’s accomplished, the feeling is their job is done.”
But so long as you’re not able to have and enjoy PIV sex with your hung husband, TIA, there’s still
work to do.
“TIA needs to see a pelvic floor physical therapist,” said Dr. Gelman. “A good PT would be able to assess
and treat any pelvic floor dysfunction, which is often the primary cause or a contributing factor for anyone
experiencing pain with sex, especially after childbirth.”
At this point Dr. Gelman began to explain that pushing a living, breathing, screaming human being
out of your body is an intense experience and I explained to Dr. Gelman that I’ve had to push a few living,
breathing, screaming human beings out of my body, thank you very much. Dr. Gelman clarified that she
was talking about “the trauma of labor and delivery,” something with which I have no experience.
“Labor and delivery can have a significant impact on the pelvic floor muscles which can cause a myri-
ad of symptoms,” said Dr. Gelman. Pain during PIV sex sits high on the list of those symptoms.
“The fact that TIA had tearing with the deliveries means she most likely has scar tissue, and a PT would
again be able to treat the scar to help decrease any hypomobility and hypersensitivity,” said Dr. Gelman.
“A pelvic floor specialist can also instruct her in a home program which may include stretches, relaxation
techniques, and dilators—dilators are graduated cylinders that are inserted vaginally to help stretch the
vaginal opening and promote relaxation of the pelvic floor.”
A set of “graduated cylinders” is essentially “a bouquet of dildos,” TIA. You start with the smallest
dilator/dildo, inserting it every day until you can insert it without any pain or discomfort, and then you
“graduate” (nudge, nudge) to the next “cylinder” (wink, wink). You can order a set of dilators online, TIA,
but Dr. Gelman wants you to find a doc that specializes in sexual medicine first.
“There are some good medical associations that she can check out for resources and to help locate a
provider in her area,” said Dr. Gelman. “The websites of the International Society for the Study of Women’s
Sexual Health (ISSWSH), the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) and the International Pelvic
Pain Society (IPPS) are where she should start.”
Follow Dr. Gelman on Instagram, @pelvichealthsf.
I’m a 30-year-old woman, and about a year ago I started taking improv classes to help combat
my social anxiety. I met a lot of awesome people in my class, but I took a particular shine to this one
guy. He was a gentle soul, very sweet, and really funny. We quickly became friends. Eventually I
developed feelings for him and asked him out. He appreciated the offer but told me that he was gay. I
was shocked and disappointed, but I wanted to keep our friendship so I tried to get over my feelings.
But not only haven’t these feelings gone away, I’m actually falling in love with him. He recently con-
fessed to me that he’s still semi-closeted and dealing with a bad breakup so I really don’t want to add
to his problems. This is such a mess. I found this wonderful guy who I care about and yet nothing will
ever happen because I was born the wrong gender. What can I do?!?
Introvert Makes Pass, Regrets Overture Very Seriously
Nothing.
You can’t make that gay guy fall in love with you, IMPROVS, anymore than I could make Hasan Minhaj
fall in love with me. Getting over him is your only option, and that’s gonna take some time and most likely
some space, too. (I’d recommend seeing less of your crush after this class ends.) But give yourself some
credit for doing something proactive about your social anxiety, for taking a risk, and for asking your class-
mate out. You didn’t take that improv class to find love, right? You took it to combat your social anxiety—
and it sounds like you won a few battles, IMPROVS, if not the war. The takeaway here isn’t, “It didn’t work
with him so why should I bother ever trying again with someone else?”, but, “I did it—I made a connection,
I asked someone out—and I’m going do it again and hopefully it’ll work out next time.”
SPANISH INTERPRETER AVAILABLE
WIGGLY TAILS DOG RESCUE
Skylar is a
little guy, about
7lbs, 1-2 yr
old, Chinese
Crested/Chi
Mix and very
Playful. He
has a good
temperament,
although a little
shy right at first
he is a very
loving dog.
Skylar loves to
snuggle, and
be around his
human. He is
good with cats, other dogs of all sizes and kids. This guy
is looking for a forever home where he will spend short
amounts of time alone as he prefers to with with someone
most of the time. Potty training is under way but he needs
a consistent schedule for continued success.
FLOORED
Jacob is a handsome, 1+
year-old orange cutie pie. He
is rambunctious, but sweet,
and absolutely loves attention
and playing. Jacob would be a
great addition to a pet savvy
family. Unfortunately, as a
kitten, Jacob was not played
with enough, causing him to
pick up some bad behaviors.
He is quickly learning to ap-
propriately re-direct his energy
when he gets over-stimulated,
especially with proper en-
couragement. Come meet this
delightful ball-of-fun today!
I’m an early 30s hetero-flexible man in an open marriage with a bi woman, though both of us have
been too chicken to actually go through on acting on the “open” part. Neither of us are hung up on
jealousy, so that’s not a factor here. I recently confessed to my wife that I have had a long-stand-
ing desire to sleep with a trans woman. Yes, I know that it’s immature to not have disclosed all my
kink cards prior to marriage, but I have my reasons, and thankfully, my wonderful wife let me off
the hook and was very supportive. I expressed to her that I have considered seeing a professional
trans escort rather than trying for a “hook up” situation. Her reaction was highly negative, as she
has the impression that anyone in the sex trade industry is—by definition—a victim. Where do I go
from here? I am uncomfortable with the idea of putting myself out there to meet a trans woman in
my city (especially since I’m not looking for a relationship), but I don’t want to violate my wife’s trust
and see an escort.
Don’t Know What To Do
Put yourself on a dating and/or hookup app, say that you’re partnered and only looking for something
casual, and add that you welcome responses from trans women. Some trans women are rightly annoyed
by all the cis men out there who only wanna hook up, DKWTD, and never date or be seen in public with
them. But trans folks are just like other folks—some are taken, some are looking, some are taken and
looking. If you get grief from a trans woman who’s annoyed that you aren’t open to dating women like her,
DKWTD, let her vent—her frustrations are perfectly legitimate—while you wait for a response from a trans
woman looking to buy what you’re selling.
P.S. The trans escorts I know—women who freely chose their jobs—will be surprised to learn that
they’re victims, at least according to your highly opinionated and woefully misinformed wife.
On the Lovecast, Is there a urologist in the house? Yes, yes there is: savagelovecast.com.
871 River Road • 607-8892 • Open Everyday 10-6
www.sarastreasures.org
MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET • @FAKEDANSAVAGE • THE SAVAGE LOVECAST AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM
eugeneweekly.com • November 1, 2018
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