LOVE & SEX 2018
OkCupid’s 2009 report showed that although black women respond the most to
messages sent to them (“In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times
the average, and overall, black women reply about a quarter more often than other
women”), they receive the least responses when they’re the ones to initiate the
conversation. They're responded to an average of 34.3 percent of the time, versus an
average of 42 percent for women as a whole.
The site also has a feature similar to Tinder in which users swipe profiles right if
they’re interested and left if they’re not. In its 2014 report, OkCupid released data
from such a swiping system that showed Asian men were 20 percent less likely to
swipe right on a black woman, Latino men were 18 percent less likely, white men 17
percent less likely and black men only 1 percent more likely to swipe right on a black
woman than any other race.
“82 percent of non-black men on OkCupid show some bias against black women,”
the study says.
This data was specifically for heterosexual users, but OKCupid’s 2014 study also
displayed data for users searching out same-sex relationships, and the data was similar
for black women there.
Snow has looked for both men and women on dating apps, and says women tend
not to show interest in her.
“It’s hard to pinpoint, because maybe they just don’t find me attractive, but it’s
been really hard to find women to date here, too, and it’s hard to not think that race
has something to do with it,” she says.
This type of treatment is not limited to women. Men of color and gender non-
binary people of color also face racism when looking for love online.
Kainoa Pilai is a 24-year-old gender non-binary trans person who uses they/them
pronouns. They’ve been using dating apps for about six years.
They say their staple app has been Grindr, roughly the equivalent app to Tinder
for gay, bi, trans and queer people. “It’s pretty much geared for anyone who’s not
straight,” Pilai says.
Pilai is now in a non-monogamous relationship with their current partner,
and is still using Grindr “every now and then.” When they used the app more
frequently, they say, racist messages were a regular occurrence.
“At least weekly I’d run into racist nonsense, be it on the fetishization end or
on the more violent, antagonizing end.”
They continue: “I’ll either have people just flat-out tell me, ‘I don’t like
black people’ or, like, ‘Sorry you’re not my type,’ which most of the time is
code for the same thing — especially in Oregon.”
Grindr is especially infamous for some of its users’ very blunt racial
preferences. Pilai says they regularly stumble across profiles that include
statements like: “No [insert race here].”
“I just don’t message them, obviously,” they say of the racially discriminatory
profiles. “But, I’ll keep my eye on them," Pilai adds. "These aren’t just cute
preferences; this is actively harmful shit.”
Living in an area that touts itself as being progressive and accepting of
diversity, this ignorance towards race in the realm of online dating is especially
disappointing.
“Specifically here it’s like, honestly at this point it’s defeating. It just feels like
a blow after blow after blow of people telling you that you’re not good enough
just because you’re not white,” Pilai says. “That’s honestly what it boils down to
when people tell you these coded messages that boil down to, ‘Don’t talk to me
if you’re black.’”
Although people with racist tendencies on online dating sites may seem like
a niche category of the nation’s population, this isn’t just about a problem finding
a date. The racism faced online by people of color is a microcosm of larger issues of
beauty and worthiness in our society.
“It’s really important for people to acknowledge that these dating preferences are
rooted in what’s called Eurocentric beauty standards which are a widespread, arbitrary
set of beauty standards projected by media that we consume,” Pilai says, “and it shows
that whiteness is most beautiful and white features are beautiful.”
Think about the models we regularly see on billboards or America’s A-list celebs
— a majority of them, even if they’re not white, have Eurocentric features: slim noses,
silky hair. I’m saying majority here, because obviously we have A-listers with darker
skin tones and “kinky” natural hair that don’t fit in to this mold, like Lupita Nyong’o.
But you don’t see Hollywood overrun with women who look like Nyong’o. You do,
however, see multiple women who look like, say, Nicole Kidman, Scarlett Johansson
or Charlize Theron.
These beauty standards come out in dating apps like Tinder, where you make a
split-second decision of whether you want to swipe someone right or left based on
their photos. But they also come up in the more platonic interactions of our everyday
lives when we meet someone for the first time — in job interviews, at work interacting
with customers, when trying to rent an apartment or AirBnB.
The way you’re perceived changes the way you’re treated — online or off.
Is this person presentable? Are they professional looking? Are they worth spending
my time on? All these questions are subconsciously answered in a split-second based
on appearance.
These are all things that are constantly on my mind as someone who is not white.
All I know is: I’m very happy I’m not single.
FEBRUARY 9-15
that’s kool u like
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Their skin tone, hair,
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eugeneweekly.com • February 8, 2018
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