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QUICKIES
BY DAN SAVAGE
LOVE
I’m a 27-year-old straight male and a high-school teacher held to a strict code. I left my fiancée
in June and haven’t had sex since. Needless to say, I’m really horny. I’m also in that weird in-between
age where I’m not comfortable hanging out at college bars but I’m also a bit younger than most of the
women in other bars. But when I scour dating apps, I see profiles of women ages 18 to 22—women who,
for all I know, could have been students at my school. I would never fuck a former student, of course,
but I’m worried that I could get my license revoked if my supervisors discovered I was online trolling for
sex. So what am I supposed to do? My cock is making sad faces at me right now.
Teacher Evidently Needs Sexual Encounter
If you live in a college town, TENSE, there’s at least one bar where grad students hang out—look for the
bar where women are grading papers, not pounding shots, and hang out there. And with more than one in
three new marriages beginning with an online meeting these days, and with Pew Research telling us that
60 percent of Americans approve of online dating, I don’t see how your supervisors could possibly object to
staffers scouring dating apps and the interwebs for age-appropriate partners. Unless we’re talking about a
Catholic school staffed entirely by nuns, which isn’t what we’re talking about.
I’m female, 26, and in an open marriage with a wonderful man. I am having a recurring fear that he’ll
get some other woman pregnant and she will refuse to abort. I trust him, but condoms break (or get
holes poked in them). He inherited serious money from his father, and his father got “oops’d” into hav-
ing three kids. I would immediately divorce my husband if this happened. (Yes, I’m an asshole, but my
life plans have NEVER included children, step or otherwise.) My solution is for him to get a vasectomy.
He says he’s for it, but it’s been a YEAR and he hasn’t made an appointment. I’m seriously considering
yanking “open” until he’s sterile. Maybe he really wants children and he’s not telling me, but I keep
asking and he keeps saying no. Am I being unreasonable asking for the snip?
Seriously Not Into Pregnancy
Maybe your husband wants children, SNIP, maybe he doesn’t. Or maybe he’s one of those guys invest-
ed in/aroused by the power of spunk to make babies they don’t want; these guys would rather see their
shots intercepted than go unattempted. So while a vasectomy is an eminently reasonable way for a married
man who wishes to remain childless to prevent himself from impregnating someone who isn’t his wife, SNIP,
arousal often defies reason. And ultimately this is his decision to make—his body, his choice.
I’m a single gay male in my 40s. I have a good life and do good work. I’m not worried about finding
the right guy to settle down with. I’m worried about what happens next. I’ve had three serious long-term
relationships and several friends-with-benefits relationships. In every single one, a time has come,
generally sooner rather than later, when I completely lose interest in my partner sexually. It’s not a
matter of him being less attractive to me. It’s not a matter of us not being on good terms—often we
become very close friends. It’s not a matter of my sex drive shutting down—I’m all kinds of turned on
by other guys, just not the one I’m with. It’s reached a point where I’m deliberately holding myself back
from getting into relationships because I’m tired of ruining good things.
Confirmed Bachelor
DANCERS AUDITION
NEW
WEB
SITE
SAVAGE
Alcoholics
Anonymous
can help
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541-342-4113
www. eviaa.org | www.aa.org
You could get your ass into therapy, CB, and churn through several relationships while you work on
this—relationships that could fail for this or some other reason—and not have anything to show for your ef-
fort 10 years from now. Or you could find a guy who has the same problem you do—your predicament is not
uncommon—and instead of breaking up when you lose interest in each other sexually, you stay together,
you love each other, you take care of each other, and you both fuck other guys.
Mid-20s female here, ready to date after a period of difficulty in my personal life. I have started
taking an antidepressant, which has allowed me to regain control over my life, but one side effect is
difficulty having orgasms. People can be judgey when it comes to antidepressants, and it’s not some-
thing that’s easy to share. It’s frustrating because this medication allows me to be in a place mentally
where I can pursue healthy adult relationships, but it affects sex, which for me is something that is key
for a healthy relationship. How do I have a conversation about this with a potential partner?
Hopeful About Potential Partners, Yay
You can put off the convo about your meds with a white lie, HAPPY, by telling your potential partner you
never come the first few times you’re with someone new—no pressure on you to come (or come clean just
yet), no pressure on them to make you come. Then level with them about the real reason you’re having
difficultly coming—new to antidepressants, still adjusting, but grateful for the other benefits—after you’ve
gotten to know them better. It’s a harmless, understandable white lie, not a major betrayal. If they react like
it is one, HAPPY, then you’ll have to DTMFA.
I’m male, 30, and newly single. I’ve been using my newfound freedom to sleep around, and last
week I had sex with a married woman. Yes, she was cheating. Yes, I was aware. There won’t be any fu-
ture sexual encounters with this woman, but here’s the thing I was wondering about: I don’t feel guilty,
not one bit. This fuck was a strong contender for best fuck of my life. Does that make me a bad person?
And if so, do I just accept the fact that I’m a bad person?
Basically A Dastardly Dick, Yes?
Fucking someone you know to be cheating implicates you in an infidelity, of course, and that’s usual-
ly bad—but not always. In some cases, cheating is the least worst option for all involved (the cheater, the
cheated, their dependents); in others, cheating saves marriages that needed saving; in still others, cheating
ends marriages that needed ending. Absent more info about this woman’s particular circumstances, BADDY,
I can’t make a definite ruling about her badness for cheating or your badness for aiding and abetting.
Straight 64-year-old man wanting to try the gay side of life!!! Don’t have the bodybuilder’s body
anymore!!! Average size!!! Would anyone get turned on to old-timer’s body!!! Need some advice
where and how to meet other gay men!!! Also HIV is a concern!!! Any other advice would be appreci-
ated!!!
When I’m Sixty-Four
Check out daddyhunt.com, WISF, the “largest gay personals site for daddies, bears, and guys that love
them”!!! Don’t be paralyzed by fear!!! Of HIV or anything else!!! But consider getting on PrEP!!! And use con-
doms!!! And remember::: Sex with a guy who thinks he’s negative but isn’t is way riskier than sex with a guy
who knows he’s positive and takes his meds!!! And stop calling yourself straight!!!
On the Lovecast, Dan chats with Mistress Matisse about the Sex Workers Outreach Project: savagelove-
cast.com.
connect with eugene weekly:
facebook.com/eugeneweekly • @eugeneweekly
MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET • @FAKEDANSAVAGE • THE SAVAGE LOVECAST AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM
eugeneweekly.com • September 22, 2016
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