FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
BY R O B B R E Z S N Y
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Unless you were raised by a pack of feral raccoons or a fundamentalist cult, now
is a perfect time to dive in to your second childhood. Is there a toy you wanted as a kid but never got? Buy it for
yourself now! What were the delicious foods you craved back then? Eat them! Where were the special places
you loved? Go there, or to spots that remind you of them. Who were the people you were excited to be with? Talk
with them. Actions like these will get you geared up for a full-scale immersion in innocent eagerness. And that
would be just the right medicine for your soul.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): What I wish for you, Taurus, is toasted ice cream and secrets in plain sight and a
sacred twist of humorous purity. I would love for you to experience a powerful surrender and a calm climax and
a sweeping vision of a small but pithy clue. I very much hope that you will get to take a big trip to an intimate
turning point that’s not too far away. I pray you will find or create a barrier that draws people together instead of
keeping them apart.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In Dr. Seuss’s book, Horton Hatches an Egg, an elephant assumes the duty of
sitting on a bird’s egg, committed to keeping it warm until hatching time. The nest is located high in a tree, which
makes the undertaking even more incongruous. By the climax of the tale, Horton has had to persist in his loyal
service through a number of challenges. But all ends well, and there’s an added bonus: The creature that’s born
is miraculously part-bird, part-elephant. I see similarities between this story and your life right now, Gemini. The
duty you’re carrying out doesn’t come naturally, and you’re not even sure you’re doing it right. But if you keep at
it till it’s completed, you’ll earn a surprising reward.
I Saw You
I T ’ S F R E E T O P L AC E A N I S AW YO U ! E M A I L : I S AW YO U @ E U G E N E W E E K LY.C O M
D AT I N G S E R V I C E S
***SPRING FLING?!***
CANCER (June 21-July 22): It’s prime time for you to break through any inhibitions you might have about
accessing and expressing your passion. To help you in this righteous cause, I’ve assembled a batch of words
you should be ready to use with frequency and sweet abandon. Consider writing at least part of this list on your
forearm with a felt-tip pen every morning so it’s always close at hand: enamored, piqued, enchanted, stirred,
roused, enthused, delighted, animated, elevated, thrilled, captivated, turned-on, enthralled, exuberant, fired up,
awakened.
A nice time and sensuality is just a call away.
Travelers most welcome! Sorry, no blocked
calls. Tia 541-870-6127.
point in his early years came when his Scoutmaster told him he was the worst Boy Scout in history. While this
might have demoralized other teenagers, it energized Groening. “Well, somebody’s got to be the worst,” he
triumphantly told the Scoutmaster. And then, “instead of the earth opening up and swallowing me, instead of
the flames of hell fire licking at my knees — nothing happened. And I was free.” I suspect you may soon be
blessed with a comparable liberation, Leo. Maybe you’ll be released from having to live up to an expectation you
shouldn’t even live up to. Or maybe you’ll be criticized in a way that will motivate your drive for excellence for
years to come.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Nineteen of my readers who work in the advertising industry signed a petition
requesting that I stop badmouthing their field. “Without advertising,” they testified, “life itself would be
impossible.” In response, I agreed to attend their re-education seminar. There, under their tutelage, I came to
acknowledge that everything we do can be construed as a kind of advertising. Each of us is engaged in a mostly
unconscious campaign to promote our unique way of looking at and being in the world. Realizing the truth, I now
feel no reservations about urging you Virgos to take advantage of the current astrological omens. They suggest
that you can and should be aggressive and ingenious about marketing yourself, your ideas and your products.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 2003, the American Film Institute announced the creation of a new prize to honor
acting talent. Dubbed the Charlton Heston Award, it was designed to be handed out periodically to luminaries
who have distinguished themselves over the course of long careers. The first recipient of the award was, oddly
enough, Charlton Heston himself, born under the sign of Libra. I hope you’re inspired by this story to wipe away
any false modesty you might be suffering from. The astrological omens suggest it’s a favorable moment to
create a big new award named after you and bestow it upon yourself. As part of the festivities, tell yourself about
what makes you special, amazing and valuable.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Here’s your riddle: What unscratchable itch drives you half-crazy? But you’re
secretly glad it drives you half-crazy, because you know your half-craziness will eventually lead you to an expe-
rience or resource that will relieve the itch. Here’s your prophecy: Sometime soon, scratching the unscratchable
itch will lead you to the experience or resource that will finally relieve the itch. Here’s your homework: Prepare
yourself emotionally to fully receive and welcome the new experience or resource. Make sure you’re not so
addicted to scratching the unscratchable itch that you fail to take advantage of the healing it’s bringing you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The best way to go forward is to go backward; the path to the bright future
requires a shadowy regression. Put another way, you should return to the roots of a triumph in order to find a
hidden flaw that might eventually threaten to undo your success. Correct that flaw now and you’ll make it unnec-
essary for karmic repercussions to undermine you later. But please don’t get all solemn-faced and anxious about
this assignment. Approach it with humorous self-correction and you’ll ensure that all goes well.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Are you familiar with the psychological concepts of anima and animus?
You’re in the midst of being intoxicated by one of those creatures from inner space. Though you may not be fully
conscious of it, you women are experiencing a mystical marriage with an imaginal character that personifies all
that’s masculine in your psyche. You men are going through the analogous process with a female figure within
you. I believe this is true no matter what your sexual orientation is. While this awesome psychological event may
be fun, educational and even ecstatic, it could also be confusing to your relationships with real people. Don’t
expect them to act like or live up to the very real fantasy you’re communing with.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): As a recovering save-the-world addict, I have felt compassionate skepticism
towards my fellow junkies who are still in the throes of their obsession. But recently I’ve discovered that just as
a small minority of alcoholics can safely take a drink now and then, so can a few save-the-world-aholics actually
save the world a little bit at a time without getting strung-out. With that as a disclaimer, Aquarius, I’m letting you
know that the cosmos has authorized you to pursue your own brand of fanatical idealism in the coming weeks.
To keep yourself honest, make fun of your zealotry every now and then.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The potential breakthrough I foresee for you is a rare species of joy. It’s a gritty,
hard-earned pleasure that will spawn beautiful questions you’ll be glad to have awakened. It’s a surprising
departure from your usual approach to feeling good that will expand your understanding of what happiness
means. Here’s one way to ensure that it will visit you in all of its glory: Situate yourself between the fabulous
contradictions in your life and say, “Squeeze me, tease me, please me.”
HOMEWORK: What was the pain that healed you most? What was the pleasure that hurt you the worst?
Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.
SATURDAY JULY 1ST.
To the woman at Saturday Market that
stared me down. I am a transgender
woman. I do not know you. I have never
met you. I never spoke to you nor did I do
anything to deserve your aggression. I felt
violated and what you did caused me grief!
I went home upset and felt like isolating.
What ever you were thinking, your action
towards me was perceived as mean! Trans
women have the right to exist without hate!
Stop, please. We trans folk do not exist for
you. We are just trying to live our lives in
peace without being harassed. -K
INSIDE SILVER CURL
I S AW YOU
SAD WHITE LATTE
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Matt Groening, creator of the cartoon series The Simpsons, says that a great turning
“HI, LOVER, I SAW YOU,
tearing open all the mail boxes early morn,
on River Road, and stealing federal mail— a
federal felony!! Come and meet me, I’d like
you to get acquainted with the Feds!!! —
sweetie”
I saw you at noisette pk. Latte all over your
pants.. let’s share a latte next time.
It is a neutral ‘word-spot’ that wouldn’t vio-
late our respective principles/rules. Won’t
do, if you disapprove. Did it offend?
WHO WHO’D HAVE THUNK
you’d find a
rowdy honky tonk woman with a Volvo?
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July 6, 2017 • eugeneweekly.com
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