WINE
B Y L A N C E S PA R K S
WINE LABEL WHIMSY
Fun labels can wrap around a good wine
M
ust be global weirding: A carny barker-snakeoil
hustler gets elected president of the U.S.; ice
forms on December rosebuds; and in the wine
world, someone launches a War of Labels.
How important are labels? They’re just
packaging, right? Commonly, a wine label gives the brand
name, the varietal, vintage date (if there is one), alcohol
percentage, a warning “(contains sulfites”); somewhere on
the bottle we find the retail price, critical info. No more, at
least for those enlisted in the Label War.
I stood in the wine aisle of a major supermarket, check-
ing the hundreds of facings of mass-market vinos. A couple
that was shopping scanned the offerings; woman shopper
said, “Let’s get this one. I love their label.”
My head snapped as I tried to peek: They had chosen an
otherwise undistinguished red, cheap, but not bad — most
wines these days are drinkable, not poisonous.
But the label popped. And there’s the key. Wine produc-
ers are in a stiff competition for buyers’ bucks. It’s not re-
ally a war, just elementary marketing, selling the package,
not the contents, sizzle not steak.
It works. We know it does. And the folks who do it well
bring innovative thinking, often wit and whimsy, some-
times real art. Some of the new wine packages are charm-
ing, engaging. Cases in point:
Circus Posters: For some (non)reason, circus images
abound. Freakshow 2013 Cabernet Sauvignon, from Lo-
di’s ($16) Michael David Winery, wears a label that invites
magnifying examination, finding Harold Lloyd, Buster Ke-
aton, Charlie Chaplin, the Bearded Lady, W. C. Fields and
many more. It’s fun — and the wine’s quite good. Another
“Michael David joint” label shows two fat elephants (Re-
publicans?), sitting in a circus “green room,” sucking on
glasses of wine amid buckets of peanuts; this label fronts
PetitePetit 2014 Petite Sirah ($18) — blended
with 15 percent petit Verdot, very serious red and
very good. Even the back label’s fun: “prepare
yourself to be amazed.” OK! Wine at the cir-
cus!
Not So Funny: Glenrowan Wines
(Australia) darkens the shelves with
their “19 Crimes” series, labels of
sepia-tinted mugshots of first-centu-
ry men convicted of any one of 19
crimes for which they could be exiled
to the penal colony of Australia. The
back label of 19 Crimes 2014 Caber-
net Sauvignon ($12) wavers between
swelling pride and lingering bitter-
ness. The wine, however, centers on
bold flavors, no cringing.
Curiouser and Curiouser: Catch
the consumer’s eye. How? Wrap the
bottle in paper covered with death im-
ages, dancing skeletons, call it Curi-
ous Beasts 2014 “Blood Red Wine”
— a Napa blend — ($14); back label
reveals names of producers Truett
Hurst, Healdsburg, the “witchiest
and warlockiest winemakers Califor-
nia has to offer.” Fun. Only problem
is timing; all this is Halloweeny and
we’re shopping at Christmas. Oh, the
wine is toothsome.
Trackin’ Kraken: Two labels (so
far) feature the Kraken, mythological
deep-sea monster: Oregon’s Teutonic
Wine Company 2015 “Attack of the
Kraken” Pinot Noir ($24) is lovely wine despite the
ominous image of the Kraken wrapping drippy ten-
tacles around dorymen. Force of Nature (Cali-
fornia) 2014 Chardonnay ($20) is a Santa
Barbara beauty, yummy, but the label shows
the Kraken cracking into a Medieval port
village and castle. Huh?
But we bought it, along with many
others, far too many to detail in one
brief column — there’s more comedy,
some fine art, beauty, mysticism. The
label battles are just beginning. But we
can’t fail to mention the Madman of the
North and his “packaging coup.”
KISS: Charles Smith brought a rock
‘n’ roll spirit to Walla Walla wines; his
K Vintners used simple labels to pack-
age superb wines. For just one example,
Charles Smith K Vintners 2012 MCK
(Motor City Kitty) Syrah ($30) is a
knockout wine, deep, spicy, stylish. All
Smith’s K wines are distinctive, inside
and out — the labels eye-catching. If
this is crazy, we’ll take some.
Note: Bo Wiedenfed-Needham at
Bo’s Wine Depot points out that K Vint-
ners was just bought by a mega-corp,
allowing Charles Smith to retire, his
pockets bulging with millions, which
might prove that some sorts of madness
attract money. Is this what President-
elect Tweety has shown us?
Well, Happy New Year, whatever
your label.
eugeneweekly.com • January 5, 2017
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