FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
BY R O B B R E Z S N Y
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Sin” is a puerile concept in my eyes, so I don’t normally use it to discuss grown-up
concerns. But if you give me permission to invoke it in a jokey, ironic way, I’ll recommend that you cultivate more
surprising, interesting and original sins. In other words, Aries, it’s high time to get bored with your predictable
ways of stirring up a ruckus. Ask God or Life to bring you some really evocative mischief that will show you what
you’ve been missing and lead you to your next robust learning experience.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Attention, smart shoppers! Here’s a special spring fling offer! For a limited time
only, you can get five cutesy oracles for the price of one! And you don’t have to pay a penny unless they all
come true! Check ‘em out! Oracle #1: Should you wait patiently until all the conditions are absolutely perfect?
No! Success comes from loving the mess. Oracle #2: Don’t try to stop a sideshow you’re opposed to. Stage a big-
ger, better show that overwhelms it. Oracle #3: Please, master, don’t be a slave to the things you control. Oracle
#4: Unto your own self be true? Yes! Unto your own hype be true? No! Oracle #5: The tortoise will beat the hare
as long as the tortoise doesn’t envy or try to emulate the hare.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Generation Kill is an HBO miniseries based on the experiences of a reporter
embedded with American Marines fighting in Iraq. Early on, before the troops have been exposed to any serious
combat, they’re overflowing with trash talk. A commanding officer scolds them: “Gentlemen, from now on we’re
going to have to earn our stories.” Although you are in a much less volatile situation right now, Gemini, my advice
to you is the same: In the coming weeks, you’ll have to earn your stories. You can’t afford to talk big unless you’re
geared up to act big, too. You shouldn’t make promises and entertain dares and issue challenges unless you’re
fully prepared to be a hero. Now here’s my prophecy: I think you will be a hero.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): In your mind’s eye, drift back in time to a turning point in your past that didn’t go
the way you’d hoped. But don’t dwell on the disappointment. Instead, change the memory. Visualize yourself
then and there, but imagine you’re in possession of all the wisdom you have gathered since then. Next, picture
an alternative ending to the old story — a finale in which you manage to pull off a much better result. Bask in this
transformed state of mind for five minutes. Repeat the whole exercise at least once a day for the next two weeks.
It will generate good medicine that will produce a creative breakthrough no later than mid-June.
I Saw You
I T ’ S F R E E T O P L AC E A N I S AW YO U ! E M A I L : I S AW YO U @ E U G E N E W E E K LY.C O M
I S AW YOU
HAM RADYO OPERATÈ
L AND HER “RUDE” DOG-
A WORK IN PROGRESS
Antik; andikape veteran; gad palè nasyonal;
enterè espesyal. Twò fasil, bourik. Mwen
bezwen yon moun entelijan.
You’re a great friend and I love you very
much! I hope we have many sumeer adven-
tures this year!
I’m missing you. I know you’re with me, I
feel you and I am patient. You’re always on
my mind, so don’t ever doubt it. One day
we’ll make this happen! I know we’ll be SO
happy.
DONATIONS FOR WHITE BIRD
Still being accepted at the EW Office.
Hygiene Products Needed!
Thank you to those who have given!
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You’re being invited to boost your commitment to life and become a more vivid version
of yourself. If you refuse the invitation, it will later return as a challenge. If you avoid that challenge, it will even-
tually circle back around to you as a demand. So I encourage you to respond now, while it’s still an invitation.
To gather the information you’ll need, ask yourself these questions: What types of self-development are you
“saving for later”? Are you harboring any mediocre goals or desires that dampen your lust for life? Do you tone
down or hold back your ambitions for fear they would hurt or offend people you care about?
I HATE THAT YOU WEREN’T THERE FOR
ME WHEN
You Know
that I Needed You.
More than once...
I hate you never gave us a chance
V....
I can’t get you outta my head. There is sim-
ply something about you that is incredible.
Wow your lovely. Wish there was a chance.
But it never could be.........
I SAW YOU
To the old bag who stole my Fuschia: May
the universe treat you in kind! Karma is a
B****!
a photo sharing space
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Dear Dream Doctor: I dreamed that a crowd of people had decided to break through
a locked door using a long, thick wooden plank as a battering ram. The only problem was, I was lying on top of the
plank, half-asleep. By the time I realized what was up, the agitated crowd was already at work smashing at the
door. Luckily for me, it went well. The door got bashed in and I wasn’t hurt. What does my dream mean? -Nervous
Virgo.” Dear Virgo: Here’s my interpretation: It’s time to knock down a barrier, but you’re not convinced you’re
ready or can do it all by yourself. Luckily, there are forces in your life that are conspiring to help make sure you
do it.
@heatherinoregon
Enjoying the 5 minutes
of sun we get today.
#dogmodel#eugenedogs
#ewexposure
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): As long as you keep Syria, South Sudan and North Korea off your itinerary, traveling
would be food for your soul during the next 28 days. It would also be balm for your primal worries and medicine
for your outworn dogmas and an antidote for your comfortable illusions. Do you have the time and money
necessary to make a pilgrimage to a place you regard as holy? How about a jaunt to a rousing sanctuary? Or an
excursion to an exotic refuge that will shock you in friendly, healing ways? I hope that you will at least read a
book about the territory that you may one day call your home away from home.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): By now I’m sure you have tuned in to the rumblings in your deep self. Should you
be concerned? Maybe a little, but I think the more reasonable attitude is curiosity. Even though the shaking
is getting stronger and louder, it’s also becoming more melodic. The power that’s being unleashed will almost
certainly turn out to be far more curative than destructive. The light it emits may at first look murky but will
eventually bloom like a thousand moons. Maintain your sweet poise. Keep the graceful faith.
Use the hashtag
#ewexposure
for a chance to be featured in EW.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Life is inviting you to decode riddles about togetherness that could boost
your emotional intelligence and earn you the right to enjoy lyrical new expressions of intimacy. Will you accept
the invitation? Are you willing to transcend your habitual responses for the sake of your growth-inducing
relationships? Are you interested in developing a greater capacity for collaboration and synergy? Would you be
open to making a vulnerable fool of yourself if it helped your important alliances to fulfill their dormant poten-
tial? Be brave and empathetic, Sagittarius. Be creative and humble and affectionate.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “In youth we feel richer for every new illusion,” wrote author Anne Sophie
Swetchine. “In maturer years, for every one we lose.” While that may be generally true, I think that even
twenty-something Capricorns are likely to fall into the latter category in the coming weeks. Whatever your age,
I foresee you shouting something akin to “Hallelujah!” or “Thank God!” or “Boomshakalaka flashbang!” as you
purge disempowering fantasies that have kept you in bondage and naive beliefs that have led you astray.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “There are no green thumbs or black thumbs,” wrote horticulturalist Henry
Mitchell in a message you were destined to hear at this exact moment. “There are only gardeners and non-gar-
deners. Gardeners are the ones who get on with the high defiance of nature herself, creating, in the very face of
her chaos and tornado, the bower of roses and the pride of irises. It sounds very well to garden a ‘natural way.’
You may see the natural way in any desert, any swamp, any leech-filled laurel hell. Defiance, on the other hand,
is what makes gardeners.” Happy Defiance Time to you, Aquarius! In the coming weeks, I hope you will express
the most determined and disciplined fertility ever!
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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I believe it may be the right time to tinker with or repair a foundation; to dig down
to the bottom of an old resource and consider transforming it at its roots. Why? After all this time, that foundation
or resource needs your fresh attention. It could be lacking a nutrient that has gradually disappeared. Maybe it
would flourish better if it got the benefit of the wisdom you have gained since it first became useful for you. Only
you have the power to discern the real reasons, Pisces — and they may not be immediately apparent. Be tender
and patient and candid as you explore.
HOMEWORK: How could you change yourself to get more of the love you want? Testify by going to RealAstrol-
ogy.com and clicking on “Email Rob.”
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