FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
BY R O B B R E Z S N Y
ARIES (March 21-April 19): By my estimates, 72 percent of you Aries are in unusually good moods. The world
seems friendlier, more cooperative. Fifty-six percent of you feel more in love with life than you have in a long
time. You may even imagine that the birds and trees and stars are flirting with you. I’m also guessing that 14
percent of you are weaving in and out of being absurdly, deliriously happy, sometimes without any apparent
explanation. As a result of your generosity of spirit, you may be the recipient of seemingly impossible rewards
like free money or toasted ice cream or unconditional tenderness. And I bet that at least ten percent of you are
experiencing all of the above.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I am launching a campaign to undo obsolete stereotypes about you Bulls. There
are still backwards astrologers out there who perpetrate the lie that many of you are stingy, stolid, stubborn
slowpokes. As an antidote, I plan to heighten everyone’s awareness of your sensual, soulful sweetness and
your tastefully pragmatic sensitivity and your diligent, dynamic productivity. That should be easy in the coming
weeks, since you’ll be at the height of your ability to express those superpowers. Luckily, people will also have
an enhanced capacity to appreciate you for who you really are. It will be a favorable time to clarify and strength-
en your reputation.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Will Giovanni surreptitiously replace Allesandra’s birth control pills with placebos?
Will Camille take a hidden crowbar to her rendezvous with the blackmailer? Will Josie steal Jose’s diary and sell
it on eBay? Given the current astrological omens, you may have an unconscious attraction to soap opera-type
events like those. The glamour of melodrama is tempting you. But I’m hoping and predicting that you will express
the cosmic currents in less toxic ways. Maybe you’ll hear a searing but healing confession after midnight in the
pouring rain, for instance. Perhaps you’ll break an outworn taboo with ingenious grace, or forge a fertile link with
a reformed rascal, or recover a lost memory in a dusty basement.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): All naturally-occurring matter on earth is composed of 92 basic elements ar-
ranged in various combinations. Since some of these appear in trace amounts, they took a long time for humans
to discover. In the 18th and 19th centuries, chemists were exuberant when they tracked down seven of the 92 in
a single location: an underground mine on the Swedish island of Ytterby. That small place was a mother lode. I’m
predicting a metaphorically similar experience for you, Cancerian: new access to a concentrated source that will
yield much illumination.
I Saw You
I T ’ S F R E E T O P L AC E A N I S AW YO U ! E M A I L : I S AW YO U @ E U G E N E W E E K LY.C O M
I S AW YOU
D.
I SAW YOUR HANDIWORK
BED BATH AND BEYOND
Was just wondering how you are. I think
about you a lot. I have no way to get in
touch with you. MM
in the Whiteaker recently.
Your can control needs work.
Says that you’re watching me.
Motherfucker, I’m watching you.
You were shopping Sunday and we crossed
paths a couple of times. We laughed over
the towels. I hope I see you again soon!
COSTCO TIRES
You with your dancing daughter on Monday
afternoon. Lovely smile and oh so hot. Me
sitting. Would love to chat.
DONATIONS FOR WHITE BIRD
Still being accepted at the EW Office.
Thank you to those who have given!
I SAW YOU
Tu seras toujours mon homme d’arbre
sexy.
a photo sharing space
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The next four weeks will be an excellent time to upgrade your understanding of the
@timothylabrecque#flashback-
friday
Ok. Did I look 80’s AF or what??
Is it 80’s or early 90’s? I don’t
even know.
Running in Eugene though, now
that is amazing.
#eugene #eugeneoregon #ew-
exposure#pnw #run #running
#ultrarunning#tracktown #trail-
running #forest #trees#style
#instagood #instagram #smile
#love#live #wild #fashion
#optoutside #oregon#north-
west #tbt #happy #buff
important characters in your life. In fact, I suspect you will generate good fortune and meaningful synchronici-
ties whenever you seek greater insight into anyone who affects you. Get to know people better, Leo! If there are
intriguing acquaintances who pique your curiosity, find out more about them. Study the oddballs you’re allergic
to with the intention to discern their hidden workings. In general, practice being objective as you improve your
skill at reading human nature.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In 1787, English captain Arthur Phillip led an eight-month naval expedition to the
southeastern part of the continent now known as Australia. Upon arrival, he claimed the land for England, de-
spite the fact that 250,000 Aboriginal people were living there, just as their ancestors had for 2,000 generations.
Two hundred years later, an Aboriginal activist named Burnum Burnum planted the Aboriginal flag on the White
Cliffs of Dover, claiming England for his people. I encourage you to make a comparably artful or symbolic act
like Burnum’s sometime soon, Virgo — a ritual or gesture to assert your sovereignty or evoke a well-deserved
reversal or express your unconquerable spirit.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The ancient Roman rhetorician Quintilian authored a twelve-volume textbook on the
art of oratory. As ample as it was, it could have been longer. “Erasure is as important as writing,” he said. Accord-
ing to my reading of the astrological omens, that counsel should be a rewarding and even exciting theme for you
in the coming weeks. For the long-term health of your labor of love or your masterpiece, you should focus for a
while on what to edit out of it. How could you improve it by making it shorter and more concise?
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Do you know about the long-running kids’ show Sesame Street? Are you familiar
with Big Bird, the talking eight-feet-tall yellow canary who’s one of the main characters? I hope so, because your
horoscope is built around them. In the Sesame Street episode called “Don’t Eat the Pictures,” Big Bird solves
a riddle that frees a 4,000-year-old Egyptian prince from an ancient curse. I think this vignette can serve as a
model for your own liberation. How? You can finally outwit and outmaneuver a very old problem with the help of
some playful, even child-like energy. Don’t assume that you’ve got to be relentlessly serious and dour in order to
shed the ancient burden. In fact, just the opposite is true. Trust blithe and rowdy spirits.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your lessons in communication are reaching a climax. Here are five tips
to help you do well on your “final exam.” 1. Focus more on listening for what you need to know rather than on
expressing what you already know. 2. Keep white lies and convenient deceptions to a bare minimum. 3. Tell the
truth as strong and free as you dare, but always — if possible — with shrewd kindness. 4. You are more likely to
help your cause if you spread bright, shiny gossip instead of the grubby kind. 5. Experiment with being unpre-
dictable; try to infuse your transmissions with unexpected information and turns of phrase.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The meaning of the Latin phrase crambe repetita is “cabbage reheated, twice-
#ewexposure
for a chance to be featured in EW.
WIGGLY TAILS DOG RESCUE
Helping abandoned and surrendered dogs fi nd their forever homes
DO YOU LOVE ANIMALS?
DO YOU WANT TO SAVE LIVES?
BECOME A FOSTER TODAY!
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Here’s your mantra for the next three weeks: “I know what I want, and I know
how to glide it into my life.” Say this out loud 11 times right after you wake up each morning and 11 more
times before lunch and 11 more times at bedtime. “I know what I want, and I know how to glide it into my life.”
Whenever you do this little chant, summon an upflow of smiling confidence — a serene certainty that no matter
how long the magic might take, it will ultimately work. “I know what I want, and I know how to glide it into my
life.” Don’t let any little voice in your head undermine your link to this simple truth. Lift your heart to the highest
source of vitality you can imagine.
We have LITTERS OF PUPPIES, Adults
and sweet Seniors.
HOMEWORK: Imagine you have time-traveled to one of your favorite places in the year 2020. What do you
see? I’m at Truthrooster@gmail.com.
GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM
CHECK OUT EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES.
February 16, 2017 • eugeneweekly.com
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WE NEED YOU!
cooked.” I urge you to avoid partaking of such a dish in the coming weeks, both literally and figuratively. If you’re
truly hungry for cooked cabbage, eat it fresh. Likewise, if you have a ravenous appetite for stories, revelations,
entertainment and information — which I suspect you will — don’t accept the warmed-over, recycled variety.
Insist on the brisk, crisp stuff that excites your curiosity and appeals to your sense of wonder.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “We cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever,” writes Japanese novelist
Haruki Murakami. “We must stand up and move on to the next action.” That’s your slightly scolding but ultimately
inspirational advice, Pisces. According to my astrological analysis, you have done heroic work to identify and
investigate your suffering. You have summoned a tremendous amount of intelligence in order to understand it
and further the healing. But right now it’s time to turn your focus to other matters. Like what? How about rebirth?
30
Use the hashtag
We can’t do this without you!
We will provide the supplies needed to properly care
for litter of pups; you provide a safe home, love, and
socialization that will prepare them for happy and
healthy futures in their forever homes.
Leo is a
loving and
handsome
gentleman.
He is about
six years old
and has a big
fl uff y coat. Leo
doesn’t mind
the company
of friendly dogs and is happy to share space with other cats.
He is about as laid back as a cat can get and enjoys his time
lounging around and is especially fond getting attention in
the form of belly rubs. Leo is looking for a relaxed, calm home,
where he can get the aff ection he deserves and spend time
being a cool cat, maybe even the coolest cat.
www.facebook.com/WigglyTailsDogRescue
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