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PLORES
JAM TOLLES EX
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GENDER IDENT
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BY ALEX V. CIPO
LLE
painting by Jam Tolles reminds me of “Las
Meninas,” the enigmatic 1656 painting by Diego
Velázquez, even though visually the two have
little in common.
Velázquez's oil masterpiece depicts members of the
Spanish Court in a grand drawing room with a mirror, the
figures peering back at you as if you were some sort of
peculiar guest popping in.
Tolles filled ketchup bottles with acrylic paint and gooped
hundreds of flowers on reflective mylar panels, creating
amorphous mirrored pools that reflect the viewer between the
blooms.
What the two pieces share is this: They both implicate the
viewer, tangling what it means to observe and to be observed,
disrupting perceptions.
“For me, it was a way to picture myself in a feminine identity,”
Tolles says. “The first girl clothes I ever owned were from my
girlfriend in undergrad.” She gave Tolles floral leggings.
A
calico
“This is probably the best place I can imagine,” she says of
Eugene while sitting at a sidewalk table at The Wayward Lamb
pub and nightclub, a place she describes as an anchor for the
local queer community. Tolles also points to Trans*ponder, the
transgender resource and support nonprofit, as vital. She says
in a larger city, these resources and people would be more
geographically spread out.
“Getting out of grad school was kind of the first time in a
long time where I was like: I’m free,” Tolles says. “I’ve just
found a group of people here organically that are queer and
supportive and reinforcing of what I am.”
That’s not to say this transition has always been smooth
sailing.
“It’s a push and pull — making one step forward in your life
and then experiencing the social repercussions,” she says,
adding: “But still, being out is being visible and being
vulnerable and being targetable.”
Despite the risks, Tolles says she feels more comfortable
'DOUGHNUTDNA (OUT TO PLAY) ELMO & BIG BIRD (CHAOS & HARMONY) DEATH WAITS ANOTHER DAY'
AND TWO PANELS OF 'CALICO (MY FIRST GIRL CLOTHES'
This piece is “Calico (My First Girl Clothes),” consisting of
four large panels. Two panels will be on display at the Eugene-
Springfield Pride Festival Aug. 13, as well at a show of Tolles’
new work, Grape Jelly, opening Aug. 12 at WOW Hall.
This spring Tolles completed an MFA at the University of
Oregon School of Architecture and Allied Arts, where she
honed skills in multimedia painting and performance art that
explored the fluidity of gender identity and sexuality in
contemporary culture.
She is also a founding member of the puckish contemporary
art collective Tropical Contemporary.
“I’ve only identified as transgender in the last year or two,”
Tolles says. “With my art, I think it was really important because
I could explore things conceptually with painting and colors, and
maybe that was a coping mechanism too. I was afraid socially to
wear a dress outside, but I could paint a dress.”
Upon graduation, Tolles recalls her professors asking her, as
an artist and a trans woman,, “Why aren’t you in New York,
L.A., Berlin?”
with herself, and her lifelong struggle with depression and
anxiety seems to be waning.
When the mass shooting happened at Pulse nightclub June
12 in Orlando, Tolles was working on another painting —
“DoughnutDNA (Out to Play) Elmo & Big Bird (Chaos and
Harmony) Death Waits Another Day.” The piece, featuring
Big Bird’s midsection, a pile of Elmo heads and floating
doughnuts, morphed into a meditation on the loss of
innocence. A green helicopter hovers ominously in the
background as a reminder.
“There’s always something that’s going to force
you back into reality,” Tolles says. She adds with a
laugh: "And there’s something metaphysical about
doughnuts spinning through space.”
Jam Tolles will be volunteering at the Trans*ponder booth
at the Eugene-Springfield Pride Festival, which runs
noon to 6 pm Saturday, Aug. 13, at Alton
Baker Park. Follow @jamtolles on
Instagram to see more work.
PHOTO BY TODD COOPER
eugeneweekly.com • A ugust 11, 2016
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