FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
BY R O B B R E Z S N Y
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I have misgivings when I witness bears riding bicycles or tigers dancing on their
hind legs or Aries people wielding diplomatic phrases and making careful compromises at committee meetings.
While I am impressed by the disciplined expression of primal power, I worry for the soul of the creature that
is behaving with such civilized restraint. So here’s my advice for you in the coming weeks: Take advantage of
opportunities to make deals and forge win-win situations. But also keep a part of your fiery heart untamed. Don’t
let people think they’ve got you all figured out.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “One of the advantages of being disorderly,” said author A. A. Milne, “is that one is
constantly making exciting discoveries.” I wouldn’t normally offer this idea as advice to a methodical dynamo
like you. But my interpretation of the astrological omens compels me to override my personal theories about
what you need. I must suggest that you consider experimenting with jaunty, rambunctious behavior in the
coming days, even if it generates some disorder. The potential reward? Exciting discoveries, of course.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): According to my reading of the astrological omens, it’s time for you to take a break
from the magic you have been weaving since your birthday in 2016. That’s why I’m suggesting that you go on
a brief sabbatical. Allow your deep mind to fully integrate the lessons you’ve been learning and the transforma-
tions you have undergone over the past eleven months. In a few weeks, you’ll be ready to resume where you left
off. For now, though, you require breathing room. Your spiritual batteries need time to recharge. The hard work
you’ve done should be balanced by an extended regimen of relaxed playtime.
I Saw You
I T ’ S F R E E T O P L AC E A N I S AW YO U ! E M A I L : I S AW YO U @ E U G E N E W E E K LY.C O M
I S AW YOU
BESTMAN
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Apparently, a lot of kids in the UK don’t like to eat vegetables. In response, food
researchers in that country marketed a variety of exotic variations designed to appeal to their palate. The new
dishes included chocolate-flavored carrots, pizza-flavored corn and cheese-and-onion-flavored cauliflower. I
don’t recommend that you get quite so extreme in trying to broaden your own appeal, Cancerian. But see if you
can at least reach out to your potential constituency with a new wrinkle or fresh twist. Be imaginative as you
expand the range of what your colleagues and clientele have to choose from.
The longest good-bye ever.
Ahhhh-Dios Lights out.
GOOD KNIGHT
P.S. The latter, worth every minute (tome)
DONATIONS FOR WHITE BIRD
Still being accepted at the EW Office.
Thank you to those who have given!
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In speaking about the arduous quest to become one’s authentic self, writer Thomas Mer-
ton used the example of poets who aspire to be original but end up being imitative. “Many poets never succeed
in being themselves,” he said. “They never get around to being the particular poet they are intended to be by
God. They never become the person or artist who is called for by all of the circumstances of their individual lives.
They waste their years in vain efforts to be some other poet. They wear out their minds and bodies in a hopeless
endeavor to have somebody else’s experiences or write somebody else’s poems.” I happen to believe that this
is a problem for non-poets, as well. Many of us never succeed in becoming ourselves. Luckily for you, Leo, in the
coming weeks and months you will have an unprecedented chance to become more of who you really are. To ex-
pedite the process, work on dissolving any attraction you might have to acting like someone other than yourself.
HEY JJ WALKERBY
MAGNOLIA WIND
It is not uncommon to hear your tone as a
force of encouragement throughout the
day and then, wahhhlaaa, there you were
towering beautifully above and beyond
approachable. I saw you, held my breath,
ducked behind the dresses. You walked
away like a silent glowing grasshopper.
Goofy-goo-ball of confusion
I’d rather sleep in a box
like a bum on the street
than a fine feather bed
without your little ol’ cold feet
And I’d rather be deaf,
dumb, and stone blind
Than to know that your mornings
will never be mine
RE: AGAIN IN LIFE
NO DISAPPOINTMENT NECESSARY
If U R from West Sonoma, the Eugene
Weekly office has my contact info. Simple.
Let me know where, when and I will meet U
there -Eternally A Dancing Fool
We’ll come up with something! It’ll be great!
This is art! Love you, MM!
a photo sharing space
@echoecho1985
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): On numerous occasions, French acrobat Charles Blondin walked across a tightrope
#STEM
#marchforscience#earthday
#ewexposure
that spanned the gorge near Niagara Falls. His cable was three and a quarter inches in diameter, 1,100 feet long
and160 feet above the Niagara River. Once he made the entire crossing by doing back flips and somersaults.
Another time he carried a small stove on his back, stopped midway to cook an omelet and ate the meal before
finishing. Now would be an excellent time for you to carry out your personal equivalent of his feats, Virgo. What
daring actions have you never tried before even though you’ve been sufficiently trained or educated to perform
them well?
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Ready for some subterranean journeys? They may not involve literal explorations of
deep caverns and ancient tunnels and underground streams. You may not stumble upon lost treasure and for-
gotten artifacts and valuable ruins. But then again, you might. At the very least, you will encounter metaphorical
versions of some of the above. What mysteries would you love to solve? What secrets would be fun to uncover?
What shadows would you be excited to illuminate?
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Why would you guzzle mind-clouding moonshine when you will eventually get
a chance to sip a heart-reviving tonic? Why spoil your appetite by loading up on non-nutritious hors d’oeuvres
when a healthy feast will be available sooner than you imagine? I advise you to suppress your compulsion for
immediate gratification. It may seem impossible for you to summon such heroic patience, but I know you can.
And in the long run, you’ll be happy if you do.
Use the hashtag
#ewexposure
for a chance to be featured in EW.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “You’ll always be my favorite what-if.” Many years ago, I heard that phrase
whispered in my ear. It came from the mouth of a wonderful-but-impossible woman. We had just decided that it
was not a good plan, as we had previously fantasized, to run away and get married at Angkor Wat in Cambodia
and then spend the next decade being tour guides who led travelers on exotic getaways to the world’s sacred
sites. “You’ll always be my favorite what-if” was a poignant but liberating moment. It allowed us to move on with
our lives and pursue other dreams that were more realistic and productive. I invite you to consider triggering a
liberation like that sometime soon.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I’d love to see you increase the number of people, places and experiences
you love, as well as the wise intensity with which you love them. From an astrological perspective, now is an
excellent time to upgrade your appreciation and adoration for the whole world and everything in it. To get you
in the mood, I’ll call your attention to some unfamiliar forms of ardor you may want to pursue: eraunophilia, an
attraction to thunder and lightning; cymophilia, a fascination with waves and waviness; chorophilia, a passion for
dancing; asymmetrophilia, a zeal for asymmetrical things; sapiophilia, an erotic enchantment with intelligence.
541-345-1853
Mon-Sat
10am-8pm
Sun
12pm-6pm
Supporting
Local
Art for the
Past Four
Decades
HUNKY DORY PIPE & TOBACCO
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You could go online and buy an antique Gothic throne or a psychedelic hippie
couch to spruce up your living room. For your bathroom, you could get a Japanese “wonder toilet,” complete with
a heated seat, automated bidet and white noise generator. Here’s another good idea: You could build a sacred
crazy altar in your bedroom where you will conduct rituals of playful liberation. Or how about this? Acquire a
kit that enables you to create spontaneous poetry on your refrigerator door using tiny magnets with evocative
words written on them. Can you think of other ideas to revitalize your home environment? It’s high time you did
so.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Among America’s 50 states, Texas has the third-highest rate of teenage pregnan-
cies. Uncoincidentally, sex education in Texas is steeped in ignorance. Most of its high schools offer no teaching
about contraception other than to advise students to avoid sex. In the coming weeks, Pisces, you can’t afford to
be as deprived of the truth as those kids. Even more than usual, you need accurate information that’s tailored
to your precise needs, not fake news or ideological delusions or self-serving propaganda. Make sure you gather
insight and wisdom from the very best sources. That’s how you’ll avoid behavior that’s irrelevant to your life
goals. That’s how you’ll attract experiences that serve your highest good.
HOMEWORK: What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever done? Testify! Go to Realastrology.com and click on
“Email Rob.”
GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM
CHECK OUT EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES.
30
A pril 27, 2017 • eugeneweekly.com
WIGGLY TAILS DOG RESCUE
Helping abandoned and surrendered dogs fi nd their forever homes
Skipper is a HUGE
guy who is looking for
a forever home with
cat-savvy folks. This
10 year old orange
tabby loves attention,
treats, catnip, & tall
cat trees. He had a
hard life as a younger
guy, being mistreated
by kids so he is
looking for a child-
free home. If Skipper
sounds like a guy
you’d mesh with come
by S.A.R.A.’s Treasures
and visit him today!
871 River Road • 607-8892 • Open Everyday 10-6
www.sarastreasures.org
Sirius 1 yr old terrier mix but possibly some pom or
even long haired dashhound in the mix. He’s a sweet boy
who is doing great with other dogs cats and kids. He was
fearful at fi rst but now is running around and playing with
the pack.. he knows basic commands and will dance for
treats. This handsome guy would do great with another
doggy playmate. Email Wigglytailsdogrescue@yahoo.com
with any questions.
www.facebook.com/WigglyTailsDogRescue