FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
BY R O B B R E Z S N Y
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Are you more attracted to honing group dynamics or liberating group dynamics?
Do you have more aptitude as a director who organizes people or as a sparkplug who inspires people? Would
you rather be a chief executive officer or a chief imagination officer? Questions like these will be fertile for you to
meditate on in the coming weeks. The astrological omens suggest it’s time to explore and activate more of your
potential as a leader or catalyst.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): An eccentric Frenchman named Laurent Aigon grew up near an airport, and always
daydreamed of becoming a commercial pilot. Sadly, he didn’t do well enough in school to fulfill his wish. Yet he
was smart and ambitious enough to accomplish the next best thing: assembling a realistic version of a Boeing
737 cockpit in his home. With the help of Google, he gathered the information he needed, and ordered most of
the necessary parts over the internet. The resulting masterpiece has enabled him to replicate the experiences
of being a pilot. It’s such a convincing copy that he has been sought as a consultant by organizations that
specialize in aircraft maintenance. I suggest you attempt a comparable feat, Taurus: creating a simulated version
of what you want. I bet it will eventually lead you to the real thing.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The weather may be inclement where you live, so you may be resistant to my
counsel. But I must tell you the meanings of the planetary omens as I understand them, and not fret about
whether you’ll act on them. Here’s my prescription, lifted from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden: “We need the tonic
of wildness, to wade sometimes in marshes where the bittern and the meadow-hen lurk, and hear the booming
of the snipe; to smell the whispering sedge where only some wilder and more solitary fowl builds her nest, and
the mink crawls with its belly close to the ground.” And why does Thoreau say we need such experiences? “We
must be refreshed by the sight of inexhaustible vigor, to witness our own limits transgressed.”
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Welcome to the most deliciously enigmatic, sensually mysterious phase of your
astrological cycle. To provide you with the proper non-rational guidance, I have stolen scraps of dusky advice
from the poet Dansk Javlarna (danskjavlarna.tumblr.com). Please read between the lines: 1. Navigate the ocean
that roars within the seashell. 2. Carry the key, even if the lock has been temporarily lost. 3. Search through
the deepest shadows for the bright light that cast them. 4. Delve into the unfathomable in wordless awe of the
inexplicable.
I Saw You
I T ’ S F R E E T O P L AC E A N I S AW YO U ! E M A I L : I S AW YO U @ E U G E N E W E E K LY.C O M
I S AW YOU
AM I THE RIGHT ANGLE?
I don’t mean to be obtuse,
but I think your angle is acute.
I too am a kitty cat.
Meow rhymes with ciao.
BLUE
grumpy, bellowing sourpuss. Hands in the
air, juggling life without you, so low...Duet?
BOUNCER
‘SINGLE TERM’
HAPPY BIRTHDAY C! I am so happy we met,
and you have quickly become one of my
very best friends. I think that 2017 is going
to be your best year yet, and you deserve
the very best. You’re a beautiful person,
inside and out!
Flattery will get you everywhere! I think
about you a lot. Life is too short. Where
ARE you? S-
HAVE YOU BEEN SEEN IN THE I SAW
YOUS?
NEW YEAR’S EVE,
@earsnaps
She is truly, the best part
of me #Alibi #quarterhorse
#paint#overo #overopaint
#arabian#arabianhorse
#quarab #beautiful
#pssm#youaretheloveo-
fmylife#beautifulhorses_look
#ilovemyhorse#horsesobses-
sion #horseylove#ewexposure
#besties #meandmygirl#mylife
#equine #gobe#equinepho-
tography #horsephotogra-
phy#equus #usie #simplythe-
best#horsesofinstagram #horse
#ig_horse
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Czech writer Bohumil Hrabal penned the novel Dancing Lessons for the Advanced
in Age. It consists of one sentence. But it’s a long, rambling sentence — 117 pages’ worth. It streams from the
mouth of the narrator, who is an older man bent on telling all the big stories of his life. If there were ever to come
a time when you, too, would have cosmic permission and a poetic license to deliver a one-sentence, 117-page
soliloquy, Libra, it would be in the coming weeks. Reveal your truths! Break through your inhibitions! Celebrate
your epic tales! (P.S.: Show this horoscope to the people you’d like as your listeners.)
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): When Pluto was discovered in 1930, astronomers called it the ninth planet. But 76
years later, they changed their mind. In accordance with shifting definitions, they demoted Pluto to the status
of a mere “dwarf planet.” But in recent years, two renowned astronomers at Caltech have found convincing evi-
dence for a new ninth planet. Konstantin Batygin and Michael E. Brown are tracking an object that is much larger
than Earth. Its orbit is so far beyond Neptune’s that it takes 15,000 years to circle the sun. As yet it doesn’t have
an official name, but Batygin and Brown informally refer to it as “Phattie.” I bring this to your attention, Scorpio,
because I suspect that you, too, are on the verge of locating a monumental new addition to your universe.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Some guy I don’t know keeps sending me emails about great job opportunities
he thinks I’d like to apply for: a technical writer for a solar energy company, for example, and a social media
intern for a business that offers travel programs. His messages are not spam. The gigs are legitimate. And yet I’m
not in the least interested. I already have several jobs I enjoy, like writing these horoscopes. I suspect that you,
too, may receive worthy but ultimately irrelevant invitations in the coming days, Capricorn. My advice: If you
remain faithful to your true needs and desires, more apropos offers will eventually flow your way.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The word “naysayer” describes a person who’s addicted to expressing
negativity. A “yeasayer,” on the other hand, is a person who is prone to expressing optimism. According to my as-
sessment of the astrological omens, you can and should be a creative yeasayer in the coming days — both for
the sake of your own well-being and that of everyone whose life you touch. For inspiration, study Upton Sinclair’s
passage about Beethoven: He was “the defier of fate, the great yea-sayer.” His music is “like the wind running
over a meadow of flowers, superlative happiness infinitely multiplied.”
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): If I’m feeling prosaic, I might refer to a group of flamingos as a flock. But one of
the more colorful and equally correct terms is a “flamboyance” of flamingos. Similarly, a bunch of pretty insects
with clubbed antennae and big fluttery wings may be called a kaleidoscope of butterflies. The collective noun for
zebras can be a dazzle, for pheasants a bouquet, for larks an exaltation, and for finches a charm. In accordance
with current astrological omens, I’m borrowing these nouns to describe members of your tribe. A flamboyance or
kaleidoscope of Pisceans? Yes! A dazzle or bouquet or exaltation or charm of Pisceans? Yes! All of the above.
Use the hashtag
#ewexposure
for a chance to be featured in EW.
If you want to
stop drinking
WANT TO
GROW
Alcoholics
Anonymous
can help
YOUR
BUSINESS?
ADVERTISE WITH THE
EUGENE WEEKLY
EVI by phone 24 hours:
541-342-4113
CALL US TODAY
541-484-0519
www. eviaa.org | www.aa.org
HOMEWORK: What part of yourself are you scared of? Is it time to give that part a peace offering? Testify at
Freewillastrology.com.
INSTA TWEETING
THE GRAMS TO YOUR
FACE IN CYBERSPACE
GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM
CHECK OUT EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES.
30
January 19, 2017 • eugeneweekly.com
Sensuality? Foot Fetish? Soft skin, great
scent, pretty feet & the perfect touch.
Attractive, slow hand, classy & attentive.
Awaiting your call. 541-870-6127 Tia. Gladly
travel. Professional men only. No blocked
calls. Notice Appreciated
a photo sharing space
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Eighteenth-century painter Joshua Reynolds said that a “disposition to abstractions,
to generalizing and classification, is the great glory of the human mind.” To that lofty sentiment, his fellow artist
William Blake responded, “To generalize is to be an idiot; to particularize is the alone distinction of merit.” So I
may be an idiot when I make the following generalization, but I think I’m right: In the coming weeks, it will be in
your best interests to rely on crafty generalizations to guide your decisions. Getting bogged down in details at
the expense of the big picture — missing the forest for the trees — is a potential pitfall that you can and should
avoid.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The tomato and potato are both nightshades, a family of flowering plants.
Taking advantage of this commonality, botanists have used the technique of grafting to produce a pomato plant.
Its roots yield potatoes, while its vines grow cherry tomatoes. Now would be a good time for you to experiment
with a metaphorically similar creation, Sagittarius. Can you think of how you might generate two useful influenc-
es from a single source?
***LET’S GET WARM***
Seen someone and met up? Tell us your
story for a story! Editor@eugeneweekly.
com.
under the stars, next to the fire. We camped
in the snow. Here’s to a lifetime of together-
ness.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): What exactly would a bolt of lightning taste like? I mean, if you could somehow manage
to roll it around in your mouth without having to endure the white-hot shock. There’s a booze manufacturer that
claims to provide this sensation. The company known as Oddka has created “Electricity Vodka,” hard liquor with
an extra fizzy jolt. But if any sign of the zodiac could safely approximate eating a streak of lightning without the
help of Electricity Vodka, it would be you Leos. These days you have a special talent for absorbing and enjoying
and integrating fiery inspiration.
D AT I N G S E R V I C E S